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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24432874">Camp Sunset</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/songsforfelurian/pseuds/songsforfelurian'>songsforfelurian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Anal Fingering, Angst, Come as Lube, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Frotting, Holding Hands, Keith and Shiro are teenagers, Keith is still grieving his father's death, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Allura/Matt Holt, Minor Hunk/Romelle (Voltron), Minor Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Romance, SHEITH - Freeform, Semi-Public Sex, Sharing a Bed, Shiro has secrets, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Sparring, Underage Masturbation, Underage sexual exploration, at the beginning Keith is fifteen and Shiro is sixteen, brief depiction of a panic attack, eventually explicit- first instance is in Chapter 12, mention of serious injuries, they eventually fool around so, typical teenage summer camp shenanigans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:14:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>134,994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24432874</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/songsforfelurian/pseuds/songsforfelurian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Keith went back to window-gazing, grateful that his mother hadn’t scolded him for not looking through the summer camp pamphlet more thoroughly. It was something he’d been planning to do with his father.</p><p>It was something he’d never get to do, now. One more entry in the ledger book of memories they’d never get to make.</p><p>A green sign with white lettering appeared in the distance:</p><p>Camp Sunset<br/>10 miles</p><p>Keith set his jaw, determined to follow through, despite the agony of arriving at this place in the shadow of his father’s death.</p><p>“We’re almost there,” he said.<br/>...</p><p>For Keith, Camp Sunset is a bittersweet step forward: a chance to carry his memories of his father into the future without letting them pull him down into darkness. He remembers his bunkmate Matt Holt, the childhood best friend he'd had to leave behind when his family moved away. He remembers Matt's sister Katie, too.</p><p>He doesn't remember Shiro...</p><p>But Shiro remembers him.</p><p>...<br/>This work is in progress but nearing completion. I have 12 chapters ready to post. I'll figure out an upload schedule based on interest! This is my first sheith, my first au, and my first slow burn, so please be gentle!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Shiro (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>201</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Exactly Like I Pictured</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know I’m not sending you away, right?”</p><p>Keith looked at his mother, who was staring pointedly at the miles of almost-empty freeway in front of them.</p><p>“I know you’re not.”</p><p>“...Because that’s not what this is about, and if you need to come home, all you have to do is call-”</p><p>“Mom-”</p><p>“...Because if you need some time,” she interrupted, “to deal with what happened last week-”</p><p>“I don’t.”</p><p>She fell silent.</p><p>She drummed her fingers absently on the steering wheel, then nodded.</p><p>He looked out his window again, ignoring his reflection in the passenger-side mirror of their suburban. He was already intimately familiar with the sickly blue-and-green tinge of his fading black eye. He didn’t feel like dwelling on it just now.</p><p>“He would’ve been happy,” his mother said quietly. “He would’ve been really, really happy that you still decided to go.”</p><p>An all-too-familiar ache bloomed at the back of Keith’s throat at the mention of his father. It had been eleven months, but he still felt like he was made of glass- like he could shatter into a pile of sharp-edged shards every time his father came up in conversation.</p><p>He swallowed quickly and took a breath, falling back on the defense mechanism that usually kept tears from pooling at the corners of his eyes.</p><p>“Did he really teach you how to shoot a bow and arrow?” </p><p>Talking through the ache helped, too.</p><p>“He did. He had steady hands… but I outpaced him before long.”</p><p>Keith’s mouth quirked up in an almost-smile.</p><p>“He left that part out when he told me the story.”</p><p>“Mm. I’ll bet he failed to mention which of us was the faster swimmer, too.”</p><p>“No. He gave you credit for that one.”</p><p>Keith saw her nod out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>“Then I’ll give him credit for stargazing,” she said. “He had a knack with a telescope, even back then.”</p><p>Keith looked at her.</p><p>“There’s a telescope at the camp?”</p><p>“Oh yes. Astronomy will be one of the electives you can choose from.”</p><p>“Huh.”</p><p>Keith went back to window-gazing, grateful that she hadn’t scolded him for not looking through the summer camp pamphlet more thoroughly. It was something he’d been planning to do with his father.</p><p>It was something he’d never get to do, now. One more entry in the ledger book of memories they’d never get to make.</p><p>A green sign with white lettering appeared in the distance:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Camp Sunset </em>
</p><p>
  <em> 10 miles </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Keith set his jaw, determined to follow through, despite the agony of arriving at this place in the shadow of his father’s death.</p><p>“We’re almost there,” he said.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith started second guessing himself as soon he waved goodbye to his mother and watched her disappear down the back road that had led them to the camp from the freeway. He found himself in a parking lot that was overflowing with kids, most of them much younger than himself and literally vibrating with excitement as they bid their parents goodbye and darted away to reunite with old friends. That made sense; this was the kind of camp most kids started coming to when they were ten, which made Keith feel much older than his fifteen years. He scanned through the crowd of people, looking for any sign of someone his own age… only to be caught up in a wave of disorientation. He stared at the line of counselors that were standing underneath the camp’s wooden ‘welcome’ sign, each of them wearing a bright yellow polo shirt and navy blue shorts- the same uniform his father had worn when he’d been a counselor here. He knew this, because he’d grown up looking at the photos on the wall outside his parents’ bedroom. He’d never forget the smile on his father’s face in those pictures, especially the ones where his arm was wrapped firmly around his mother’s waist, the two of them beaming in their matching Camp Sunset polos.</p><p>Keith shouldered his duffel bag and turned on his heel. He wanted to take a moment to collect himself- but the thought flew out of his head when his shoulder collided with the solid mass of someone's chest.</p><p>
  <em> "Oh-" </em>
</p><p>"Shit!" The guy he'd run into turned to him and took hold of his shoulder, almost like he meant to steady him. "Hey, man, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"</p><p>Keith stared, taken aback. He'd been jostled by plenty of taller, bigger guys in his lifetime, and none of them had ever stopped to apologize.</p><p>None of them had looked like <em> this </em>, either.</p><p>"Uh," he said intelligently, a little lost in the guy's wide, gray eyes. It was unnerving, having someone <em> look right at him </em>at a time like this. The guy was a couple inches taller than Keith, and considerably broader across the chest, which might've been intimidating if it weren't for the soft, sincere, almost curious expression on his face. Keith's gaze settled on the pale, thin scar that fell across the guy's nose, and he found himself feeling a little more at ease.</p><p>He liked people with scars. He had plenty of his own, even though they weren't all the kind you could immediately see.</p><p>"Yeah," Keith finally managed. "I'm fine."</p><p>"Uh," the guy breathed out, removing his hand from Keith's shoulder to swipe his jet-black fringe away from his forehead. "I really am sorry, I didn't expect you to turn around like that-"</p><p>
  <em> "SHIRO!"  </em>
</p><p>Keith's head snapped toward the person who was shouting in their direction.</p><p>"Matt!"</p><p>Keith’s heartbeat faltered. <em> Matt Holt? </em> He tried to get a look at the guy’s face, but his apologetic assailant - <em> Shiro </em> - was already blocking his view as he practically sprinted to meet his friend. They collided with other for an almost embarrassingly dramatic hug, and all Keith managed to see of <em> Matt </em>was a mop of unruly auburn hair and a tangle of gangly limbs.</p><p>Was it him? He couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t seen Matt since they were kids. The Holts lived here in Arizona, of course, since Matt’s dad, Sam, was the executive director of Camp Sunset. Keith had spent the first six years of his childhood living in Arizona too- apparently building rockets out of cardboard boxes and catching every frog in the neighborhood with Matt Holt, or so his parents had told him, since he only had a handful of memories from that time. Sam and Keith’s parents had been counselors here together during their college years, and they’d all stayed close friends until his mother and father eventually accepted jobs in New Mexico and bought a house a few hours away. Keith had seen Sam and his wife Colleen last year, at his father’s funeral, but he hadn’t seen Matt in almost a decade.</p><p>“Hey!” Shiro was calling to him from a few yards away; Matt was busy trying to lead him toward the camp. “Sorry again! See you around?”</p><p>Shiro was beaming, looking directly at him again with those clear, gray eyes, and Keith found himself smiling back.</p><p>“Yeah,” he called. “See you.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith gave them a generous head start and then followed toward the line of counselors on the other side of the crowd. There were plenty of kids in his age range there, most of them wearing backpacks and sneakers and talking to the counselors or to each other. The nearest counselor, a freckled blonde girl that had already been swarmed by a group of teenagers, was holding a picture of a bald eagle.</p><p><em> Right. </em>The cabin groupings were organized by animals. Keith was supposed to be looking for someone with a picture of a mountain lion.</p><p>Luckily, he didn’t have to wander far. An excited squawk drew his attention further down the line, where a tall, wavy-haired guy had just jumped into the arms of his friend, who was even taller and at least three times as wide. It was the second time he'd seen two guys embracing each other with enthusiasm in the last five minutes, and he found it encouraging to know that that sort of contact was accepted here, even if it was only platonic.</p><p>The counselor closest to those two was a smiling, rugged-looking guy holding a clipboard with a picture of a mountain lion attached to it.</p><p>Keith drifted closer, hoping to check in without drawing too much attention to himself otherwise. The two guys were absorbed in conversation now, and he caught a few snippets of their exchange as he approached.</p><p>“...see Allura yet? Or Romelle?”</p><p>“Lance.” The bigger guy was rolling his eyes. “D’you think you can make it through check-in without obsessing over the two of them? Please?”</p><p>“Hunk!” The skinny one - <em> Lance </em> - flicked his middle finger at one end of his friend’s orange hairband. “I haven’t seen either of them in a whole year!”</p><p>“That’s not even true. I bet you were stalking them on social media the whole way here.”</p><p>“That’s not the same thing! I’ll bet they’re even prettier in person…”</p><p>Keith felt like rolling his eyes, too.</p><p>He gave them a wide berth instead and walked up to the counselor in question, who was sporting a shaved head, a well-groomed beard, and a pair of black, combat-style hiking boots that looked almost identical to the ones Keith was wearing. Keith had paired them with black jeans, though; he was sleight and a little short for his age, and he felt even scrawnier and younger-looking in shorts. He needed all the self-confidence he could get, walking into this alone.</p><p>“Hey,” the counselor said, flashing him a smile. “I’m Josh. Are you a mountain lion?”</p><p>“Apparently. I’m Keith. Keith Kogane.”</p><p>Recognition flickered across the guy’s face, and Keith had to fight the urge to sprint right back to the freeway. Had Sam told Josh about him? Did Josh know what had happened to his father? Or had Sam simply mentioned that Keith was an old friend of the family?</p><p>“We love new faces around here,” Josh said amiably, scanning down a list of names underneath the photo of the lion. He made a mark with a pencil and then met Keith’s eye. “Plenty of room in your cabin, you should be able to get a decent bunk. You know which electives you’re choosing yet?”</p><p>“Astronomy,” Keith said confidently. “Pretty flexible about everything else.”</p><p>“Flexible is good. Maybe chat with the other guys in your cabin. Hunk and Lance usually sign up for swimming. You’ll have some time to talk before you fill out your forms.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Keith acknowledged. “I’m sure I can-”</p><p>“Hunk!” Josh had cupped one hand around his mouth to get the guy’s attention. “Lance! C’mere!”</p><p>They headed over, looking Keith up and down as they approached. </p><p>“New guy?” Lance asked, offering his hand for Keith to shake.</p><p>“Dude.” Hunk elbowed Lance in the ribs. “Can we be polite, please?” He fixed Keith with a thousand-watt smile, his bright-white teeth standing out against his dark complexion. “It’s cool to meet you, man. Welcome.”</p><p>Keith shook his hand, too. </p><p>“Thanks. I’m Keith.”</p><p>“Hunk.”</p><p>“Lance. And <em> wow, </em>your hair is like… really shiny.” Lance was leaning close to him, examining him in a way that made him profoundly uncomfortable. “How do you get it so shiny like that?”</p><p>“Um. I… wash it?”</p><p>Lance huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. </p><p>“Right. So you’re just <em> effortlessly pretty? </em>”</p><p>“I… what?”</p><p>“Dude!” Hunk elbowed him again, harder this time. “You can’t just randomly tell guys they’re pretty!” He looked at Keith apologetically. “He’s being sincere, I promise, he’s just really tactless about it.”</p><p>“Um,” Keith said again, desperate to change the subject. “So… you guys have been coming here for a while?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Hunk said. “Since we were kids. It’s awesome, you’re gonna love it. Everyone is super nice.”</p><p>“‘Everyone?’” Keith gestured vaguely to the crowds of people all around them. “So… everyone kinda knows everyone else, then?”</p><p>“Oh- no, it’s not like that! There are a bunch of new people every year. And a lot of kids come and go. We had the same cabin for the first couple years we were here, but then one of the guys didn't come back last summer-"</p><p>"Oh yeah," Lance said, glancing around them. "Did anyone ever figure out why Shiro wasn’t here?"</p><p>Keith tuned in at the mention of the name and talked right over Hunk, who'd been about to respond.</p><p>"Hang on," he said. "Did you say <em> Shiro? </em>"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>The answer came from behind Keith, and when he turned to see who it was, he found Shiro there, standing shoulder to shoulder with Matt, who looked a little stunned.</p><p>"Hey," Matt mumbled, taking a step closer to Keith. He zeroed in on Keith’s face for a moment before his expression lit up with excitement. "Keith! It's you!"</p><p>Keith felt a sudden sense of relief, like some point of tension inside him had eased a bit as soon as the spark of recognition passed between them. This was <em> Matt. </em>His oldest friend. It meant something, to have Matt recognize him in his moment. To know he was happy to see him, even after all this time.</p><p>"Matt," Keith said with a smile. "Hey-"</p><p>He'd barely finished the greeting before Matt launched himself forward in a flurry of long limbs and hugged him. Keith tensed up, but he didn't push Matt away. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t ruin this. He’d promised himself he’d follow through.</p><p>“Guys,” Matt chirped, stepping back to hold him at arm’s length. “This is Keith! He was my first friend!”</p><p>Shiro took a step closer, too.</p><p>“You’re Keith?”</p><p>Keith looked at him, even more closely than he’d allowed himself to so far.</p><p>“Have we… met before?”</p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>“Yeah. A really long time ago.”</p><p>Keith stared harder, searching the cloudy landscape of his oldest memories for some hint of recognition, but nothing came. How could he have forgotten someone like this? Someone so-”</p><p>“Okay, Mountain Lions!” Josh’s jovial announcement broke Keith right out of his reverie. “Looks like we’re all here! Want to head to the cabin and drop off your stuff?”</p><p>Shiro broke into a wide, almost wondering smile. His eyes were still locked on Keith’s.</p><p>“You’re bunking with us?”</p><p>“Uh.” Keith swallowed. His mouth was inexplicably dry. “You’re a Lion?”</p><p>Shiro breathed out a little laugh. “Yeah. Guess we can be Lions together.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith stayed quiet while the other boys chattered around him, taking in the layout of the camp as they walked through the center of it as a group. He liked Matt and Shiro immediately; when Lance and Hunk demanded to know how all three of them had all managed to meet when they were kids, Matt gave them the short version on all counts: his parents had been friends with Keith’s, and they’d grown up in the same neighborhood before Keith’s family moved away. Shiro was equally concise; Hunk and Lance already knew that he was close friends with the Holts, so they were satisfied to learn that Shiro and Keith had met when Keith still lived on Matt’s block. When Shiro finished telling his part of the abbreviated tale, he fixed Keith with a small, almost private smile, like he was equally relieved to leave out some of the finer details of his own story.</p><p>Keith smiled back, burning up inside with curiosity. Matt had obviously been looking forward to seeing him here, and Keith got the impression that Matt could remember much more about their childhood friendship than he could. He liked thinking about that. He remembered a lot of laughter from that time. He remembered eating oranges off the rind on Matt’s front porch, and getting scolded by his mother for coming home soaked when he and Matt had waded too deep into the neighborhood creek.</p><p>He remembered crying for a whole day when he found out they were moving away. He remembered what it had felt like to realize he would have to leave Matt behind.</p><p>But he didn’t remember Shiro.</p><p>“So… that’s the Great Hall,” Shiro was saying, pointing to a huge wooden building off to their left. Hunk, Lance, and Matt had fallen into an easy back-and-forth with each other, but Shiro had hung back and fallen into step beside Keith, who felt like fireflies must be flitting around inside his stomach. “Some of the older kids call it the Garrison. We eat meals in there most of the time. There’s an auditorium and a library and all kinds of different rooms. I’ve heard there’s even a PlayStation in there somewhere that the counselors use after hours, but no one’s been able to find it yet.”</p><p>Keith giggled. “‘The Garrison?’ Should I be worried?”</p><p>“Ah. Only if Iverson catches you out of bed at night. He’s one of the co-directors. Totally harmless, the worst he’ll do is bark at you like a drill sergeant. He likes to patrol the Great Hall after hours to make sure no one sneaks in to steal snacks or… y’know. Hook up.”</p><p>“Oh.” Keith knew the tips of his ears were probably turning pink; it was one of the reasons he wore his hair a little longer than average. “I’ll make sure to steal plenty of snacks before the sun goes down, then.”</p><p>Shiro giggled at that. “Solid plan. I recommend the brownies. Easy to stash in your pockets, and they keep for a while.”</p><p>“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”</p><p>“Mm. I’ve raided a pantry or two in my day.”</p><p>“I… would not have guessed that,” Keith admitted, giving Shiro another once-over. He was wearing a fitted white t-shirt and gray athletic shorts, and his hair was freshly buzzed on the bottom, fading up and forward to the tuft of bangs that fell over his forehead. He was fit, articulate, funny, and overly polite. Every inch of him screamed <em> golden boy. </em></p><p>“What?” Shiro feigned indignation. “I don’t look devious enough for you?”</p><p><em> For me? </em>Keith thought fleetingly, his blush spreading down his neck. </p><p>“You look like you…” Keith let the sentence go. Shiro was easy to talk to. It made him want to say exactly what was on his mind, which felt like a massive risk.</p><p>“What?” Shiro laughed out the word. “Tell me. Be honest.”</p><p>Keith chewed the corner of his lip for a second before he replied.</p><p>“You look like you could hold your own against a drill sergeant… except you wouldn’t, because you’d be too busy rescuing puppies or something.”</p><p>Shiro burst out laughing. There was a richness to it that had only just started to touch the edges of his speaking voice, the first hints of adolescence deepening to manhood.</p><p>“Do you like puppies?” Shiro asked him, once he’d got ahold of himself.</p><p>“Who doesn’t like puppies?”</p><p>“Fair enough.” Shiro bumped Keith’s shoulder with his own on his next step forward. “I’ll take it as a compliment, then.”</p><p>Keith swallowed hard.</p><p>“Um. Yeah. You should.”</p><p>“Don’t get complacent, though,” Shiro warned. “Maybe I can be a badass too. Maybe I’ll have no problem keeping up with you.”</p><p>It was Keith’s turn to laugh out loud.</p><p>“You think I look like a badass?”</p><p>Shiro raised an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“You’re wearing black jeans in Arizona in the dead of summer. Takes guts, man.”</p><p>Keith shrugged a little. Normally, he would’ve felt scrutinized, having someone comment on his clothing. Embarrassed, even. But he didn’t. In fact, he couldn’t stop smiling.</p><p>“I’m not a big fan of shorts, I guess.”</p><p>“Like, their existence in general, or…?”</p><p>Keith giggled.</p><p>“No, I just… I dunno. They make me look twelve.”</p><p>Shiro shook his head. He was smiling too, his eyes trained on the gravel path in front of them.</p><p>“They’d make you look great,” he almost mumbled. He cleared his throat. “Uh. How old are you, anyway? I think I always pictured us as being the same age, but maybe we’re a year apart?”</p><p>It took Keith a second to answer. He was still processing. Shiro was obviously friendly by nature, but these comments felt personal. </p><p>
  <em> I always pictured us as being the same age. </em>
</p><p>Shiro didn’t just have some vague memory of the time they’d met as kids. He’d <em> thought </em>about it over the years.</p><p>He’d thought about it often.</p><p>“Uh.” Keith stole a glance at him, wishing more than ever that he could remember the first time they’d met. “I’ll be sixteen in October.”</p><p>“Ah. Yeah. Just a year apart. I was sixteen in February.”</p><p>The fireflies in Keith’s stomach danced.</p><p>They were only a year apart.</p><p>“Do I… um.” Keith summoned a sort of courage he’d never really needed before. “Do I look like you pictured?”</p><p>Shiro looked right at him, and Keith didn’t miss the faint blush in his cheeks, made more visible by his pale, almost-silver scar.</p><p>“You look <em> exactly </em>like I pictured,” Shiro said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It's Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith was so caught up in his conversation with Shiro, he paid no attention at all to the wooded paths they’d been following, and he probably would’ve walked right into the wall of the cabin if Matt, Lance, and Hunk hadn’t stopped in front of the steps that led up to the doorway. He kicked himself mentally; he had no idea how they’d gotten here. He just had to hope he could tag along with the rest of the guys until he got his bearings.</p><p>“Home sweet home!” Josh said cheerily, rapping his knuckles on the frame of the cabin’s screen door. “Go ahead and get settled. You have about an hour before lunch, but you can head back to the Great Hall anytime to start filling out your elective forms. Feel free to change, too- we’ll have Capture the Flag and then free swim after Director Holt does his spiel.” He looked at Matt. “Think you guys can make sure Keith learns his way around?”</p><p>“Sure thing! We’ll hang onto him!”</p><p>“Excellent. See y'all in a bit!”</p><p>Josh moved through the group of them, back toward the larger path that had led them to the cabins, but he paused next to Keith for a moment.</p><p>“Really glad to have you with us,” he said to Keith. “You just let me know if you need anything, alright? Me or any of the other staff.”</p><p>Keith nodded.</p><p>“Yeah. Um. Thank you.”</p><p>Josh flashed Keith a smile, then winked at Shiro.</p><p>“It’s good to have you back, Shirogane.”</p><p>“It’s good to be back.”</p><p>Josh headed off into the trees.</p><p>“He’s a good guy,” Shiro offered, nudging Keith’s arm with his elbow. “He means it.”</p><p>Keith didn’t get a chance to reply, because Matt took hold of his arm just then and dragged him bodily up the rickety wooden steps and into the cabin.</p><p>“So,” Matt chirped, sweeping an arm outward as if he were showcasing a luxury suite instead of an ancient cabin full of bunk beds and mismatched dressers. “We’ve all decided that you get first pick. If I were you, I’d take a bottom bunk closest to one of the windows. There’s a pretty decent breeze at night. But it’s up to you!”</p><p>Keith surveyed the room, feeling a little uncomfortable at being put on the spot. He pushed that discomfort away, though. Matt was just trying to be nice.</p><p>“Sure,” he said, moving toward the bunk in the back left corner. “I’ll take a bottom bunk. Thanks, guys.” He left his duffel bag and backpack near the foot of the bed and then sat down on the edge of the mattress. He couldn’t help but notice that Shiro had followed close behind him, and that he’d tossed his own duffel and backpack onto the bottom bunk directly across from his. Matt was already kneeling down by the dresser that separated the bunks, riffling through his duffel bag, while Lance and Hunk claimed the other two bottom bunks on the opposite side of the room. Hunk stashed his things on his bed and then moved close to Shiro- a little cautiously, by Keith’s judgment.</p><p>“Hey, Shiro,” he said. “We weren’t sure if you’d be back this summer.”</p><p>Shiro gave him a sunny smile and a brief hug.</p><p>“I wasn’t either, honestly. But I’m really glad I made it.”</p><p>“So…” Hunk patted him on the back and then let him go. “Do you want to tell us where you were? I mean, you love it here… did something happen?”</p><p>Shiro raised a hand to the back of his neck.</p><p>“Yeah. Something happened.”</p><p>“Want to talk about it?”</p><p>Shiro shook his head.</p><p>“Some other time?”</p><p>“Yeah, man.” Hunk’s easy reassurance broke the tension. “We missed you. Adam was insufferable without you.”</p><p>“Oh my God, he was,” Lance chimed in. He’d come as close as Hunk’s shoulder and then stopped- giving Shiro some space, Keith thought. There was respect between them all. The sort of friendship that two years apart hadn’t tarnished. “He kept challenging everyone to relays in the lake just to prove he was really the fastest, since you weren’t here to defend the title. But everyone just talked about how you could’ve crushed him without being such a dick about it.”</p><p>Shiro let out a quiet, nervous laugh.</p><p>“It’s fine. Adam can wear the crown for a while. I don’t mind.”</p><p>“Yeah ya do,” Matt teased, standing up from the floor with a water bottle in hand. He wandered over to Keith and sat down next to him. “You’re just too nice to admit it.”</p><p>“Seriously,” Shiro said. “I’m not going to take swimming this summer.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>Hunk and Lance squawked in unison, but Matt didn’t react at all. Interesting. He knew something the other two didn’t.</p><p>“Yeah, I… I dunno," Shiro fumbled. "I’m not really into it anymore, so… I’ll probably just sign up for general sports instead.” He looked between Hunk and Lance. “That’ll be okay with you guys, right?”</p><p>They looked at each other, then burst into a reassuring tirade.</p><p>“...sports will be awesome…”</p><p>“...set a new record on the track instead…”</p><p>“...if Iverson will let us swap this year…”</p><p>Keith watched this exchange with fascination. These two really cared about Shiro. He hadn’t been particularly impressed with some of Lance’s earlier comments, but this moment almost made up for it. He liked Hunk even more by the minute, too.</p><p>These were good guys.</p><p>“Think you’ll sign up for swimming?” Matt asked him, drawing his attention away from the other three. “It conflicts with the general sports option, but there will be days when you can pick one or the other, if Iverson feels like setting up for bigger games. Capture the Flag is the best.”</p><p>“Yeah. Sounds good to me.”</p><p>“What about archery?”</p><p>“Oh yeah. My mom and dad-”</p><p>Keith stopped, his heart rate spiking in a dizzy rush. He’d gotten so comfortable here already, the words had just fallen out of his mouth on their own. Matt looked mildly alarmed, like he wasn’t sure what to do, and when Keith risked a glance across the small space, he found his other three bunkmates staring at him, too.</p><p>“Yeah?” Hunk kept his voice gentle, like he had with Shiro a minute ago. “What about your mom and dad, Keith?”</p><p>“Um.” Keith’s voice broke over the word. He winced. “They… uh. They worked here together when they were younger.”</p><p>Shiro tilted his head, like he could see the sadness hidden underneath the words.</p><p>“They were into archery?”</p><p>Keith nodded. “My- uhm. My...” </p><p>He couldn’t say it.</p><p>“His dad taught the archery elective,” Matt said conversationally, bailing him out. He looked at Keith. “And your mom taught swimming, right, Keith?”</p><p>Keith nodded, breathing in and out through his nose as gratitude spread through every inch of his body.</p><p>“She did, yeah.”</p><p>“So they met here?” Lance asked, his eyes practically sparkling. “That’s, like, the most romantic thing ever!”</p><p>“When they were counselors,” Hunk pointed out, before turning back to Keith. “Lance is convinced he’s gonna meet his soulmate here. Like, who meets their soulmate when they’re fifteen? I keep telling him he should probably focus on getting a date first.”</p><p>“I’ve dated!”</p><p>“Sucking face doesn’t count as a relationship,” Matt chimed in. “It’s good practice, though!”</p><p>“You guys are just cynics,” Lance sniffed, holding his head high.</p><p>“I’m rooting for you,” Shiro said. “But I think you’d have better luck if you stopped obsessing over every pretty person that crosses your path.”</p><p>“But what if one of those pretty people is supposed to be my pretty person?”</p><p>“Make friends first?” Shiro suggested. “No one’s gonna fall in love with you if they think you’re in love with everyone else.”</p><p>The door to the cabin squeaked open and then clattered shut.</p><p>“Who’s in love with who?”</p><p>Everyone turned toward the newcomer, who was a small, freckled girl sporting an unruly auburn ponytail. At least… Keith thought she was a girl. Her hairstyle seemed a little at odds with her long athletic shorts, baggy t-shirt, and brown, nondescript rucksack.</p><p>“Katie!!!” </p><p>Lance launched himself in her direction, scooped her up, and swung her around in a reckless circle.</p><p>“Jesus,” Matt muttered under his breath. “Lance? If you’re gonna grope my sister, can you at least try not to kill her in the process?”</p><p>Katie.</p><p>Keith’s eyes went wide. He looked the girl over one more time, trying to reconcile the teenager in front of him with the tiny, freckled toddler he just barely remembered. He looked at Matt.</p><p>“That’s your sister?”</p><p>Matt nodded.</p><p>“You remember her a little bit? She’d try to tag along with us back in the day. I hated it back then… but we’re really close now. She’s the best.”</p><p>Keith looked back at Katie, who was exchanging hugs with Hunk and Shiro now.</p><p>“I’m actually going by Pidge these days,” she told them. She was blushing underneath her freckles, but she was smiling, too.</p><p>“Like… you’re changing your name?” Lance asked.</p><p>She shrugged a little. “Just trying it out.”</p><p>“I like it,” Shiro said. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard the name Pidge before.”</p><p>“Matt came up with it! Some nickname from one of those old cartoons he’s always watching.”</p><p>“Pidge,” Lance practiced. “Cool! I like it, too.”</p><p>Pidge smiled a little wider, and Keith found himself smiling right along with her. It said a lot about Lance, Hunk, and Shiro that they hadn’t missed a beat. He didn’t want to assume that she was questioning her gender identity, but if she was, he had a feeling she’d be in safe company with these four.</p><p>He had a feeling he was in safe company, too.</p><p>“Keith?” She was moving in his direction now, cautiously, like he was a wild animal she didn’t want to startle. “You’re really here?”</p><p>He decided not to stand up to greet her. He wasn’t exactly tall for his age, but he would’ve towered over her. Sitting down like this, they were face to face by the time she was standing in front of him.</p><p>“Hey, Pidge. I guess it’s been a long time, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah. Wow. You got… tall.”</p><p>He laughed.</p><p>“You’re a little taller than the last time I saw you, too.”</p><p>She grinned.</p><p>“Matt says I was a total brat when you knew me. I believe him. I’m bawling my eyes out in every picture from back then.”</p><p>Keith raised his eyebrows.</p><p>“You have pictures? Of us? Or… me?”</p><p>“Oh yeah! You’re in a bunch of our pictures from when we were little.” </p><p>“I copied some of them to my phone,” Matt said. “Want to see?”</p><p>Keith nodded, eager. Matt had meant the world to him as a kid, which was one of the reasons his memories were so faded and fragmented. His parents had had to spend a lot of time helping him understand that they were never moving back to Arizona. They'd enrolled him in soccer and martial arts, bought new kayaks to spend time at a nearby lake as a family, and helped him make new friends. Thinking about Matt and his old house had been painful… so eventually, he'd stopped. It had never occurred to him that they might get a second chance to be friends years later, and now that it seemed like a possibility, he couldn't help but jump at the opportunity to revisit the memories he'd forced himself to bury.</p><p>Lance, Hunk and Shiro crowded closer to them while Matt fished his phone out of his pocket. Keith bounced his knee a bit, feeling a little restless with anticipation… though he stopped abruptly when Shiro sat down in the empty space on his left. Keith tried to meet his eye, but he found the proximity a little overwhelming. </p><p>Sitting this close to Matt felt easy and comfortable.</p><p>Sitting this close to Shiro made him feel like he'd stumbled and become suspended in space, forever falling.</p><p>"Okay," Matt said, holding his phone close to his chest while he tapped at the screen. "I put them all in a folder…"</p><p>"What are you hiding?" Lance demanded. "Is there porn on there? Like, the embarrassing kind?"</p><p>Pidge giggled. "Good luck finding it. Matt keeps his porn encrypted."</p><p>"Mm. So does Pidge," Matt teased, finally holding the phone in front of Keith. "Here we are. After my fourth birthday."</p><p>Keith stared at the screen, taking in every detail of the photo. He recognized himself as a three-year-old: pale-skinned and small, with a shock of wavy, ink-black hair. He was sleeping in a nest of couch cushions and blankets, his tiny mouth open and stained with chocolate. Four-year-old Matt was curled up next to him, sleeping with his equally chocolate-stained mouth wide open and one arm thrown dramatically over his head.</p><p>"My mom said we used to do this all the time," Matt said. "Play hard all day, then build some kind of fort and pass out in the middle of it. She said we'd both cry if she tried to pick you up and take you home."</p><p>Keith went on taking in the details: the navy-blue fabric of the couch cushions; the bumpy, tasseled blanket that looked hand-crocheted. He could almost remember the smell of the yarn, and how warm it had felt against his cheek. He tried to picture the layout of Matt's house… then remembered all at once that it had been the same as his own, like many of the houses in that neighborhood. The living room connected back to the kitchen, where they'd eaten chocolate cake at a big, hand-crafted farmer's table-</p><p>"Your dad," Keith said, letting the memory warm him from the inside out. "He baked the cake. I remember the oven mitts. And he sang the loudest… but he was awful, right? Couldn't carry a tune?"</p><p>"Yeah!" </p><p>"And you did cry," he told Pidge, looking up at her. He could almost picture a chubby, cranky Pidge in her booster seat on the opposite side of the table. "I don't think you liked the cake."</p><p>"Nah," Matt laughed. "She just wanted it all for herself."</p><p>"You remember?" Shiro asked softly. Keith made an effort to meet his eye.</p><p>"Bits and pieces."</p><p>"Here." Matt was scrolling again. "I already sent this one to Shiro… figured you might want to see it too."</p><p>Keith looked down at the photo. He and Matt were older in this one, probably six and seven. They were both a little sunburnt, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder in the grass in Matt's front yard. Matt was holding a toy rocket with a look of unrestrained glee on his face… and Keith had both his arms wrapped around another little boy. The child in question had dark, close-cropped hair, tear-stained cheeks, and a pink, angry-looking scar across his nose.</p><p>Keith was holding him tightly, protectively. Shiro was smiling in spite of his red-rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks.</p><p>"Oh," Keith murmured, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the screen. "It's you…"</p><p>Shiro fidgeted. Their shoulders pressed together as he leaned a little closer, his eyes locked on the photo.</p><p>"Yeah," he said quietly. "It's us."</p><p>Keith took a quiet breath, searching for some spark of recognition in the recesses of his mind. He thought of the smell of fresh-cut grass… but he'd spent plenty of other days playing with Matt in his front yard. He recognized that rocket ship, too, but not necessarily from that specific day.</p><p>How could he have forgotten someone he'd held in his arms like that?</p><p>"Uh… guys?" Hunk was fidgeting, looking apologetic. "Sorry… um. We should probably start getting ready for lunch?"</p><p>"Oh yeah." Matt handed the phone to Keith. "Scroll through if you want, okay? You can text them to yourself if you want to. I'm gonna get changed real quick."</p><p>"That's my cue," Pidge said. "I'll see you guys in the Great Room?"</p><p>"Just wait outside for a sec," Lance told her. "We'll be fast!"</p><p>"Okay. Sure."</p><p>She took her leave, letting the screen door clatter shut behind her. </p><p>Matt, Lance and Hunk all moved to their respective duffel bags, but Shiro lingered, still staring down at the phone Keith was now cradling in his lap with both hands.</p><p>"Um," Shiro said. "Maybe we could look some more later on?"</p><p>Keith nodded slowly, focusing on the scar on seven-year-old Shiro's face. It had been a recent injury, then. Maybe that was why he'd been crying?</p><p>"Yeah," he said. "That would be… good."</p><p>"Yeah. So… I know you said you don't like shorts. Did you bring any? We'll be playing games after lunch… and then you'll be able to go swimming if you want to…"</p><p>"Oh. Um. Yeah. I brought shorts and a bathing suit and everything."</p><p>"Towel?"</p><p>"Uh huh."</p><p>"Cool. You're allowed to bring your backpack with you during the day. You can bring your phone too, but you need to leave it in your bag all the time unless it’s a free period. I mean, you can try to sneak it… but if Iverson catches you he'll keep it overnight."</p><p>"Ah. Okay. Thanks. Uh. For letting me know."</p><p>"Sure." Shiro finally stood up. "So I'll… let you change."</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Right.</p><p>Keith was going to have to take his pants off.</p><p>He wasn't new to this type of situation. He'd played team sports when he was younger, and he had no problem changing in the locker room at the boxing gym he belonged to. </p><p>But for some reason, he was relieved when Shiro moved away and kept his back turned.</p><p>He texted the photo to himself and saved his number to Matt’s contacts before he stood up to change.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Feeling Safe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Garrison absolutely lived up to Shiro's hype. The main entrance led into a huge room with enough rectangular tables to seat the entire camp. It was lined with glass windows on all four sides that showcased the thick forest of trees beyond, and the high ceiling boasted an asymmetric mix of wide wooden beams and enough skylights to see a clear snapshot of the blue sky above.</p><p>Keith had come to Camp Sunset for the wide open space and fresh air and the promise of distraction. So far this place had far exceeded his expectations, and this room - the Great Room, Shiro told him - was no exception. He might've been able to forget he was inside a building at all if it weren't for the air conditioning, which was just icing on the cake.</p><p>There was a raised stage at the far end of the room, since the space doubled as an auditorium when necessary, and two tables were set up on the ground level in front of it: one for the upper camp, and one for the lower. Counselors were handing out forms and chatting with a handful of campers, though the majority of the kids were already seated, filling out their forms, gesturing wildly to one another, or eating lunch from plastic trays. Matt pointed out the fully stocked buffet table that ran along one wall; the food was rumored to be far better than average, given the camp's proximity to a local farm.</p><p>The Lions grabbed elective forms and pencils from Josh and then headed for one of the long, rectangular tables near the center of the room, where five other guys were already seated. Keith hung back while Matt, Lance and Hunk greeted the infamous Adam and two other veteran campers named Ryan and James, along with their two bunkmates, who were also new to Camp Sunset this year. He couldn't help but notice Shiro looked a little disgruntled, though his expression smoothed out as soon as the other guys focused their attention on him.</p><p>"Shiro," Adam said, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "It was a weird summer without you last year."</p><p>"It's okay, Adam." Shiro's tone was teasing. "You can admit that you missed me." He sat down on the bench across the table from Adam, and Keith followed suit, observing the exchange. If he wasn't mistaken, Adam looked a little flustered, and more than a little pink in the cheeks.</p><p>"I missed outrunning you on the field. Matt barely put up a fight.”</p><p>“Hey!” Matt brandished his pencil in Adam’s direction from Shiro’s opposite side. “Leave me out of it, man. I never claimed to be athletically inclined.”</p><p>Adam just shrugged, smirking a bit. “So?” He tapped his own pencil on the top of Shiro’s elective form. He hadn’t so much as glanced at Keith yet. “Ready to get back in the lake?”</p><p>“Ah.” Shiro fidgeted. He glanced at Keith, then back at Adam. “No. No swimming for me this year.”</p><p>Adam laughed.</p><p>“You’re kidding, right?”</p><p>“No. Just gonna stick with general sports.”</p><p>Adam looked dumbfounded, like someone had just shown him really compelling evidence that squirrels could speak English.</p><p>“But… Shiro. C’mon. You owe me a rematch-”</p><p>“Adam, can you just-”</p><p>“I mean, you have to-”</p><p>“Adam, I’m not-”</p><p>“But seriously, don’t you want to be a CIT next year-?”</p><p>“Hey.” Keith didn’t exactly raise his voice, but the word came out harsh anyway, on the heels of a protective urge he couldn’t suppress. He lifted his chin in Adam’s direction. “I think it’s time to let it go, man.”</p><p>Adam looked at him for the first time.</p><p>“You think so?” He didn’t sound angry, exactly. Condescending might’ve been a better word, which was worse. “And who are you?”</p><p>Keith’s hand curled into a fist under the table.</p><p>“I’m Shiro’s friend,” he said, as if his mouth had completely disconnected from his brain.</p><p>“Really.” Adam looked skeptical. “I didn’t know Shiro made friends with guys who got into fistfights.”</p><p>It was the first time anyone had drawn attention to the fading bruises of Keith’s previously blackened eye. He guessed he had Matt to thank for the fact that Lance and Hunk hadn’t brought it up.</p><p>“I have no problem taking punches for people I care about.” </p><p>No problem throwing them either, he didn’t say.</p><p>“Adam,” Matt cut in, his tone conversational as ever. “This is Keith. He’s with us.”</p><p>Adam opened his mouth to respond, then scowled and shut it again. He shrugged and went back to filling out his form. He clearly didn’t know who Keith was, which was a relief. Keith had worried word about him might’ve spread, given his parents’ history with the camp, and the gossip-worthy tragedy that had been the last year of his life.</p><p>The only people that could’ve spread that news around were Matt and Pidge, though.</p><p>He had a feeling his secrets were safe.</p><p>“Um.” Shiro’s elbow touched his arm as he leaned a little closer. His voice was quiet. “Do you do yoga?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>Shiro tapped one of the items near the top of Keith’s form with his pencil.</p><p>“Yoga. It runs first thing in the morning. If you sign up for it, you can just get breakfast a little later. I’ve never done it here before, but, uh... I was thinking of trying it, maybe.”</p><p>“Oh.” Keith pretended to read the brief description. “Okay. Yeah. I probably should. I get… sore.”</p><p>Shiro nodded, marking an ‘X’ in the box next to the title of the yoga elective. “Sports?”</p><p>Keith put an ‘X’ in the same box on his own form. “Kickboxing.”</p><p>“Mm.” Shiro scanned down his form with the tip of his pencil. “Why am I not surprised?”</p><p>Keith let that one pass. He didn’t really feel like talking about himself with Adam listening in.</p><p>“You?”</p><p>“Judo. Basketball. Um. Wakeboarding.”</p><p>“Hmm.” Keith smiled, keeping his eyes on his form. “Shocking.”</p><p>He was deliberating. He loved swimming, and he knew he’d take great pleasure in crushing whatever record this Adam person was obviously so smug about… and it sounded like Lance and Hunk were signing up for swimming, too…</p><p>But Shiro was signing up for general sports.</p><p>Keith chewed the corner of his lower lip. He checked the box for swimming.</p><p>He wasn’t going to follow Shiro around like some lost puppy. </p><p>He checked the boxes for archery, orienteering, kayaking, and astronomy.</p><p>“Good choice,” Shiro said, pointing to the last of these. His astronomy option was checked, too. “You’ll end up missing part of campfire some nights, but it’s worth it. The telescope is amazing.”</p><p>The fireflies flitted around in Keith’s stomach. His heartbeat fumbled a bit as he pictured hiking through the woods in the dark to look at the stars with Shiro.</p><p>“You… uh. You’ve done it before?”</p><p>“Yeah. The first part of the class meets after dinner. There’s a room off the library with books and a projector and… well, maybe I could show you?” </p><p>Shiro turned and elbowed Matt before Keith could answer.</p><p>“Hey. Do you think your dad would mind if I took Keith to see the astronomy room?”</p><p>“Doubt it. He’s probably in his office if you want to swing by and check.”</p><p>Shiro turned back to Keith.</p><p>“Do you want to eat first, or-?”</p><p>“No.” Keith finished scribbling his name at the top of his completed form, probably faster than he’d ever written anything in his life. “I can wait.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sam Holt was indeed in his office, sitting behind an ancient desk that looked like it had probably been crafted from one of the trees in this very forest. His whole face lit up when Keith and Shiro stepped through the open door.</p><p>“You found each other,” he said, standing up to greet them.</p><p>“We did,” Shiro said, leaving Keith to marvel at how happy he sounded about it.</p><p>Sam rested a hand lightly on Keith’s shoulder, just for a moment.</p><p>“It’s so good to see you here, Keith. I always hoped you’d get a chance to see what this place is all about. How are you doing?”</p><p>“Good,” he said, feeling like it was actually true for the first time in a long time. “Really good.”</p><p>“Can I bring him down to the library?” Shiro asked. “Just for a couple minutes. We’ll come right back to the Great Room.”</p><p>Sam ruffled Shiro’s hair in a gesture so fond and familiar, Keith had to wonder how much time Shiro had actually spent with the Holts over the years.</p><p>“Take your time. I won’t get started until I see you back.”</p><p>Shiro grinned, took hold of Keith’s arm, and pulled him toward the door.</p><p>“Thanks, Sam! See you!”</p><p>Keith let himself be pulled.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>The library was bigger and more open than Keith expected it to be. There were tables here too, surrounded by sturdy, wooden bookshelves and a smattering of well-worn bean bag chairs. Keith had just enough time to appreciate the tall windows that lined the far wall before Shiro was pulling him down an aisle and through another door.</p><p>The astronomy room was about half the size of a typical classroom. There was only one bookshelf in here, but it was massive and fully stocked, towering tall over a rectangular table and chairs. There was a projector built into the ceiling pointing toward a screen on the left-hand wall, and a desktop computer on a hutch in the far corner.</p><p>Shiro went straight to the bookshelf and pulled out a huge hardcover book. He laid it down on the table and flipped through the pages with a practiced hand, like he’d done this many times before.</p><p>“Check this out,” he said without looking up. He’d landed on a full-page photograph of what Keith knew to be the Milky Way. “This is from the Whipple Observatory. Have you been there before?”</p><p>Keith shook his head.</p><p>“Not that I remember. I haven’t even been back to Arizona since we moved.”</p><p>“Oh. You have to go. It’s incredible, and it’s only, like… an hour from here, maybe? This photo doesn’t even do it justice, really.”</p><p>He flipped through the pages again. Keith couldn’t help but smile at his easy enthusiasm.</p><p>“And this,” Shiro said, running his fingers over another full-page photo. It looked like a spinning top of color- blue and purple and pink and red, surrounded by a hazy halo of light. “The Cat’s Eye Nebula. It doesn’t look like this from the telescope here… the camp's isn't big enough to get all this detail… but it’s still so cool to really see it, you know?”</p><p>He looked up for the first time, meeting Keith’s eye for a moment before he straightened up and let out a self-conscious laugh.</p><p>“Sorry. I… have a thing for space.”</p><p>Keith giggled.</p><p>“I can see that. It’s good. I kind of have a thing for space, too.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. We have a telescope at home.”</p><p>“Wow. Yeah, that’s… that’s really cool, Keith.”</p><p>Shiro cleared his throat. He swiped a hand through his fringe, then took a step closer to Keith, looking serious all of a sudden.</p><p>“Hey… back in the Great Room? With Adam?”</p><p>Keith’s heartbeat stumbled.</p><p>“Shit. Yeah. I didn’t mean to-”</p><p>“No, it was-”</p><p>“My mouth gets ahead of me sometimes, and-”</p><p>“No.” Shiro shook his head. He was fidgeting with both his hands. “It was… good. I…”</p><p>He stepped forward, put his arms around Keith’s shoulders, and hugged him.</p><p>Keith went rigid all over. A startled sound fell out of his mouth, but Shiro didn’t let go.</p><p>“Thanks,” Shiro said quietly, somewhere close to his ear. “Thank you.”</p><p>Keith forced himself to take a breath. All at once, he remembered that he had hands, so he placed them carefully on Shiro’s back.</p><p>“You’re welcome,” he said. His cheek was resting against Shiro’s shoulder.</p><p>Shiro was warm and sturdy. His hair smelled like floral shampoo.</p><p>He felt familiar. </p><p>That shouldn’t be, Keith thought. The only evidence he had that they’d ever laid eyes on each other before was a single photograph- a borrowed memory of a childhood embrace.</p><p>Still, he felt familiar.</p><p>Shiro let him go, but he didn’t move away.</p><p>“Do you… um. Do you want to tell me about your eye?”</p><p>Keith nodded slowly.</p><p>The words came easily.</p><p>“My friend Reed. Some guys were harassing him.”</p><p>Shiro’s eyebrows drew together; the bridge of his nose crinkled a little bit underneath his scar.</p><p>“And you got in the middle of it?”</p><p>“Yeah. It was my fault. Or… well, I would’ve done it anyway, but I just meant... they were harassing him because of me.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because Reed and I were hanging out at our school, just skateboarding in the parking lot for a while… but then we started talking, and he… uh.” Keith looked away from Shiro’s face, but the words kept coming, like they’d been suffocating inside him and needed to feel the open air. </p><p>“He kissed me,” Keith said. “He thought no one would see. He should’ve known better.”</p><p>“Oh,” Shiro said. “Keith-”</p><p>“...And I was supposed to get home after,” Keith went on, still staring at a spot on the table, “but I got a bad feeling, so I doubled back just to make sure he was alright…” He shrugged. “It wasn’t so bad, really, but one of the guys pushed him. I gave him a pretty bad nosebleed for that. Ended up paying for it. It was worth it, though.”</p><p>“And… Reed? He’s your…”</p><p>“Friend,” Keith said, meeting Shiro’s eye again. “He’s my friend.”</p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>“He’s lucky, then,” he said.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Keith ate his lunch in a daze while Sam gave his Opening Day speech. He felt like he’d stepped into some other dimension or traveled to some distant planet, where everything worked differently than he’d always expected it to. He had a small handful of friends at home, but he wasn’t used to being immediately liked or accepted, and he certainly wasn’t used to being dragged to private rooms by likeable strangers who also happened to be long lost childhood friends.</p><p>Painfully likeable. And Keith absolutely was in pain, trying to force himself not to stare at the curve of Shiro’s mouth as Shiro smiled at whatever Sam was saying up on the stage. He’d never met anyone that had captured his attention like this before. He hadn’t even known such a thing was possible. He and Reed had kissed a couple of times, exploring safely within the boundaries of a longstanding friendship, which neither of them had any desire to change into something else. It had been good practice… and nothing more than that. Keith had almost wished it could’ve been, at the time. Reed was kind and accepting, intelligent and undeniably attractive. He’d been one of Keith’s closest friends for years. On paper, he was exactly the kind of person Keith knew he’d be lucky to date. But when they’d finally put their hands on each other and pressed their lips together for the first time, Keith just hadn’t felt the way he thought he should feel. </p><p>He hadn’t known exactly what was missing, until today.</p><p>He set down his fork and took a sip of water, trying not to panic.</p><p>He felt his heart leap from the safety of his ribcage to the narrow opening at the back of his throat when Shiro turned to him, his silver-gray eyes sparkling with excitement, his pretty mouth arranged in a mischievous smile.</p><p>“You ready to run?” Shiro asked him, in reference to the Capture the Flag battle that would begin as soon as Sam blew his whistle.</p><p>Fuck, Keith thought.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “I think I’m ready.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Capture the Flag was a sort of blissful pandemonium Keith had never experienced before. The entire camp, ages ten through sixteen, played the first game together, and in any other circumstance Keith would’ve found the utter chaos of it completely overwhelming. Not today, though. Today, he was a Lion. He was part of a pack, and together, they were a force to be reckoned with. </p><p>Hunk was clearly built more for strength than speed, but he was the best at strategizing. He seemed to be friends with just about every single person at the camp, and he knew enough about their opponents’ athletic abilities to anticipate many of their plays. Keith gladly stuck close to him toward the beginning of the game, trying to learn faces and names well enough to jump into the action. Matt helped with this, too; he had the potential to be fast, but he moved a little awkwardly, like he hadn’t quite grown into his gangly limbs yet.</p><p>Lance was quick, but a little overconfident, which led to his early stint in the other team’s jail. It was the kind of thing that might’ve driven Keith crazy in another time and place. Here and now, though, Keith found himself laughing along with everyone else when Lance turned out to be the most enthusiastic cheerleader on the field, entertaining all the younger kids that had also been captured early on.</p><p>...And then there was Shiro, who would’ve stood out as an utterly terrifying athlete if he weren’t so blatantly nice. He cut across the field with impressive speed and a grin plastered on his face, waving to friends more often than not, and periodically halting any effort to actually reach the other team’s flag to give the younger kids a good chase. </p><p>“You should go for it,” Hunk told Keith, moving past him to protect their flag from a new angle. “Sneak up there while Shiro’s goofing off.”</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“Yeah. If you make a run for the flag, Shiro might be able to tag everyone else out of jail.”</p><p>“Adam’s gonna come for our flag any minute,” Matt said. “Keep an eye on him while you sneak up there. We’ll keep him busy while you make a run for it.”</p><p>Keith found that he didn’t need much convincing to sprint in Shiro’s direction.</p><p>He rolled his shoulders, trying to shake off the thought.</p><p>He moved through the outer limits of his own team’s defense at a casual walk, keeping a low profile while he watched Adam hover close to the centerline. Hunk was right, Adam was looking for an opening… and when he finally sprinted toward the flag, Keith shot forward like an arrow seeking its center. He veered to the right - just enough to get in Shiro’s line of sight - and Shiro flashed him an absurdly enthusiastic smile before sprinting off toward the jail near the sidelines. Most of the opposition followed him; he was conspicuous and a known threat, while Keith was a newcomer, and that bought him a few seconds’ head start before anyone sounded the alarm.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>He used the time to sprint for a gap in the other team’s defense, but his advantage didn’t last; one of the other guys from Adam’s cabin - James, maybe? - was already sprinting after him and calling for backup.</p><p>That was fine. Keith had backup on the way too.</p><p>Also, Keith was fast, and he knew it.</p><p>“Keith!”</p><p>Lance was sprinting toward him, closing in on the flag from the opposite direction. Keith knew this tactic. If he and Lance crossed in front of the flag at the same time, they could make it difficult for the other players to know which of them had grabbed it. Lance was a known threat, much like Shiro, so they’d probably be expecting him to make the play… which meant Keith should be the one to follow through.</p><p>Lance locked eyes with him and tilted his chin up in a nod; they were in agreement.</p><p>Keith dodged right past the last person who was standing in his way and swerved behind the orange traffic cone with the tye-dye flag stuffed into the top, just as Lance dashed in front of it. Keith grabbed the flag, held it tight in his closed fist, and sprinted back toward the centerline.</p><p>The tactic worked; it took the opposing team a few seconds to figure out which one of them had swiped the flag, and Keith was fast enough to cover about half the distance back to safety during that span of time. High on adrenaline as he was, he managed to notice a couple of things during this brief reprieve.</p><p>First, Adam had grabbed his team’s flag and was making a run for it, too.</p><p>Second, Shiro was directly in his path, right on the other side of the centerline, calling his name.</p><p>“KEITH!” Shiro actually jumped up and down with excitement. “C’MON! YOU CAN MAKE IT!”</p><p>Keith set his jaw.</p><p>You’re goddamn right I can.</p><p>He swerved left to avoid an outstretched hand; he spun away from someone who came at him with both arms; he vaulted right over a purple-haired girl that tried to get in his path and tripped over her own feet-</p><p>And then he dove over the centerline untouched, landing in a crouch with the brightly-colored flag held high in his fist.</p><p>Sound exploded all around him. He didn’t even have time to catch his breath before someone was hauling him to his feet- Hunk, it turned out, who crushed all the remaining oxygen right out of him with a bone-breaking hug.</p><p>“Jeez, man!” Hunk dropped him back onto his feet; he gasped in a breath. “I mean, I figured you could run pretty fast but whoa-!”</p><p>“Keith!” Lance and Matt closed in on him next and crushed him between them in a less dramatic but equally embarrassing hug.</p><p>“Nice run, man,” Lance said, patting him on the shoulder. “I mean, y’know, I set you up with a pretty sweet assist-”</p><p>“Dude,” Matt interrupted, shoving Lance away so he could give Keith a proper hug. “That was honestly a little epic. Nice one.”</p><p>Keith found himself smiling, hugging Matt just as tight, coasting on a sort of exhilaration he’d never felt before. And if he hadn’t been so utterly present in that moment of triumph, he might’ve realized what a big deal it was that he hadn’t shoved his friends away and made some excuse to escape.</p><p>It was a big deal because he’d stopped hugging people like this after his father died.</p><p>For months, being hugged had made him feel sick and invaded. He’d felt as though his mother and his friends could see right through his skin to the grief that lived inside him, and he hadn’t wanted the sort of comfort they were offering. He hadn’t wanted to put his anguish on display, to put himself in danger of crying at a moment’s notice, to show the whole world that he was broken beyond repair. He hadn’t wanted anyone to get that close.</p><p>But somehow, he’d managed to leave all that behind him the moment he’d leapt over that centerline into safety. If someone had examined him under a microscope right then, as he stood in the middle of that field with his arms around his first best friend, they would’ve found that the grief inside him had diminished to the barest hint of a crack in his wildly-pounding heart.</p><p>He’d felt no shame when Hunk had scooped him up. He’d felt no rage or panic when Lance and Matt had put their arms around him.</p><p>And he felt no fear when Shiro finally stepped close to him, wearing the brightest smile he’d ever seen.</p><p>For a long time, he’d felt like he would never belong anywhere on this Earth again, now that his father had passed away from it.</p><p>But standing there, watching Shiro’s eyes shine like moonlight on still water, he knew he could belong somewhere again.</p><p>That was why he let Shiro hug him close.</p><p>It was why he let his cheek rest against the warm skin of Shiro’s neck.</p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone move like that,” Shiro said to him, so quietly that no one else could hear him. “That was… I mean, you’re… wow. You’re incredible.”</p><p>Keith closed his eyes, feeling safe for the first time in eleven months.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sweet or Sour?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the game unfolded in peaks and valleys of mayhem and euphoria. Keith claimed the unofficial crown with three captures, while Lance, Adam, and Shiro tied for second place with two apiece. The opposing team weathered their defeat with relative grace; Adam even had the decency to seek Keith out for a handshake and a fairly sincere-sounding “Good game" before bumping knuckles with Shiro and retreating back to his bunkmates. </p><p>Keith couldn't quite get a read on their friendship. They were friends, obviously… which meant Keith would make an effort to give Adam the benefit of the doubt. Adam seemed more than willing to move past the tension that had sprung up between them at lunch, so Keith was happy to do the same.</p><p>The Lions retrieved their backpacks from the sidelines and followed Josh toward the wooded trails that led to the cabins and the waterfront, chatting with Pidge and the rest of her bunkmates. Keith found himself sandwiched between two of the friendliest girls he'd ever met- the famous Allura and Romelle, who had also been on their team for the game. Allura had been hard to miss; she'd freed captive players from jail more often than Shiro, her long, silvery ponytail flying behind her like a banner as she darted in and out of safe territory. Romelle had done her part, too, defending their flag with just as many captures as Matt or Hunk. </p><p>It was clear why Lance was a little infatuated with the two of them, and he didn't try very hard to keep that fact a secret, either. He hovered close, trying to make jokes and steer the conversation toward their past summers here at camp, which Keith didn't really mind. He found that he wanted to know more about all of these people, and he was happy to relinquish the spotlight, since he didn't exactly feel ready to share his life story with everyone yet. Listening to them talk amongst themselves was strangely soothing- especially Allura, who was from the UK and spoke with a lovely accented lilt. And even though he didn't really like the way Lance tended to wax poetic about the two of them when they weren't around - people weren't interchangeable, after all - Lance had been perfectly polite to both of them throughout the afternoon.</p><p>Keith let his attention wander while Lance recounted the events of some previous game of Capture the Flag, staring ahead to where Shiro and Matt were walking shoulder to shoulder, talking quietly with one another. It was obvious that they were close, that there was a long history of friendship and shared experiences between them, and Keith couldn't help but feel a little envious. </p><p>He wondered how many sleepovers and water balloon flights and neighborhood expeditions he'd missed out on over the years. He wondered what it would've been like to grow up with the two of them by his side.</p><p>He wondered if either of them had had their first kiss yet, and if they'd talked to each other about it.</p><p>He wondered if Shiro would ever kiss another boy.</p><p>Maybe he and Matt had kissed each other, just to try it out, like he and Reed had done.</p><p>The thought made him blush, and the heat in his cheeks only spread when Shiro and Matt both glanced backward and smiled at him. Matt said something more to Shiro, nudging his arm with an elbow, and Keith couldn't help but wonder if they were talking about him.</p><p>"Hey, Keith!" </p><p>Suspicion confirmed. </p><p>Matt was calling to him, tugging Shiro off to the side of the path to let the rest of the group catch up. Keth let Lance, Allura and Romelle move ahead of him and then fell in step between Shiro and Matt.</p><p>"So… hey," Shiro said, a little awkwardly. "I'm gonna head back to the cabin to take a shower and change before I head down to the waterfront, so... uh. I could show you where the bathroom is? If you wanted to… come? With me?"</p><p>"Oh." Keith’s heartbeat started to creep up the back of his throat again. Shiro wanted to spend more time alone? "Uh. Are we allowed to just… leave?"</p><p>"You can come and go from the cabin during free times like this," Matt said. "You just have to let Josh know first, and I was just gonna go find him anyway, so I'll tell him for you! Have fun!" He clapped Keith on the back and started jogging ahead, looking very pleased with himself.</p><p>They'd definitely been talking about him, Keith knew, and this was definitely a setup. But what kind?</p><p>He cleared his throat, trying to stop his thoughts from wandering to embarrassing and potentially impossible places. Shiro obviously wanted to be friends. That was more than enough. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault that Keith felt himself being pulled in his direction by some cosmic force he couldn’t define. He was going to have to learn to get control of his feelings.</p><p>"So, um…" Shiro gestured to a fork in the pathway up ahead. "We can head back to the cabin first? Grab a few things?"</p><p>"Yeah. Sounds good."</p><p>They stayed quiet as they split away from the group and toward the cabins, until the laughter and raised voices of the larger group had faded a bit. The silence might've been awkward, but Keith didn't mind. He liked the stillness of the woods and the emptiness of the path in front of them.</p><p>He liked knowing that Shiro wanted to walk this path together.</p><p>"You could still catch up with them," Shiro said suddenly. He swiped his fringe back from his forehead in a nervous gesture that Keith found hopelessly endearing. "I mean… I'm sure you wanted to go swimming, and it's totally okay if you want to just-"</p><p>"No." Keith shook his head to emphasize the point. "I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to come with you. I don't care about going swimming."</p><p>"Oh." Shiro looked downright delighted. "Okay. Um. Thank you. For walking with me."</p><p>Keith wanted to laugh. Shiro was so endlessly polite.</p><p>Two could play that game.</p><p>"Thank you for asking me."</p><p>Shiro nodded, keeping his eyes trained on the path ahead. Meanwhile, Keith deliberated. Shiro could've easily come by himself, or asked Matt to stick with him instead. But he hadn't done that. Keith got the feeling he wanted to talk, but he was obviously nervous. Maybe too nervous to bring up whatever was on his mind.</p><p>"You want to stay away from the water," Keith eventually risked.</p><p>Shiro nodded again.</p><p>"Well… that's okay," Keith told him. "I'll stay away with you."</p><p>They'd finally reached their cabin. Shiro stayed quiet while he opened the door for Keith and then moved toward his bunk. They both took off their backpacks and sat down on the edge of their beds, facing each other across the small space.</p><p>"You can't stay away all night," Shiro eventually said. He was looking at a spot on the floor. "You'd miss the sunset."</p><p>Keith shrugged. "Maybe I don't really care about the sunset either."</p><p>Shiro smiled, but he didn't look happy.</p><p>"You can't miss it. They named the whole camp after it."</p><p>"Okay, but-"</p><p>"I got hurt," Shiro interrupted. He still wouldn't meet Keith's eye. "I was wakeboarding at a lake back home. There was a rock that wasn't marked… I dislocated my shoulder. I passed out, swallowed a bunch of water…” He winced. “I drowned. For a couple minutes I was… uhm.”</p><p>Keith felt pinpricks of horror creep up the back of his neck. </p><p>Shiro had died.</p><p>“Anyway,” Shiro went on, forging ahead before Keith had a chance to react. “The injury was bad. I still have… damage." He held up his right hand and flexed his fingers. "Weakness. Pain. Even after surgery and a whole year of PT…"</p><p>Keith nodded slowly, waiting patiently until he was sure Shiro was finished.</p><p>"That’s why you didn't come back last summer," he said quietly. "And no one knows… except Matt?"</p><p>Shiro finally looked at him.</p><p>"Yeah. The Holts all came to visit while I was still recovering from surgery. Sam helped my grandparents figure out what I should do for physical therapy and everything… but, yeah. Swimming used to be a big deal for me, especially here. Everyone knew I wanted to be a counselor eventually, and now I can't- I mean, I won't be able to-"</p><p>Shiro stood up and turned away from Keith.</p><p>"Fuck," he muttered, bracing his hands on the upper frame of the bunk bed. Keith watched his shoulders rise and fall with a labored breath. He was utterly stunned.</p><p>This was why Shiro had asked him here. He'd wanted Keith to know his secret- something he hadn't been able to tell anyone else. This might even be the first time he'd had to tell the story out loud, and it was tearing him apart.</p><p>Luckily, Keith knew what grief looked like.</p><p>He stood up and closed the distance between them.</p><p>He placed a hand cautiously on the center of Shiro's back.</p><p>"I'm sorry that happened to you," he said. "I'm really glad you told me."</p><p>Shiro scrubbed at one of his eyes with the heel of his hand, then let his arms fall to his sides.</p><p>He met Keith's eye, looking lost.</p><p>"Everyone's going to ask why I won't go in the water."</p><p>"Fuck 'em," Keith said. "It's not their business."</p><p>Shiro let out a watery laugh.</p><p>"I knew you were a badass."</p><p>"Yeah. And I'll be handing out free nosebleeds to anyone who fucks with you."</p><p>Shiro broke into a sunny smile, even as some of the moisture in his eyes coalesced at the corners and spilled over.</p><p>"I knew I could tell you."</p><p>Keith nodded. "You can tell me anything."</p><p>Shiro’s expression settled into something like determination.</p><p>"I'm afraid of the water," he said. "I'm afraid I won't be able to pass my lifeguard certification if I can't get over it. I'm afraid I won't be able to be a counselor in training next year."</p><p>Keith tilted his head to one side.</p><p>"It's okay, Shiro. Something really bad happened. It's okay to be afraid. But if it's something you want to get over, I know you'll be able to do it. And I could… uh. I could help. If you want."</p><p>Shiro sniffed.</p><p>“You already helped a lot.”</p><p>Keith could’ve said the same thing.</p><p>“Do you think Adam will keep giving you a hard time?”</p><p>“Ah. No. I asked Matt to tell him everything, and Lance and Hunk too. Adam’s actually a good guy, he’s just… I dunno. Competitive, I guess. I don’t mind them knowing, I just didn’t want to have to talk about it over and over again.”</p><p>“Yeah. I definitely get that. Uh… here. Hang on.”</p><p>Keith went back to his bunk and rummaged around in his duffel bag for a minute. He pulled out two small packages of gummy candy and held them up for Shiro to see.</p><p>“Sweet or sour?”</p><p>Shiro grinned.</p><p>“I like both. But… sweet.”</p><p>Keith tossed him the bag.</p><p>“Hope you like cherry.”</p><p>“Uh huh. I love cherry.”</p><p>Keith sat down on his bunk and opened the sour package for himself. He figured he’d give Shiro some space now, in case he felt awkward about getting emotional… so he was surprised when Shiro moved toward him and sat down next to him on the bed.</p><p>Keith popped one of the gummies into his mouth, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel the heat of Shiro’s body across the inch of space that still separated them.</p><p>“I learned this trick from… someone I used to talk to,” Keith told him. “If I have thoughts that are hard to deal with, concentrating on a strong taste can help. It can kind of, uh… break the cycle, or something. I’d just try to think about the taste, or concentrate on chewing, and if I could do that until the first gummy was gone, then I’d feel like I earned the next one, and by the time I finished the whole package…”</p><p>“You’d feel better?”</p><p>“Yeah. Most of the time.”</p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>“I feel better without the candy.” He smiled down at the floor. “But I’m gonna eat it anyway.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Showering in the same building alone with Shiro might’ve been disastrous, if Shiro weren’t so incessantly friendly. He chattered enough to keep Keith’s mind off of the fact that they were naked within five feet of each other- with only a handful of minor trespasses. More than once, Keith thanked the unknown deities of the universe that there was a wall between them. Shiro needed a supportive friend right now, so Keith was absolutely not going to let himself get distracted by his pretty smile, or his genuine laugh, or his broad chest and narrow waist and wide, long-fingered hands-</p><p>Nope.</p><p>He was not.</p><p>He was going to be Shiro’s friend, and that was all.</p><p>So he stared at the cracked tile of the shower wall and listened to Shiro talk about the fall in Massachusetts, and the telescope he kept on his back deck, and the fact that he’d always held on to a whisper of a dream that he might be an astronaut someday, until his damaged nerves had all but silenced it. </p><p>Keith talked a little bit, too- about the boxing gym, and the second-hand drum set in his basement, and the motorcycle he was already saving up for. He steered clear of the tragedy that lived between these anecdotes. Part of him ached to tell Shiro about what he’d been through in the last year, especially after Shiro had chosen to share such a massive secret with him.</p><p>The other part of him was sick and tired of being defined by his father’s death. He wanted Shiro to like him. He wanted a shot at being someone who mattered to him, and he wanted it to happen without Shiro feeling obligated by the immensity of his grief.</p><p>He wanted to be liked without also being pitied.</p><p>He managed to make it through his shower and into his clothes without making too much of a fool of himself, though when Shiro emerged from his shower stall still shirtless, Keith averted his gaze so forcefully, he was sure he must've given himself whiplash. He was absolutely not prepared to carry on a conversation with the first guy he'd ever crushed on while he was half naked and dripping wet.</p><p>"Jeans were a good idea," Shiro said cheerily, obviously oblivious to Keith's inner turmoil. "Thanks again for this, Keith."</p><p>Keith had turned to look at himself in one of the mirrors over the sinks that were opposite the shower stalls. He was still rubbing a towel through his hair, trying to dry it.</p><p>"It's no problem. I'm more comfortable in jeans anyway."</p><p>He'd suggested that they both change into long pants so that no one would try to convince either of them to go swimming. It would give Shiro an easy excuse to stay on the shore, and Keith was more than happy to keep him company.</p><p>“I think you pull them off a little better than I do,” Shiro said. Keith could see just enough of his reflection in the mirror to confirm that he’d pulled on a clean, white t-shirt. It clung to his chest just like his jeans clung to his hips, and Keith had to sift through a few embarrassing notions before he settled on a response.</p><p>“You pull them off just fine,” he said.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Keith was starting to learn the trails and pathways of the camp much better after a little practice, which made him feel even more grateful that Shiro had asked to spend this time with him. He’d initially been a little worried about finding his way around, since everyone else in his cabin was a veteran camper, and he’d been wary of annoying them, having to ask for help or tag along with them all the time.</p><p>He wasn’t worried about that at all anymore. He felt like he could’ve asked Matt or Shiro for a slice of the moon, and they would’ve shrugged and started plotting a course to the nearest rocket ship without a second thought.</p><p>“Okay,” Shiro said, gently taking hold of his arm and effectively dragging him out of his reverie. He pointed to an intersection of pathways up ahead, marked by a big signpost with labeled arrows pointing in different directions. The one marked Waterfront was pointing to the right. “You’re gonna want to take in this view. I wish someone had hyped it up for me the first time I came here, so…” He reached around Keith’s head and covered both his eyes with one hand. “Get hyped, Keith. You’re probably gonna remember this moment for the rest of your life.”</p><p>I know I will, Keith thought.</p><p>He let Shiro steer him forward and to the right, feeling confident in his footfalls with Shiro as his guide. He could hear laughter and splashing now, and the air felt heavy with heat and moisture and the smell of evergreen. </p><p>“All right.” Shiro pulled him to a stop. His thumb moved almost imperceptibly against Keith’s forehead, and Keith felt lightheaded, as if he’d been holding his breath. “You ready for this?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m ready.”</p><p>Shiro pulled his hand away.</p><p>Keith really did stop breathing as the view opened up in front of him. They were standing at the top of a hill, overlooking a vast lake surrounded by trees and craggy beaches. The sun was already hanging low in the sky, a blazing ball of golden light sinking down toward the peaks of distant mountains. Light danced across the surface of the water in a playful partnership with the gentle summer breeze, and if Keith had needed further evidence as to why his parents had fallen in love at Camp Sunset, it was all right here, right in front of him.</p><p>(He didn’t. They’d been perfect for each other.)</p><p>“Wow,” he whispered.</p><p>“Yeah,” Shiro confirmed. “Beautiful, right?”</p><p>“Understatement,” Keith murmured. He felt his chest expand with a slow, easy breath as he took in the impressive view, watching the sunlight play over the water before he finally let his gaze settle on the beach below. The end of the path gave way to a wide, grassy area where small groups of campers were already sitting in plastic adirondack chairs, playing cards or eating snacks at small tables. There was a wooden building way off to the right that was about three times the size of one of the cabins, along with several sturdy racks holding rows of multicolored kayaks. The beach itself was relatively sandy, and there was a long metal dock extending into the water, where most of the kids were still swimming. </p><p>“Are those fire pits?” Keith asked, pointing down to the far left side of the beach, near the treeline.</p><p>“Yeah. They’ll light them up when it gets dark enough. We’ll have dinner down here tonight by the fire. We usually play games… the counselors will tell stories or sing songs… it’s really nice.”</p><p>Keith nodded. He’d been expecting that, and he’d already been preparing himself to talk to Josh or Mr. Holt about skipping out on end-of-day activities. But standing there, thinking about how Shiro had managed to bring himself back to this lake after everything he’d been through…</p><p>It made Keith feel bold.</p><p>“Shiro?” </p><p>Shiro looked at him curiously, attentively, so Keith took a breath and forced the words out. </p><p>“I… um. I don’t like to get close to fire.”</p><p>Shiro didn’t respond right away. Keith took that as a good sign. He wanted to tell Shiro the whole story, he really did… but not yet.</p><p>“Not a problem,” Shiro finally said. “I’ll sit back with you. Just drag a chair wherever you’re comfortable and I’ll follow you. Okay?”</p><p>“Yeah. Okay.”</p><p>“Do you want me to tell the other guys?”</p><p>Keith thought about it.</p><p>“Just Matt for now.”</p><p>“Sure thing.” Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. “And… Keith? If it ends up being too much? Just tell me. I’ll get you out of there.”</p><p>Keith’s hand moved by itself until he was holding onto Shiro’s forearm, close to his elbow.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said quietly.</p><p>Shiro’s gaze traveled down to where Keith was touching him, and then back up to Keith’s face.</p><p>He let go of Keith’s shoulder and took hold of his hand instead.</p><p>“C’mon,” he said. He squeezed Keith’s fingers. “It’s gonna be a great night. Let’s get seats for the sunset.”</p><p>He pulled Keith forward for a couple of steps before he let go.</p><p>Keith followed like a vine straining toward the sun.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Crystal Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sunset was everything Shiro promised it would be. As the sun began to slip down behind the mountain peaks, it set the sky ablaze; flames of red and orange and gold licked at the edges of wispy, slowly-moving clouds, all against a backdrop of deepening violet-blue. Keith watched quietly from his plastic chair, munching on a bag of trail mix while Matt and Lance played cards on a nearby table and Hunk acted as referee. Shiro was next to him, also watching the sunset, though Keith caught him looking in his direction more than once out of the corner of his eye. </p><p>He didn’t mind at first. He liked that Shiro was curious about him, and he would’ve given Shiro permission to look at him however and whenever he wanted. </p><p>He was starting to feel a little self-conscious, though. Was he chewing too loud? Was his floppy hairstyle too weird? Did he have chocolate on his face from the M&amp;M’s in his trail mix? </p><p>He waited until the next time Shiro turned his head toward him, and then he looked back at him with a smile. </p><p>Shiro’s eyes went a little wide.</p><p>“Hey,” Shiro blurted.</p><p>Keith giggled.</p><p>“What’s up? Do I have something on my face?”</p><p>Shiro visibly cringed.</p><p>“No. Sorry. I’m being so weird. It’s just… your eyes? They look…”</p><p>“Oh.” Keith hoped the daylight had faded enough to conceal his blush. “They’re blue, I guess? But yeah, they can look violet sometimes. Indigo, my mom says.”</p><p>“Wow,” Shiro said, still staring. “I didn’t know a person’s eyes could be that color.”</p><p>Since Shiro was already awkwardly staring, Keith took the opportunity to give Shiro’s features a thorough examination in return. </p><p>His face was distinctive and almost absurdly attractive. His strong brow would’ve been intimidating on anyone else, but Shiro was so friendly and bright and easygoing, it only made his expressive face all the more endearing. His other features were equally angular - sharp nose, strong jaw - but his smile was so wide, his eyes so kind, the sum total was so lovely and magnetic, Keith had to hope he could summon the strength to look away.</p><p>"Yours are gray," he managed, trying not to stare directly at Shiro's mouth. "Your eyes. But they look bronze right now. From the sunset."</p><p>Shiro flashed his wide, easy smile.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen eyes like yours, either."</p><p>Shiro shook his head. "It's just the light. They're not special like yours."</p><p>
  <em>Oh. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, fuck.</em>
</p><p>"They are," Keith insisted.</p><p>Shiro swallowed. Keith watched the movement of his throat.</p><p>"I… uhm." Shiro sat back in his chair a little. He swiped his hair back from his forehead. "I was thinking I might see if Sam needs help with anything. Want to come?"</p><p>"Yeah." Keith pushed his hair back from his face, too, grateful that Shiro had given him an out. He didn't really know how to deal with the way he felt when they focused in on each other like that. Being around Shiro made him say things he wouldn't normally say.</p><p>Luckily, he didn't have to worry about it for the rest of the night. Dinner came from a set of several grills near the fire pits - hot dogs, hamburgers, tasty vegetables in foil - and Keith found himself swept up in easy conversation with all of the Lions. The food and company felt good after a long day full of new experiences, and no one questioned the fact that they'd congregated a good distance away from the campfires. Keith could feel an echo of something like anxiousness at the back of his mind whenever something drew his attention toward the flames, but it never really gained a foothold. </p><p>He played cards with Hunk and Matt even after it was far too dark to properly see.</p><p>He cheered along when Josh and some of the other counselors performed the grossest rendition of "The Littlest Worm" he'd ever heard.</p><p>He succumbed to Lance's pleading and let him weave three tiny braids into the longest part of his hair.</p><p>And, in exchange for several of Shiro's best toasted marshmallows, he performed an impromptu drum solo on the table with two conveniently shaped sticks.</p><p>He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled so much or laughed so easily, and when Matt slung an arm around his shoulders as they followed the light of Josh’s flashlight back to the wooded path, it didn’t even occur to Keith to move away; he just slid his arm around Matt’s waist, like it was the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>“It’s so good that you’re here,” Matt told him quietly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Keith said. “It is.”</p><p>Shiro followed their lead, then. He put an arm around Keith’s waist, and Keith did the same, and the three of them stayed like that until they got back to their cabin.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith noticed something he couldn’t ignore as the five of them were getting ready for bed. His bunkmates seemed to be accustomed to changing in front of each other, which made sense; Lance, Hunk, and Matt kept towels wrapped around their waists to change out of their damp swimsuits and into clean boxers and shorts, and the conversation continued between the five of them without any hint of awkwardness or embarrassment. But when Keith popped the button on his jeans to change for bed, Shiro slipped off of his bunk and turned his back to him, like he’d done earlier that day. None of the other guys seemed to notice it, but Keith certainly did. He wished he knew what it meant.</p><p>Was Shiro just being polite because Keith was new here?</p><p>Or was there another reason he needed to turn his back anytime Keith got undressed?</p><p>Keith pulled on a pair of shorts, climbed into bed with his phone and headphones, and stared at Shiro’s back as he pondered this question… until Shiro tugged his own jeans down from his hips to reveal black, skin-tight briefs that left nothing whatsoever to the imagination. </p><p>Keith’s heart rate spiked. He rolled onto his back to try and force himself to stop staring… but he couldn’t. He turned his head toward Shiro just as he was turning around, wearing nothing but his t-shirt and briefs, and Keith’s whole body started to buzz with something like adrenaline as his eyes traveled down the line of Shiro’s body- from his chest to his waistline and even further-</p><p>“Ready for lights out?” Hunk called from the other side of the room.</p><p>“Give me ten seconds,” Shiro said. He folded his jeans neatly, stashed them in a dresser drawer, and then looked at Keith, wearing a small, shy smile.</p><p>“‘Night, Keith,” he said quietly.</p><p>“‘Night, Shiro,” Keith managed, utterly appalled at himself.</p><p>He didn’t stare at people like this.</p><p>He didn’t notice people like this.</p><p>He rolled over and faced the wall, refusing to entertain the fantasy that Shiro might want him to notice.</p><p>He forced his eyes closed, but his heart was pounding so wildly in his chest, he made it through his entire <em>Calm the Fuck Down</em> playlist twice before he managed to fall asleep.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith awoke to the sound of hokey bandstand music blaring through the open window next to his bunk. He hadn’t noticed it the day before, but there must’ve been a loudspeaker system rigged throughout the camp. It made sense for ease of communication, since the campers were supposed to keep their phones out of sight during the day.</p><p>He sat up and stretched, feeling wide awake almost immediately. He’d lost a lot of sleep over the last year and had become rather accustomed to it; he could function well with only a handful of hours’ rest, and once he was up, he was up.</p><p>He was in good company, too. Shiro was already sitting up on the edge of his bunk, drinking from his water bottle. He swallowed his sip and flashed Keith a smile.</p><p>“Morning, Sweet ‘n Sour. You sleep okay?”</p><p>Keith blinked. <em>Sweet ‘n Sour?</em> Shiro had a private nickname for him now?</p><p>It was, decidedly, too early for that sort of adorable bullshit.</p><p>Keith was utterly fucked.</p><p>“Hey, Shiro. Uh. Pretty sure I was out cold.”</p><p>A muffled, pathetic-sounding groan came from the mess of sheets Matt was hiding under.</p><p>“Can’t you guys lounge like normal people? Five more minutes, please.”</p><p>Keith and Shiro both stifled their laughter.</p><p>They stood up together; Shiro silently offered Keith a sip of his water, which Keith gladly accepted.</p><p><em>“Matt’s not a morning person,”</em> Shiro whispered, leaning in close. <em>“Our first year here, his dad came to our cabin every day for the first week just to get him out of bed.”</em></p><p>Keith giggled. <em>“Sorry I missed that.”</em></p><p>Shiro nodded. </p><p>
  <em>“So am I.” </em>
</p><p>He looked thoughtful for a second, then raised his hand and moved a lock of Keith’s hair away from his forehead with one finger. </p><p>“Your braids are falling out,” he said.</p><p>Keith stared back at him, trying to remember how to move his mouth. “I… yeah. I guess they-”</p><p>“They looked good. Really good. Your hair is… nice. You could wear it even longer. If you wanted to, I mean.”</p><p>Keith opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Luckily, Shiro spared him the impossible task of processing the exchange and turned back toward his bunk to rummage through his duffel. He pulled out a navy blue t-shirt, laid it out on his bed, and pulled off the white one he was wearing, leaving his upper half entirely bare. </p><p>Keith almost turned away - he’d promised himself he wouldn’t keep thinking of Shiro like that - but then he noticed the twin circular scars that marked the front and back of Shiro’s right shoulder.</p><p>His feet moved him in Shiro’s direction all by themselves.</p><p>Shiro met his eye, gave him a small smile, and offered him his right shoulder to examine up close.</p><p>“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “The scars don’t hurt anymore.”</p><p>Keith wanted to touch. He wanted to soothe.</p><p>It was a painful sort of desire he’d never felt before.</p><p>“But your hand does?”</p><p>“Sometimes.”</p><p>Keith nodded.</p><p>“My hands get sore. From drumming and boxing. I know it’s not the same, but maybe I could… um.”</p><p>Keith cautiously picked up Shiro’s right hand, moving without thinking, almost like he was in a dream. He slid his thumb over Shiro’s palm, seeking out the stretch of dense muscle tissue that always ached after he’d thrown too many punches or spent an hour or two at his drum set. </p><p>He looked in Shiro's eyes and put a little pressure there.</p><p>“Is that okay?”</p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>“It’s… yeah. Yes. I could... handle more?”</p><p>Keith carefully increased the pressure, rubbing small circles into Shiro’s palm. He felt Shiro’s fingers touch against his thumb as his hand relaxed. He adjusted his hold so he could massage around Shiro’s knuckles at the same time, and Shiro let out a quiet little sigh and closed his eyes for a second.</p><p>Shiro liked what he was doing. Keith could tell. And he would’ve happily stood here until the sun went down again, holding Shiro’s hand… </p><p>But, shit, he was holding Shiro’s hand, and he was not equipped to process what that meant.</p><p>He loosened his hold and let Shiro go.</p><p>“Um- any better?”</p><p>Shiro flexed his fingers.</p><p>“So much better. Thanks, Keith.”</p><p>“Yeah. Anytime. I mean, I don’t mind. If it could help.”</p><p>Shiro took Keith’s right hand in both of his own. He turned it over slowly and then used his left thumb to rub gently into Keith’s palm.</p><p>“You’re helping me too much.”</p><p>Keith shook his head.</p><p>“No. I don’t keep score like that.”</p><p>“Still. Let me help you, too.”</p><p>Keith didn’t - couldn’t - argue the point. He was transfixed, staring down at their hands, trying to keep his heart rate under control as Shiro soothed the ever-present ache in his palm. He’d never thought much about the size of his own hands before - they’d always seemed adequately proportionate to his body, maybe even a little larger than average - but Shiro’s dwarfed them by a mile. His palms were wide, his fingers long and sturdy. He looked like he could do some damage to a heavy bag, but he was being so gentle right now, letting his fingers slide lightly over the back of Keith’s hand, up toward his knuckles…</p><p>Keith’s breath caught. His throat started to itch, announcing some bout of uncontrollable emotion that was building within him- something heavy and deep and private-</p><p>The bandstand music blared through the windows for a second time. </p><p>Keith jumped like a startled cat. </p><p>Shiro looked stunned too, though he recovered quickly enough. He gave Keith’s hand a gentle squeeze before he let him go.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>Keith knew he was an inch away from bursting into tears, or dissolving into a fit of laughter, or losing his mind entirely- so he only nodded in response, holding the storm of emotion inside himself.</p><p>Shiro looked like he wanted to say more, but Matt let out another dramatic groan, and the moment passed. Shiro smiled, rolling his eyes in Matt’s direction.</p><p>“Told you. He’s a mess in the morning.”</p><p>He moved toward the head of his bunk to where Matt had discarded his backpack the night before and pulled a water bottle out of the side pocket. Then he reached up to the top bunk and patted at the mess of sheets Matt was hiding under.</p><p>“C’mon, buddy. Time to get up.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Yes. Here. Have some water.”</p><p>“Five more minutes.”</p><p>“Matt. Don’t make me call your dad.”</p><p>Matt’s face appeared, along with a shock of auburn bedhead.</p><p>“You wouldn’t.”</p><p>“I absolutely would.”</p><p>Matt narrowed his eyes at Shiro, but he finally accepted the water bottle and took a sip. They went on bickering for a bit, so Keith set about packing up his backpack with everything he needed for a shower, letting the mundane task calm him. </p><p>Listening to Shiro tease and cajole Matt was helping, too. Shiro was kind and helpful to everyone. Keith didn’t need to work himself into a panic every time Shiro smiled at him or teased him or said something sweet or encouraging. Shiro was just being friendly.</p><p>They were just friends.</p><p>Still, Keith found himself fidgeting with his right hand, committing the pressure and warmth of Shiro’s fingertips to memory.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The whole camp gathered together in the Great Room first thing that morning so the counselors could hand out their individualized schedules and maps. Keith finally got up close and personal with the infamous Iverson, who barked gruffly at Lance and Hunk for giggling when Sam was trying to get everyone’s attention. He did look a little menacing with his permanent scowl and the impressive scar that ran vertically through his left eyebrow, but he gave Shiro’s shoulder a friendly pat before he moved on to patrol a more unruly table, so Keith was willing to believe that his bark really was worse than his bite.</p><p>The meeting cut into the first elective block of the day, though Keith was glad to find out that there would still be time leftover for an abbreviated session of his yoga class. He needed to practice keeping his cool around Shiro, and he wanted to start as soon as possible. He was having trouble stopping himself from picturing Shiro in various bends and poses. It would be a long two weeks if he couldn’t figure out how to set those kinds of thoughts aside. </p><p>Luckily, the structure of the class eased his worries and helped him ignore his unbidden fantasies. He and Shiro stayed next to each other, but with a good bit of distance in between them, given that they needed space to fully extend their arms. This meant that Keith couldn’t really see Shiro’s whole body very often, and when he did happen to look in Shiro’s direction, Shiro kept things light by pulling faces and pretending to be off-balance. (Keith knew it was an act, of course; Shiro was as strong and sturdy as a deeply rooted tree.) </p><p>The movements themselves were soothing, too- slow and graceful and expansive. Keith felt much calmer in body and mind by the time the class was over, which only made spending time with Shiro more enjoyable than ever. They shared big plates of eggs, bacon, and orange slices in the Great Room after the class, and Keith listened attentively while Shiro talked about the years he’d spent at his judo school. Keith told Shiro more about his boxing gym, too- how his parents had started bringing him there for classes years ago, when he was still having trouble adjusting to their move to New Mexico. He got the feeling judo had been therapeutic for Shiro when he was younger, just as kickboxing had been for him… but he didn’t press Shiro for more specific information. If Shiro wanted Keith to know more about his childhood, he’d tell him when he was ready.</p><p>Shiro insisted on eating quickly so he could walk Keith over to the archery range, which made no logistical sense whatsoever, since Shiro’s next elective would take place here at the Garrison. But Shiro only laughed when Keith tried to point this out, as if it would be completely ridiculous for them to separate sooner than they needed to.</p><p>He didn't quite put it like that, of course… but Keith couldn't help feeling like he meant it that way.</p><p>"So… you sing?" he asked Shiro, glancing at him as they walked the sunlit pathway toward the archery range. Shiro had, quite unexpectedly, signed up for the chorus elective.</p><p>"Ah. A little bit. I took chorus at school when I was younger. Mostly I just wanted to try new things this summer. And it looks good for future counselors if you've taken most of the electives at least once."</p><p>Keith took a second to process this.</p><p>"Shiro… you really think there's a chance Sam wouldn't accept you to be a CIT next year?"</p><p>Shiro shook his head.</p><p>"I don't want to be accepted because of Sam. I want to be accepted because I deserve it."</p><p>His tone was conversational, but Keith could sense the determination underneath. He felt chastised, and he liked it.</p><p>Shiro was letting him know what kind of person he was.</p><p>“I get that. You’re right. I understand why you want to earn it. And you will.”</p><p>Shiro elbowed him playfully.</p><p>“Thanks, Keith.”</p><p>“No problem.”</p><p>“So… what about you? Do you sing?”</p><p>“Uh. A little. I can carry a tune, I guess.”</p><p>They slowed their pace, then stepped off the path and onto the wide, grassy field that defined the boundaries of the archery range. There were targets of different sizes and shapes set up in rows, along with a large shed about halfway down the closest sideline that probably housed more equipment. Pidge and Allura were standing in the shade of it with a handful of other kids; the two of them waved, and Keith and Shiro both waved back.</p><p>“Maybe you can help me practice my chorus parts,” Shiro said, nudging at the grass with the toe of his sneaker. “I feel weird about just randomly singing, but… y’know… we could make it fun.”</p><p>Keith would’ve found the very notion horrifying if anyone else in the world had suggested it.</p><p>“Sure,” he said. “I’ll help if you want me to.”</p><p>Shiro smiled. He moved the toe of his shoe through the grass and kicked lightly at Keith’s sneaker.</p><p>“See you at lunch? I’ll save you a seat?”</p><p>Keith kicked back at Shiro’s shoe in answer.</p><p>“Yeah. I’ll see you then.”</p><p>Shiro turned away and set off down the path.</p><p>Keith watched him go. </p><p>He knew he shouldn’t stare. He knew it must already be painfully obvious that he had a massive crush, and he knew Shiro was going to notice eventually, if he hadn’t already...</p><p>Shiro glanced back over his shoulder and caught him red-handed.</p><p>Keith’s mouth fell open. He fidgeted, panicking, trying to figure out how he could play this off-</p><p>Shiro turned around so that he was facing Keith and walking backward, still moving away down the path.</p><p>He flashed Keith a grin, raised his hand in a small wave, and then turned around again and continued on his way.</p><p><em>“Fuck,”</em> Keith whispered to himself.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
Archery provided Keith with a much needed distraction in the form of a solid hour spent not making a fool of himself in front of Shiro. He’d never tried it before, but it turned out he had a bit of a knack with a bow and arrow, most likely thanks to the upper body strength he maintained through kickboxing. Lance, who had arrived just before the start of the class, didn’t seem particularly pleased with Keith’s natural ability. He muttered more than one comment about “beginner’s luck” and kept offering to help Allura “tighten up her stance,” which was more amusing than anything. Keith found himself rolling his eyes along with Pidge, who was equally unimpressed with Lance’s antics. She made an impressive effort with her bow despite her small stature, so Keith went out of his way to tell her so.</p><p>He eventually swallowed his pride and complimented Lance on his accuracy, too, hoping to help preserve the longstanding dynamic he’d walked into. Lance’s feelings for Allura were obviously at the root of his more obnoxious behavior, and Keith could hardly fault him for that. He was an inch away from losing his mind over a boy he'd basically just met, after all. Luckily, Lance was genuinely deserving of the praise; he was a great shot, and Keith had no problem stating an obvious truth. Lance mellowed after that, clearly pleased with the attention.</p><p>Keith and Pidge walked down to the waterfront together when the class was over, since they were both scheduled for kayaking before lunch. Pidge was friendly without being intrusive, much like Matt. Keith appreciated her for that. He made note of what she was wearing- long athletic shorts, a loose t-shirt, and a baseball cap with her ponytail fed through the opening at the back. He had no idea if she’d always styled herself this way, but given her recent name change, he figured it was safe to assume she was going through something.</p><p>“So… how’s the new name feel today?” he risked.</p><p>“Really good!” She might’ve skipped a little bit when she answered. “I think Matt must’ve helped spread it around. No one’s said my other name at all today.”</p><p>“That’s good. Seems like Lance and Hunk were really cool about it. And, uh, Shiro.”</p><p>“Yeah. They’re good guys. I don’t think I would’ve been brave enough to try it out if it weren’t for them.”</p><p>“So they’re… pretty accepting overall?”</p><p>“Yeah.” She glanced over at him. “Why? You thinking about changing your name?”</p><p>“Nah. I’m good with my name, I just… uh. I like accepting people.”</p><p>“Well… we like you, too.”</p><p>Keith smiled.</p><p>“So… feminine pronouns? Still okay with you?”</p><p>She shrugged a little.</p><p>“For now. And… if I told you half the girls in the upper camp were talking about you after Capture the Flag yesterday? Would you be excited, or…?”</p><p>Keith laughed a little. Pidge was both direct and tactful. He liked her more by the minute.</p><p>“I’d be… unsure.”</p><p>“Mm. And if I told you some of the guys were, too?”</p><p>“I’d be surprised. And… curious, maybe.”</p><p>“Hmm. Cool.”</p><p>Keith raised an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“‘Cool?’ That’s it? You’re not gonna tell me about my fan club?”</p><p>“Ha.” She elbowed him playfully. “Well… Lance thinks you’re gorgeous, but you’re not his type. I don’t think he’ll ever date a guy he feels like he needs to compete with.”</p><p>“Lance dates guys?”</p><p>“Dunno about anything official. But he would. He’s pretty open about it.”</p><p>“Huh.” Keith took a second to process this. “Well… if he asks, I’m not interested in competing.”</p><p>“No? No secret plot to woo Allura and kayak off into the sunset?”</p><p>“Nope. Definitely not. I mean, she seems nice and everything, but… no.”</p><p>Pidge nodded. “She thinks you’re nice, too. Most guys start falling all over themselves trying to impress her as soon as they meet her. She appreciates that you haven't done that."</p><p>"Wow. That's a pretty low bar to step over."</p><p>"No kidding. But still. You've made a pretty stellar first impression. Don't be surprised if you start getting even more attention."</p><p>He squinted at the path in front of them.</p><p>Even more attention?</p><p>Was he already getting the kind of attention Pidge was alluding to? The guys in his cabin had all gone out of their way to spend time with him, of course, but they were just being friendly, and he hadn’t been approached by anyone else.</p><p>“I haven’t heard about anyone trying to get my attention,” he told her. “Did someone say something?”</p><p>She cocked her head and raised an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p>He raised an eyebrow back at her.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>She giggled, then shook her head.</p><p>“Nothing. Forget it. Race you to the kayaks!”</p><p>She took off toward the incline that led down to the waterfront.</p><p>He raced after her, wondering what she was trying so hard not to say.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith spent the first half of the lunch hour sandwiched between Shiro and Matt at an overcrowded table in the Great Room. Just about everyone he’d met so far was sitting on one of the long benches on either side of the table, munching on sandwiches and fresh vegetables or chatting about their morning activities. Keith found the noise and activity a little overwhelming after an already busy morning, so he stayed quiet and observed, enjoying the good food and trying not to obsess over the fact that his arm kept pressing against Shiro’s anytime either of them moved.</p><p>“Hey.” Shiro leaned even closer to him once he’d finished his sandwich. “You okay?”</p><p>Keith nodded, finishing a sip of water. Had he been making a face? He knew he scowled a little bit sometimes when he was uncomfortable.</p><p>“Yeah. I’m fine.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>Keith set down his water bottle.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s nothing. It’s just… uh. Loud?”</p><p>“Oh. Shit. It is, huh?” Shiro stuffed his own water bottle into his backpack and stacked his utensils on top of his empty lunch tray. “C’mon. You’re done, right? We can get out of here.”</p><p>Keith glanced around the table. Everyone else was still eating and having fun.</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“C’mon!”</p><p>Shiro consolidated their trays, stood up from the bench, shouldered his backpack, and practically pulled Keith out of his seat.</p><p>Keith giggled the whole way and didn’t object.</p><p>It turned out that the veteran campers traditionally retreated to the shade of the trees just outside the Garrison to lay in the grass during the free period after lunch. Shiro told Keith he usually read, listened to music, or just watched the sky for a while, and Keith thought that sounded like heaven after the overwhelming activity of the Great Room. He watched Shiro flop down in the grass under a tall, twisty oak tree, feeling again that this all must be some kind of dream- that people like Shiro, and places like this, were simply too perfect to exist in his reality.</p><p>He moved into the shade of the tree and sat down beside Shiro, who was gazing up at the patches of sky that were visible through the branches, using his backpack as a pillow.</p><p>"Got any music?" Shiro asked. "Something good for watching the clouds?"</p><p>Keith thought about it. His taste was eclectic, and the first song that came to his mind probably wasn't the sort of thing Shiro would've listened to… though he didn't really know that for sure.</p><p>Fuck it, he thought. He pulled his phone and headphones out of his backpack before he arranged it next to Shiro's head and laid down.</p><p>He put one of the headphones into his ear, passed the other one to Shiro, and located the song in question.</p><p>"It's okay if you don't like it," he said. "It might be a little… different."</p><p>Shiro looked at him.</p><p>"I like different."</p><p>Keith swallowed.</p><p>"Okay. So, definitely watch the sky for the first part."</p><p>Shiro smiled.</p><p>"And then what?"</p><p>"You'll see."</p><p>Shiro looked back up at the sky.</p><p>Keith pressed play.</p><p>He let the intro and the first verse play out, watching wisps of cloud pass slowly overhead while his heartbeat danced a nervous rhythm in his chest:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Lost in skies of powdered gold</em><br/>
<em>Caught in clouds of silver ropes</em><br/>
<em>Showered by the empty hopes</em><br/>
<em>As I tumble down, falling fast to the ground</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know I'll wither </em><br/>
<em>So peel away the bark</em><br/>
<em>'Cause nothing grows when it is dark</em><br/>
<em>In spite of all my fears, I can see it all so clear</em><br/>
<em>I see it all so clear</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Keith turned onto his side a bit, took a shaky, determined breath, and reached over to cover Shiro's eyes with his left hand.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Woah- oh</em><br/>
<em>Cover your crystal eyes</em><br/>
<em>And feel the tones that tremble down your spine</em><br/>
<em>Woah- oh</em><br/>
<em>Cover your crystal eyes</em><br/>
<em>And let your colors bleed and blend with mine</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shiro's right hand closed around his wrist- not to push him away, but to hold his hand in place.</p><p><em>"Wow,"</em> Shiro whispered.</p><p>Keith felt all the air go out of his lungs.</p><p>He gently tried to move his hand, only because he hadn't meant for Shiro to keep his eyes closed for the entire song… but Shiro didn't let go. </p><p>Instead, he moved Keith's hand down onto his chest.</p><p>He kept his eyes on the sky, but Keith could see him blushing pale pink, high on his left cheek.</p><p>He knew he should probably be watching the sky too, instead of staring at Shiro in stunned silence, but he was absolutely not going to pull his hand away… so he did the only other thing he could think of.</p><p>He closed his eyes, listened to the music, and sent a silent prayer of thanks out to the universe that Shiro’s hand was clasped lightly around his wrist.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Cover your crystal eyes</em><br/>
<em>And let your colors bleed and blend with mine</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shiro’s fingers moved up toward the back of Keith’s hand. His thumb slipped into the space between Keith’s ring finger and pinky.</p><p>Keith squeezed his eyes shut a little tighter. He pressed the pad of his pinky into the back of Shiro’s hand.</p><p>The final chorus of the song played.</p><p>Shiro hummed along. </p><p>Keith felt the vibration of Shiro’s voice from the inside of his wrist to the heel of his hand, and he imagined the melodic hum spreading over his skin until he was surrounded by it, like a pool of warm water supporting his weight, or a blanket he could wrap around himself.</p><p>He wondered if this was what it felt like to be falling in love.</p><p>He wondered if it meant that Shiro must like him, at least a little bit, if he wanted to hold his hand like this.</p><p>It must be hard for Shiro to be here now, Keith thought, after everything he’d been through in the last year. Maybe it was comforting to touch like this.</p><p>He hoped so. He thought he’d probably do anything to make sure Shiro felt okay.</p><p>“It’s perfect,” Shiro said quietly.</p><p>Keith opened his eyes. Shiro was right there, looking back at him, close enough that Keith could see tiny flecks of silver in his irises.</p><p>“You really like it?”</p><p>“I love it.”</p><p>Keith nodded.</p><p>“I could show you the lyrics.”</p><p>“It’s okay. I think I got most of them.” Shiro smiled. "'Crystal eyes,' huh? I should've given this song to you, instead of the other way around."</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, fuck.</em>
</p><p>"You still can. You could sing it."</p><p>"Yeah," Shiro agreed. "Play it again?"</p><p>Keith made sure he kept his left hand perfectly still in Shiro’s hold while he manipulated his phone with his right.</p><p>He didn’t look at the sky while the song played through for the second time, or the third.</p><p>He just closed his eyes and listened to Shiro sing, breathing small breaths while Shiro held his hand.</p><p>At some point, he heard Matt and Pidge and the rest of the Lions talking to each other somewhere nearby, but he didn’t bother opening his eyes, and Shiro didn’t let go.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Song credit: "Crystals," Of Monsters and Men</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Infinite Possibility</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>Keith learned something new about Matt that afternoon.</p>
<p>He had a thing for Allura.</p>
<p>The three of them had orienteering together, along with James and Adam from the Coyote cabin and several other kids Keith hadn’t met yet. If Lance was uncomfortably obvious about his feelings for Allura, Matt was almost painfully subtle- but Keith could tell. Matt <em>changed</em> when he was around her; he carried himself with a little more care, spoke to her in a softer, deeper voice, and looked at her with a sort of focused attention Keith hadn’t witnessed in him before. When Allura staggered a bit after tripping over a root in the forest, Matt was there with a confident hand on her back, which he withdrew immediately as soon as she’d righted herself. His quiet, cautious approach paid off, too. She obviously enjoyed his company, and Keith saw her move closer to talk to him on more than one occasion over the course of the class. </p>
<p>He wondered what Lance would do if he found out how Matt felt.</p>
<p>He wondered if Matt had even admitted his interest to himself yet, or if it was the sort of thing that was only visible from a distance right now.</p>
<p>Maybe Matt would talk to him about it once they'd spent a little more time together. Keith liked those kinds of conversations. He liked being trusted enough to learn how someone really felt about things. It didn't happen often, but becoming friends with Shiro had reminded him of how good it felt to be part of something <em>real</em>.</p>
<p>"Keith?"</p>
<p>He'd been so focused on Matt and Allura's conversation, he hadn't noticed Adam hanging back from his bunkmates to wait for him. His heartbeat skipped a bit as he slowed his pace to let Matt and Allura pass.</p>
<p>"Hey. Adam, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Hey." Adam pushed his rectangular glasses up his nose as they moved forward, side by side. "I just wanted to… uh. Well, I think we might've gotten off on the wrong foot yesterday."</p>
<p>Keith took this in.</p>
<p>"You might be right about that. It's cool, though. As long as you and Shiro are cool."</p>
<p>Adam nodded. "We are. I didn't know about... y'know. Everything that's been going on with him. I wouldn't have said anything if I had. I just thought I should tell you that."</p>
<p>Keith was a little taken aback. He hadn't expected Adam to reach out to him like this. He'd read him as arrogant and cold… but maybe that had been his own protective instinct talking a little too loud.</p>
<p>"That's good to know. I know Shiro's not going to hold it against you. I won't either."</p>
<p>"Well… yeah. That's good. But I shouldn't have said anything about… um. Your eye. I'm sorry about that."</p>
<p>"Oh." Keith certainly hadn't expected an outright apology. "Right. It's fine. I know it looks kinda bad."</p>
<p>"Still. Wasn't my place.</p>
<p>"Okay. Uh. Thanks."</p>
<p>"Yeah. Sure."</p>
<p>Keith moved his hair back from his eyes, searching for a way to keep the conversation going. He'd been planning to go on keeping his distance, but if Adam wanted to be friends, he figured he should try to meet him halfway.</p>
<p>"So… the guys said you're a good swimmer?"</p>
<p>"Oh. Yeah. I swim for my school team. I have to train for it, so I try to get as much practice here as I can."</p>
<p>"I like swimming too. Took lessons when I was younger."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah?" Adam looked him up and down, like he was sizing him up all over again. "You any good?"</p>
<p>"Used to be pretty fast. It's been a while, though."</p>
<p>"Huh." Adam flashed him a smile. "Race me later?"</p>
<p>Keith wasn't proud of himself for it, but the thought of giving Adam a run for his money in the lake was pretty tempting.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he said. "You're on."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It turned out Keith was still a pretty fast swimmer, and Adam wasn't nearly as much of a sore loser as he would've thought.</p>
<p>This might've been because he beat Keith handily during their first three races. By the fourth, though, they were all tied up, and during their sixth and final race, Keith took the lead and beat Adam by just under one second. It was because of stamina more than technique, Keith figured, but still- a win was a win.</p>
<p>He couldn't help but wonder what Shiro would think about it once he heard.</p>
<p>Luckily, Adam had no intention of holding it against him. In fact, he seemed downright excited that Keith had beaten him. Adam was a little cocky, but he had the skill to back it up, and he appreciated a worthy opponent. Keith liked that. They shook hands while they perched on the dock together, panting after a thorough workout. </p>
<p>“Nice one,” Adam told him. “Well deserved. I obviously need to work on my stamina.”</p>
<p>“No way. You’re good. You almost had me, even that last time.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be too humble. You’re quick, Kogane. Same time tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Definitely.”</p>
<p>Adam promptly shoved Keith back into the water, laughed when Keith came up sputtering, and then tumbled in after him.</p>
<p>Keith took this as a good sign.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>“You beat <em>Adam?”</em> Shiro demanded, shoving lightly at Keith’s shoulder as they walked through the Garrison to the astronomy classroom. Shiro had stared at Keith off and on through dinner with a sort of intense fascination after Adam had broken the news, though he’d waited until now to actually say anything about it. Keith figured that was a smart move. Adam was being charitable about the whole thing so far; Keith wasn’t sure how Adam would take it if Shiro interrogated him about it.</p>
<p>“Only once,” Keith reiterated. “And just barely.”</p>
<p>“Still! Keith, that’s insane! He trains all year for swimming!”</p>
<p>Keith shrugged.</p>
<p>“You don’t, and you’ve beaten him before.”</p>
<p>“I… well, okay. <em>Still.</em> That’s awesome. And he’s handling it really well. He must respect you a lot.”</p>
<p>“Maybe. I think we cleared things up, anyway. He actually seems pretty cool.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. He is.” Shiro fidgeted with his hands. “I… wow. I really would’ve liked to see you race.”</p>
<p>Keith looked at him.</p>
<p>“You can come down to the waterfront anytime, Shiro. We’ll all make sure no one gives you a hard time about anything.”</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>“I know. It was really good to be there again last night. Y’know. With you.”</p>
<p>Keith paused at the door to the library.</p>
<p>“I’ll be there for you anytime you want to go.”</p>
<p>Shiro raised a hand to the back of his neck.</p>
<p>“We’ll probably still have time for campfire after we finish up with the telescope. We could walk down together, maybe? If you want to?”</p>
<p>Keith couldn’t help it. He let out a quiet laugh and shook his head.</p>
<p>“You really think there’s a chance I’d say no?”</p>
<p>“Uh.” Shiro looked even more embarrassed. “I guess I don’t know. I mean, I wouldn’t assume…”</p>
<p>Keith stared at him for a moment.</p>
<p>Then he said, “Go ahead and assume.”</p>
<p>He pushed the library door open and headed for the classroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam Holt himself led the astronomy class, and there was no one better qualified, given that he spent every fall semester teaching astrophysics at Arizona State. Keith was excited for the class, but a little nervous, too. Stargazing was a hobby he’d shared with his father; he hadn’t done much of it over the last year, and he wasn’t sure how it would feel to look through a telescope without his dad by his side, helping him aim true toward some distant world. But his counselor had helped him look forward to his time at Camp Sunset as a way to join his memories of his father with new, positive experiences, and he was committed to that goal. He didn’t want to fall into a cavern of grief every time he thought about his dad. He wanted to build a bridge to the other side.</p>
<p>And now that he was here in this place with these people, he felt like the blueprints were already drawn.</p>
<p>“Keith!”</p>
<p>He stopped short in the doorway of the classroom and stared at Colleen, Sam’s wife, who was standing next to Sam near the projector screen, looking unapologetically thrilled to see him. She dumped the pile of notebooks she was holding onto the rectangular table and moved toward him like she was planning to scoop him up in a hug. She didn’t do that, though. She left a few inches of space between them. </p>
<p>The last time he’d seen her, he hadn’t wanted to be touched by anyone. He’d spent the day of his father’s funeral sticking close to his mother’s side while she made sure no one got close enough to trap him into a hug or handshake.</p>
<p>He felt a little guilty about that now. It was nice that Colleen remembered - that she was trying to be considerate - but he thought it would've been nice to hug her now.</p>
<p>“Hey, Colleen!”</p>
<p>“I can’t tell you how good it is to see you here. Matt says you’re settling in okay?”</p>
<p>“Definitely. It’s really great.”</p>
<p>Keith realized all at once that he was awkwardly blocking the entryway. He moved to the side so Shiro could come into the room, and Colleen made a distinctly motherly sound, gesturing at the two of them as if they’d just won first place in the local science fair.</p>
<p>“Look at you two,” she gushed. “All grown up and here together after all these years.”</p>
<p>Shiro strode forward and hugged her. She kissed his cheek without missing a beat, like it was something she’d done many times in the past.</p>
<p>“Shiro, I swear, I’m still not used to this extra height on you. I think you’ve grown another inch since we picked you up from the airport.”</p>
<p>Shiro laughed.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell my grandmother that. She’ll lose her mind. She cried for an hour the day I took my first driving lesson.”</p>
<p>"Mm. Rightfully so." She let Shiro go and moved back to the heap of notebooks to arrange them into a more organized pile. "It’s so good to see you both, but I'll need to make a quick exit so I don't embarrass my children into hiding."</p>
<p>"Aw, c'mon, you know Matt and Pidge like having you here."</p>
<p>"Shiro, honey, you get sweeter by the day. No, they don't need both their parents hovering. But I’ll be here until Friday if you want to swing by my office and say hello.”</p>
<p>“Will do.”</p>
<p>She handed Keith and Shiro their own notebooks as she headed for the door.</p>
<p>“Keith, same goes for you. Don’t be a stranger, all right? And you’re welcome back at the house anytime, too. Just talk to Matt if you’d like to come for a visit.”</p>
<p>“I will. Thank you, Mrs. Holt.”</p>
<p>“‘Colleen’ is just fine, honey. Keep Sam out of trouble for me, okay?”</p>
<p>Sam chuckled at the projector screen as she breezed out of the classroom. </p>
<p>“Keith,” he said, turning to the desktop computer to tap at the keyboard, “I know you haven’t experienced this first hand, but be warned- she’s the troublemaker out of the two of us.”</p>
<p>Keith and Shiro both laughed as they settled into two seats at the far end of the table. They started flipping through their notebooks, which were actually custom journals meant to document the different celestial objects they would be able to view with the telescope. Keith flipped through the pages to look at the photographs of constellations, planets, and nebulas that were printed there, and then took the pen that was hooked into the spiral binding and wrote his name on the line on the inside cover. After a moment’s thought, he decided to write the date, too. He had a feeling he was going to want to keep this notebook for a long time.</p>
<p>Matt and Hunk showed up just then, and Pidge, Allura and Romelle arrived shortly afterward with the other two girls from the Jaguar cabin. Three girls from the Jackrabbit cabin rounded out the group; Keith recognized the girl with the short, purple hair from Capture the Flag the day before, and he was pretty sure he’d seen her two bunkmates holding hands under the table in the Great Room. He wondered if the staff here were strict about dating within cabins, or if it was the sort of thing they turned a blind eye to.</p>
<p>It turned out they’d be spending the first couple nights focusing on constellations as guideposts to locating planets. Sam used the projector screen to give an overview of the telescope’s features and relay some preliminary instructions for locating their targets, but they didn’t spend long in the classroom; Sam had planned for them to head to the observatory early so that everyone would get plenty of time to interact with the telescope first hand. They walked through the trails as a group, passing by the archery range and further into the woods than Keith had ventured so far. This made sense; they’d want to keep the telescope as far away from any of the well-lit areas of the camp as possible.</p>
<p>The telescope was housed in a classroom-sized wooden structure that had obviously been designed with care- potentially by Sam himself, Keith thought, given his affinity for Earth-bound space exploration. The large cylindrical machine stood at the far end of a square room by a set of double doors, which, Sam explained, allowed for it to be wheeled out onto the deck beyond for stargazing. There were a table and chairs in the center of the barely-lit room, as well as about a dozen more armchairs and bean bags arranged haphazardly along the walls. It was homey and private; Keith would’ve gladly spent hours here, looking at the sky and then retreating to a bean bag to listen to music and write or doodle in his journal.</p>
<p>He didn’t dwell on that solitary fantasy for long, though, because he was here with Shiro, and Shiro was positively <em>transformed</em> in the presence of the telescope. He pulled Keith by the arm through the doors and out to the back deck to show him the view of the darkening sky beyond the treeline. He pointed out every specific feature of the telescope as Sam wheeled it out, talking to Keith in a quiet, reverent tone. He looked in Keith’s eyes and told him about the first time he’d seen the rings of Saturn.</p>
<p>He’d been ten years old and standing right here on this deck, and he told Keith how much he wished he could pull him back through time so they could’ve experienced that moment together.</p>
<p>Keith was speechless at that, of course, but that was just fine; Shiro had plenty more to say about Mars and Jupiter and quasars and comets. Keith was spellbound, picturing Shiro at ten years old, eleven years old, twelve years old, and so on- anchored to this incredible place as he grew older and taller and wiser. Returning back here again and again as he transformed into the painfully beautiful person that was standing here now.</p>
<p>Keith hadn’t missed how often Shiro took the time to say, in one way or another, that he wished the two of them had grown up here together.</p>
<p>He felt a hopeful ache in his heart every time Shiro expressed this, but he wasn’t sure if he had the same wish. He didn’t know if he would choose to alter the past if he had the chance. Part of him felt like he’d come here at exactly the right time, as if he’d spent all his years before this preparing for this place and these people. He didn’t find himself getting caught up in the fantasy of some imagined history between the two of them.</p>
<p>He was too busy wondering about the future.</p>
<p>Would the two of them be back here together next summer, watching sunsets and sharing secrets and laying together in the grass?</p>
<p>Would Shiro hold his hand for real someday?</p>
<p>(Fingers interlocked, palms pressed tight together, in the sunlight and open air for anyone to see?)</p>
<p>A year ago, Keith’s whole world had collapsed in on itself, and he’d started living life in increments. At first, he’d had to convince himself he could survive his grief for the length of a single song, and eventually, the length of an album. He learned to get out of bed for a whole movie, and then a movie and a meal, and then a movie and a meal and a shower. He’d done half days and half weeks at school, and then more and more as the worst of the bone-wracking devastation faded to numbness and gradually turned into something like tolerable agony.</p>
<p>He couldn’t even remember what agony felt like right now, as he stood here under the stars with Shiro... and the tiny, tolerable increments he’d once used to define the boundaries of his future had exploded into a vast, colorful landscape of infinite possibility.</p>
<p>He had a future.</p>
<p>His future <em>mattered</em> to him.</p>
<p>And when he pictured it - when he thought about where he might end up, or who he might become - he couldn’t help imagining that Shiro might be there to see it.</p>
<p>He leaned against the railing of the deck and listened to the smooth, quiet lilt of Shiro’s voice while the rest of the group helped Sam with the telescope and took turns at the eyepiece. He didn’t feel inclined to jump into the middle of the action, and Shiro didn’t seem to be either, so they waited until most of the group had already filtered back inside to work on their journals before moving closer. Matt, Pidge and Allura lingered for a while to chat about what they’d seen, but eventually, Matt tactfully herded the other two toward the door and tossed a smile over his shoulder as they headed inside together.</p>
<p>“Ready to give it a try, Keith?” Sam was obviously as enamored with the telescope as Shiro was. “You have any questions for me?”</p>
<p>“I’ll let you know. I know my way around a telescope. Not one as nice as this, though.”</p>
<p>“Why does that not surprise me?” Sam rested a hand briefly on Keith’s shoulder, and Keith had to wonder how many of his memories mirrored Shiro’s. Was Sam thinking about the years he’d spent looking up at the sky with his father? </p>
<p>If he was, he didn’t say so. He just looked up at the sky and cleared his throat.</p>
<p>“Well,” he said, “I’ll be right inside if you need anything. You boys take your time, all right?”</p>
<p>He left them with a smile.</p>
<p>Shiro steered Keith toward the telescope with a firm hand on his back.</p>
<p>“Ready?”</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>“You first. Reset it for me. I want to see if I can find Saturn.”</p>
<p>Shiro’s smile lit up the dark of the woods.</p>
<p>He moved forward to look through the eyepiece and let out a low whistle.</p>
<p>“Visibility’s great. You’re gonna lose your mind.”</p>
<p><em>Too late,</em> Keith thought.</p>
<p>He watched Shiro make some adjustments, then traded places with him to look through the eyepiece himself. He was met with a vast swath of the heavens at a low magnitude, which would actually make it easier for him to find the constellation he was looking for…</p>
<p>“Capricornus,” he said, smiling. “Upper left. You made it too easy.”</p>
<p>Shiro made a laughing sound.</p>
<p>“Sorry. You can punish me later.”</p>
<p>Keith closed both eyes for a second, willing himself not to react to that.</p>
<p>Then he looked through the eyepiece again and set to work making adjustments. He zeroed in on Capricornus and then started increasing the magnification, searching near the “horns” of the goat... </p>
<p>
  <em>There.</em>
</p>
<p>A tiny smudge of an image appeared, misshapen compared to the pinpricks of light scattered across the rest of the ink-black field.  He magnified again, pushing the powerful scope to see further than any he’d ever used before, focusing in on a single spot of light in the darkness…</p>
<p>...until the whole world of Saturn hung in the sky before him, bright and solid and real, so close that he felt like he could reach out and hold it in his hand.</p>
<p><em>“Wow,”</em> he murmured.</p>
<p>“It’s perfect, right?”</p>
<p>Keith straightened up and found the light of Shiro’s eyes in the dark.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he said. “It’s perfect.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. You Remember?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith often dreamed of fire. </p><p>He knew his father hadn’t actually burned to death. He’d been crushed by a collapsed ceiling inside a burning building and had succumbed to his injuries before the flames had managed to penetrate his fireman’s gear… but Keith still felt that the burning was to blame. At night, while he slept, flames danced behind his closed eyelids- tiny flickers in his periphery that grew and scorched and <em> chased. </em>Sometimes it was his school that was burning, or his own hands, or his father’s lifeless body.</p><p>Tonight, it was his home- the one in New Mexico that he shared now with his mother and no one else. He stood in the hallway outside his parents’ bedroom, staring at the photo of the two of them smiling in their Camp Sunset t-shirts, while flames licked hot and greedy at his bare feet and climbed the walls around him. He was in pain - (<em> he was always in pain </em> ) - but now he was burning, too, and utterly helpless to escape the inferno. He tried to move over and over again, to call out to his mother or run for the door- but he may as well have been made of steel and soldered to the floor. His eyes stayed locked on the image of his parents, wide open and streaming from the smoke and the heat and the <em> grief </em>, until the flames finally shattered the glass and whipped across the photograph, turning both his parents to ash-</p><p>He sat up straight in his bunk in the Lions’ cabin, breathing hard. There were tears on his cheeks. There usually were, after a dream like that. He wiped at them with the back of his hand while he groped for his phone, then slipped out of bed as quietly as he could manage to. He stepped into his flip flops, grabbed a handful of candy packets from his duffel, and left the cabin.</p><p>He sat down on the rickety wooden steps outside and unlocked his phone to text his mother.</p><p> </p><p>Keith: hey</p><p>Keith: before you ask, I'm fine</p><p>Keith: are you?</p><p> </p><p>He opened a packet of sour candy, popped one into his mouth, and started to chew, trying to slow his heart rate while he waited for his mother to respond. It was 1:17 AM; she was almost certainly sleeping, but he guessed she probably had her text message alerts cranked up for this very reason.</p><p> </p><p>Mom: I'm just fine, love</p><p>Mom: Bad dream?</p><p>Keith: not too bad</p><p>Keith: just checking in</p><p> </p><p>He popped another gummy into his mouth. He hated lying, but he'd learned over the last year that fibs would be necessary between them sometimes. There was no reason to worry her. He could get through this.</p><p> </p><p>Mom: Everything else okay?</p><p>Keith: everything else is great</p><p> </p><p>That certainly wasn't a lie.</p><p> </p><p>Mom: Think you can get some more sleep?</p><p>Keith: yeah, no worries, you should get back to sleep too</p><p>Mom: Sleep shmeep</p><p>Keith: you're so weird</p><p>Mom: And you're living proof that it's a heritable trait</p><p>Keith: love you</p><p>Mom: Love you like crazy</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keith turned off his phone and started chewing another candy.</p><p>The screen door opened behind him; soft footsteps let him know he wasn’t alone.</p><p>Shiro sat down next to him, his expression marked with concern. He was tousled from sleep, his fringe sticking up at odd angles, but otherwise he seemed alert.</p><p>"Keith? You okay?"</p><p>Keith wasn't sure how to answer. He knew the candy gave him away. That, and the fact that he was sitting outside the cabin in the middle of the night.</p><p>"I have nightmares," he admitted.</p><p>“Oh.” Shiro nodded. "So do I."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah. Not as often as I used to. But still."</p><p>Keith almost asked Shiro what he dreamed about, but then he realized he'd probably have to answer the same question, and he wasn't sure if he could manage it just then.</p><p>"I'm sorry if I woke you up," he said instead.</p><p>"No. I'm a restless sleeper. It wasn't you." Shiro fidgeted with his hands for a second. "So… you said you'd be there anytime I wanted to go down to the waterfront, right?"</p><p>"Yeah. Of course."</p><p>"Okay. Well… I want to go. Um… now. Will you come with me?"</p><p>Keith blinked. Shiro wanted to sneak away from their cabin and walk down to the lake together in the middle of the night?</p><p>“Yeah,” Keith said. “I’m in.”</p><p>“Okay. Cool. Wait here for a sec.”</p><p>Shiro stood up and went back into the cabin. Keith heard nothing from inside even though he knew Shiro must be moving around, which was good. He didn’t really want to talk to the other guys right now.</p><p>He replayed that notion in his head once more.</p><p>
  <em> Shiro is the only person I want to talk to. </em>
</p><p>The screen door opened and closed again with only a whisper of a sound. Keith stashed his phone and his remaining candy packets in his shorts pocket stood up to meet Shiro, who was holding a hooded sweatshirt and tiny flashlight. He held the hoodie out for Keith.</p><p>“Here. It can get cool down by the water.” Shiro had changed into a sweatshirt, too.</p><p>Keith held up the charcoal hoodie that looked like it must be two sizes too big for him.</p><p>“Thanks. This isn’t mine, though.”</p><p>“Well… yeah. I wasn’t gonna go through your stuff. It’s mine.” Shiro stepped down onto the path and set the flashlight to a dim setting. “You ready?”</p><p>Keith pulled on the sweatshirt.</p><p>It smelled like Shiro’s floral shampoo.</p><p>He took a long, slow breath through his nose and followed Shiro into the dark.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The moon was bright over the lake. A cool breeze broke the surface into ripples, fracturing reflected moonbeams into silvery liquid fireworks. It was gorgeous. Maybe even more so than the sunset, in Keith’s opinion… though that might’ve been because he was here alone with Shiro. </p><p>The breeze <em> was </em>cool; Keith was grateful for Shiro’s sweatshirt, and for Shiro’s company.</p><p>He was glad to be near the lake, too. It felt good to be in the presence of so much water after escaping the flames that turned his dreams to nightmares. He found that he wanted to be surrounded by the fluid safety of the lake, and that was one of the reasons he took hold of Shiro’s arm when Shiro started heading for a set of chairs on the beach.</p><p>“Sit on the dock with me?” Keith asked him, well aware that he was pushing a boundary. This was the other reason Keith felt bold enough to touch. Shiro had all but told him he wanted to be pushed.</p><p>He saw uncertainty in Shiro’s expression, and then determination.</p><p>“Yeah. Okay.”</p><p>Keith let go of his arm, then immediately regretted it. Shiro seemed to find physical touch comforting, and he would definitely need support if he was going to get closer to the water. Keith thought about picking up his hand… but no. That would be selfish. He knew he had a crush, and now was not the time to find out how Shiro felt about it. So he settled for something more friendly: he rested his hand lightly on the center of Shiro’s back.</p><p>Shiro slid an arm around his waist.</p><p>They walked down to the shore together.</p><p>It was a little clumsy, navigating the uneven beach and stepping up onto the dock with their arms around each other, but it felt <em> good, </em>too. The air was even cooler than Keith expected it would be, and maybe his dream had shaken him a little more than he’d wanted to admit to himself. Shiro was warm and solid; he kept his hand pressed firmly underneath Keith’s rib cage in a way that felt safe and protective.</p><p>Keith dreaded reaching the end of the dock, because he didn’t want to let go… but that fear turned out to be unnecessary. He and Shiro stepped out of their shoes and sat down together - Shiro cross-legged, Keith with his bare feet dipped into the cool water of the lake - and as soon as they were settled, Shiro put his arm around Keith again without missing a beat.</p><p>Keith fished a packet of sweet candy out of his pocket and opened it.</p><p>“You did good, coming out here,” he told Shiro, handing it over.</p><p>“I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t asked.” Shiro balanced the packet in his lap and put one of the gummies in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed. “Thanks for asking.”</p><p>“Thanks for walking with me.”</p><p>Shiro’s hand pressed a little tighter into the tender spot under his ribs.</p><p>“Do you want to tell me about your dream?”</p><p>Keith watched the moonlight skip and play over the surface of the lake.</p><p>“I dream about fire. My dad was a fireman, before-” His voice broke. “Before-”</p><p>Grief crashed over him like a sudden tidal wave. He stifled a sob as the tears started to fall, but it was no use- the dam inside him had broken, and he was going to drown here, choking on the pain and mortification. </p><p><em> Stop, </em> he begged of himself. <em> Please, not now, not with him- </em></p><p>“Keith?” Shiro’s hand was cradling his face. He looked utterly terrified. “What’s wrong? What happened?”</p><p>Keith’s shoulders shook with another stifled sob. <em> Tell him, say it, before he thinks you’re losing your mind- </em></p><p>“He-” Keith sobbed out the word. “He <em> died. </em>”</p><p>Shiro’s eyes went wide.</p><p>“Your dad?”</p><p>Keith nodded, desperate for him to understand, for him to make it okay that he was losing control.</p><p>
  <em> Please, I’m sorry, I can’t help it- </em>
</p><p>Shiro put both arms around him and hugged him tight. Keith let out a bone-shaking sob and clung to him, grasping handfuls of his sweatshirt to draw him in closer.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.” Shiro’s voice was thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry, Keith. I’m here, okay? I’m right here.” One of his hands moved to the back of Keith’s head. His fingers worked their way into Keith’s hair, and Keith <em>trembled </em>at the tender contact. He pressed his face tight against Shiro's shoulder, indulging in the comfort of his presence as he cried.</p><p>He’d <em> never </em>broken down with a friend like this before. He’d lost control of his emotions plenty of times over the last year, but he’d always managed to escape from his classmates and teachers before he started sobbing. The idea of being held and comforted had made him feel sick with weakness; he’d preferred to cry in his counselor’s office, where he knew physical contact was off limits to begin with. </p><p>He’d gone a full nine months before he’d let his mother hold him for longer than a fraction of a second.</p><p>But something had shifted inside him when Shiro had come clean about his accident. Their grief wasn’t the same, but it was something they shared, and Shiro had shown it to him so openly, so sincerely, Keith found himself wanting to do the same. </p><p>So he rested all his weight on Shiro’s chest, held handfuls of his sweatshirt so tight that his fingers ached, and let go of his grief until the pain of it had all but eased.</p><p>Shiro didn’t waver. He just stroked his fingers through Keith’s hair and held on tight.</p><p>“I’m here,” he said, over and over again. “You’re okay.”</p><p>Eventually, Keith found that it was true. He was still shivering, but the sobbing had subsided.</p><p>"Keith?" Shiro's voice was so soft and comforting, Keith found himself sinking even further into their embrace instead of pulling away. "When did this happen?"</p><p>Keith sniffed. He knew his face must be a mess of snot and tears.</p><p>"'Bout a year ago," he managed.</p><p>Shiro sighed.</p><p>"Wow. You're amazing, you know that?"</p><p>Keith hiccuped.</p><p>"What? Why?"</p><p>"Because. You're just so… <em> great. </em> After going through all that… you're still just… <em> awesome. </em>"</p><p>Keith indulged himself in giving Shiro a little squeeze. His mom often told him something similar- that he was a survivor, that he’d been tossed into hell only to fight his way back. But it was different to hear something like that from someone he'd just met.</p><p>It was different to hear it from someone he <em> liked </em>.</p><p>"I wanted to tell you," Keith said. "Ever since you told me about your accident. But… I dunno. I didn’t want that to be the only thing you saw. I wanted to know if you would… like me. Before you knew about my dad, I mean.”</p><p>Shiro's hand curved to cradle the back of his head.</p><p>"I do. I like you so much, Keith."</p><p>He pulled away a little bit then, just enough to start wiping at Keith’s face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.</p><p>“Ah, <em> Shiro, </em>fuck, I’m gross-”</p><p>“Hush.”</p><p>Keith giggled in spite of himself while Shiro wiped at his nose. “<em> Hush? </em> Who says <em> hush </em>? Besides my grandmother.”</p><p>Shiro laughed. Keith felt lighter, just from the sound of it.</p><p>“Mine says it too,” Shiro said.</p><p>He finished up with Keith’s face by dragging half the length of his sleeve underneath his nose, his mouth set in a teasing smile. Then he fished a gummy out of his candy bag and shoved it into Keith’s mouth.</p><p>“Want me to tell you about how I first met you? When we were kids?”</p><p>Keith felt all his senses sharpen. He was <em> dying </em>to know, and he’d had no idea how to bring it up. He’d spent a lot of time searching for a hint of a memory of Shiro, but he’d come up short. He figured that was no surprise. Matt had helped him piece together the timeline; Keith had met Shiro the same week his parents had told him they were moving away to New Mexico. They’d been packed and gone within a handful of days. When Keith thought back to that time, he remembered the weight of his grief and almost nothing else.</p><p>“Yeah,” he said to Shiro. “Tell me.”</p><p>Shiro nodded. He kept one arm curled around Keith’s back.</p><p>“My parents met in college. They were classmates with Sam in the astrophysics department. The three of them got to be really close, and they were close with Colleen, too, once she and Sam got together. My father came here from Japan to get his degree, and he’d planned to go back there when he was finished. I guess he and my mom really fell for each other, so she wanted to go back to Japan with him, but her parents… they didn’t like the fact that my dad was Japanese.”</p><p>“What? They were racist?”</p><p>“Something like that. They came from a really conservative background. They lived through World War II, you know… something about <em> racial paranoia </em>, blah blah… anyway. My mom got real stubborn about it, and my grandparents basically gave her an ultimatum- she could break up with my dad and move back to New England to rejoin the family, or else she wouldn’t be welcome anymore. And she chose my dad.”</p><p>“Wow.” Keith took another gummy from Shiro’s bag, totally enthralled by the story. “She sounds like a badass.”</p><p>“She was.” Shiro’s smile was pained. “She really was.”</p><p>Keith stopped chewing. He knew that sad smile. He knew what those words meant.</p><p>“Shiro? She-?”</p><p>“Yeah. She died. Both my parents did. Car accident.” He raised his hand and gestured to the scar across his nose. “I was seven.”</p><p>Keith stared.</p><p>
  <em> “Shiro-” </em>
</p><p>“I know. It’s okay, though. It was a long time ago. I’m alright.”</p><p>Keith couldn’t imagine how that could be. How had Shiro recovered from such a loss? How had he managed to grow into this kind, gentle, brilliant person?</p><p>“Anyway,” Shiro went on. “The Holts were my godparents. They became my guardians when my parents passed away. I lived with them for a while, and that’s when you and I met. And… well...” </p><p>Keith could see Shiro blushing by the light of the moon. </p><p>“I don’t know how to explain it,” Shiro said. “I honestly don’t. But you made this <em> impression </em> on me that really stuck. I don’t remember much else from that time except that I cried every single day. I didn’t understand why my parents weren’t coming back. I told you they weren’t, the first day we met, and you didn’t believe me. We were sitting in the grass in the Holts’ front yard, and something must’ve reminded me of them, because I started crying… so you came and hugged me.” Shiro smiled at the memory. “You hugged me really tight, and you said that my parents must be trying really hard to come find me. Like, I can still hear your voice in your head. I remember everything you told me right then, exactly how you said it. You said, <em> Akashi, you can just stay here, because Sam and Colleen are really good parents, and mine are too. You can just stay here with me and Matt until they come. </em> And… uhm.” Shiro’s voice broke. He wiped at one of his eyes with the heel of his hand. “That was… well, I guess it was the first time I felt like things might be okay. You were just so <em> fierce </em>and honest, I felt like I could believe anything you said, so if you said I could stay with you and Matt, then it must’ve been true…”</p><p>Keith stared in a stunned silence, watching Shiro wipe at his own tears while the words pulled at the worn threads of his memories.</p><p><em> “Akashi,” </em>he mumbled, grabbing onto something that felt familiar. “That wasn’t right, though... Matt kept correcting me…” A handful of jumbled images flashed through his mind: a much younger version of Sam crouching down to put his arm around a little boy with an angry scar across his nose…</p><p>“Takashi,” he said, stealing the word back from his subconscious. “You were-”</p><p>“You remember?” Shiro broke into a watery grin. He threw both arms around Keith, and Keith hugged him as tight as he could, feeling totally overwhelmed.</p><p>Shiro <em> knew </em>him. He’d remembered him all this time, thought about him for all these years…</p><p>Keith had mattered to him for his whole life.</p><p>“I never got to thank you,” Shiro mumbled into his hair. “I never got to tell you what you did for me. I think you pretty much stopped my world from ending, so… thank you, Keith.”</p><p>Keith swallowed another little sob.</p><p>Shiro was doing the same thing for him right now. Helping him piece his whole world back together.</p><p>But how could he explain that? And what would happen if he did? They weren’t kids anymore. They were growing up. Shiro thought of him as a bright spot from his troubled childhood. There was an innocence to the story that made Keith feel something like guilt.</p><p>He'd had thoughts of Shiro that were so far from innocent, they'd made his cheeks burn hot and his midsection twist with <em> want. </em></p><p>...But he could be Shiro’s friend, right? He could support him and be there for him like he’d done when they were kids. They could mean something important to each other, even if it wasn’t what he’d been picturing.</p><p>“I’m really glad you told me, Shiro. I’m really glad I made you feel better. You… uh. You make me feel better, too.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yeah. Promise.”</p><p>Shiro let out a sniffly laugh. “<em> Promise. </em>You said that back then, too. Just like that. Like you meant it.”</p><p>“I mean it now, too.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>They took a deep breath in tandem, settling more heavily into the hug, holding each other up. Shiro finished telling Keith his story- how the Holts would’ve gladly raised him as their own, except that his grandparents had a change of heart after losing their only child. Sam and Colleen had agreed to meet them, and gradually grown to trust that they could provide a stable, loving home for Shiro. He’d eventually gone to live with them in Massachusetts, though he always returned to Arizona to spend part of each summer with the Holts, and, later, here at Camp Sunset.</p><p>He’d been happy. He’d had a good life. He considered himself lucky.</p><p>Keith hadn’t needed any more reasons to adore him, but here he was, falling so hard, he was starting to wonder if he’d ever get over it.</p><p>He supposed it would be okay if he didn’t. Shiro was the kind of person who deserved to be loved, even if it was from a distance. He’d consider himself lucky even if this was the closest they ever got.</p><p>They were <em> close. </em>That was enough.</p><p>
  <em> Right? </em>
</p><p>Keith kept his eyes closed while Shiro spoke. He'd all but buried his face into his chest, and once in a while he let his lips brush against the bunched up fabric of Shiro’s sweatshirt, lightly enough that Shiro would never be able to tell. </p><p><em> "Takashi," </em>he mumbled, after Shiro had been quiet for a while. "I can't believe I forgot."</p><p>"You didn't. Not really."</p><p>Keith took a breath in time with the rise and fall of Shiro's chest.</p><p>"But you always go by <em> Shiro </em>now?"</p><p>"Yeah. Ever since I started living with my grandparents. My name didn't feel right once I realized my parents were really never coming back. But now… I don't know. I guess maybe it feels like another part of them that I lost."</p><p>"They would've understood. And it's still your name. You can have it back whenever you want it."</p><p>Shiro curled around him even further. Keith objectively knew that Shiro was tall and broad for his age, but sizing him up and being fully surrounded by him were two very different things. Keith wondered what it would be like to lay down like this, to spend all night feeling this warm and <em> safe </em>…</p><p>"It sounds good when you say it," Shiro mumbled, almost sleepily. Keith was feeling sleepy, too. "My name, I mean."</p><p>Keith knew which name he meant.</p><p>"Takashi," he said quietly. </p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>"Thanks, Keith. Um. Maybe that can stay between us?"</p><p>"Of course. I'd never tell."</p><p>"I know. I trust you."</p><p>Shiro sat up slowly. They smiled at each other. Keith wiped playfully at Shiro's cheek with his sleeve. </p><p>"I trust you," Shiro said, looking determined again. "So… uh. Just stay here with me for a minute, and don't judge me if I freak out a little bit, okay?"</p><p>Keith nodded.</p><p>"Promise."</p><p>Shiro retrieved his arm from around Keith's back. He unfolded his crossed legs and hugged his knees to his chest. He took a handful of breaths, like he was steeling himself for something… and then he slowly lowered his feet into the water.</p><p>
  <em> Holy shit. </em>
</p><p>Keith knew what it took to overcome a fear like this.</p><p>"That's amazing," he said quietly, trying not to startle Shiro, who had his eyes squeezed shut. "That's so good, Shiro. You're doing great. Want a gummy?"</p><p>Shiro nodded. Keith fished one out of the bag and held it up to Shiro's mouth. He hesitated, then touched Shiro's lower lip with his thumb to get him to open up.</p><p>Shiro took the candy onto his tongue and started to chew.</p><p>Keith desperately wanted to kiss him.</p><p>"Um… Takashi? Do you want me to- I mean, I could-"</p><p>Shiro reached for him. Keith picked up his hand and squeezed.</p><p>Shiro wove their fingers together. </p><p>Keith stared at their overlapping thumbs, barely breathing. </p><p>Shiro squeezed; their palms pressed tight together.</p><p>Keith forced himself to inhale enough to speak.</p><p>"Better?"</p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>"It's okay?” he asked. “You can tell me if it's not."</p><p>"It's okay,” Keith breathed out. “I promise, it's okay."</p><p>They slipped into silence. Shiro moved his feet in slow circles in the water. Keith chewed his lower lip, thinking private, dizzy thoughts.</p><p>Eventually, Shiro opened his eyes and looked at Keith.</p><p>"I did it," he said. </p><p>"You did. And you'll swim again, if you want to."</p><p>Shiro pressed into the side of Keith's hand with his thumb.</p><p>"Will you come back with me some other time?'</p><p>"Of course I will." Keith returned the pressure. "As many times as it takes."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The rest of the Lions were awake when Keith and Shiro got back to the cabin, even though it was still the middle of the night. Apparently Lance had gotten up for a drink of water and noticed they were gone, and even though he and Hunk and Matt weren't particularly concerned about their absence, they still decided to wait up to make sure Keith and Shiro were okay. The gesture made Keith feel like he might cry all over again, and for some reason, instead of swallowing the feeling down, he decided to lean into it.</p><p>He sat down on the edge of his bunk.</p><p>Shiro sat down next to him- close, like they'd been on the dock.</p><p>Lance, Hunk and Matt all piled onto Shiro's bed and waited patiently, and Keith felt a blanket of calm settle over him, as if the universe were letting him know that he was exactly where he was supposed to be, doing exactly what he needed to do.</p><p>"Guys," he said, leaning heavily against Shiro's shoulder, "...my dad died last year."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Tell Me About Orpheus?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have to give a long overdue thanks to my lovely and talented betas, <a href="https://twitter.com/vltr0n">vltr0n</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/quantumabyssmal">Quantum</a>! And thanks to all of you for reading! Find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/forfelurian">Twitter</a> too!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Keith woke up before the bandstand alarm the next morning when something moved against his foot. He didn’t open his eyes right away, though, because as soon as he was conscious, he had to face a terrifying truth:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was still in his bunk with him, and Keith was pretty sure he had his arm draped right across the middle of Shiro’s body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>just barely </span>
  </em>
  <span>opened one eye to get a glimpse of the situation and found that, yes, he was indeed curled up against Shiro’s side with his arm thrown directly over his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He should’ve known better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro had started to doze while the five of them were talking last night. He’d laid down on Keith’s bunk to get comfortable, which made sense, since Lance had fallen asleep on his bed. Keith had stayed up talking to Hunk and Matt for a while longer, and then when Matt had finally passed out mid conversation and Hunk had finally retreated back to his own bunk, Keith had discovered Shiro fast asleep on his pillow, and he’d had a choice to make. He could go take Lance’s bunk for the night… or he could stay right here with Shiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obviously he’d been delirious and temporarily insane, he scolded himself, because in the middle of the night, laying down next to Shiro had seemed like a perfectly acceptable thing to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was daylight now, though, and if the music started playing, or if he moved too much, or if one of the other guys started making noise… Shiro was going to wake up and discover that Keith had been using him as a body pillow.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit, shit, shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith opened both eyes just enough to see what he was doing and slowly tried to pick his arm up off of Shiro’s stomach-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He cringed from head to toe. He looked up and found Shiro awake and blinking sleepily at him. He looked painfully cute with his sweatshirt all rumpled and his arm thrown over his head, and that just made things about a million times worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keith… geez, I took over your whole bed. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Keith was practically panicking. His arm was still resting across Shiro’s midsection. “It’s my fault. I should’ve just slept in Lance’s bed-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Shiro prodded, his voice infinitely gentle. “No way. It’s okay.” He put his hand over Keith’s forearm and squeezed. “I should’ve made sure you were okay with it before I fell asleep here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith blinked. Was Shiro implying that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to share a bed?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I’m okay with it,” Keith blurted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Shiro’s smile was like the rising sun. “Okay. That’s good to know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t let go of Keith’s arm. Before, they’d just been sleeping next to each other, but now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here,” Shiro said, pressing even closer to the wall. “C’mon. You were probably sleeping halfway off the bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tugged on Keith’s arm… so Keith started shifting closer. He meant to lay down on the mattress again, next to Shiro's ribcage, but then Shiro sort of hugged him with both arms, and before he had time to really think about it, his head was resting on Shiro's chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His panic receded, slowly replacing itself with a jittery sort of comfort. Shiro was </span>
  <em>
    <span>warm</span>
  </em>
  <span> in his sweatshirt, and Keith was still wearing the one Shiro had loaned him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would be so nice to sleep like this for real, Keith thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He'd never laid with anyone like this before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"...Is this alright?" Shiro asked him. He had his arm wrapped around Keith's back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Keith mumbled. "It's… good. Um. Cozy."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck am I saying?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. It's… good. Like yesterday. In the grass. And… last night."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith let this settle. It was so hard to resist reading into it when Shiro said things like that. Keith could feel himself starting to hope that this ease and comfort between them might mean something more than friendship- that Shiro might feel something like the admiration and </span>
  <em>
    <span>attraction </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith was trying so hard to ignore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Keith said quietly. "All that was good, too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro said it like he was looking for reassurance. Maybe he was still worried about crossing some kind of boundary. Maybe Keith was being too stiff or unsure. Maybe Shiro really couldn't tell how much Keith liked being with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith thought about everything Shiro had shared with him last night, and how they'd held onto each other for so long, like it was the most natural thing in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tightened his arm around Shiro's middle, then flattened his hand and put pressure under his ribs so he was holding onto him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay?" he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro slid both arms around him and held him. Keith could feel the size of his hands, even through his sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Okay," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith felt something touch against the top of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Keith… I-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bandstand music blared through the window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both sat up and pulled away from each other, though Shiro's fingers ended up resting on the back of Keith's hand where it was pressing into the mattress. Shiro was blushing pink under his scar, and Keith tried to think of something reassuring to say-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Awwww!" </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lance was standing up next to Shiro's bunk, stretching his arms over his head and smiling teasingly at them. "Did you guys </span>
  <em>
    <span>snuggle? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Watch out, Shiro, Keith looks a little sharp-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith threw his pillow right at Lance's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You’re right,” Keith taunted, fixing Lance with a teasing scowl. “That's the softest reaction you'll get from me. And your hair looks like shit."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance made a squeaking sound and tossed the pillow back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"See, Shiro? Sharp!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your hair is ridiculous, buddy. That's what you get for stealing my bed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mm. I figured you'd be just fine over there with Keith. Looks like I was right."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith rolled his eyes while Lance stalked off to the other side of the room. He reluctantly stood up from the bed and held out a hand to pull Shiro up, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess we got caught,” he said quietly, hoping to keep on making light of the situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not worried about it,” Shiro said. “Are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro picked up one of the drawstrings of Keith’s sweatshirt and tugged on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks good on you in the daylight,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith refused to blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want it back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro let go of the string.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shiro walked Keith to the archery range after yoga, just like he’d done the day before. True to his word, he seemed entirely unfazed by the fact that Lance had called them out about sharing a bed, but the more Keith thought about it, the more preoccupied he became. Shiro obviously wasn’t concerned about being affectionate with him in front of their bunkmates, but what would happen if Lance started spreading it around? Shiro seemed to trust Lance, but Keith got the impression he could be a bit of a gossip. What if people started making assumptions about what he and Shiro were doing together?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yeah, Shiro had sort of held onto his hand in the grass yesterday, where people outside their immediate friend group could’ve seen them… but a lot of the guys here were affectionate with each other. Hunk and Lance linked arms when they walked together sometimes. Keith had seen Adam walking with his arm around another guy from his cabin that he hadn't met yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But hugs and touching hands were a lot different than </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleeping together.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Would Shiro be okay with it if other people knew? Would he be okay with what they might assume?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if there was a chance Shiro might have real feelings for him? Would he get scared away if too many other people took notice?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keith?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was holding onto his wrist, trying to tug him off the path, since he’d almost walked right by the entrance to the range.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still with me, Sweet ‘n Sour?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith winced, embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I zoned out for a second.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Shiro scrutinized his face. Keith noticed him doing this often- studying him, like he was trying to learn to read every detail of his every expression. “Want to tell me about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith shook his head. He wasn’t going to screw everything up by starting the conversation before he’d had a chance to think it all through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just got distracted,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro looked apologetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I kept you up last night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. It’s not that. I’m not even tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was still holding lightly to his wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y’know, I didn’t really get to say it before," he said, "but it was really cool how you told Lance and Hunk about everything. I mean… I know how hard it can be to let people in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith stepped a little closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have been able to do that without you, Shiro."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro looked down at the ground, but he was smiling. He kicked at the dirt with the toe of his sneaker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’m… proud of you? So… I just wanted to tell you that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck do I do with that?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro looked nervous, or maybe embarrassed, and Keith was basically mute, trying to figure out how to act around someone who just </span>
  <em>
    <span>said nice things </span>
  </em>
  <span>to him all the time. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>stiff and awkward. No wonder Shiro was always worried about crossing a line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Shiro was usually the one reaching out, too, Keith realized. Shiro kept on coming to him, and he kept on second guessing every step they took.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He likes me, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith reminded himself. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He said so. We’re friends. I make him feel better.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He slid his arms around Shiro’s middle and hugged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro hugged him back immediately, like he’d been waiting or </span>
  <em>
    <span>hoping </span>
  </em>
  <span>for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… proud of you, too,” Keith managed. “For talking to me last night. For coming to the lake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro squeezed him tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Guess we shouldn't go back tonight?" He made it sound like a question. "Y'know… so we can catch up on sleep?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course we're gonna go back," Keith said. "I can set my phone to vibrate. Maybe 1AM?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's chest moved with a quiet laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You have no issue sneaking around with me in the middle of the night, huh?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"None. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro tickled down his spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Badass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith giggled and nudged him away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go sing me a song, Orpheus,” he teased, walking backward toward the range.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Orpheus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” Keith flashed him a grin. “I’ll tell you tonight. At the lake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around and headed toward the equipment shed, where Lance and Pidge were already sitting in the shade together. After a few steps he decided to glance back over his shoulder to check… and yeah, Shiro was still there, watching after him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith smiled at him and then kept on his way.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lance and Pidge were looking a little smug when Keith finally sat down in the grass with them. They'd obviously seen him with Shiro, so he didn't bother trying to distract them from the topic; he just braced himself for whatever they were about to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So?" Lance prodded, right on cue. "You gonna tell Pidge about your very snuggly night?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There's nothing to tell," Keith sighed. "Shiro fell asleep in my bed. It's not a big deal."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> big deal," Lance insisted. "You could've taken my bed. Or either of the empty top bunks. So spill it. What's the deal with you two?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hang on," Pidge interrupted. She looked serious, maybe even concerned. "You and Shiro slept together?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We </span>
  <em>
    <span>fell asleep</span>
  </em>
  <span> in my bed," Keith told her. "It's not the same thing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her frown deepened. "That actually is a pretty big deal, Keith." She looked at Lance. "We shouldn't be talking about this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Why not? They've been all cuddly since day one-"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Lance." </span>
  </em>
  <span>She shook her head. "You know Shiro. This is private."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So? We're like his family! It's not like I'm gonna tell the whole camp-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Doesn't matter. He wouldn't want us gossiping."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Guys?" Keith waved to get their attention. "There's no gossip. We're just friends."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pidge looked him up and down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right. Exactly. See, Lance? They're just friends."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>come on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you know there's no way-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No!" Pidge interrupted, sounding legitimately pissed. "I don't know anything unless Shiro tells me himself!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance looked chastised at that. Keith wasn't eager to incur Pidge's wrath, but he was feeling a little lost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um… Pidge? Is there something I should know?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked at him. He could tell she was hesitating, probably carefully choosing her words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You like him, right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well… yeah. He's great."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's better than great," she pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. He's... uh." He pushed his hair back from his forehead. His face was hot, and not just from the summer sun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can tell us," Pidge said. "We won't say anything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith shrugged a little. "I mean, you know him better than I do, right? He's… perfect." He stared at a spot in the grass off to his right, avoiding their eyes. He hadn't really meant to say it, but it was true, so he couldn't take it back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think you should tell him that," Pidge said quietly. "I think he'd want to know, if that's how you feel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He wants to be friends. I want that too. I'm not gonna risk messing it up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dude." Lance sounded uncharacteristically sincere, like he had last night, when Keith had told him about his dad. "There's no way you're gonna mess things up with Shiro."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith looked at him. It was actually somewhat reassuring to hear, since Lance knew Shiro so well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just talk to him," Pidge said. "Eventually, I mean. Before he goes back to Massachusetts."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith looked between the two of them. They had known Shiro for years, and there were so many things he wanted to ask them. Things he couldn't ask Shiro himself. Not yet, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yeah, Pidge was right, Shiro was entitled to his privacy… but maybe he could still learn something from them, if he kept his questions vague enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Does he… talk to you?" he asked them. "About… things?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pidge looked thoughtful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not things like this. Out of all of us… well, you know what it's like. Most people have had a crush here, or a first kiss, or a first… something else. But Shiro doesn't talk about it. He's never played spin the bottle with us, never asked anyone to the dance, never said yes when someone's asked him out. So if he wanted to sleep in your bed with you…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith heard the unspoken implication.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It actually is a pretty big deal.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The tiny bubble of hope he'd been trying to hide somewhere deep inside himself floated up into his chest and started to expand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So… so he might </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel…</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pidge patted his knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He'd want to tell you himself, if he did."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Right. Yeah. So… what should I do?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um. Don't break his heart?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's mouth dropped open. The idea hadn't even occurred to him. Probably because it was completely insane. If Shiro felt that way about him… if Shiro ever decided he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>him like that…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wouldn't," he said, a little more forcefully than he meant to. "Not ever."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Whoa." </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lance was looking at him with wide eyes. "Jeez. I wish someone would say that about me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Aw, Lance…" Pidge leaned over and hugged him. "I'll never break your heart. I promise."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hugged her tight and let his chin drop onto her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, Pidge."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith watched the exchange with interest. It was easy to see the Lions and Pidge as one big family, since Matt was her actual brother- but Pidge and Lance certainly didn't look like siblings right now, and Pidge's words of reassurance had sounded more like a confession. Was she harboring unspoken feelings for Lance?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was Lance too distracted elsewhere to see what was right in front of him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lance tugged playfully at her ponytail and then tickled up one side of her neck. She shrieked with laughter and tried to get away, but he held on tight, trying to work his fingers underneath her chin while she giggled and writhed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't go!" he wailed. "You promised you wouldn't break my heart!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'LL BREAK YOUR NOSE INSTEAD," she screeched, twisting away from him. She managed to slip out of his hold and tickle under both his armpits, which had him collapsing to the ground like a very noisy ragdoll. She made a triumphant sound and then took off running, though she paused briefly to call over her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Race you both!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith grinned and jumped to his feet. He held out a hand for Lance, who met his eye once he'd pulled him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ready?" Lance was smiling, too. He clapped Keith once on the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Set-" Keith chanted, bumping their elbows together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took off at a sprint, racing through the grass toward Pidge and the treeline at the opposite side of the field.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith could've pulled ahead, but he didn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decided it wasn't so bad having Lance by his side.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith tried his best not to overanalyze everything that happened between him and Shiro for the rest of the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro didn't make it easy, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept their feet and their knees pressed together under the table at lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led Keith by the arm to their spot under the oak tree and handed him one of his headphones, and when they laid down side by side to listen to the music, he linked their pinkies together in the grass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quizzed Keith on constellations as they walked to the observatory by the dimming light of the setting sun, and then he stayed on the deck with Keith long after everyone else had moved inside, searching out the brightest, most dazzling sections of the Milky Way for Keith to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And back in their cabin, after all the Lions had changed for bed and started settling in for the night, he approached Keith’s bunk slowly, cautiously, and then sat down on the edge of his bed. Keith was propped up against his pillows, lounging on top of his blankets, answering a text from his mom, which gave him an excuse to look busy while he tried to extinguish the flame of excitement that came to life in his stomach when Shiro’s weight shifted the mattress underneath him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Falling asleep together after a late-night conversation with friends was one thing, but having Shiro deliberately approach him in bed was quite another, and Keith experienced several fleeting and altogether mortifying fantasies of what could happen if Shiro ever decided to get under the covers with him. This morning Shiro had still been wearing his thick sweatshirt when he’d pulled Keith close, but tonight he wore only a thin, white t-shirt; would Keith be able to feel his heartbeat if he laid his head on his chest? If he put his arm around Shiro’s middle, would he be touching fabric or smooth, bare skin?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith took a long, slow, calming breath through his nose before he finally set his phone aside and met Shiro’s eye. Shiro looked nervous; he was fidgeting with the edge of Keith’s blanket, feeling it between his fingers and thumb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Keith said. “Not tired yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought… maybe you could tell me about Orpheus? I mean, I know you said you wanted to save it for the lake…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith smiled, hopelessly endeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll tell you now. Go grab your pillows.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hunk called for lights out from the other side of the room while Shiro went to collect two pillows from his bunk. The room went dark; Keith scooted to his left until he was pressed up against the wall, and then Shiro was back, arranging his pillows in the empty space next to him. Shiro slid carefully onto the bed, which was barely big enough for the two of them to sit side-by-side. This meant that they ended up pressed together, shoulder-to-shoulder. Shiro’s upper arm was warm where their bare skin touched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith swallowed, feeling completely out of his depth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro touched him often, like it was the easiest thing in the world, which made it just as easy for Keith to reciprocate. Too easy, really, since Keith hadn’t learned how to </span>
  <em>
    <span>initiate </span>
  </em>
  <span>yet. Keith wanted to get close to Shiro, too. He wanted Shiro to know that he wasn’t just along for the ride. He wanted this. He wanted Shiro close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he took a fortifying breath, reached across Shiro’s lap, and took hold of his right hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um,” he fumbled, speaking almost at a whisper. He pulled Shiro’s hand closer and turned it over. He moved his thumb slowly over Shiro’s palm. “How’s your hand feeling today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro was looking down at their hands. “It’s fine, but…” He looked at Keith. “Actually… it aches a little bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded. “Tell me if anything hurts.” He started massaging gently into Shiro’s palm, watching Shiro’s fingers curl and relax in response to the varied pressure. Shiro breathed out a little noise. He sounded comforted, content.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t hurt,” he murmured. “It’s… perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes for a second, summoning confidence from deep within himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rested his head on Shiro’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Orpheus,” he said, pointedly ignoring the wild hammering of his own heartbeat, “was a legendary hero in Greek mythology.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith felt Shiro’s cheek press against the top of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It… uh. It sounds familiar, but I can’t remember.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He has his own constellation. Lyra. The lyre.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...” Shiro’s voice barely turned on, but Keith still </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt </span>
  </em>
  <span>it in his body, as if part of Shiro lived there now, underneath his skin. “Vega, right? Near Cygnus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I figured you’d know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But why the lyre?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith indulged in touching Shiro’s index finger. He massaged carefully around his knuckle, then pressed his thumb to his fingertip. He knew he couldn’t kiss Shiro the way he wanted to. Not until he knew where Shiro stood. But touching hands like this, fingertip to fingertip… it was better than any kiss he’d ever had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Orpheus was a master musician,” he murmured. “His mother was one of the muses, so he had inhuman talent. He could play and sing so perfectly, he could make the trees come to life and dance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Wow.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He pressed back against the pad of Keith’s thumb with the tip of his middle finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith cradled his hand, touching over the back of it in a gentle caress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was… um.” Shiro was touching him, too- lightly, down the length of his thumb. “He was also famous for his love. For a woman called Eurydice. He loved her so much, he went to the underworld to try and bring her back after she died.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith tilted his chin a little further toward Shiro’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In the original mythology, the ending is really sad. But someone rewrote the story once. In the Middle English version, Orpheus only thinks Eurydice is dead, but she’s really been stolen away to a fairy castle. He finds the castle and plays his harp for the fairy king, and the king is so impressed with his music, he lets them both go free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro moved his hand so they were palm-to-palm; fingertips moved lightly over soft, warm skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They lived happily ever after?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro nodded; Keith felt his nose pressing into his hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s thumb traveled to the sensitive skin at the inside of Keith’s wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith shivered and pressed closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one had ever touched him like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shiro?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know any stories?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was quiet for a moment, and when he eventually spoke, his voice sounded different. Deeper, maybe. Sweeter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I remember parts of one that my dad used to tell me when I was little. I think it was a legend. It’s a little silly, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s thumb traced slow, careful circles over the inside of Keith’s wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He used to tell me that the universe was so huge and mysterious, there could be all kinds of planets and people and animals out there that we’ve never seen before. Things so strange they might even be impossible for us to imagine. He said his grandparents used to talk about giant whales that could swim through space. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Really</span>
  </em>
  <span> giant, like the size of a planet, or even bigger. They were alive, but they also had life </span>
  <em>
    <span>on </span>
  </em>
  <span>them- trees and rivers and mountains, even other animals. If you could find one, you could live there for years, just traveling from planet to planet, or galaxy to galaxy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith kept his eyes closed, letting Shiro’s words paint vivid pictures inside his mind. He wanted to remember everything Shiro was telling him, but after a while, he found it difficult to focus. It might’ve been the soft, sweet touch of Shiro’s fingers, or the warmth that had spread between their bodies, or the comforting hum of Shiro’s voice- but eventually Keith drifted off to sleep, still holding loosely to Shiro’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>He woke up hours later when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He didn’t move or open his eyes right away, though, because he and Shiro had both shifted in their sleep, and he needed some time to convince himself that everything his body was telling him was really true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was laying on his back, and Shiro was in his arms, sleeping soundly on his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith took it all in: </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The light, floral smell of Shiro’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The weight of Shiro’s head resting in the center of his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way Shiro’s back rose and fell with every breath, and the fact that he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel </span>
  </em>
  <span>it, because his hands were splayed between his shoulder blades and along his spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The subtle touch of Shiro’s fingertips against the side of his ribcage, where Shiro was still holding on to him, even as he slept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emotion settled thick at the back of Keith’s throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was completely overwhelming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the most incredible thing that had ever happened to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tilted his chin to let his lips touch against Shiro’s hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved one hand carefully off of his back so he could pull out his phone and dismiss the alarm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro stirred a bit, and the thought that this moment might come to an end nearly broke Keith’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shiro?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he whispered. He put his phone away and held Shiro with both arms again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s 1 AM. Do you still want to go to the lake?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro shivered a little, then hugged closer to him, pressing his face even tighter against Keith’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah. But… tomorrow?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Relief flooded every corner of Keith’s being.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He held Shiro a little tighter, too. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tomorrow. Go back to sleep.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s hand moved down from his ribs to rest over the curve of his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘Night, Keith.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith moved one hand down to the small of Shiro’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“‘Night, Takashi.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He wished he could stay awake until sunrise, memorizing the way it felt to hold someone close like this for the very first time. But eventually Shiro’s breathing fell into a slow, even rhythm, and almost as soon as Keith realized Shiro had fallen back asleep, he followed after him, as if the distance between them had grown too great, and he had no choice but to close it.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I Want to Stay With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Keith’s right shoulder was prickly with pins and needles when he slipped back into consciousness. This was because Shiro had slept soundly on his chest all night long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was still fast asleep, in fact, breathing slow breaths that Keith could feel through his t-shirt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith remembered Shiro saying that he was a restless sleeper, but he hadn’t moved an inch last night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he’d never been held like this before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe being close to someone made a difference.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He inhaled slowly, examining the heavy weight of Shiro’s body, breathing in the faint floral smell of his glossy-black hair. It looked so soft and smooth on top where it was longest, and it suddenly seemed strange to Keith that he’d never touched it before, given that they’d shared a bed for two nights running. Shiro had touched his hair more than once, after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He raised his right hand and let his fingers glide slowly through the glossy strands of Shiro’s hair. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>smooth and incredibly soft. The strands parted and shifted where Keith touched, catching the sunlight that was filtering in through the open window, and Keith felt like he was stealing a moment from some perfect, impossible future- one where he and Shiro spent all their nights together, where he could kiss Shiro good morning and good night, like he desperately wished to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slid his fingers through Shiro’s hair once more; Shiro started to stir.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro shifted and stretched a bit, then buried his face in Keith’s chest and hugged him tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey, Shiro.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith didn’t stop touching his hair. He decided he wouldn’t unless Shiro told him to. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Sleep okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah. You?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro kept his face pressed to Keith’s chest, but he lifted his hand to Keith’s cheek, then blindly swept Keith’s hair back from his forehead. Keith found himself leaning into it, chasing the feeling of Shiro’s fingertips, sighing a bit when Shiro stroked through his hair again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keith?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this… um. Is this too much for you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith let his fingertips rest on Shiro’s forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro took a quiet breath. He tucked a few strands of Keith’s hair behind his ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I drooled on your shirt."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh huh. I wasn’t gonna say anything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like… I think there’s a puddle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ew.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Pretty gross, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Disgusting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They giggled together. Shiro's whole body hummed with the sound of it, and Keith marveled at the fact that he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, as if they were sharing a single voice as well as a bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wondered if Shiro had followed him into his impossible future, where they were much more than two good friends at summer camp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh huh?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We should go to the lake tonight. But… I'm glad we stayed here last night."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded against his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So am I."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's shoulder was starting to protest the prolonged pressure and immobilization. He didn't want this to be over, though. He didn't want Shiro to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro… do you think we could… switch?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro sat up. He didn't move away, though; he just hovered over Keith's face, sticking close enough to steal Keith's breath away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did I hurt you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No! No, I just need to move my shoulder."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro moved to the side and laid down next to him, looking like utter perfection with his hair all tousled and his t-shirt creased and rumpled. Keith kicked himself while he sat up and rolled his shoulder. He should've just kept his mouth shut.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good thing we have yoga first," Shiro said. "I'm sorry. I didn't even think… I mean, I've never…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith looked at him. All of this felt a million times more real now that he could see Shiro's face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I've never, either."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No." Keith cleared his throat. "Uh. My shoulder's fine, though. I promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay. So… switch?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s heartbeat tripped and stumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro wanted to get close again, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t really lying on his back, though, because there wasn’t enough space. He was mostly on his side, which meant that they’d be facing each other if Keith tried to put his head on his chest…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He decided not to overthink it. He just slid down the bed, trusting that Shiro would be there… and he was. He opened his arms and met Keith halfway, guiding him to lay down on his shoulder, close to the crook of his neck. They came together easily, hugging each other close just like they did when they were standing… except that once Shiro had given Keith a proper squeeze, he moved his hand up and curved it around the back of Keith’s head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I?” he asked softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s fingers started moving through his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes and snuggled closer, until his head was tucked underneath Shiro’s chin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed like that for a long time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the bandstand alarm eventually went off, they didn’t startle or break apart. They hugged each other one more time, then sat up slowly. Shiro looked thoughtful as he tucked Keith’s hair into place behind his ears, but then he broke into a teasing smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a little bit of a mess, Sweet ‘n Sour.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled back with one corner of his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who’s fault is that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm. What’re you gonna do about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith reached up and ruffled Shiro’s fringe into a chaotic mess.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro laughed a quiet, musical laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith thought it might be his favorite sound in the whole world.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Great Hall was buzzing when Keith took his seat between Matt and Shiro for lunch that afternoon. Iverson and some of the counselors had agreed to stage another large-scale Capture the Flag tournament later that day, which meant campers from other electives, including swimming, could choose to join in. Sign-up sheets were circulating around each table while everyone talked to their friends and weighed their options. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Capture the Flag sounded tempting to Keith. He’d loved playing on a team with the other Lions. He’d loved the game itself, too… and most of all, he’d loved playing it with Shiro.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An equally tempting alternative occurred to him, though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nudged Shiro’s knee under the table to get his attention, and Shiro rewarded him with a sunny smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had a thought," Keith said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nudged him back playfully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, if most people are thinking about joining the tournament… I bet there won’t be as many people swimming.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. That’s probably true.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So… you want to come down to the waterfront with me? I’m sure Sam would say it’s fine. I mean, no pressure, obviously, but if you wanted to give it a try...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s smile turned thoughtful. Matt leaned over into Keith’s space to talk to them both.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll come down too! And I’m sure Lance and Hunk would stay if you were gonna come hang out!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Shiro looked at Keith. “You sure you don’t mind missing out on the tournament?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There will be at least one more before the end of the session,” Matt cut in. “Plus, Keith is a little scary on the field.” He nudged Keith with his elbow. “You don’t mind letting other people have a turn in the spotlight, right, buddy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blushed a little at the praise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No spotlights for me. I’d rather go to the lake with you guys.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Keith walked down to the waterfront with Matt, Allura, and Romelle after orienteering. The girls had decided to stick with swimming for the afternoon too, and Keith was glad, since he knew Shiro felt comfortable around both of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was also feeling a little frustrated that he hadn’t found any time to talk to Matt alone lately, though. Matt and Shiro had chorus and general sports together, so they’d probably had plenty of time to catch up with each other over the last couple of days, and Keith couldn’t help but wonder if he’d come up in conversation at all. Matt had seen them in bed together twice now, and if Shiro was going to confide in anyone about his feelings, Matt would be that person. Of course, Keith wouldn’t expect Matt to share Shiro’s secrets without permission, but spending another night in bed with Shiro had left him starving for insight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Had Shiro ever dated before? Pidge and Lance had confirmed that he’d never dated here at camp, but they also said he kept his personal life pretty private, so they wouldn’t necessarily know whether he’d ever been with anyone back home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Had he ever liked someone before?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Had he ever liked a boy?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was there any chance that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>could?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blinked the questions away as he and his friends started down the incline toward the lake. He could never ask Matt anyway. It wouldn’t be right. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d just have to hope Shiro would eventually trust him enough to tell him himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith caught a note of Shiro’s laughter from a distance and then spotted him a moment later. He’d claimed a chair on the grass with Lance and Hunk, and the three of them were smiling and gesturing to each other as they spoke. It was nice, seeing Shiro happy, even from a distance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith preferred seeing it up close, though, especially when he was the reason Shiro was smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro waved and called out when he spotted them, then stood up from his chair and jogged a few feet to greet them. Keith didn't miss the look Lance and Hunk gave each other, and though they didn't comment on Shiro's enthusiasm, their tacit appraisal made it a little easier for Keith to stop himself from pulling Shiro into a hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Shiro," he said instead, absently tucking his hair behind one ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt jostled Shiro's shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How you feeling, buddy?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good," Shiro said confidently. "I've been keeping Hunk and Lance from swimming, though. I know they really want to."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Romelle and I brought our books," Allura said kindly, "if you'd like the stay here and read with us."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh! Thanks! Um… maybe in a bit?" Shiro looked at Keith. "I was thinking we could sit on the dock?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Definitely. Just let me drop my stuff."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He left his backpack, shoes and socks in the grass by the chairs next to Shiro's, then joined Shiro, Matt and Allura to head down to the dock. Hunk, Lance and Romelle ran straight for the water, where four of the guys from the Coyote cabin - Adam, James, Ryan, and the tall guy Keith still hadn't met - were already in the lake, playing some lazy version of volleyball while Josh and Amanda, one of the other counselors, acted as referees.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith felt a little flicker of pride when Shiro led the group more than halfway down the dock. He knew this must be a challenge, that Shiro was probably feeling tense and hypervigilant underneath his cool facade, but this was progress. If Shiro had fun today, it would make it that much easier for him to get back in the water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro kept his legs folded when he sat down on the edge of the dock, so Keith decided to do the same. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their knees ended up pressed together; neither of them tried to move away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fluffy, slow-moving clouds drifted overhead, breaking up the sunlight just enough to temper the heat and set the water sparkling in intermittent flashes. Keith closed his eyes for a moment and tipped his chin toward the sky, letting his lungs fill with air until they ran out of space to expand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a beautiful day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something warm touched the back of his left hand where it was braced on the dock. He opened his eyes and found Shiro looking straight ahead, watching the volleyball game devolve into a mess of chaotic keepaway. He knew without looking down to check, though, that Shiro’s fingers were resting on top of his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lance is gonna get dunked,” Shiro murmured. “See?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith followed his gaze and watched James half-tackle Lance into the water to make a grab for the ball. He and Shiro giggled together as Lance came up squawking and swiped the ball right out of James’ hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro!” Ryan called, waving in their direction. “We’re gonna play catch off the dock! Come throw for us!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah!” James chimed in. “Gotta make the most of free swim, man!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys.” Adam was trying to get their attention. He shook his head and said something Keith couldn’t hear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” James asked, speaking at full volume. “Why are you being weird?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good, you guys,” Shiro called. “I’m not up for it today, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James shrugged, but he looked unconvinced. He swiped the ball back from Lance and waded toward the end of the dock while Ryan headed close enough to the shore to climb up. Keith felt the vibration of Ryan’s footfalls as he drew closer- slow at first, then quick and heavy as he ran for the end of the dock and leapt into space, catching James’ throw in a wild grab before he crashed into the water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro hadn’t moved his hand away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled to himself. He moved his hand so that their last two fingers interlocked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This was a good idea,” Shiro said quietly. He looked at Keith. “Thanks for staying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith leaned a little closer to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re doing great,” he almost whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro smiled like the sun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith wanted to kiss him so badly, his whole chest ached, as if the weight of the wish were trying to crush him from all sides. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thought about leaning against Shiro’s shoulder instead… but he promptly abandoned that notion when he saw James climbing up onto the dock out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to draw any more attention to Shiro, or give James such obvious evidence of his own unrequited feelings. He got the impression that James liked to tease-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Shirogane!” Footfalls pounded up the length of the dock. James’ voice rang out loud across the water. “Live a little, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith saw Shiro’s eyes go wide right before James put his hands on Shiro’s back and pushed him into the water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s whole world blurred around the edges.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shiro was in the water.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shiro was in the WATER.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith dove in after him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The water was deep here, up to his chest at least. He held himself under the surface and opened his eyes to the murky semi-darkness, searching for Shiro… he spotted his form nearby, fully submerged. He kicked his way close enough to get his arms around Shiro’s middle and then stood up, pulling Shiro with him. Shiro coughed when they broke through together, then let out a wounded, watery breath that Keith knew was probably a panicked sob.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here,” he said, trying to support some of Shiro’s weight while he staggered forward. “I’ve got you, Shiro, it’s okay… just move with me, alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro made another strangled sound. He had one arm braced across Keith’s chest, his hand clamping down on Keith’s opposite shoulder so hard that it hurt. He was moving, though. They were getting closer to the shore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith was vaguely aware that people were calling out to them, but he didn’t register anything they were saying. He saw someone approaching off to his left and didn’t bother checking to see who it was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve got him!” he yelled instead, blind rage intermingling with the panic that was driving him forward. “He’s fine!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He held tight to Shiro's middle, forcing both of them forward until they stepped onto the shore together. Shiro went on clinging to him then, shivering from head to toe. He was paler than the moon; his lower lip trembled like a leaf in the wind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith knew what that meant. He had to get Shiro out of here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James appeared out of nowhere. He put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, and Keith’s vision all but whited out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He moved between them, forcing James backward with his whole body. It took every ounce of his restraint not to let one of his clenched fists fly in James' direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You put your hands on him again," he growled, right up in James's face, "I'll knock your fucking teeth out."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turned his back on him, put his arm around Shiro’s waist, and steered him toward the boathouse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon,” he soothed. “I’ve got you. I promise. It’s just you and me, yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro sniffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keith…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. You’re doing great. Just a little further.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josh stepped into their path, dripping wet, looking almost as pale as Shiro.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro? Are you alright? Do you need me to call someone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro sobbed a little bit. He looked at Keith.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I want to stay with you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith pulled him closer. He looked at Josh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Give us a few minutes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josh was obviously conflicted, but he nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come check in as soon as you can.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro let out another sob. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will,” Keith said, already pulling Shiro forward again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time, they didn’t stop until they reached the treeline. Keith managed to maneuver them behind the boathouse just in time for Shiro to stumble a bit. His shoulder caught a thin, springy branch before he managed to right himself, which whipped backward and swiped a diagonal line down the right side of Keith’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith barely felt the sting of it, though. He was too busy watching Shiro fall to his knees and vomit into the grass.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt strangely calm, then, because this was a familiar scenario. He'd been in the same condition for weeks after his father died- waking in the middle of the night from vivid nightmares, stumbling to the bathroom to vomit in a blind panic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sobbing on the tile floor while his mother sat nearby with a glass of water and a grim sense of humor that had helped him pull himself out of more panic attacks than he could count.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He kneeled down in the grass while Shiro retched again. He didn't have any water, but he could stay close. He could get Shiro through this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He kept his hands to himself. He hated being touched when he was throwing up. He would follow Shiro's lead on that front.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm here," he said again. "It's gonna be okay, Shiro. You're okay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro gagged again, but it was dry this time. He spit into the grass, then let out a handful of quiet, gasping sobs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Keith…" He was still trembling all over. His voice was breathy and strained. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. I'm right here." Keith eased him upright. He rested his hand lightly on the side of Shiro's neck and examined him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His face was a mess, but that issue could wait. He was still alarmingly pale and he wasn't breathing well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Keith… you're- nnh-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro choked on the words. He reached up to Keith's right cheek and touched him there, then held up his index finger for Keith to see. It was smeared with blood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Forget it," Keith told him. "Can't even feel it. Just breathe with me, okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded. He put his hands on Keith's shoulders, like he was trying to steady himself. That was good. Keith could help more if he could touch him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slid his hand around to the back of Shiro's neck. He dug in with his thumb and index finger near the base of his skull.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're safe," he said softly. "Nothing bad is gonna happen."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's face crumpled. He let out a series of quiet sobs while tears spilled onto his cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's it," Keith murmured. "Just like that." He moved Shiro's wet hair away from his forehead. "This happens to me too, sometimes."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was holding his gaze, as if Keith were the only thing anchoring him to the Earth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. So you have nothing to worry about, okay? I'm gonna stay right here with you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro practically fell into his arms. He tucked his face close to Keith's neck while he cried softly, and Keith held onto him, slowly stroking his dripping-wet hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew the shame that could come with this kind of panic. He knew how it could eat away at you, just as much as the thing that had terrified you in the first place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was determined to make sure Shiro didn't have to feel that sort of shame.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're doing really good, Shiro." It was true. Shiro's breathing was already starting to slow. "So, so good."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro sniffled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No," he mumbled. "I'm a mess."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just your face," Keith teased. "The rest of you is just fine."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro sat up and looked at him. He was wearing a watery smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck, I must be so gross…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith flashed him a grin. "Disgusting," he said, echoing back to this morning, when they'd been tangled up together in an entirely different way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just like he had then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There you go," Keith said. "Feeling a little better?" Without thinking, he lifted the hem of his own shirt and started dabbing at Shiro's face with it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, but… </span>
  <em>
    <span>Keith</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you're gonna ruin your shirt…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck it. It's soaking wet anyway."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And your </span>
  <em>
    <span>face</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Sweet 'n Sour…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith finished cleaning up Shiro's nose, then playfully pinched at his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Still bleeding?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Kind of a lot. Here…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro lifted his own shirt to dab along Keith's right cheek. The sting came through loud and clear this time, along with a deepening ache underneath. The white fabric of Shiro’s shirt was stained crimson red when he pulled it away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit," Keith muttered. "That's definitely gonna ruin your shirt."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Forget my shirt," Shiro said. "You need to get that checked out. We should head up to the Garrison and go see the nurse."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith considered this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Will you check in with him, too?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro sniffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Sam would make me, anyway. Josh probably already called up to tell him what happened."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You have extra clothes in your bag?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. You?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh huh." Keith reached up and smoothed at Shiro's fringe again. His hair was finally starting to dry. "Okay. We can go up together. Whenever you're ready."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro met his eye. His lower lip trembled a bit, just for a second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Keith… you saved me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith stared. He thought he should be used to Shiro being so direct with him by now, but he wasn't.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"The water wasn't that deep. There were a bunch of other people there-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not just that." Shiro gestured vaguely between the two of them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"This. </span>
  </em>
  <span>No one's ever…" He cleared his throat. He stared down at a spot in the grass. "No one's ever calmed me down like that. No one's ever… understood."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith shrugged, embarrassed. He would've done </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to take care of Shiro… but that wasn't the sort of thing he knew how to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You would've done the same for me," he said instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro met his eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I would." His voice sounded steadier now. "I will, if you ever need me to."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith had no doubt that it was true. The idea made him feel warm all over, despite the cooling damp of his clothes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He put his arms around Shiro's shoulders and hugged him. He closed his eyes, looking for the courage to say what he wanted to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And I’ll be right here,” he said softly. “For whatever you need.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro squeezed him tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need this summer to last forever.” His breath was warm against Keith’s neck. “Can you make that happen?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s heartbeat skipped and danced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” he said. “But I can be there for you, even when it’s over.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Josh left Amanda in charge at the waterfront so he could walk Keith and Shiro up to the Garrison. He spent the first few minutes fussing about the fact that they were both </span>
  <em>
    <span>covered in blood</span>
  </em>
  <span>, which Keith thought was a bit of an exaggeration. He was glad for Josh's company, though, since Shiro was still a little unsteady on his feet. Keith guessed he'd probably need to crash soon. He was intimately familiar with post-panic exhaustion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He kept his hand on Shiro's back until they made it to the Garrison.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily, all the other campers were out at the field for the tournament, so Keith and Shiro didn't have to worry about running into anyone as they made their way through the Great Room and headed down the hall to the nurse's office. Josh left them in the hands of the eccentric but capable nurse, Mr. Coran, who Keith had only ever seen from a distance before. Up close, the orange hue of his hair and mustache was even more shocking, but he was kind to Shiro, and he didn't put up a fight when Keith insisted he examine Shiro first, so Keith liked him right away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's temperature was normal, but his blood pressure was a little low. Mr. Coran sent him into the office restroom to change his clothes and then sat him up against the back of a bed with a tray of snacks and a cup of orange juice. Keith wanted to sit with him while he ate, but Mr. Coran was eager to get a look at the cut on his cheek, and he had to admit that the pain was getting distracting. He finally relented, but only because Mr. Coran offered him the bed next to Shiro's instead of the exam table across the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He asked Keith to take off his wet shirt, and for the first time all week, Shiro didn't avert his eyes while Keith undressed. Keith wondered if it was the clinical setting, or the creeping exhaustion, or if something else had changed from Shiro's point of view.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Regardless, he liked knowing Shiro's eyes were on him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"A tree branch did all this?" Mr. Coran mused, speaking in an accent Keith couldn't quite place. He'd moved a rolling stool close and started cleaning Keith's face with a warm cloth, exposing the cut underneath the congealed blood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is it bad?" Shiro asked, ignoring the cracker he was holding in midair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Eat," Keith scolded. "It's fine. Right, Mr. Coran?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Quite right, m'boy. We'll get you all fixed up. I'm afraid I do need to clean the wound a bit more thoroughly, though. It'll cause you some discomfort."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do your worst," Keith said. "I'll be okay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Coran used a pair of very thin tweezers and a few pads of gauze doused in stinging disinfectant to clean and sterilize Keith's cut. It hurt like hell, but Keith refused to let it show. He stared Shiro down until he'd finished all his snacks, varying the intensity of his scowl just to hear Shiro laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam came through the office door while Mr. Coran was finishing up, taping a long, thin piece of gauze over Keith's cut. Keith thought Sam's smile looked a little strained as he moved to Shiro's side and rested the back of his hand against Shiro's forehead, like his own mother did whenever she thought he was sick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"His blood pressure was a bit low," Mr. Coran said. "I'll take it again shortly, but I think he should rest here for an hour or two before we set him loose."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam nodded his acknowledgement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sound okay to you, Shiro? You feel like you can sleep here for a while?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro looked half asleep already, Keith thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Um. I think so. But can Keith stay, too?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If he'd like to, sure."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll stay," Keith said. "I mean… thank you. I'd like to."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam gave him a warm smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I will have to borrow you for just a few minutes, Keith, and then you can come right back here afterward."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's all yours in a moment," Mr. Coran said, handing Keith a paper cup with two white pills inside along with another small cup of water. "Ibuprofen for the pain. You can have some more in a few hours if you like."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of the many lessons Keith had learned in the last year was to accept help when he actually needed it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He swallowed the pills.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took the opportunity to finally duck into the restroom and change into dry clothes, and when he came back out again, Sam had dragged a chair over to sit at Shiro's bedside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Could you go wait in my office for me, Keith?" Sam asked him. "I just need to speak to Shiro for a minute."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure." He looked at Shiro. "You're okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith gave him a small smile and then headed down the hall to Sam's office. It was homey and bright, and under different circumstances it would’ve been a quiet, comfortable place to rest after everything that had just happened… but as soon as Keith sat down in one of the chairs near the front of Sam's desk, his heart rate started to climb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was in trouble, and it hadn't even occurred to him until now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James hadn't been at the waterfront when he and Shiro finally went back to check in. Josh had already called ahead to Sam to tell him what had happened… and James had probably come straight here to talk to Sam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith had just enough time to let the heavy weight of his guilt and shame settle on his shoulders before Sam came through the door. He opted to sit in the chair next to Keith instead of taking his place across the desk; Keith had no idea if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but he was preparing himself for the worst.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was preparing himself in case Sam decided to send him away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was preparing himself to say goodbye to Shiro.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. So Much Better Than Perfect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi all! If you've enjoyed the story so far, please consider dropping me a line in the comments or on Twitter! I've loved working on this story and I look forward to hearing your feedback so much &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Keith," Sam said quietly. His eyes were kind behind his glasses. "I have to thank you for what you did for Shiro today."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's mouth dropped open. He hadn’t been expecting the conversation to start this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I… he… well, he told me what happened to him last summer…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes. He said you stayed with him while he had a panic attack. Are you all right? I know the whole situation must have been disturbing. It's okay if you're feeling unsettled."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I… no. Not about that. I told Shiro… I panic sometimes at night, ever since my dad, so… I just wanted to help him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I believe you helped him quite a bit. I'm very glad to see the two of you leaning on each other. Just make sure you're taking good care of yourself, too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am. Or… I'm trying to." He fidgeted with his hands for a moment. "But… I need to tell you…" He scowled to himself, trying to keep his emotions at bay. "I did something bad."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam's expression went soft, almost sympathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've spoken with James Griffin. He's in the library now. Would you like to tell me what happened?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith let out a slow, frustrated breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was just trying to get Shiro out of the water. Like, away from the crowd, you know? I knew he was going to lose it, and I knew he wouldn't want that to happen in front of everyone… but then James came over and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>touched </span>
  </em>
  <span>him again, and I was just so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry. </span>
  </em>
  <span>About what he did. Pushing Shiro in the water like that…" He swallowed. "I threatened him. I shouldn't have. I wasn't thinking."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He met Sam's eye, keeping his features locked up tight to hold back his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you gonna send me home?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam leaned forward and rested his hand briefly on Keith's shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Absolutely not, Keith."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's control slipped a bit. A tear overflowed from the corner of his eye to his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"James is feeling quite remorseful, too," Sam said quietly. He sat back in his chair. "I know how difficult it can be to hold your tongue when you feel you're coming to someone else's defense. But I don't think the comment you made is reflective of your character. I think you're kinder and better than that. Do we agree?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded. He wiped at his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We agree."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought so. What do you think we should do now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I should apologize." Keith sniffed. "Can I go see James?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You may. I see no reason why the two of you can't sort this out amongst yourselves." Sam stood up from his chair and moved to the other side of his desk. "Shiro will be anxious to see you when you're finished. You can stay with him for as long as you’d like to."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith stood up, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you, Sam."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed for the door, but Sam called to him before he made it to the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Keith…" Sam wasn't looking at him. He was looking down at his desk. "You have your father's protective instinct. It was one of the many things I dearly loved about him."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith found that he couldn't answer. He just gave Sam a nod and headed out to the hall.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>James was sitting alone at one of the wooden tables in the library, staring down at a paperback with his chin resting on his hand. He looked up and let the book fall shut when Keith walked in, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey," Keith said quietly, trying to appear as non-threatening as possible. "Can we talk?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith approached at a cautious pace and sat down in one of the chairs along a different side of the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I've already been in to apologize to Shiro," James said. "I had no idea what he'd been through last summer. Adam only told me after I'd already… well. You know."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah." Keith flattened his hands on the cool surface of the table. "I wanted to apologize too. To you. I didn't mean what I said. I was just… angry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James was looking down at the table, but Keith could tell he was listening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would've been, too. Shiro's my friend too, you know?" He met Keith's eye. "I really thought you were going to hit me or something." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith winced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to hit anyone."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James tilted his head a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I thought you seemed pretty nice before this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ditto."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And what I did was shitty. I don't blame you for being mad."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I… yeah. I don't blame you either."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James was quiet for a second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he said, "What happened to your face?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's hand moved up to his cheek. The bandage itched, but the pain was already less.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Tree branch. It was an accident. I was just trying to get Shiro away from the water."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James made a vague gesture with his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Are you guys… together?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith stared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to remind himself that words were supposed to be coming out of his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um. No. We're friends. We met when we were little, but we haven't seen each other since then."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh." James gestured awkwardly again. "Because if you were… I mean, it'd be cool, and everything."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh." Keith didn't know how to respond to that. "Okay. Cool."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James stood up from the table and stashed his paperback on a nearby shelf.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith stood up, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So… we're good?" James asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Definitely. I really am sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Me too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>James walked over to him and held out his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Later, Keith."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. See you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith gave him a few seconds' head start. He closed his eyes to the stillness of the library, trying to let some of the guilt he’d been feeling lift off of his shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t let all of it go yet, though. He still needed to apologize to Shiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed back into the hall and down to the nurse’s office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt was there when he arrived, sitting next to Shiro’s bed where Sam had been before. Mr. Coran was filling out a form at his desk on the opposite side of the room, but he looked up when Keith came through the doorway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Keith, m’boy! How’s the pain?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, Mr. Coran. Better. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried to convince Mr. Shirogane to get some sleep, but he seemed dead set on waiting for you to return. Maybe you’ll succeed where I have failed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith smiled, catching Shiro’s eye from across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see what I can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He made his way over to Shiro's bedside. Matt stood up and pulled him into a hug as soon as he was close enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Impressive rescue, buddy,” Matt said, squeezing him tight. “Really glad you were there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith sighed. He didn’t feel like he deserved the praise, but Matt’s presence was comforting all the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would’ve done the same thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t though. I totally froze. It was like my whole brain just switched off…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Matt,” Shiro said softly. “C’mon. Everything’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt pulled away from Keith and ruffled Shiro’s fringe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like I said. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll steal you both some dessert.” He looked at Keith. “Unless you want to come have dinner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Thanks though. I’m gonna stay here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keith.” Shiro was adorable, trying to look stern when he could barely keep his eyes open. “You should eat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can wait. I’ll have some crackers or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shiro.” Keith smiled at him. “Hush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro and Matt both giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Matt said. “I’ll leave you to it.” He patted Keith on the back. “See you later tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. See you later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He said goodbye to Mr. Coran and headed out to the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome to some snacks, Keith,” Mr. Coran said, gesturing to a set of plastic drawers behind him. “I have drinks in the refrigerator, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go grab something,” Shiro said. “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith jostled his foot on his way past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed a package of peanut butter crackers from a drawer and an orange juice from the fridge, then sat down in the chair next to Shiro’s bed. Mr. Coran followed him, only to pull a curtain shut around the bed and dim the lights on that side of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shout if you need anything,” he said from the other side of the curtain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They thanked him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nudged at Shiro’s arm with his elbow. Shiro barely nudged back, as if his body were half asleep already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your blood pressure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still a little low. Gonna sleep soon. I just wanted to…  y'know. See you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I wanted to see you, too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“James was here,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just talked to him. He and I are okay now. But, Shiro… I’m sorry. For what I said to him at the lake. I was just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Shiro interrupted. His tone was firm. “You’re not gonna apologize to me. Not after what you did for me today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shiro.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith gestured vaguely. “You heard what I said, right? I threatened him. I shouldn’t be saying things like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Shiro reached over and rested his hand on his arm. “You’re right. You shouldn’t. But… why did you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I-” Keith paused. He had to think carefully about what he said next. “Because I hated that he hurt you. Because I didn’t ever want him to do it again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro squeezed his arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. So you’re not gonna apologize to me. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith felt the knot of tension inside himself start to loosen, and a wave of emotion followed along afterward. He looked down at his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought Sam was gonna send me home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. He’d never do that.” Shiro let go of his arm. He reached up to move Keith’s hair back from his face. “You’re gonna stay right here with me, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded. He swallowed at the lump in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. So eat your crackers, Sweet ‘n Sour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith did. He ate them as efficiently as he could while they sat quietly together, thinking their own private thoughts. He finished his juice, cleaned up after himself, and then sat down right at the edge of Shiro’s bed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he said. He put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder. “You gotta sleep now, Shiro.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I was just… waiting for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith watched his eyes, trying to figure out what he meant… but Shiro wasn’t looking at him. He was looking down at his own feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did he want to get close again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith thought about holding his hand… but he wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to sit like that, and he didn’t want to wake Shiro up after he fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He decided to hug him instead, since he desperately wanted to anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his chair even closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned over, slid his arm across Shiro’s middle, and rested his head on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s hand slid around the back of his head to hold him there.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you, Keith,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes and snuggled closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Sleep, Takashi.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s cheek pressed against the top of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ll stay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll stay.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither of them woke up until Mr. Coran called for them a couple hours later. There was no way to know whether he’d looked inside the curtain while they’d been asleep, but if he had, he would’ve found Keith sleeping soundly on Shiro’s shoulder with his right hand clasped in Shiro’s left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith didn’t bother dwelling on the possibility. He doubted anyone would question whether Shiro was deserving of comfort after the day he’d had, and if Sam asked him about it, he’d just tell the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed Shiro’s hand tight before he sat up and pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mr. Coran had plates of food and cold drinks waiting for them. Keith and Shiro ate with enthusiasm, celebrating the fact that Shiro’s blood pressure had finally tested in the normal range. They technically had enough time to head down to the waterfront and catch the last few minutes of campfire, but Keith asked Shiro if he wanted to head straight back to their cabin instead, and Shiro seemed relieved at the suggestion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They played a few rounds of cards on Shiro’s bunk before the rest of the guys got back, though they had to abandon their final game when Lance and Hunk insisted on piling onto the bunk with them and smothering them with hugs. They both made a fuss over the bandage on Keith’s cheek, which Keith found both embarrassing and hugely comforting. It was easy to forget that he’d only just started spending time with them this week. He felt like he’d known them all for so much longer than that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt natural when Lance scooched close to him and started weaving little braids into his hair again, and when Matt sat down on the floor next to the bed and rested his head on his leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like an old habit when Hunk started breaking off bits of the brownies Matt had swiped from the kitchen and tossing them to Keith and Shiro to see who could catch the most in their mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it felt warm and comforting to hug Lance, Hunk, and Matt goodnight before they went to their respective bunks to settle in for bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hint of awkwardness crept into his mind, though, when he realized he and Shiro were alone on Shiro’s bed together. It was one thing to use a bed as a surface to play cards or hang out with friends, but it meant something different to linger once the lights were off. Shiro hadn’t exactly invited him to stay, and Keith wasn’t sure if he should, unless he had explicit permission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How's your cheek feeling?" Shiro asked him. He was sitting up against his headboard. "I have Tylenol in my drawer if you need some more. I was gonna take some, too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith slid off the bed and retrieved the small white bottle from Shiro's dresser drawer. He pulled Shiro's water bottle out of his backpack and then sat down on the edge of his bunk- close, but not too close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is it your hand? Shoulder?" He shook two pills out of the bottle and handed them to Shiro, who smiled as he swallowed them down, shaking his head a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I asked about </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sweet 'n Sour."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith blinked. "What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your cheek." Shiro reached up and touched his thumb to Keith's face, just next to the bandage. "Are you really okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without really thinking, Keith took hold of Shiro's forearm. It felt so nice to be touched so gently like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm fine," he murmured. "I promise. Are </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Headache. And yeah, my shoulder… I dunno. It’s probably just tight from the stress.” He took the bottle from Keith and shook two pills out. “Here. Open up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nyahhh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro giggled. He stuffed the pills into Keith’s mouth and handed over his water bottle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith swallowed them down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hunk called for lights out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think you’ll be able to sleep?” Keith asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro shrugged. “Might listen to music for a bit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith considered this. It sounded like Shiro meant to do that by himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he said. “Yeah. Me too.” The lights switched off. Keith put his hand on Shiro’s arm. “Wake me up if you… y’know. If you can’t sleep, or if you need something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Shiro nodded in the darkness. “Okay. Yeah. You too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith hesitated. Had that been the wrong thing to say? Should he ask if Shiro wanted to go down to the lake tonight? He figured Shiro wouldn’t want to, after everything that had happened today. He wasn’t planning on talking about swimming at all unless Shiro brought it up first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or… y’know. If you need some fresh air, or you want to take a walk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Shiro gave him a small smile. “‘Night, Keith.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith got up and moved back to his own bunk. He laid down on his back and picked up his phone, though he didn't really pay much attention to what was on the screen. Things between him and Shiro usually felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>easy. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Even a small moment of awkwardness felt wrong. He wanted to ease the tension, but he didn’t know how, or whether it was all in his head to begin with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sent his mom a quick text just to check in; he didn’t feel like telling her about everything that had happened today just yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He put one headphone in his left ear, tapped his way to one of his favorite film scores, and pressed </span>
  <em>
    <span>play</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forced himself to keep his eyes on the ceiling instead of looking over at Shiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He focused on his breathing, searching for a state of relaxation that wouldn’t come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared into the darkness while the first few tracks played out. The album was about halfway over when he heard Shiro get out of bed and approach his bunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his headphone out and looked up at Shiro, who was looking a little lost, hovering close with his hand on the back of his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Keith said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Shiro whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith’s heartbeat started to kick against his ribs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d refused to consider this possibility. It hurt, almost, to think about sleeping with Shiro every night- because he knew there was a good chance it wasn’t something Shiro would want.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But here Shiro was, standing next to his bed in the dark…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith moved as close to the wall as he could get. He raised his right arm casually over his head, creating a space Shiro could fit into, if that was what he wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro climbed into the tiny bunk and laid down on his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith put his arm around him. He rested his hand over Shiro’s right shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kneaded a bit with the heel of his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro hugged him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith rubbed into his shoulder in slow, gentle circles, listening to the sound of his breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m falling in love with you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought, just to see how the words sounded inside his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sounded true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was at peace with the realization, too. He knew Shiro may never be able to feel the same way about him, but right now, it didn’t matter. Shiro trusted him. Shiro wanted him close. Shiro stayed with him all night and held onto him in the morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>These nights with Shiro belonged to Keith now, and even if the two of them never became anything more than they were tonight, no one could ever take this away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keith?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. Do you want some space?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith eased up on his shoulder. He moved his hand to the back of Shiro’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro snuggled closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith held him with both arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I… um." Keith fumbled. He squeezed his eyes shut and searched for courage in the blackness. "I can't imagine ever wanting space from you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's shoulders rose and fell with a measured breath before he answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I used to imagine us as best friends," he said. "I'd dream about it sometimes. And I told myself it was crazy, because I had no idea if we'd even get along if we knew each other now. I told myself it was just this stupid idea I held onto from when we were kids. But I still thought about it. I still thought about… this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt his way down Keith's arm until their hands touched.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled Keith's hand up against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith kept his eyes squeezed shut tight. He wondered if Shiro could hear the wild fluttering of his heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think…" Keith swallowed hard. His mouth had gone dry. "I think we are supposed to be best friends. I think we are supposed to be… like this."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stroked his knuckles along Shiro's cheek. Shiro's skin was hot and smooth.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You were perfect in my mind," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"But you're actually so much better than perfect."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith tilted his chin down and put his face in Shiro's hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I want to be," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"For you."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro coaxed Keith's hand open, then pulled his palm against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You are."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith didn't answer. He held the words he wanted to say inside himself; they were too wild and reckless to be set free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just gently touched Shiro's face, memorizing the curve of his cheek and the slope of his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At one point, he felt the pressure of Shiro's mouth near the inside of his wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He eventually fell asleep, still wondering whether he'd been kissed.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Keith. Hey, Sweet 'n Sour."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith opened his eyes. It was still dark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was hovering close, blinking down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey," Keith mumbled. "You okay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. I'm fine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What time is it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's after one." Shiro's mouth turned up in a mischievous smile. "Take a walk with me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Lonely and Burning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shiro held Keith's hand while they walked the wooded trail to the intersection of the camp's major pathways. His grip was so warm and sure, Keith felt like he must be sleepwalking- like he'd wandered into a dream where Shiro was falling in love with him, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I want to go back to the lake," Shiro said, pausing at the waterfront sign. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really?" Keith squeezed his hand. "Shiro… are you sure?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know what will happen. But I know if I stay away too long, I might never go back." He looked at Keith. "I know it's a lot to ask. I know I could lose it again-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't care," Keith interrupted. "I can handle that. I'll be here for whatever happens."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro watched his eyes for a moment before he pulled him down the path toward the lake.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no breeze at the waterfront. The lake was a glassy midnight blue reflecting a silver haze of moonlight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith and Shiro stood hand-in-hand and barefoot on the shore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to push you?” Keith asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was gazing at the lake with a determined look on his face, as if the water had called him out by name and challenged him. Keith couldn’t imagine what it must be like for him to feel such fear and trepidation now, after loving the water so deeply for so long.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And... you’ll tell me to fuck off if it’s too much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith let go of his hand and fished a packet of gummy candy out of his pocket. He emptied the contents into one hand and stashed the wrapper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“After you finish two of these,” he said, “we’re gonna take two steps forward. Rinse and repeat until you finish the bag. Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro squared his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Do you… uh. Do you want to hang onto me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro kept his eyes locked on the water ahead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith stepped close to him. He put his arm around Shiro’s waist; Shiro slid his arm around Keith’s shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith held up the gummies. Shiro put one into his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chewed and swallowed, picked up a second one, then chewed and swallowed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stepped into the water together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith could feel tension settling in Shiro’s body as he worked on his next round of candy. He didn’t comment on it, though. He just pressed himself tight against Shiro’s side and let him concentrate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro didn’t say anything either, but his uneven breathing let Keith know what an effort this was for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The water was up to their knees by the time Shiro finished the gummies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What now?” Shiro asked, holding tight to Keith’s shoulder. He was shivering a bit, even though he was wearing a sweatshirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sing me your chorus audition song,” Keith told him. “As much as you can handle. And then we can get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro cleared his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his mouth and started to sing. His voice wavered and broke, as if he were choking on the fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good," Keith encouraged. "Really good. Try again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro would be auditioning for a solo for his chorus elective. Keith had listened to him practice his audition song yesterday under their tree. He could remember the melody and some of the words, too, so when Shiro started again, Keith sang along this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have you ever wandered lonely through the woods</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And everything there feels just as it should?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You're part of the life there</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You're part of something good</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you've ever wandered lonely through the woods</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith put his head on Shiro's shoulder and hugged him with both arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Perfect, Shiro. You did amazing. You want to get out now?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held Keith tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can stay," he said. He sounded fierce. "Keep singing with me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's whole body buzzed with pride.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. For as long as you want."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro started the next verse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith joined in. This one was his favorite.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have you ever stared into a starry sky?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lying on your back you're asking why</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What's the purpose?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder, who am I?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you've ever stared into a starry sky</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shiro took a shaky breath once they’d finished. His trembling was starting to calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith snuggled into his shoulder. The water rippled warm and soothing around his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"By yourself?" he risked. "Let me listen?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmm." Shiro rubbed his nose in Keith’s hair. "I dunno. We sound pretty good together."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was relaxed enough to tease.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He was relaxing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"We do," Keith agreed. They were both tenors, though Shiro's voice was smooth and lilting, while Keith's had a rougher edge to it. "I want to hear you, though."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's chest rose and fell with a much easier breath. Keith swore he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel </span>
  </em>
  <span>the tension leaving Shiro’s body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his eyes while Shiro sang, listening to the clear, lovely notes play over the smooth surface of the lake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have you ever been out walking in the snow</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Trying to get back where you were before?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You always end up not knowing where to go</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If you've ever been out walking in the snow</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Keith let out an appreciative sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro could turn every single word into something beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's the snow like?" he asked. "In Massachusetts?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro made a smiling sound.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Deep. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Cold. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Really beautiful sometimes. I have trees in my backyard that get covered in ice. It all shines when the sun comes up, like crystal." His thumb was moving up and down along one of Keith's shoulder blades through his sweatshirt. "You could see it. You could come visit me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith pictured Shiro all bundled up for winter weather, his cheeks pink from the cold, his fringe peeking out from underneath a knitted hat. He imagined walking with him through falling snow, leaving two sets of footprints behind, and then warming up with mugs of hot chocolate…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stripping out of damp clothes, climbing into bed together…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith winced. There was that pain again- the one he felt every time he let himself acknowledge that Shiro was someone he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course I'll visit," he murmured. "As soon as I can afford it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We could split it," Shiro said. "I already have a job lined up for the fall."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn’t sound like a hypothetical. It sounded like Shiro was making a plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be sixteen in October,” Keith said. “I can start working then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And… you’ll come back here next summer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Of course. And you’ll be a CIT, if that’s what you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s hand moved a little lower on his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t be able to bunk together.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith hadn’t thought about that. If Shiro came back next year, he would be training to be a counselor. They might not even see each other much during the day, depending on which electives he would be supporting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things would be really different.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay,” Keith said. “You’ll still be here. And I could visit you while you’re with the Holts, or you could come stay with me in New Mexico…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Shiro sounded reassured. “Right. That would be really good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith forced the thoughts out of his mind. He was going to be right here with Shiro for seven more days. He had to make the most of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sing some more?" he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro did.</span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>They slipped back into their cabin a while later, kicking off their shoes by the door to keep from making too much noise. Keith's shorts were uncomfortably damp and cool from standing in the lake; he guessed Shiro's were probably in the same condition.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They would have to take them off before going back to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith moved to stand by the edge of his bunk. Shiro mirrored him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith pulled off the sweatshirt he'd been wearing- the one that Shiro had given him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro took his sweatshirt off, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith looked at him, then glanced away, giving Shiro a chance to turn his back, if that was what he wanted to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed his shorts down from his hips and onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro didn't look away. Even in the dark, Keith could feel his eyes on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt a strange thrum of excitement inside his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro pushed his shorts off, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith let himself look: at Shiro's long legs, and the narrow set of his hips, and the black fabric of his short, fitted briefs…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith turned around. He made himself busy draping his shorts over the footboard of his bunk, breathing quiet breaths through his nose to try to calm himself. The idea that Shiro might be okay with him </span>
  <em>
    <span>looking at his body </span>
  </em>
  <span>was almost too much for him to handle. He refused to let his mind go to that place. He wouldn't violate Shiro's trust like that. They were friends; Keith had to learn to keep his feelings (and his anatomy) under control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He went to the bureau he shared with Shiro and Matt, pulled a clean pair of gym shorts out of his drawer, and put them on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro stepped close to him and did the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was good. Much better. Keith could handle Shiro when they were both fully clothed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nudged Shiro with his elbow, just to try and break up the tension even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro smiled and nudged him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Thank you," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he mouthed silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro went on smiling, but his expression turned serious somehow. Focused, maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He picked up Keith's hand and held it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled Keith gently toward his own bunk, then hesitated right at the edge of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's breath caught at the obvious invitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one had ever asked him to bed before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, Shiro hadn’t said the words… but his intention was clear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith couldn’t fathom the courage it must’ve taken for Shiro to get in bed with him earlier tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How much courage did Shiro need right now, to lead him here like this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith moved his hand so that their index fingers were linked together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded toward Shiro's bunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Lay down," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's eyes went a little wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved onto the bed, pulling Keith along by his finger… as if Keith needed any more encouragement to follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro laid down on his side against the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith followed along, stretching out beside the length of Shiro's body so he could tuck his head onto Shiro's shoulder and snuggle close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They put their arms around each other, which Keith was starting to get used to now… but then Shiro's foot moved deliberately against his ankle, and all of sudden their feet and legs were tangling together, too, and Keith's heart was pounding all over again, because this didn't feel like simple shared comfort between friends anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"Push me again tomorrow," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith swallowed hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I will. If you sing for me some more."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He tightened his arm around Shiro's back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Shiro's hand spread and </span>
  <em>
    <span>press </span>
  </em>
  <span>against his spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I will." </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro's breath was hot against the top of his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Good night, Keith."</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next night, around 1:30 AM, Shiro and Keith stood waist deep in the lake. Shiro stumbled through the first verse of one of his chorus songs; he was breathless and trembling with his arms locked tight around Keith's bare back. They'd left their shirts and sweatshirts on a chair back at the shore, but Shiro wasn't shivering from the cold. Keith could feel his anxiety as surely as he could feel the heat of his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he told Shiro a story about the ancient guitar his dad used to strum, and an old song his dad used to sing, back when Keith was young and still confused whenever he had to leave the house at night to go to the station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith still remembered the words to that old song, too, so he sang it for Shiro, right there in the lake, in the middle of the night. It wasn’t something he’d ever shared with anyone before. Pride and embarrassment surely would’ve stopped him from singing it for anyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Shiro was special. Shiro deserved it. And Keith knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he could trust Shiro with the memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was barely trembling by the time he was finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Again?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Please?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith sang until the trembling stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They held hands on their way back to their cabin and changed into dry clothes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, in the dark, Keith summoned all his courage and pulled Shiro into bed with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro came willingly, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He curled up at Keith’s side with his head on his chest, and Keith stroked slowly through his hair, trying to think of other ways he could spare Shiro from the pain of everything he’d been through.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re really brave,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro snuggled closer, until his head was tucked underneath Keith’s chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Only because of you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith almost told him it wasn't true, that he'd been plenty brave before this summer… but then he remembered what Shiro had said about meeting him as a kid- about finding safety then, and imagining the sort of friendship they might've had if circumstances hadn't torn them apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro had carried him with him all these years, even though he'd had no idea if they would ever meet again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"I wish I could've been there for you before,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> Keith said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"But I'm here now. And I'm gonna stay this time."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt a bit, like he was trying to hang on.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You promise?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I promise.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Keith. Hey, Sweet ‘n Sour, wake up for me…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith’s eyelids fluttered open. Shiro was there, still partially on top of him, looking down at him with a serious expression on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith stopped breathing. Shiro was hovering so close, looking right at him, his gray eyes so focused and expressive. Was he looking at Keith's </span>
  <em>
    <span>mouth?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Was he going to-?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Shiro said softly. “Are you all right? I think you were having a bad dream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith blinked.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry," Keith mumbled. He couldn’t remember dreaming at all. "Did I wake you up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. You just sounded… hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain hit Keith as soon as Shiro said the word. He winced and brought a hand up to touch the bandage on his cheek. Mr. Coran had changed it yesterday morning and had seemed optimistic about the state of his cut at the time, but something had changed since then. The wound itched and burned underneath the bandage, and Keith felt sore all the way through to the inside of his cheek. He felt woozy, too, like he was coming down with something.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shit,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's eyebrows drew together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh no. Your cut…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved Keith's hair away from his forehead and let his hand linger, touching the side of one finger to Keith's temple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gesture was so sweet, Keith's head swam with dizziness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think you're warm," Shiro said. "You might have an infection. We should get up to the Garrison and see Mr. Coran."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith struggled to process this. He didn't want to face the idea of being sick. He just wanted to enjoy the weekend with Shiro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What time is it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Almost seven."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's Saturday. You should sleep in. I can head up and get it checked out."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's features rearranged into a gentle frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't be ridiculous. I'm coming with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith frowned right back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shiro. It’s nothing. We were up half the night, you should go back to sleep-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Shiro flat out scowled at him and rested the back of his hand against Keith's forehead. His skin felt so cool and soothing, Keith breathed a little sigh of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah? Better?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right. So you probably have a fever. No more arguing. We’re gonna go get you fixed up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith lifted his chin a little, seeking out the pressure of Shiro's hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a feeling he and Shiro were well matched in terms of stubbornness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay,” he relented. “Thanks, Shiro."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro’s expression went soft and sweet again. "Are you kidding? After everything you’ve done for me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at the floor and said, "I'll take care of you, alright?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith was already wishing he could lay back down with Shiro and close his eyes again… but he thought hearing Shiro say something like that was definitely the next best thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched as Shiro got up and moved to the dresser to rummage around in his drawer. He propped himself up, testing out the warm wooziness inside his head, and found that moving around didn't feel so great. He managed to sit up on the edge of his bed without much difficulty, though, eyeing Shiro fondly as he set a stack of neatly folded clothes down on his bunk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Want me to find you a change of clothes too?" Shiro asked, gesturing to the dresser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh. That's okay. I can do it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. You should stay there." Shiro flashed him a smile. "Unless you don't want me to see what's in your drawer…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith couldn't help but giggle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You think I have something scandalous hidden in there?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wouldn't put it past you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah? Okay. I'll let you look through my stuff if you can guess one scandalous thing I've hidden in a drawer before."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro grinned. "Deal. How many guesses do I get?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Three."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hmmm." Shiro looked toward the ceiling and tapped his index finger to his lips. "Oh. Something from school. Like a bad grade on something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith smiled. The fact that Shiro thought a low mark in school constituted a scandal was so painfully cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. Never."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You've never gotten a bad grade? Or you've never hidden one?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh. The first one."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mm.” Shiro smiled at him. “No surprise there."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith felt another swoop of dizziness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro thought he was smart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Alright, then..." Shiro scrunched up his face for a second, then looked at Keith. "A video game. Something with an adult rating you weren't supposed to have."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith grinned. "Those are in a box under my bed."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Damn! So close."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh huh. Good try."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro looked toward the ceiling again, but Keith thought there was something forced about his posture. He watched Shiro's cheeks turn pink, right at the height of his cheekbones- a telltale signal that he was summoning the nerve to say something private or potentially embarrassing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro already knew what he wanted to guess; he was just working up the courage to say it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Keith and squared his shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Lube," he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith's mouth fell open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro smiled, almost shyly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Gotcha."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh… uh huh," Keith managed, his mind racing through the potential implications of Shiro asking this question. "There's… uh. There's coconut oil in it. Really moisturizing."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Really? Does it smell good?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um. Yeah. It does, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh." Shiro cleared his throat. "I keep mine in my nightstand drawer too, so..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith heartbeat </span>
  <em>
    <span>thumped. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. So." Shiro gestured to Keith's drawer. "I'll grab you some clothes?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Um. Sure. Guess you can dress me today."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro opened the drawer slowly. He started moving things around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You should be comfortable. They might have to take you to the clinic in town to get you checked out. Could take a while."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled out a pair of black shorts and a black t-shirt and stacked them on top of the dresser.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hesitated, then picked up a pair of red briefs and added them to the pile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith wondered if he had enough of a fever to disguise the blush in his cheeks. Seeing Shiro handle his underwear made him feel a flicker of something instinctive, almost possessive. He wanted to pull Shiro close and tell him that this was good- that he could look through all of Keith's private things if he wanted to. That he could touch whatever he wanted to touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>whatever he wanted to have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay," Shiro mumbled. He picked up the stack of clothes and set it down on the bed next to Keith. "I'm just gonna change real quick too."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turned around, moved back toward the edge of his bunk, and pulled off his shirt. Keith stared while Shiro folded it into a neat little square and then reapplied his deodorant, watching the muscles in his back shift and contract as he moved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, Shiro was beautiful, more so than ever in this private moment. There was a force inside Keith telling him to get close, to touch Shiro with his hands, to try to explain that he was the most perfect person Keith had ever known.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Keith knew what teenage romance looked like. He'd been watching his friends fall all over themselves as they seized any opportunity to form some temporary bond. And yeah, he envied the closeness- the kissing and touching, the sharing of secrets. But that closeness didn't last. The people around him came and went from each other's lives like the rise and fall of the tide, and sometimes even more frequently than that. They cherished each other’s secrets one day and then used them against each other the next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't what Keith wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He daydreamed about a different sort of scenario, more often than he would've wanted to admit. He thought of finding someone to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay</span>
  </em>
  <span> with. Someone that fit into his life- not just for a little while, but for always. He wanted to wake up next to the same familiar face every morning. He wanted to see that person move through all the private, mundane moments of daily life- washing their hair, brushing their teeth, getting dressed for the day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wanted to feel that person lying next to him in bed after the sun went down, reaching for him, longing for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, these sort of fantasies had always been reserved for the distant and mysterious future. Keith had never considered that he might find himself living them out at summer camp with a wide-eyed boy who'd kept his memory close since they were little kids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What was he supposed to do now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could he leave Shiro behind when this was all over?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he just supposed to go back home - go back to high school - and pretend like he hadn't just spent all this time sleeping next to someone he </span>
  <em>
    <span>belonged </span>
  </em>
  <span>with?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was because of the fever, or maybe it was because he'd fallen into a sentimental reverie, but Keith let himself look at the hard lines and graceful curves of Shiro's back and shoulders and arms, thinking about the way he and Shiro had held each other in the lake, chest to chest, skin to skin…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then, all of a sudden, Shiro pushed his shorts and boxers down to the floor, leaving himself bare from head to toe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith swallowed a strangled sound and scrambled up from his bed. He turned his back and braced his hands on the frame of the upper bunk, swaying on the spot with dizziness and embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shiro</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he was perfect all over… he was sweet and gentle and loyal and brave and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Keith had just seen him naked…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don’t worry," Shiro said softly. "I won't look while you change."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did he know? He had to. He had to know that Keith had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>looking right at him-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay," Keith blurted. "I wouldn't- it's not- I mean, I don't mind…"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"I mean," Keith fumbled, "I trust you…"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Double fuck!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck am I saying?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay," came Shiro's quiet reply. "Then… do you need help?"</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, </span>
  </em>
  <span>his mind pleaded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I need you. I need you to come over here and- and-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith straightened up. He took a measured breath and grasped the bottom of his t-shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think I'm okay," he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his shirt off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wondered if Shiro's eyes were on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hoped they were. If there was any chance that Shiro wanted to see him - </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>of him - then Keith wanted that too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed his shorts and briefs down from his hips and onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wobbled a bit as he stepped out of them. He steadied himself with a hand on the bed frame and grabbed the clean pair of briefs Shiro had chosen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned a bit as he leaned down to pull them on, his stomach lurching with a momentary bout of nausea.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keith?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mm. ‘S okay.” He pulled his briefs up and then sat down on the edge of his bed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was there in front of him, fully clothed, fully red in the face and looking right at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had he looked?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had he seen?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you- what’s wrong?” Shiro asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Just… not feeling so great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro nodded. He fidgeted with his hands, like he needed a moment to recover.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” he mumbled. “Don’t worry. I’ll help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved to the other end of the room and opened one of the drawers in Lance and Hunk’s dresser. He pulled out a small black band and shut the drawer again, cautiously, probably trying to keep the noise to a minimum. Keith doubted it mattered - their three bunkmates slept like the dead - but he was glad that he and Shiro were the only ones awake right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro approached him slowly and then sat down next to him, holding up the band, which Keith recognized as one of Hunk’s hair ties.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want me to put your hair back?” he asked. “I… well, I don’t like having mine in my face when I don’t feel good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro picked up Keith’s clean t-shirt, unfolded it, and fit his arms through the bottom so he could hold the neckline open with his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here. Let’s do this first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He fitted the shirt over Keith’s head, protecting his eyes and his cheek with his hands as he pulled the neckline down below his chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith wanted to hug him… but he felt ridiculous with his shirt hanging around his shoulders, so he put his arms through the sleeves and straightened it around his waist instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There,” Shiro said. “You alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh huh. Here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro had gotten bolder about touching Keith’s hair, to the point where Keith was sure he enjoyed doing it. He loved the feeling of Shiro’s strong, careful fingers moving through it, touching his ears and his forehead as he swept it back from his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro did that now. He gathered Keith’s hair back from his face in several soft, repetitive motions, combing and smoothing through the strands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some of it’s too short…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith blinked at him, entranced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay. It’s better. It feels really good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro slowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t really meant to say that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Shiro combed slowly back from his forehead again. “It feels good when you do it for me, too.”  He gathered Keith’s hair into a little handful at the back of his head and secured it with the band.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Now no one will know you feel like shit. You look great.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith did hug him, then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shiro…" He closed his eyes. "You're sweet, you know that?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro pulled him in close with both arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"You deserve sweetness, Keith," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he almost whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith sighed. He buried the uninjured side of his face in Shiro's shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. I know that feeling." Shiro's voice was quiet, almost melancholy. "But it'll be okay. I'll be with you the whole time."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mhm. Promise."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith nodded, resigning himself to leaving the comfort of this moment. The sooner they left, the sooner they could come back here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay. Thanks, Shiro. I'm ready."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro laughed softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Almost. I mean, you can go out there in your underwear if you want, I won't object…" He gave Keith's tiny ponytail a gentle tug and then let him go. He held Keith's shorts up between his thumb and forefinger and dangled them between them. "And I know a few people who'd be pretty psyched if you decided to start walking around without any shorts on."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith made a choked little sound that he tried to play off by clearing his throat. He took his shorts from Shiro and bent down to pull them on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Too bad," he said. "You can tell them they should get used to disappointment."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah? Even Acxa?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith sat up, leaving his shorts pulled awkwardly over his knees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What about her?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was wearing a teasing smile, but it looked forced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Seems like she has a crush. I heard she's planning to ask you to the dance."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wha… oh." Keith stood up and pulled his shorts the rest of the way on. "I didn't think…" He shook his head. "Someone should tell her not to. She seems nice. I don't want to hurt her feelings."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro stood up to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not interested? She is really nice, you know. Cool. Kinda edgy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith searched Shiro's eyes. Was he really suggesting that Keith should go out with someone else? Did he really not know how Keith felt by now?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or did he just want to hear Keith say it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not interested in her," he said. He tried to make it sound like a promise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You sure? You still have a few days to think about it…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shiro." Keith put his hand on Shiro's arm. "I'm sure."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro watched him for a moment, then reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay. I… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even asked-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No. It's okay. You can ask me anything you want."</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ask me. Please, just ask me…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro's smile was gentle and sweet, just like the rest of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's good to know. I'll take you up on it when you're feeling better." He jostled Keith's shoulder a bit and then turned away from him. "Let me grab my backpack. Want me to pack your stuff too? Phone, headphones… do you have a wallet? They'll have your insurance info up at the Garrison, but it's always good to have the card..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keith watched Shiro gather up his possessions, feeling a sort of longing so intense that it dwarfed the pain in his cheek down to almost nothing. These moments of </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost </span>
  </em>
  <span>kept happening between them, like arrows just barely missing their mark, and they were getting harder and harder for Keith to withstand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been easier when he was sure Shiro only saw him as a friend. But hope had taken up residence inside Keith's chest, leaving him lonely and burning and almost painfully in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ready?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro was smiling like the sun, like there was nowhere else in the world he'd rather be and nothing else he'd rather be doing than escorting Keith up to the nurse's office. He had his backpack on, full of Keith's things, which he'd chosen so easily, because he knew exactly what Keith would want to take with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro knew him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro </span>
  <em>
    <span>cared.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. I'm ready."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shiro kept his arm wrapped around Keith's waist all the way up to the Garrison.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was he lonely and burning, too?</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Song Credit: Brandi Carlile, "Have You Ever"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. On Top Of The Covers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Check the updated tags! This chapter is explicit.</p>
<p>Please drop me a line if you like it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mr. Coran confirmed that Keith's cut was, indeed, infected, and that Keith had a low-grade fever to match. Camp Sunset had a transport van reserved for local trips and minor emergencies, but after a brief and reassuring call to Keith's mom, Colleen volunteered to drive Keith and Shiro to the clinic and stay with them while Keith saw the doctor. Shiro assured Keith that this absolutely was special treatment and that he was definitely special enough to deserve it.</p>
<p>Keith didn't really know what to say to that. <em> Shiro </em>was certainly special to the Holts.</p>
<p>Keith thought maybe <em> he </em> was just special to <em> Shiro. </em></p>
<p>He felt that way, anyway, with Shiro's arm wrapped around his shoulders in the back of Colleen's SUV.</p>
<p>He knew Colleen could see them snuggled up together in her rearview mirror. He knew there could be consequences if Colleen and Sam thought there was something going on between the two of them.</p>
<p>He couldn't bring himself to care just then, though. He felt woozy and wounded, and being close to Shiro was the greatest comfort he could imagine.</p>
<p>He'd deal with the consequences later.</p>
<p>"Hey, Sweet 'n Sour," Shiro said quietly. Keith was resting on his shoulder with his eyes closed. "You sure you don't want some crackers or something? I grabbed a bunch of snacks from Mr. Coran."</p>
<p>"No thanks. I'm gonna wait. You should eat, though, Shiro."</p>
<p>"Nah. I can wait, too."</p>
<p>Shiro fished his phone out of his backpack and checked his messages.</p>
<p>"Matt's awake. He said he and the other guys hope you feel better."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"Tell them I'm fine. I don't want them to worry."</p>
<p>Shiro stashed the phone and rested his cheek on the top of Keith's head.</p>
<p>"It's okay if they worry a little bit. That's what friends do."</p>
<p>Keith smiled into the fabric of Shiro’s shirt.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith and Shiro chose seats along one wall in the waiting room at the clinic while Colleen went up to the window to check them in. There were a few people already seated around the room, so Keith figured they should probably get comfortable, since he might have to wait a while to be seen by someone. </p>
<p>He knew he would've been completely mortified by this whole ordeal if it weren't for Shiro, but he implicitly knew that Shiro wouldn't tolerate anything like embarrassment on his part, so he didn't bother expressing his frustration. He just leaned against Shiro's arm and wondered how he'd managed to make it this far in life without Shiro's steady, soothing presence.</p>
<p>He wondered about it even more when Shiro's arm settled around his shoulders again, right there in the middle of the waiting room, where anyone could see. He even caught a disapproving look from the stern-looking middle aged woman who was sitting a couple rows away from them, but Shiro seemed entirely unfazed, which meant Keith was, too.</p>
<p>He let his attention drift, marveling at the fact that Shiro was okay with getting close like this in public. Hugging or touching hands in front of other people at the camp was one thing. Most of them were already good friends of Shiro's, and the camp itself was a little bubble of isolation from their regular lives.</p>
<p>It was different, being out in the world with Shiro like this.</p>
<p>"You okay?" Shiro said quietly. "You need anything? Drink? Barf bag?"</p>
<p>Keith giggled.</p>
<p>"I'm supposed to barf in a bag? Not all over your lap?"</p>
<p>"Well, I didn't exactly bring a change of clothes. Maybe they'd let me borrow one of those gown things."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah. I'm sure at least half the camp would pay to see you wearing one of those."</p>
<p>Shiro laughed.</p>
<p>"Imagine? I can practically hear them laughing. They'd never let me live it down."</p>
<p>Keith rolled his eyes and smiled down at the floor.</p>
<p>"Shiro. If you decided to wander around camp halfway naked, no one would be laughing about it."</p>
<p>Shiro was quiet for a beat. Then he said, "Right. Because I'm so insanely sexy, yeah?"</p>
<p>He was teasing, but Keith was feeling too woozy to play it off as a joke.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he said. "Exactly."</p>
<p>Shiro was quiet for another moment before he whispered, <em> "Oh." </em></p>
<p>Colleen sat down next to Keith just then, bearing a clipboard with a form for him to fill out. She'd already taken care of the basics for him, including his health insurance information, but there were still some questions he needed to answer.</p>
<p>"Hey," Shiro prompted, squeezing his shoulder as Keith checked boxes that described his symptoms and his medical history. "Do you want one of us to come in with you?"</p>
<p>Keith looked at him.</p>
<p>"Would you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Of course." Shiro leaned forward to look at Colleen. "Do you think they'll let me go in, too?"</p>
<p>"I'm sure they would, honey. We can certainly ask."</p>
<p>It turned out that the nurse who eventually came to collect Keith was happy to let Shiro come along too. Having Shiro there with him certainly softened the blow when Keith caught his reflection in the mirror on the exam room wall and saw that the redness of his cut had spread out in a ring around the bandage.</p>
<p>Shiro chose a chair in the corner of the room while Keith climbed up onto the edge of the exam table to let the nurse take his vitals. His blood pressure was normal, but his fever had started to climb a bit, so it came as no surprise that the doctor who eventually examined him officially declared that he’d developed an infection. She set about cleaning the cut while reassuring Keith about his prognosis; antibiotics would clear the infection right up, and he would be able to stay at Camp Sunset for the rest of the session as long as his symptoms started to improve.</p>
<p>The cleaning process was painful, but Keith thought Shiro must’ve been having an even more difficult time with it than he was. He looked more serious than Keith had ever seen him - almost <em> angry </em>- and he held that expression until the doctor was done cleaning and re-bandaging the cut. The doctor stepped out of the room for a moment then, to tell one of the nurses to grab Colleen from the waiting room, so Keith slid down from the exam table and went to sit in the chair next to Shiro.</p>
<p>"Hey." He put his hand on Shiro's shoulder. "C'mon, Orpheus. It doesn't even hurt that much. And she said it'll clear right up with antibiotics."</p>
<p>Shiro met his eye. He still looked stern and more than a little pained himself.</p>
<p>"You can tell me the truth, Keith. I know it hurts a lot."</p>
<p>Keith's mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>"Shiro… I wasn't trying to lie! I just-"</p>
<p>"I know that. I know, Keith." Shiro pulled him into a gentle hug. "You don't want me to worry. But just let me worry, okay? If it hurts, just tell me it hurts."</p>
<p>Keith leaned into him, seeking comfort.</p>
<p>"I…" He swallowed hard. "Yeah. It hurts. But I can take it."</p>
<p>"I know. I already know how strong you are. But… <em>Keith.” </em>Shiro’s hand <em>pressed </em>into the center of his back. “She said it could scar."</p>
<p>Keith sat back and studied Shiro's face.</p>
<p>"That's what you're worried about? A little scar on my cheek?"</p>
<p>"Because of me," Shiro said. "You'll have that scar because of me-"</p>
<p>"That’s not true," Keith interrupted. "I make my own choices. And I'll be glad if it scars."</p>
<p>Shiro's eyes went wide.</p>
<p>"Keith-!"</p>
<p>"No." Keith let out a frustrated breath. "It's not like that, I don't <em> like </em>getting hurt, it's just… it's like a reminder, right? Like a memory?" He shrugged a little. His voice went quiet. "Don't you get it? Don't you know how good it'll feel to be reminded of this summer?"</p>
<p>Shiro stared. He looked completely stunned. He made a little sound, like he wanted to say something, but the words didn't come. He reached up and gently touched the uninjured side of Keith's face.</p>
<p>Keith thought about how easy it would be to close the tiny distance between them- to soothe the worry from Shiro's face with his fingertips, to kiss his beautiful mouth.</p>
<p><em> "Shiro," </em> he whispered instead. <em> "I won’t forget you again. Not this time. Not ever." </em></p>
<p>Shiro closed his eyes and bowed his head. He looked like he might be close to tears.</p>
<p>"Keith, I… when you <em> say </em> things like that, I just-"</p>
<p>A quick knock at the door had them breaking apart, missing their mark all over again.</p>
<p>The doctor came in with Colleen in tow and a paper cup with some ibuprofen for Keith.</p>
<p>"For the fever and the pain," she explained, filling a second cup with water from the sink while Colleen looked between Shiro and Keith, her expression unreadable. “Every six hours until bedtime, and then again when you wake up, if you still have a fever. You’ll take your antibiotic as soon as you pick it up at the pharmacy, and then every day around the same time for the next six days.”</p>
<p>She explained Keith’s restrictions, then: he had to have the cut checked and cleaned by the nurse in the morning and the evening, and he had to keep it as dry as possible, which meant he’d have to sit out from swimming and strenuous physical activity until he was cleared by Mr. Coran. He hated the sound of that, but the doctor reassured him that he could get back to his regular schedule as soon as the signs of the infection were gone, which should only take a handful of days.</p>
<p>The doctor answered a couple questions for Colleen and then took her leave. Keith stood up to stretch, working his jaw to test the pain in his cheek, trying to figure out how to thank Colleen for bringing him here. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Keith,” she said. “I’m sure this isn’t how you wanted your first summer at camp to go.” She looked sympathetic and a little restless, like his own mother used to look whenever she was holding herself back from hugging him.</p>
<p>He wanted Colleen to hug him now, but he didn’t know how to tell her that.</p>
<p>“Camp has been amazing,” he said honestly. “And I’m really glad you were here. Thanks, Colleen.”</p>
<p>She watched him fondly while Shiro stepped close to him and put a hand on his back.</p>
<p>“Brave boy,” she said. “Let’s get you to the car."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>"I was thinking," Colleen said, looking at Keith and Shiro through the rearview mirror as soon as they were settled in the backseat again. "We have to stop at the pharmacy anyway. Want to get something special for lunch?"</p>
<p>"Pizza?" Keith and Shiro said in unison, before looking at each other and dissolving into giggles.</p>
<p>"You got it," Colleen confirmed. "I know a great place."</p>
<p>Keith let himself sink into the seat as Colleen started the car and navigated out of the parking lot. Shiro pressed their shoulders together and nudged lightly at Keith’s hand.</p>
<p>"You did great," he said. "Not even a little barf."</p>
<p>"Wow," Keith laughed. "Low bar, Orpheus."</p>
<p>"Seriously. You're a badass. How are you feeling?"</p>
<p>Keith swallowed the <em> I'm fine </em> he knew Shiro had no interest in hearing.</p>
<p>"Tired," he admitted. "Not amazing."</p>
<p>Shiro wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close.</p>
<p>"Here. You can sleep if you want to."</p>
<p>Keith allowed himself a happy little sigh and laid down on Shiro's shoulder.</p>
<p>"But… pizza…"</p>
<p>"Hush. There will be pizza when you wake up. Any kind you want."</p>
<p>"Pineapple."</p>
<p>"Gross. But yeah. We'll make it happen."</p>
<p>Keith giggled. He closed his eyes and slid his arm across Shiro's middle to snuggle in closer.</p>
<p>"Pizza snob, huh? I figured there had to be <em> something </em>wrong with you."</p>
<p>"Ditto. Fruit on pizza is a crime against nature."</p>
<p>"Dude. I've seen you dunk potato chips in peanut butter. And I wasn't gonna say anything, but… yuck."</p>
<p>"Shh. You're delirious. You'll regret slandering my snacks when you're in your right mind again."</p>
<p>"Mm." Keith was already drifting. "It's okay. I like you and your disgusting snacks."</p>
<p>Shiro's quiet laughter followed him into his dreams.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith knew the car had stopped moving as soon as he woke up. He didn't really want to leave the safety of Shiro's shoulder, but he felt stiff and a little queasy, and he had no idea how long he'd been asleep.</p>
<p>"Hey, Sweet 'n Sour. You okay?"</p>
<p>Keith hugged Shiro tight before he sat up and stretched. </p>
<p>"I think so."</p>
<p>Shiro looked a little drowsy, too.</p>
<p>"Colleen headed in a few minutes ago. She said to let you sleep for a bit."</p>
<p>Keith looked around and found that they were parked right behind the Garrison.</p>
<p>"Did I miss the pizza?"</p>
<p>Shiro tugged playfully at his ponytail.</p>
<p>"The pizza is for <em> you </em>, silly. Colleen brought it inside. We're gonna eat in the staff lounge."</p>
<p>"Ooh. More special treatment?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Anything you want, Keith. I'll make it happen."</p>
<p>Keith rested his head against the back of the seat.</p>
<p>"This would all suck so much without you, you know that?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. </p>
<p>"I know what that's like. Getting pushed into the water like that, in front of everyone… it probably should've been one of the worst days of my life, you know? But you were there… and it really, really wasn't."</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>"That's because you're <em> you </em>, Shiro. You're strong as hell. You're not gonna let some stupid panic attack stop you. If you want to get in the water, you're gonna get in the water."</p>
<p>Shiro let out a gentle little sigh. His eyes were soft.</p>
<p>"No. I get in the water because you're there. Every night."</p>
<p>Keith sighed, too. How could Shiro not know how incredible he was? How could he not <em> feel </em>how much Keith admired him?</p>
<p>"It can be both," he said quietly. </p>
<p>Shiro watched him for a second, then said, "Yeah. It can be both." He linked their index fingers together. "C'mon. Time to take your medicine and eat some cheesy, fruity bread."</p>
<p>"Mmm." Keith decided to let the moment pass. He could think of ways to show Shiro how special he was when he was feeling better. "Lead the way, Orpheus."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>More surprises became evident when Shiro led Keith through the main hall of the Garrison and into the staff lounge. The rest of the Lions were already there - Matt, Lance, and Hunk - along with Pidge, Josh, Colleen, and Sam.</p>
<p>"Hey, buddy!" Hunk called from across the rectangular table. The rest of his friends made similar greetings. Keith waved and called back to them, genuinely happy to see their faces. Colleen and Sam were looking hopefully at him; he guessed they'd decided to bend the rules and invite his friends here for lunch for his benefit.</p>
<p>"Feeling well enough to eat?" Sam asked, nodding toward the several pizza boxes in the middle of the table.</p>
<p>"Definitely. I'm… yeah. Thank you."</p>
<p>He sat down next to Colleen. Shiro was already piling slices of pineapple pizza onto a plate while Sam and Josh took requests from the rest of the table. Matt caught his eye and gave him a questioning smile, which he returned with a tiny shrug. Mr. Coran showed up to give Keith his medicine just as they’d all started eating, and he agreed to stay for a slice of pizza at everyone's request. </p>
<p>Keith mostly stayed quiet while everyone chattered and laughed all around him, enjoying the familiar weight of Shiro's knee pressing into the side of his leg. It was noisy and lively, but on a much smaller scale than the Great Room, and he found himself feeling comfortable and content in the midst of these particular people. Growing up, family gatherings had mostly consisted of himself and his parents, and for the last year, it had just been him and his mom.</p>
<p>Was it wrong to feel like his definition of family had started to shift and expand? Or was this what his dad would have wanted for him?</p>
<p>All at once, he realized that his father had probably sat here at this very table countless times, sharing meals and stories and laughter with Sam and Colleen. With his mother.</p>
<p>"Keith, honey?" Colleen must've caught the expression on his face. "Are you feeling alright?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded slowly.</p>
<p>"Did… um. Did my dad eat in here?"</p>
<p>She smiled fondly at him.</p>
<p>"He sure did, sweetheart. Your mom, too."</p>
<p>"He was a bottomless pit," Sam added, leaning forward to smile at Keith from Colleen’s opposite side. "And he'd eat <em> anything. </em>" </p>
<p>"And he was great with a grill," Colleen said.</p>
<p>"But he couldn't bake worth a damn." Sam's eyes crinkled at the corners as he relayed the memory. "He'd take over the kitchen to try to impress your mom. Worst cookies I've ever tasted. And cupcakes, too- dry as the desert."</p>
<p>"She ate them, though," Colleen laughed.</p>
<p>"Well, <em> yes, </em> " Sam said. "But your mom's an honest woman, Keith. She never said they were <em> good </em>." He nodded, almost to himself. "But, yes. She did eat them every time."</p>
<p>Keith was smiling.</p>
<p>"That sounds like both of them," he said quietly.</p>
<p>It hurt to hear about, but the pain was laced with sweetness, just like the pain in his cheek.</p>
<p>He felt Shiro's hand on his back and turned to meet his smile. His plate was piled with slices of vegetable pizza.</p>
<p>"You know," Keith teased, "pizza's not supposed to be healthy. Vegetables kind of defeat the purpose."</p>
<p>Shiro laughed.</p>
<p>"I like vegetables!"</p>
<p>"No kidding, golden boy."</p>
<p>Shiro held up a slice from his plate.</p>
<p>"Swap you some broccoli for some Hawaiian monstrosity."</p>
<p>He wiggled the slice in front of Keith’s face.</p>
<p>Keith grinned, then leaned forward and took a bite. He chewed and swallowed, tasting garlic and broccoli and black olive. </p>
<p>He tried not to let it show on his face, but it was <em> good.  </em></p>
<p>“It’s edible,” he conceded, holding up a slice of pineapple for Shiro. “Open up.”</p>
<p>Shiro held his gaze as he leaned close and bit the end off the slice. </p>
<p>He scrunched up his face as he chewed, exaggerating every chomp.</p>
<p>"So dramatic," Keith laughed. "You're gonna let a little fruity pizza get to you?"</p>
<p>Shiro's expression shifted back to a teasing smirk.</p>
<p>"It's edible," he said.</p>
<p>They set about eliminating their individual slices again, keeping their knees pressed together under the table.</p>
<p>"Your parents used to do that, too," Colleen told Keith, leaning close to him, speaking in a hushed voice. </p>
<p>Keith looked at her, questioning.</p>
<p>"Teasing," she said with a smile. "Bickering over pizza toppings." </p>
<p>Keith's eyes went wide.</p>
<p>
  <em> Me and Shiro? </em>
</p>
<p>"But," Keith blurted, "we just-"</p>
<p>"It's okay," Colleen said kindly. "Don't mind me."</p>
<p>Keith stared while she turned her attention back to her pizza.</p>
<p>He looked at Shiro, who was laughing with his mouth full, trading slices with Matt. Keith pressed back against his knee a little, and Shiro looked at him, wearing a smile that made his eyes shimmer with silver.</p>
<p>He looked so <em> happy. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Could I make you this happy forever? </em>
</p>
<p>Shiro reached up and swiped at the corner of Keith's mouth with his thumb.</p>
<p>"Pizza sauce," he said, soft and teasing. "You're a mess, Sweet 'n Sour."</p>
<p>Keith nodded slowly.</p>
<p>
  <em> I really, really am. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>After lunch, Sam, Colleen and Matt led Keith and Shiro to the spare staff bedroom closest to the nurse's office. Sam wanted Keith to sleep there for the next night or two so Mr. Coran could tend to his cut and keep an eye on his fever, and Keith appreciated the concern, and the prospect of having access to a private bathroom again, but it was an effort for him to conceal his disappointment.</p>
<p>He doubted Sam would let Shiro stay with him all night, even if it occurred to Shiro to ask him.</p>
<p>He tried not to dwell for the time being, though. He would have to stay inside the Garrison until his fever broke, but Sam said that Shiro and any of his other friends could keep him company whenever he wished. </p>
<p>Matt volunteered to grab some of Keith’s clothes from their cabin, and when he came back, he was wearing his own backpack, too, which contained a tablet, a deck of cards, and a stash of chocolate chip cookies from the kitchen. He and Shiro piled onto the double bed in Keith’s new bedroom with Keith in the middle, and the three of them settled in to watch a movie on Matt’s tablet. It was animated and subtitled and Keith had never heard of it, but he liked it right away. </p>
<p>He was tired, though- yawning and then blinking to try to stay alert. Within a few minutes, Shiro had slid an arm around him and pulled him in close, and he found himself drifting, lost in the animated oceanscape on the screen and the warm comfort of Shiro's body.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Shiro told him. “You can sleep, Keith. I’ll stay here if you want me to.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Keith mumbled, burrowing deeper into Shiro's shoulder. "Maybe save the movie for me? It's really good…"</p>
<p>"Sure thing," Matt said. "We'll watch something else. Get some rest, buddy."</p>
<p>Keith let his eyes close while Matt stopped the movie and set something else to play. He curled up against Shiro's side and hugged Shiro's middle, smiling as the first notes of a familiar soundtrack started to play. <em> Jurassic Park. </em>One of his favorites. He knew it by heart.</p>
<p>"Comfy?" Shiro murmured. He had both arms around Keith. One of his thumbs was moving subtly between Keith's shoulder blades, slow and soothing.</p>
<p><em> "Mmm," </em>Keith hummed.</p>
<p>He was asleep before the helicopter landed on the island.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p><br/>Keith's dreams were often vivid to begin with, and taking medication tended to enhance them even further. He dreamed that he was in his bed at home, underneath the covers… warm and safe in Shiro's arms. </p>
<p>Something was different, though.</p>
<p>They weren't just holding each other.</p>
<p>They were <em> touching </em> each other.</p>
<p>Shiro's hand slid slowly, purposefully up and down Keith's side, defining a path from his ribs to the crest of his hip. He was letting the pressure ruck up the lower hem of Keith's shirt, exposing Keith's sensitive, heated skin.</p>
<p>Keith was trembling, his breathing shallow and jagged, his body straining toward Shiro every time his fingers touched his bare side. He had his forehead pressed to Shiro's cheek, his nose grazing the line of Shiro's neck. His hand cradled the back of Shiro's head, blunt nails dragging haphazardly through soft, short hair.</p>
<p>Shiro exhaled hot and ragged against the top of his head. He was trembling, too, or maybe shivering, reacting to the feeling of Keith's hands or fingertips. He inhaled, small and shaky… then breathed out Keith's name in the shape of a quiet, passionate moan, his hand finally grasping tight at Keith's bare hip.</p>
<p>
  <em> "Keith…" </em>
</p>
<p>Keith's eyes fluttered open.</p>
<p>It wasn't a dream.</p>
<p>Or… it <em> was </em> , because he and Shiro were still in the staff bedroom at Camp Sunset, and they were <em> on top of the covers </em> instead of under them… but almost everything else was the same. They were holding each other close, their legs a tangled mess, their faces pressed together… and Shiro's hand was wrapped around Keith's lower back, <em> underneath his shirt. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> "Nh-!" </em>
</p>
<p>Keith let go of a tiny, muffled sound as the shock of his circumstances set in. Shiro was hot all over; Keith could feel the warmth of him where they were touching- which was just about <em> everywhere. </em>His forehead was hot and damp where it was pressed tight against Shiro's burning cheek; his nose and mouth were mere centimeters from the heat of Shiro's neck; and his chest and stomach felt sticky with sweat where he was held tight against Shiro's front-</p>
<p>Held by <em> Shiro </em>, who was moving his hips and shoulders in tiny stretching motions, pulling Keith tight against his chest and torso with both hands, both arms-</p>
<p><em> "Mmnnh," </em> Shiro almost-whimpered, and Keith promptly lost his mind. His body lit up like a summertime firecracker. His hand tightened around the back of Shiro's neck, his hips pushed forward toward Shiro's stomach-</p>
<p>Keith was <em> hard.  </em></p>
<p>He was hard in his shorts and aching from head to toe, and Shiro was-</p>
<p>Shiro was-</p>
<p><em> "Shiro?" </em>he whispered, trembling.</p>
<p>Shiro didn't answer. He just let out a quiet sigh and pulled Keith in close, his hand a heated weight on the bare skin of Keith's lower back, branding him there.</p>
<p>He was asleep.</p>
<p><em> "Fuck," </em> Keith let slip. <em> "No…" </em></p>
<p>Shiro was <em> sleeping. </em></p>
<p>He wasn't doing this on purpose.</p>
<p>Keith wanted to cry.</p>
<p>This was all he wanted in the world- to be held close like this, to be touched <em> just like this </em> , to feel Shiro <em> wanting him back </em>…</p>
<p>And maybe Shiro did. Maybe Shiro <em> would. </em></p>
<p>But not if he let this go on.</p>
<p>Shiro was sleeping. He hadn't chosen this.</p>
<p>Keith was so hard that it hurt- and he couldn’t let Shiro know. He couldn’t let Shiro wake up and find out he’d let this happen.</p>
<p>Keith squeezed his eyes shut and let his lips touch Shiro's neck in a careful, almost-kiss.</p>
<p>Then he wrapped his hand around Shiro's upper arm and slowly, carefully pushed him away- just enough to slip out of his hold and bolt for the bathroom without looking back.</p>
<p>He pushed at the door blindly in an attempt to close it, then practically collapsed against the sink, breathing shallow, shivering breaths that sounded far too loud inside the tiny bathroom. He swallowed and shook his head, trying to clear the memory of Shiro's hot, solid body- of Shiro's hand pressing hard against his naked skin-</p>
<p>It was no use. He could still smell Shiro's scent, could still feel Shiro's arms around him.</p>
<p>He scowled at his reflection in the oval-shaped mirror- at his flushed, burning cheeks and the damp strands of hair that were stuck to his forehead.</p>
<p>He grabbed a handful of paper towels from a tray on the vanity. </p>
<p>He shoved his shorts and briefs partway down his hips... and then he took himself in hand.</p>
<p>
  <em> "Ah-" </em>
</p>
<p>He exhaled a whimper, his whole body tensing at the intensity of the feeling. God, he must've jerked off a million times in his life, but he'd never been hard like <em> this </em> . He'd never felt this sort of pressure, this sort of <em> pleasure </em> , so deep and frantic that he could hardly <em> see </em>-</p>
<p>A handful of rough, desperate thrusts into his tight, trembling fist had him coming hard and fast all over the wad of paper towels.</p>
<p>He gasped through it, blinking to try to focus. He shouldn't be doing this. This was <em> wrong </em> . What would Shiro think? Shiro hadn't chosen this, <em> Shiro didn't want this- </em></p>
<p>Keith wiped himself off and tucked himself away. He dropped the sticky, messy paper towels onto the vanity and then sagged against it, bracing his elbow on the hard, unforgiving surface, letting his forehead drop down against his palm.</p>
<p>What was he doing? How could he come back from this?</p>
<p>"Keith?"</p>
<p>He whirled part way around and locked his eyes on the door, which <em> hadn't fully shut- </em></p>
<p>Shiro was there, pushing it open, <em> staring right at him </em>-</p>
<p>"Keith, I'm sorry… are you okay? I didn't mean-"</p>
<p>Shiro stopped and stared- right at the wad of paper towels.</p>
<p>Keith drew in a pained, horrified breath.</p>
<p>"Shiro, <em> no </em>, I-"</p>
<p><em> "Oh," </em>Shiro whispered. "Shit. Oh, shit-"</p>
<p>He disappeared. The door clicked shut behind him.</p>
<p>Keith stared after him, wide-eyed and burning up with shame.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. It Was Like Magic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Fuck," Keith muttered. "Fuck!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He scrambled into action. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He straightened his shorts, pulling them further up his hips in the process. He tugged his shirt down - </span>
  <em>
    <span>God, he must've looked like such a mess </span>
  </em>
  <span>- and then turned around to assess the rest of the damage. He'd only jerked off one other time since he'd been here - quick and perfunctory in the shower, absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>thinking about Shiro - and the evidence of several days without an orgasm was clear as crystal, all over the discarded paper towels.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Shiro knew. He knew Keith had woken up in bed with him and snuck away to the bathroom to- to-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To do </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought bitterly, wiping up a stray smear that had splattered onto the counter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck is wrong with me?!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wadded the paper towels up into a tiny ball and then crumpled them up inside more paper towels, trying his best to conceal the evidence before he dropped the whole mess into the small waste basket between the sink and the toilet. He washed and dried his hands with a sort of restrained violence, glared at himself in the mirror, and then pushed his way back into the bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The </span>
  <em>
    <span>empty</span>
  </em>
  <span> bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course he was, Keith thought. Why would he stick around after that? Keith was supposed to be someone he could trust- not someone who groped him in his sleep, who </span>
  <em>
    <span>took advantage</span>
  </em>
  <span> like Keith had done.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wandered to the bed and climbed on top of it again, feeling hollow all the way through to his aching heart. He sat up against the headboard, hugged his knees to his chest, and stared at the mess of sheets and comforter he and Shiro had left in their wake. The bed was still warm from their bodies, from the heat of holding each other close…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's throat burned with the effort of holding back tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How could something so perfect come apart so quickly? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obviously, he'd known these feelings were there. He knew how much he wanted Shiro, could feel the depth of it in his whole body, almost all the time. But he'd thought he had those feelings under control. Shiro had been up front with him; he'd never been close to someone like this before, and Keith had had no intention of moving things further between them until he was absolutely sure it was what Shiro wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would've waited years.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would've waited a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lifetime.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would've spent the rest of his days snuggled safely, </span>
  <em>
    <span>platonically</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in Shiro's arms, if that was all Shiro ever wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He would've been happy that way. He knew it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now he'd thrown it all away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rested his uninjured cheek against the back of his hand as the tears started to fall, trying to soothe the itch and the sting- not that he deserved any measure of comfort right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat there alone, sniffling quietly, watching slivers of late afternoon light filter through the blinds and play across the foot of the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door to the bedroom opened. Keith lifted his head and saw Shiro there, watching him with concern, holding a bottle of water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keith?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was at his side in an instant, the water bottle discarded on the bedside table. Shiro leaned in close and cradled his face with one hand- gently, </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweetly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as if Keith hadn’t just ruined every good thing that had ever happened between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, Sweet ‘n Sour? Does it hurt?” Shiro shook his head. “Please don’t cry…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith let out a tiny sob. “Shiro…” He sniffed. He needed to get ahold of himself. “I’m so </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s eyebrows drew together. He looked about as heartbroken as Keith felt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Keith… no. C’mon. Come here.” Shiro moved further onto the bed and all but pulled Keith into his lap. He hugged him close without hesitation. “I’m sorry I barged in on you. I’m sorry I left. I shouldn’t have done that. I just- I just thought- </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I don’t know. But I’m sorry. Everything’s fine, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith hugged Shiro tight, struggling to process this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wasn’t upset?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But, Shiro, I-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Shiro soothed. “Don’t worry. Everything's fine. I’m here now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith settled into Shiro’s arms, totally overwhelmed. Shiro had to know what he’d done in the bathroom. Keith didn’t understand what was happening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not mad?” He buried his face in Shiro's shoulder. “You’re really not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro squeezed him so tight, the ache in his ribs eclipsed the ache in his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I honestly can’t imagine what it would take for me to be mad at you, Keith. Please, I just… I was sleeping, you were sleeping, and- and it’s okay now, right? We can be okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith shut his eyes and let relief flood through his body. “That’s what I want. I just want us to be okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too.” Shiro pet softly at his hair, then tugged at his ponytail. “That’s all I want, too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He held Keith close for another moment, then pulled away just enough to wipe at Keith's face with his knuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ugh," Keith mumbled. "I'm gross again."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," Shiro teased. "About as gross as pineapple on pizza."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hush. You liked it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mm." Shiro thumbed at Keith's nose. "Not as much as I like you." He reached over Keith and grabbed the bottle of water from the night stand. "Here. It's cold. I thought it would feel good if you were hurting. I think you're supposed to take more medicine soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was an effort for Keith to look Shiro in the face as he accepted the bottle. Shiro was right here, sweet and loyal as ever, and Keith really, truly didn't deserve him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a long drink.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> in pain. The physical kind. He hadn't even noticed until now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you," he said. "For the water. And for… staying with me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey." Shiro took the bottle away from him and set it aside again. He held Keith's face with both hands- lightly, far away from his cut. "Listen to me. I'm not going </span>
  <em>
    <span>anywhere</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Remember that, okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I will. I…" He winced. "God, Shiro, I thought I fucked this all up."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Impossible."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He drew Keith in close for another hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They laid their heads down on each other's shoulders and sighed in tandem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"See?" Shiro murmured. "I'm right here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith rubbed his nose into Shiro's shoulder. Everything felt safe and right again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You should have some of the cookies Matt swiped," he said. "You deserve all the cookies, Shiro."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro laughed softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"In a minute. You… um. You feel good, Keith." Shiro's arms tightened around him. "You always feel good to me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith took this in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did that include what had happened between them earlier, right here in this bed? Had Shiro been awake enough to feel the way they'd </span>
  <em>
    <span>touched</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if Shiro knew what he'd done in the bathroom, and he wasn't upset about it… did that mean he was okay with letting things get that far?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"</span>
  </em>
  <span>You feel so good to me, too," Keith murmured. "You feel like home, Shiro. Like I could go anywhere, and everything would be okay, as long as you stayed with me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something like a shiver moved through Shiro's body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You mean that?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His mouth was so close to the back of Keith's neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro pressed his face into Keith's hair, just behind his ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Then I will. I'll stay with you."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's breath trembled in his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did he mean…?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Shiro…"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A brisk knock at the door was all the warning they got before Sam Holt walked into the room. They pulled away from each other, but certainly not quickly enough. He'd seen them tangled up together, and it showed in his expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah," Sam said, eyeing them both while Keith cringed from head to toe. "Keith, you…" He cleared his throat. "How are you feeling?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm okay," Keith blurted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How's the pain?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uhm." Keith swallowed. "Not so great?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam nodded sympathetically.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're due for more ibuprofen. Could you go check in with Mr. Coran?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Sure."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He and Shiro both stood up from the bed and headed for the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro?" Sam rested a hand on Shiro's shoulder as soon as he was close enough. "Stay for a moment, please."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was phrased as a polite request, but Keith knew it was more like an order. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He left Shiro with a nervous wave and then headed down the hall to see Mr. Coran.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew he and Shiro had been pushing their luck for a while now- touching hands during the day, sneaking out at night, and then sharing a bed... but he refused to get too worked up about Sam's reaction. Things were okay between him and Shiro again. That was all that mattered. If they had consequences to face, they’d handle it together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith still had a low fever, and the pain in his cheek was getting distracting, so he took another dose of ibuprofen from Mr. Coran and inhaled a packet of peanut butter crackers before heading back toward his room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn't make it there, though, because Sam called to him from behind his office desk as he walked past the open door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith went inside, closing the door behind him at Sam's request, and then sat down in one of the comfortable chairs near the edge of his desk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How's the fever?" Sam asked conversationally. He didn't seem upset. That was a good sign.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Low," Keith said. "Still there, though."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Would you like to eat dinner in the staff room? Or do you feel up to braving the Great Hall?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh. Well… I'd rather eat with my friends, if I can."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam smiled. "Of course. Just make sure you take it easy. I'd like to see you sprinting around outside as soon as possible." His posture stiffened a bit, almost imperceptibly. "But… I do need to address something with you before you go."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded. No surprise there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam gazed at him for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm quite glad to see you and Shiro spending time together," he said. "It's clear that you care about each other very much, and I can't say I'm surprised. I'm relieved, really, after what you've both been through."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith resisted the urge to fidget.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I do need to insist upon some ground rules, though. Do you feel that that's fair?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith swallowed. "Yes."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good." Sam cleared his throat, suddenly businesslike. "If you're alone in a room together, the door must be open. You may hold hands and hug each other. If you feel inclined to take things further than that, I must insist that you wait until this session of camp is over."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blinked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We… no. I mean, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes, </span>
  </em>
  <span>that's all fine! Because we… we're just friends, you know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam's smile was infinitely fond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Keith… I know Shiro has shared some of his personal history with you. You know he lives with his grandparents, yes? And you know why that is?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Um. Yeah. He told me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"His grandparents are good people. They've made many strides over the years, but they are not necessarily what one might call… </span>
  <em>
    <span>progressive</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Shiro has done a tremendous job of forging his own path in that respect."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith stayed quiet, trying to puzzle through this information.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What I mean to say," Sam continued, "is that you may need to be patient with him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's eyes went wide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was Sam trying to give him </span>
  <em>
    <span>dating advice?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uhm. I…" Keith stopped to think. Shiro said he'd been happy growing up with his grandparents, but Sam was obviously like a parent to him, too. Sam </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro, possibly as much as he loved his own children. If Keith wanted to be part of Shiro's life, he should probably start worrying about making a good impression on the adults who were looking out for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I just want to be there for him," he finally said. "I want him to be happy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam let out an approving sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well. You certainly have a talent for that, kiddo. And I'm absolutely certain he feels the same way."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood up and came around to the front of the desk to lean on the edge of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We have to have rules to keep everyone safe," he said. "I know it must be hard, knowing that Shiro will be going home at the end of the week. I know it must feel like you have so little time together. But I don't think that's true, Keith. I think the two of you are just starting out. I think you have all the time in the world."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blinked up at him. He hadn't even considered that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You really think so?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam shrugged a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This place has a way of bringing people together. Keeping them together, too, more often than not."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded slowly. If anyone could know such a thing, it would be Sam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thanks," he said. "I… yeah. I like thinking about that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thought you might."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a bold knock at the door: three quick raps in succession.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Come in," Sam called brightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt was there when the door swung open, eyebrows raised. He looked at Keith and cupped one hand around his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Do you need to be rescued?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>he asked in a dramatic stage whisper that Sam could obviously hear. Keith giggled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. Everything's fine. Thanks, though, buddy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt grinned and gave him a thumbs up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro's getting some food for us. Want to eat in your room and finish that movie?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith couldn't think of a better way to end the night. He looked up at Sam, who smiled and nodded toward the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Dismissed," he said lightly. "Always a pleasure talking to you, Keith."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Same here," Keith said sincerely, standing up to head for the door. "Thanks, Sam."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Take it easy. You can have visitors until ten. And, Matt," Sam added, "keep things tidy in the bedroom, yes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt tossed him a teasing salute.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yessir!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He linked arms with Keith and maneuvered him into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Guess who was all nervous about you being cornered by my dad?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt said this with a knowing smirk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith didn't bother trying to deflect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah, well, he got cornered first. Is he okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Seems a little anxious. Otherwise fine. I think he's just worried about you." Matt squeezed his arm. "Like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really worried about you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's cheeks were burning, but he stood his ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What did he say?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt's expression turned kind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't worry. It's all good. Really, really good." He patted Keith's arm. "Maybe we can find some time to talk? Like, tomorrow? If you're feeling better?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah." Keith had been hoping for some time to talk to Matt alone. "That would be great."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Kay. You go relax, I'm gonna go help Shiro carry the food. Meet you in a few minutes?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded. He didn't mind skipping a trip to the Great Hall, given that the noisy chaos of dinner was already in full swing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thanks, Matt."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t have to wait long until the three of them were piled onto the bed again, sharing trays of hamburgers and potato salad and macaroni and cheese. It was a disaster waiting to happen, Keith knew, which made him even more grateful that Sam had allowed it in the first place. He showed his thanks by making sure they demolished every last bite without spilling. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt volunteered to return the trays to the kitchen, and then the three of them cozied up on the bed to finish the movie. Keith wondered whether Shiro might act differently with him after his conversation with Sam, but Shiro put an arm around him and pulled him close before long. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he hadn’t felt chastised after talking to Sam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he’d felt encouraged, just like Keith.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe they really did have all the time in the world.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like it for a while, too, as the three of them watched a second movie together and then rearranged to play a few rounds of cards on the bed while they finished off Matt’s cookie stash. But ten o’clock arrived eventually, heralded by a knock at the door from Sam, and Keith found himself confronted with the fact that he was about to spend the night sleeping alone for the first time since Shiro had accidentally fallen asleep in his bunk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt made a relatively tactful excuse to leave them alone for a minute, promising to wait for Shiro by the exit in the Great Hall so they could walk back to the cabin together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith and Shiro stood in the center of the room in a weighted silence, fidgeting awkwardly until Keith finally put his arms around Shiro’s middle and hugged him. He rested his head on Shiro’s shoulder, picturing what it was like to fall asleep there, wondering if or when he’d get another chance at it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you sleep okay,” he said. Would Shiro have bad dreams without him?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you do, too.” Shiro’s nose was in his hair. “I’ll miss going to the lake.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled, eyes closed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah? You’re not gonna sneak down there without me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah. No point in that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith sighed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to swim with you for real someday. When you’re ready.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s voice was quiet when he said, “Okay. I’ll make that happen.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith held on a little tighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See you tomorrow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’ll be here before breakfast. I mean, you should sleep in. But I’ll come check anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can come in. Even if I’m sleeping.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro squeezed him tight, then let go abruptly and headed for the door. He paused at the threshold, but he kept his body facing out toward the hallway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll miss you," he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He left without looking back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith stared after him, thinking that sleeping alone might be worth it, just to hear Shiro say such a thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll miss you too,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered to no one.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Keith slept fitfully. His dreams were like half-finished thoughts, shifting and rearranging without rhyme or reason. Flames flickered in the periphery, but more often than not, Keith found himself standing in the shallows of the lake, the cool water soothing the heat and the fear as it rippled in waves around his ankles. Shiro was there too, though at the end of it all, Keith found himself being carried off by some unknown force, drifting far away across the lake, leaving Shiro alone on the shore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He woke to raised voices in the hallway outside his room. He sat up, blinking himself back to alertness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Iverson, </span>
  </em>
  <span>his mind told him. Iverson's barking voice penetrated the walls, though it was too muffled for Keith to understand what he was actually saying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He slipped out of bed and padded silently to his door to listen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...have any idea what </span>
  <em>
    <span>time </span>
  </em>
  <span>it is, Shirogane?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith froze with his ear close to the door, eyes wide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know, I was just-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What? Smuggling camp sleeping bags out of the supply room? You and your friends planning to go sneaking around in the woods or something?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No!" Shiro sounded frantic. Keith felt a little sick. "I swear! I was- I was just-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Might we have this discussion more quietly, gentleman?" Keith breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of Sam's calm, measured voice. "You must know it's after midnight."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sam-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know, Mitch. He's out of bed and he shouldn't be. I'll handle it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Truly, I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I'll update you further on the circumstances tomorrow."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence for a beat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Right. Good night, then."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Night, Mitch."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith listened to Iverson's footsteps fade away. When Sam spoke again, his voice was even quieter, but Keith caught the gist of what he and Shiro said to each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...know better than this, Shiro."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. I'm sorry. But he's been sick… wanted to check on him..."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...a sleeping bag?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...in case it seemed like I should stay…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were quiet for a moment before Sam spoke again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...trouble sleeping?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Sometimes we talk, and it's…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...say something earlier?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"...didn't think you'd understand, I didn't think you'd let me…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>More silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I do understand… probably awake anyhow, damn Mitch and that voice of his…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith practically leapt across the room and back into bed, just before Sam opened the door and let the dim light of the hallway filter in. Sam gave him an appraising look while Shiro fidgeted at his side, staring at the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hi, Keith,” Sam said. “Sorry for the commotion here. Did we wake you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh,” he fumbled. “I don't think I was sleeping very well anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hmm. I suppose you and Shiro have that in common this evening." Sam put this hand on Shiro's shoulder. "Would it be okay with you if Shiro slept on your floor tonight?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blinked. Sam was going to let him stay?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes," he blurted. "Of course."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And you'll remember the conversation we had earlier?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Yes. I promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam looked at Shiro.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"On the </span>
  <em>
    <span>floor</span>
  </em>
  <span>," he repeated quietly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro winced without looking up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I know. I promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam nodded once. He looked at Keith.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Get back to sleep, all right?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We will. Thanks, Sam."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam gave him a hint of a smile and then disappeared down the hall, leaving the door ajar behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith slid off of the bed to meet Shiro as he approached. The room was lit with dim, amber light from the hallway, casting Shiro's eyes in bronze. He looked absolutely mortified.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro…" Keith put a hand on his forearm. "What happened? Did you have a bad dream?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro shook his head. He dropped the rolled up sleeping bag onto the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I couldn't sleep." He was looking away. "And I couldn't stop thinking about… about how you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span> up here…" He shook his head. "Stupid, I know-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No." Keith held onto Shiro's upper arms. Shiro looked at him and touched him back, palms cradling his elbows. Keith took a breath and said the words he'd thought to himself over and over again as he'd laid in bed alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I missed you, Shiro."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something like hope crept into Shiro's expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course." Keith jostled him a little. He gave him a playful smile. "Badass. Sneaking around in the middle of the night."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro smiled. He pulled Keith into a gentle hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Told you I could be a rebel."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mm. You had me convinced before tonight." He rubbed his cheek against Shiro's shoulder. "But… don't break too many rules because of me, okay? I know how important Sam is to you. I know you want to be a counselor. You shouldn't risk any of that."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro breathed a little sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If I do get to be a counselor, it'll be because of you, so… maybe I think you're worth the risk."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith held on tight, thinking about what it would be like to smash Sam's rules to tiny little pieces. Shiro was here with him, alone, in the middle of the night. Shiro had come here just for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro felt so warm and so </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>, like he might stay, like he might allow it, if only Keith could work up the courage to tilt his chin up and press their lips together...</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But no.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That would be risking too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I wasn’t gonna ask you,” he said instead. “But I wanted you to come.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s fingers were toying with the back of his shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I kinda thought so,” he said. “But… Sam. He said-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” It was an effort, but Keith forced himself to pull away. “It’s okay. Set up your sleeping bag. I have an idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith went to the closet in the corner while Shiro unrolled his sleeping bag and laid it out on the floor next to the bed. He'd explored the room briefly before lights out and noticed extra linens on the shelves inside, including a squashy comforter and two extra pillows, which he grabbed now and brought back to where Shiro had made his bed. He handed Shiro the pillows and then spread the comforter out on the floor next to the sleeping bag, leaving about six inches of wood floor in between.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think we'd be breaking any rules," he offered. "If I was just… next to you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro looked conflicted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But… Keith. You're sick."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I feel fine," Keith said truthfully. "Really. I'd rather… I mean, I don't know if I could sleep, knowing you were down there on the floor…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro watched him for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he grabbed Keith's pillows and blanket from the bed and arranged them neatly on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you're not comfortable," he said, sitting down on top of his sleeping bag, "you're going back in the bed."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith grinned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He worked his way into the nest of blankets and laid down on his side while Shiro did the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He watched Shiro's face across the small space, wondering if he'd thought about what had happened between them earlier that day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So… talking to Sam went okay?" he ventured. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He wasn't mad or anything. He can be strict, but he's always really fair. And he thinks… well, he said we're… good for each other."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith ached to move closer, to fold himself into Shiro's arms like he'd become so used to doing. It almost hurt, to be so close without </span>
  <em>
    <span>touching</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you think that's true?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was quiet for a moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he moved his hand onto the floor between them and held it there, outstretched in invitation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think maybe I've been waiting for you for my whole life," he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith took his hand. They clasped their fingers together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Then I'll stay with you," he said, feeling dizzy and light. "Like you said earlier. I'll stay, too."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew what he was promising. He wished he could tell Shiro what he really meant. He wished Shiro would say what he was really thinking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Promise?" Shiro's voice was low and hushed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I promise."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith watched Shiro's eyes fall closed. He thought he might be starting to fall asleep, but then Shiro's thumb started moving along the side of his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Keith… earlier…" He paused. Keith held his breath. "When we were sleeping…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith swallowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro kept his eyes closed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You were dreaming?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I… I think so, yeah."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's thumb moved slowly toward the inside of Keith's wrist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And it was… good?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith </span>
  <em>
    <span>ached</span>
  </em>
  <span> deep in his belly; his breath grew shallow as Shiro traced his sensitive skin. He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing the feeling of Shiro's fingertips moving underneath his shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stroked lightly at the back of Shiro's pinky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"It was like magic," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro traced his way up the side of Keith's hand again. He pressed the pads of their thumbs together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Good," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith shifted his hips, acknowledging the heat between his thighs. Flickers of fear licked at the back of his mind… but Shiro was awake this time. Shiro was making choices.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro couldn't see Keith getting hard underneath his blanket.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Shiro…" </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith went on whispering to keep his voice from shaking. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"What I did, after that… you really weren't upset?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"No. God, no, Keith…"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith was sure he heard a catch in Shiro's whispered voice. He opened his eyes and found Shiro's still closed, his strong brow furrowed, almost like he was concentrating. His mouth was just barely open, and as he touched his thumb down over the most sensitive part of Keith's wrist, his tongue became visible, tracing slowly at the corner of his upper lip…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith took in a quiet, trembling breath. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was Shiro getting hard, too?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blinked through the haze of his arousal. He licked his lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He touched lightly up the length of Shiro's index finger, then pressed into the pad of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro made a tiny, barely-there sound that cut into the silence of the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith's mind started to ramble. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Come on, Shiro, I know you feel it, too… please, it's okay, we can do this and be okay…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's fingernail scraped into the soft underside of Keith's wrist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith answered with a tiny "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah</span>
  </em>
  <span>," tracing down to the soft skin between Shiro's index and middle fingers. He shifted his right leg forward, angling his hips toward the floor until his dick made contact with the hard surface, watching as Shiro's body shifted and then shivered inside his sleeping bag. Shiro was breathing shallow, Keith could tell- his mouth working subtly as his chest rose and fell. Keith moved himself against the floor in a little grind, throbbing dangerously as the pressure registered, as Shiro's grip suddenly tightened around his hand-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro let go and sat up. He pressed his hand to his forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Bathroom," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he muttered, before he scrambled out of his sleeping bag and practically bolted for the tiny room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door banged shut behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Holy shit.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith sat up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was Shiro… could he be… </span>
  <em>
    <span>touching himself </span>
  </em>
  <span>in there?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's hand moved almost unconsciously to press over the hard mound of his dick. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he was even more of a mess this time around. He glanced quickly around the room, scanning for tissues- could he manage to finish himself off before Shiro got back?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>…No, he decided. Too risky. He'd just have to try to calm down, or maybe just wait until Shiro was finished-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A muffled sound came through from the other side of the bathroom door, like a wounded hum.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith stared, wide-eyed, aching for Shiro from head to toe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The faucet switched on. Keith listened to the sound of the water, then the toilet flushing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The door opened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's expression was unreadable across the almost-blackness of the room. He moved to the bed and sat down on the opposite edge of it, facing away from Keith.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"All yours," he said quietly. "If you need to."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith stared at the line of his shoulders, at the way his t-shirt was stretched tight over the broad span of his back…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stood up, crossed the room in a few easy strides, and shut himself inside the bathroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He braced his hands on the sink, letting his gaze linger on the wastebasket, which was filled halfway with wadded up paper towels.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He grabbed a new handful from the tray and thought about Shiro, standing right here, taking himself in hand…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thought about laying in Shiro's arms, feeling the heat of his skin and the weight of his hand on his back…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shoved his shorts and briefs down just enough to wrap his hand around himself. He thought of Shiro sitting on the bed a few feet away, waiting for him… </span>
  <em>
    <span>listening for him…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed his eyes as he started to touch and </span>
  <em>
    <span>grasp</span>
  </em>
  <span>, imagining that he could feel the solid weight of Shiro's arms around him- imagining that Shiro was the one bringing him off with desperate, quickening strokes…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He came with a quiet, shuddering groan, smiling all the way through it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was already back in his sleeping bag when Keith emerged from the bathroom. He was laying on his side, facing Keith's nest of blankets, so Keith laid down again, too, a little closer than he had been before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's eyes were open, and he was smiling a tiny, private smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Sweet 'n Sour."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled back at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey, Orpheus. Everything okay?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded, blinking sleepily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think everything's perfect."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hand was resting on the floor between them. He turned it over and extended his fingers, reaching for Keith all over again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith reached right back for him, clasping their hands together with gentle confidence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm really glad you're here tonight, Shiro."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro pulled Keith's hand closer and tucked it underneath his chin. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, almost nuzzling against Keith's knuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"I'll be here in the morning, too,"</span>
  </em>
  <span> he whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The whole of Keith's existence narrowed down to this one night, and then to this one moment. He heard what Shiro didn't say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I wanted this to happen.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You're safe with me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm not going anywhere.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith tilted his hand and moved his thumb until it was resting lightly at the corner of Shiro's mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he wanted to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'd love you forever if you wanted me to.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Sweet dreams, Takashi," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispered instead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. If He Ever Got Serious About Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Keith was pulled slowly into wakefulness by the feeling of Shiro’s thumb moving gently over his palm. He opened his eyes and found Shiro there, right where he’d left him, just like he’d promised he would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Shiro said softly. He was smiling. “Matt was here a few minutes ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith blinked. He squeezed Shiro’s fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Time to get up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I’m supposed to take you to see Mr. Coran.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm. Five more minutes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. At least get comfortable if you’re gonna stall.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat up, pulled Keith upright, and put his arms around him. Keith scooted as close as he could get and settled into the hug with a happy little sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe ten more minutes,” he said, burrowing into Shiro’s shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nope. Gotta get you checked out. Don’t worry, though. I’ll stay with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>stayed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d stayed by his side and held his hand all night long, even after…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After </span>
  <em>
    <span>what, </span>
  </em>
  <span>exactly? Keith remembered every moment of it in vivid detail, but he had no idea what it meant. It was the closest he’d ever come to sharing a sexual experience with another person… but he and Shiro hadn’t even touched each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>We touched hands, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he reminded himself, still in awe that something so gentle and innocent could lead to something so </span>
  <em>
    <span>intense. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shiro touched my hand. He touched me. He wanted to.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed like he’d wanted everything that came after that, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Would he want it to happen again?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Would he ever want something more than that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s cheek was resting on his shoulder. He was breathing slow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh huh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Last night?” Keith swallowed. “It was okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro held on a little tighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” he said softly. “I… yeah. But thank you. For asking.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith took this in. Neither of them had really figured out how to talk about where they stood with each other. This was the most Shiro had ever said about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t ever want to hurt you,” Keith risked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was quiet for a moment. Then he pulled away, though he kept his hands resting lightly on Keith’s sides.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will I be hurting you?” he asked. “When I have to go back home?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith stared, blindsided.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” He shook his head. “No! I mean, I obviously don’t want you to go…” He scowled in concentration. How could he possibly sum up how he felt about this without making a complete fool of himself? “But I’m not gonna lose you, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Shiro said. His voice was soft, almost sad. “Never.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith searched his eyes, feeling lost. Was Shiro holding back from him on purpose? Was he trying to shield Keith from the pain of their inevitable separation?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What else had he been trying to keep hidden?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro… you know you can tell me anything, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s expression grew even more pained.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I’m trying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wrong thing to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith pulled Shiro’s right hand into his lap and put some pressure on his palm, massaging gentle circles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I was just-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Keith, it’s not you-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m here for you, is all I meant-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s hand relaxed in Keith’s lap. Keith ran his fingertips lightly over his knuckles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We have all week,” he said softly. “It’ll be great. And after that, we’ll just figure it out. I think… well, maybe we have all the time in the world. Or… we could. If we wanted to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s expression finally brightened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.” He smiled, broad and sincere. “Yeah, you’re right.” He reached up and touched Keith’s cheek, just over the bandage. “You look better. I can’t see any red.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled back at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Imagine how good I’ll look without a bruised eye and a bandage covering half my face.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro tilted his head. His eyes moved slowly over Keith’s features.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your eye is better, too. Not that it matters. You’re already perfect.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s mouth fell open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hh- what?” he mumbled, though he’d heard Shiro perfectly well. Shiro had said something similar once before, in the dark, in their cabin… but it was startling to hear him say it so frankly when they were face to face, eye to eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s brow furrowed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I meant… you looked fine! Even when your eye was…” His scowl deepened. “I mean, even before, you always looked-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you’re perfect, too,” Keith said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro froze, wide-eyed, his rambling forgotten. He stared back at Keith for a moment, then bent at the waist and laid his head down on Keith’s chest, over his heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith hugged him close, wrestling with a mix of emotions. He hadn’t really meant to say the words. They’d just sort of fallen right out of him, as if they’d been tied to a string that Shiro was pulling on. It seemed like such a massive thing to admit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe too massive for Shiro to hear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was thinking,” Shiro murmured, pressing his cheek tight to Keith’s chest, “I’ll just ask Sam if I can stay again tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s inner turmoil settled a bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was an answer. It danced around the heart of what they meant to each other, but it was a lovely offering nonetheless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith had said, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you're perfect.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro had answered, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I'm staying.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith bent down and buried his face in Shiro's hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure you want to spend another night on the floor?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded. He had one hand splayed wide over Keith's lower back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm sure," he said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's fever was low enough that Mr. Coran granted him permission to move freely about the camp for the day, as long as he abstained from exercise and stayed out of the water. This would be easy enough to do, since weekends at Camp Sunset followed a more relaxed schedule. Campers could choose between a handful of ongoing activities: general sports at the field, swimming at the waterfront, and arts and crafts at the Garrison. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They could also come and go from their cabins as they pleased, which was how Keith found himself sitting on Pidge’s bunk in the Jaguar cabin later that morning, sandwiched between Matt and Shiro. Pidge was sitting on the bunk across from them with Lance and Hunk, while Allura and Romelle played cards on the floor with Adam, James, and Ryan. The trio from the Jackrabbit cabin were here too, including the purple-haired girl Keith now knew was named Acxa. He hadn’t talked to her much, but they had astronomy together, and he found himself running into her pretty often in the Great Room. She seemed nice enough, if not a little intense. He felt bad for her, too, since her two bunkmates were clearly dating, and she seemed like she probably felt like a bit of a third wheel.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a little stuffy in the small cabin with so many people inside, but it was nice, too. Keith had never been surrounded by so many people he liked so much. He was particularly enjoying watching Allura and Romelle dominate the card game. Adam was being characteristically competitive, though he complimented his opponents often, too. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith was feeling cozy, leaning comfortably against Shiro’s shoulder, when Lance suddenly cupped his hands around his mouth and called, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“SPIN THE BOTTLE!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A cheer went up around the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knew this was a tradition, and that most of the people in this room had probably already kissed each other at some point because of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He also knew he’d rather walk all the way back to New Mexico than kiss anyone who wasn’t Shiro.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um,” he mumbled. He looked at Shiro, who was a little pink in the face. “Can I just… watch?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Matt cut in. “No pressure, man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna sit out, too,” Shiro said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re gonna play?” Keith asked Matt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I will.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glanced across the room. “Is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Pidge </span>
  </em>
  <span>gonna play?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shrugged. “If she wants. We’d just get a do-over if we spun for each other.” He stood up from the bunk. “Don’t worry, it’s supposed to be funny more than anything else. Gives us all something to tease each other about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded. He could see that being true. Matt and Pidge shared the same group of friends; he supposed it wasn’t so strange for them to see each other kissing people in a friendly game.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He suspected Matt might not think of it so casually if he got the chance to kiss Allura, though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Shiro nudged him while everyone else started claiming seats in an oval shape on the floor. “You sure you don’t want to play?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very sure,” Keith said. “Plus, y’know.” He gestured vaguely at his face. “Pretty sure no one would want to kiss me with all this going on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro kicked gently at the side of his sneaker.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That isn’t true, Keith.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith kicked him back, feeling profoundly uncomfortable about the entire scenario after the night he and Shiro had spent together. It had been easy to avoid thinking about the moments of intimacy that had passed between them once they were surrounded by their friends again, but the idea of </span>
  <em>
    <span>kissing </span>
  </em>
  <span>had brought everything rushing back to the forefront of Keith's mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It occurred to him, though, that this could be an opportunity. Maybe he could use the game as an excuse to get Shiro talking about the kinds of things they hadn't found a way to disclose, yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith met Shiro’s eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’d really rather not play. But you should, Shiro, if you want to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t.” Shiro was definitely blushing now. “It’s really not my thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Here we go.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kissing?” he prodded. “Or playing Spin the Bottle?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro’s mouth fell open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uhm. Spin the Bottle. It’s just… not how I’d want to… y’know. Kiss someone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith looked back toward the floor. Someone had placed a tablet in the center of the group. They were trying to decide who would use an app to spin the animated bottle first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But… have you, before?" he asked, trying his best to sound casual. "I mean… have you kissed someone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have, yeah,” Shiro said. “Just one time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Interesting.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Okay. Um… do you want to tell me about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was quiet for a moment. Keith was about to apologize for bringing it up when he finally answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s this girl,” he said slowly. “Annalise. I didn’t even know her that well before, because she’s a year younger than I am, but she plays basketball too, so I’d seen her around.” He brought his hand up and moved his fringe away from his forehead. “Her friends told me she liked me, and she seemed nice, so I figured we could give it a try. We kissed once, at a dance, and then… yeah. It didn’t work out. She’s actually one of my best friends now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith remembered what Pidge had said about Shiro never sharing much about his personal life. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He seemed willing enough to talk about it now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Keith offered. “I’ve heard breakups can really suck.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro shook his head. “No. I was glad. It was a stupid idea in the first place.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How come?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well… I mean, I barely even knew her then. I don’t think I really had feelings for her.” He kicked at the side of Keith’s sneaker again. “Did you have feelings for your friend? The one you told me about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nudged at Shiro's shoulder and then lingered, pressing a little closer to him. Off to their left, Hunk and Romelle stood in the center of the circle and kissed each other shyly. They hugged each other after, while everyone else whistled and cheered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Reed?” Keith said. “No. We were just trying it out. Kind of like this game, I guess. He’s been trying to figure out if he’s straight or not.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>James spun next; he and Pidge bowed to each other dramatically before giving each other a chaste kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But… did you like it?" Shiro asked. "I mean… were you okay with… y'know. Kissing a guy?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith sat very still.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," he said quietly. "I'm okay with kissing guys." He tried to look at Shiro out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn't really read his expression. "...Are you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was sitting still, too. His shoulder felt warm through the thin fabric of his shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't know how to tell," he said softly. "I’ve never done it before."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's heartbeat faltered, then </span>
  <em>
    <span>thumped </span>
  </em>
  <span>against his ribs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Was this one of the things that was holding Shiro back?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well, I was nervous about it," Keith ventured. "I'd only kissed girls before Reed. Just two. And they were just friends too, so… yeah."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Did you like kissing them?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh. I think it was okay. I guess I've never really kissed someone I liked. Like, as more than a friend. So I don't really know what it's supposed to feel like."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah," Shiro sighed. "That's how I feel, too."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe when you find the right person, you just </span>
  <em>
    <span>know.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And it feels different, like the way people talk about it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro nodded slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm wondering if that might be true."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the floor, it was Adam's turn to spin. The digital bottle on the tablet pointed at Ryan when it finally stopped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh," Shiro mumbled. "Interesting."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mm? Why?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well… Adam's gay. Ryan's... not. Let's see how far they take it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith watched as Adam and Ryan stood up and faced each other. Ryan rolled his neck and shoulders, like he was getting ready to punt a football or something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Adam's gay?" Keith asked quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh huh. You didn't know? It's not a secret."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adam suddenly dropped to one knee. He picked up Ryan's hand and kissed the back of it with a flourish, looking very much like a storybook prince. Everyone laughed and cheered, including Ryan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Classy</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Keith thought. Adam had given Ryan an out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ryan didn't take it, though. He hauled Adam to his feet and kissed him square on the lips. He let it linger, too, renewing the pressure once before he finally pulled away. Then he raised his hand and wiggled his eyebrows until Adam rolled his eyes and gave him a high five.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Wow," Keith murmured. "That was… adorable. I think."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Ryan's a good guy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge spun next. The bottle landed on Lance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both looked a little flustered as they stood up from the floor to face each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"C'mon, Lance," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith leaned even closer to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Think there's something between them?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro gave a tiny nod.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Could be, if Lance would just pay attention…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge gave Lance a little bow, which put a fond smile on his face. He curtsied in return.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he held Pidge’s face with both hands and leaned down to give her a soft, sweet kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Bingo,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lance was smiling as he started to pull away… but Pidge didn’t let him go. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to meet her again. The kiss started off messy, but they settled into it before long, adjusting until their lips fit together like gears sliding into place. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa,” Keith murmured. It was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> kiss. Firm, but still a little cautious. Sweet but purposeful. It didn’t last long, but it was clearly mutually enjoyable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lance and Pidge both looked a little stunned when they broke apart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Applause from the group started at a trickle and then built to a thunderous crescendo.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge grinned, let go of Lance’s shirt, and went back to her seat on the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay then,” Lance said, cracking a smile before he did the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt leaned forward and spun as the applause died down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bottle whirled and then slowed, and then landed on Allura.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith saw her mouth turn up in a soft smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He saw the scowl that settled onto Lance's face, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt stood up quickly and offered Allura his hand, which she graciously accepted. He helped her to her feet, put his hand on her shoulder, and leaned close to whisper something in her ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her laughter was like softly chiming bells.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slid her arms around Matt's shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He rested both hands on her hips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He kissed her like he meant it, and she all but melted into it. They moved closer together until he was fully holding her, kissing her with a sweet sort of determination that made Keith shiver.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to be kissed like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted so badly to be kissed by Shiro.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Wow," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shiro whispered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Yeah," </span>
  </em>
  <span>Keith agreed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"That looks…"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"Yeah."</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt maneuvered Allura into a dip before they finally came up for air. He kissed her cheek while she giggled, then set her upright and kissed her hand, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith didn't miss the stormy expression on Lance's face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was about to mention it to Shiro when a phone alarm started beeping somewhere in the vicinity of Shiro's shorts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro fished his phone out of his pocket and silenced it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shit," he muttered. "Gotta get up to the Garrison."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Right.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro had chorus auditions today. He and Adam were both auditioning for solos that would be performed during their concert at the end of the week.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want to come up with us? Maybe rest for a bit?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith mulled this over. He wasn’t sure if he had the energy to spend time with Adam right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I’ll stay for a while, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was visibly disappointed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you’ll be back up for lunch, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled and gave a teasing shrug. "Eh. I was thinking of heading home early, actually. This whole camp thing is pretty lame."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro giggled and scrubbed his fingers through Keith's hair until it was a tangled mess.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hush. You love it here."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith caught his wrist and mussed up his fringe right back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. I do." He pushed at the side of Shiro's head with the heel of his hand. "Good luck. I’ll see you soon."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"'Kay. Later, Sweet 'n Sour."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sing pretty, Orpheus."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro stood up from the bunk and edged his way around their friends. He stopped when he reached Adam, offered him a hand, and pulled him to his feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith watched them leave together, trying to ignore the knot that had wound itself tight inside his stomach when Adam's hand had disappeared inside Shiro's grasp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Acxa spun next. When the bottle landed on Allura again, they leaned toward each other for a quick, chaste peck on the lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Acxa stood after that and made her way toward Keith, stopping to lean against the post of the bunk he was sitting on. She tucked her glossy purple hair behind one ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” she said quietly. “Are you too sick to play?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah. I’m okay. I just didn’t really want to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She tilted her head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you seeing someone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wh- uh-” Keith paused, trying to figure out her angle. He knew there were rumors circulating about him and Shiro. They hadn’t exactly been subtle about spending most of their time together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But they </span>
  <em>
    <span>weren’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> together, Keith reminded himself. Maybe that was what Acxa was hoping for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not really,” he hedged. “Just not my thing, I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s too bad." Her expression was impassive. “Maybe you’d rather be somewhere more private?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The knot in Keith’s stomach twisted tighter. He felt frustrated- mostly about being so uncomfortable in the first place. Acxa was gorgeous, her features sharp and defined, her dyed hair and heavily pierced ears betraying a rebelliousness that Keith found undeniably attractive. She was reserved in mixed company and deadly in athletic competition, and she’d proven herself exceptionally intelligent on more than one occasion during the astronomy elective, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was cool, and she was obviously interested in him. Keith got the feeling he could invite her back to his empty cabin right now and see exactly how interested she was, if he wanted to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he didn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wanted to sprint away from her and keep on running until Shiro was within arm’s reach again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess,” he offered. How could he brush her off without being impolite? “I just like to know someone really well before… y’know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyebrows went up a tiny bit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Before…?” She smiled a little. “Want to get some air? Maybe tell me more about-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“KEITH!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith’s eyes snapped to Matt, who was yelling for him from across the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come with me for a bit?” Matt called. “I need you for something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith fought off a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Thanks for the rescue, buddy.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s my cue,” he told Acxa, standing from the bunk. “Have fun with the game.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He left her with a tiny wave, then edged his way around the group on the floor, mumbled a few goodbyes, and followed Matt out into the woods.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The day was cloudy, which meant the forest pathways were refreshingly cool after the stuffy heat of the cabin. Keith found himself breathing deeply; he'd been suffocating in there in more than one way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So," Matt said conversationally, "how pissed do you think Lance is gonna be?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith grimaced.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"About you and Allura? Pretty pissed, I think. That was a serious kiss."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt sighed dreamily. "It was, wasn't it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Allura didn't seem like she minded. What did you say to her?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah. I told her I wasn't sure if I'd ever get another shot, so I wanted to make it perfect. She said that was okay, so… yeah. I went for it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think that's good. I think she likes you, too."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt looked at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Really?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. You treat her well. You listen to her. She notices."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Huh. Guess I'm gonna have to have it out with Lance, then. We're overdue anyway."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because of Pidge?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Like, I love him, you know? But he can be an idiot about dating."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah… but I think Pidge can hold her own. She knows how he is. She likes him anyway."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hmm. Yeah. That's true."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They eventually reached the outdoor lounge area that marked the center point between all the campers' cabins. There were a handful of hammocks set up between conveniently spaced trees, along with a wide circle of wooden chairs around a fire pit that Keith had never seen lit before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He and Matt chose two chairs and lounged in the shade for a while, watching the clouds move through the sky overhead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So… Keith?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith turned his head to look in Matt's direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh huh?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Acxa. Seems like she's got a thing for you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith chewed the inside of his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not sure why. I've barely even talked to her."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt raised an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not interested?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. Definitely not."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt nodded slowly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Listen, buddy. You know I'm really glad you're here, right? Like, I've pretty much been hoping we could be friends again since I was a little kid, and I really want to keep on being friends after this summer, too."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith couldn’t help but smile at that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Me too, man. Definitely."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay. But it's just that… well, Shiro's basically my brother. So I just wanted to ask… how do you feel like things are going with you guys?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith breathed a little sigh. He'd been wanting to have this conversation, but now that it was happening, he wasn't even sure what to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I honestly don't know. I mean, good? Amazing? Except... I guess I have no idea where we stand."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yep. I kinda figured." Matt moved a hand through his unruly hair. "But you like him, right? Like… a lot?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. A </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But… I mean, I want to be friends, if that's what he wants. I don't want to screw that up."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nah. You're not gonna screw things up with Shiro. But, like... he snuck into the Garrison to sleep with you, right?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith felt his cheeks grow hot just at the reminder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. And we… I mean, I think something sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>happened.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Matt’s eyebrows shot up. Keith shook his head and held up a hand, trying to halt whatever assumptions he might be making. “No, not like that, we didn’t even really touch each other. But it was… </span>
  <em>
    <span>something. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I dunno. Ask him about it, I guess, because I have no idea what it meant.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what it meant,” Matt said. “He cares about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that. But I think it’s more complicated than that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. You’re right about that.” Matt fidgeted with a twig he’d plucked off the ground. “Look, Keith, I just… I wanted to make sure you're serious about him. And I know it's not even fair to ask about it-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm serious," Keith blurted. "Um. I mean. If he ever got serious about me… I'd be serious about him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt hummed his approval.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good. You guys are gonna need to hash it out between the two of you, but just so you know… I think you're kinda perfect for him."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith's heartbeat faltered a bit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That meant a whole lot, coming from Shiro's best friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"That's… wow. I just… he's kind of amazing, you know? If I could make him happy… I mean, I guess that's what I want. To make him happy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt fixed him with the sappiest smile he'd ever seen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're so cute, man. All lovestruck and shit? It’s adorable."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith rolled his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're one to talk, loverboy."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Mm. Two peas in a pod, you and me."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro and Adam had already claimed a table in the Great Room when Matt and Keith arrived there for lunch. They were working their way through huge plates of salad, though Keith couldn't help but notice Shiro had also hoarded a separate plate of watermelon slices. He took the seat on Shiro's left and nudged him with an elbow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Finished with auditions already?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro grinned at him and slid the plate of watermelon in his direction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. The watermelon was going fast. Figured you'd want some."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith smiled down at the plate. He did love watermelon, but he couldn't remember ever talking about it. Shiro must've noticed how often he grabbed it before taking anything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thank you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pressed his sneaker against Shiro's foot under the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro pressed back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So how'd it go?" Matt asked. "Did they assign the solos already?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro got the big one," Adam said. "Fair and square. He was great."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was shaking his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You're better in the higher end of your range. Your solo is just as good. They just gave you the one that works better with your voice."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adam rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"He's being nice, as usual. But thanks, man."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Congratulations," Keith said. "Both of you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro says you can sing, too," Adam said. "You have one more year as a camper, right? You should go for chorus next year if you come back. Carry the torch for us."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith shrugged a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe. I've never been in a chorus before. Not really sure if it's my thing."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's probably not," Shiro confirmed. "But you'd be great anyway. You should do it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hmm. Okay. I'll think about it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took a bite of watermelon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was cool and sweet and entirely delicious.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Most of the campers headed straight for the field after lunch for another Capture the Flag tournament. The Lions and the Jaguars took off at a run as soon as they got outside the Great Room, but Shiro pulled Keith off the path and held him back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey," he said, looking a little flustered. "Sorry, just… wait a sec?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded, intrigued.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure. What's up?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh." Shiro cleared his throat. "It's kinda stupid. It's okay if you laugh."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith shook his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You can tell me. I'm not gonna think it's stupid."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I… . yeah. Okay. So I was hanging around with the lower camp kids at arts and crafts while the auditions were going on. They were making these bracelets…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He reached into his pocket and pulled out a length of woven thread. The stitches were black, with evenly spaced rows of red breaking up the solid color.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No one was using the black or the red… and you wear those colors a lot, so..." Shiro smiled nervously. "Okay, yeah, this is so lame-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No!" Keith held out his hand. Shiro gave him the bracelet. "You made this?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yeah. Um. For you."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith held it up and looked at the tiny, even stitches, realizing that Shiro had put thought and effort into every single one of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"For me?" he echoed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well… yeah."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"When did you learn how to do this?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro was blushing furiously, but he was smiling, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I tried a bunch of new things with my hands when I was in PT after my surgery. For dexterity and stuff, y’know?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith gazed up at him, more desperate than ever to fling his arms around Shiro's shoulders and press their lips together. Kind as Shiro was, he was definitely a jock. Keith doubted that many of his teammates back home were spending time making bracelets for their friends.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>God, Shiro was so special.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I love it," Keith said. He slid his arms around Shiro's middle and hugged him. "Thank you. It's really, really cool."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt Shiro's whole body relax into the hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I… um. I wanted to do something you'd love."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith closed his eyes, memorizing the details of the moment: the shrieks of laughter in the distance, the heat of the sun and the warmth of Shiro's body, and the way Shiro's voice sounded when he said the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>love.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he pulled away and held up his left wrist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Help me tie it on?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro stared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want to wear it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What else would I do with it?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Uh- right!"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro wrapped the bracelet around Keith's wrist and fed the braided end through a loop on the opposite side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not sure how easy it'll be to get it off. I should've put a clasp on it or something-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not gonna take it off," Keith said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro smiled even wider. His fingers touched lightly against Keith's wrist as he secured the knot in place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay. How's that feel?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Feels just right."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro held onto his wrist for another second, then moved his hand in a slow caress until their fingers were clasped together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith circled Shiro’s knuckle with his thumb, gazing up into his wide, stormcloud eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Feels perfect,” he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They took their time walking to the field together, and then they sat on the sidelines to cheer for their friends as the Capture the Flag tournament unfolded before them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro had no interest in playing, he said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He just sat in the grass with Keith and held his hand, right there in broad daylight, where anyone could see.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. I'll Show You How I Feel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was obvious tension between Lance and Matt when the Lions met back at their cabin during the free period after the tournament. Hunk made the mistake of mentioning something funny Allura had said during one of the games, which led to Lance slamming his bureau drawer shut and flopping onto his bunk in a huff. Matt, Keith and Shiro exchanged glances from where they were piled onto Shiro’s bunk, and then Matt stood up to approach Lance at a cautious pace.</p>
<p>“Hey, buddy.” He hovered close to the edge of Lance’s bed. “Wanna talk?”</p>
<p><em>“Now </em>you wanna talk?”</p>
<p>Keith felt Lance’s biting tone like the sting of a papercut. He could handle himself in a confrontation, but seeing two of his friends at odds made him feel prickly with anxiety. He scooted a little closer to Shiro’s side and tucked his knees up against his chest.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” Matt conceded. “I should’ve talked to you before. I was kinda hoping you-”</p>
<p>“What?” Lance sat up and leveled Matt with a heavy glare. “You were kinda hoping I wouldn’t care that you’re going after the girl of my dreams?”</p>
<p>Matt took a measured breath before he answered.</p>
<p>“Lance… two days ago you were talking about Allura and <em>two other girls </em>you couldn’t choose between. <em>Yesterday </em>you were fantasizing about making out with Adam. Are you really gonna be pissed at me if I’m not so sure your feelings for Allura are all that genuine?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” Lance squawked. “I’m gonna be pissed at you! You’re supposed to be my friend, man! I’ve liked Allura <em>forever</em>!”</p>
<p>“Along with how many other people? You really think she’s gonna go out with you if you're still getting distracted by every other pretty person you know?”</p>
<p>“I tell you that stuff because you’re my friend! I don’t talk about other people in front of her-”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter!” Matt’s voice was getting louder now. Keith had never seen him lose an inch of his cool before. “<em>She’s </em>my friend too, Lance, and maybe I don’t like the fact that you think you can stake some kind of claim on her! Are you gonna tell me you wouldn’t go for it if Romelle walked in here right now and dragged you into the woods?”</p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p>“I’m sick of it! I like Allura, okay? I <em>only </em>like Allura! If you really cared about her like that - if you really <em>acted </em>like it - I wouldn’t have kissed her, okay? I wouldn’t try to get in your way! But you don’t <em>act </em>like it, man! You’re playing the field! And you’re not even paying attention to the people who actually <em>like </em>you!”</p>
<p>The anger in Lance’s expression softened at that.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Matt tipped his head back and breathed his frustration out through his nose.</p>
<p>“You heard me.”</p>
<p>“But… who are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“See? This is exactly what I mean. You had an <em>incredible </em>kiss with someone today, and you weren’t even paying attention.”</p>
<p>Lance’s eyes went wide.</p>
<p>“Pidge?!”</p>
<p>“Duh! How much more proof do you need? How do you think she feels, listening to you go on and on about the list of people you’d kill to get a date with?”</p>
<p>Lance looked almost stricken with shock.</p>
<p>“But… she’s my friend-”</p>
<p>“No shit! Newsflash, Lance- <em>you’re supposed to date your friends! </em>You know, people you actually care about? People you like spending time with? People who stick by you even when you’re being an oblivious jerk?”</p>
<p>Lance blinked.</p>
<p>“But… she’s your sister, man…”</p>
<p>Matt seemed to calm at that. He scratched his fingers through his wavy hair before he answered.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She is. And I’d be pretty psyched if she ended up with someone I love like a brother. But it's definitely not gonna be you if you’re still chasing every single attractive person in the Northern Hemisphere.”</p>
<p>Lance scowled. Keith took that as a good sign. It seemed like Matt was getting through.</p>
<p>“You’d really be okay with it if I went out with Pidge?”</p>
<p>“If you liked her for real? If you liked her better than anyone else? If you really, really cared about her?” Matt nodded. “Yeah. I would.”</p>
<p>Lance went quiet.</p>
<p>Matt kicked idly at the duffel bag that was under his bunk.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt about Allura,” he said. “I’m gonna ask her to the dance. I hope you can be okay with that.”</p>
<p>Lance nodded. He was staring at a spot on the floor.</p>
<p>“So… are we cool?” Matt prodded.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Lance laid down on his back again and stared at the underside of the upper bunk instead. “We’re cool.”</p>
<p>Matt lingered for a moment, then wandered back to his and Shiro’s corner of the room, where Keith was leaning heavily against Shiro’s shoulder, trying not to let his agitation show in his expression.</p>
<p>“You guys want to head down to the waterfront?” Matt asked, jabbing his thumb toward the door.</p>
<p>Keith answered in the affirmative. He thought he might feel better if he were in motion.</p>
<p>He let Shiro pull him up from the bunk and then went over to Lance’s bedside.</p>
<p>“Come with us?” he offered, flicking at Lance’s sleeve. “I’ll let you braid my hair if you want.”</p>
<p>Lance went on staring up at the bunk above him.</p>
<p>“Gonna hang here for a while,” he said. “I’ll see you there later.”</p>
<p>Keith didn’t love the idea of leaving when there was still so much tension hanging between Lance and Matt, but he had to admit it might not be the sort of thing any of them could easily fix. He agreed with everything Matt had said, but he also knew Lance had good intentions at heart. Lance hadn’t set out to hurt anyone, and it sounded like he might’ve been disregarding or downplaying his feelings for Pidge because he was worried Matt might not approve. Keith couldn’t blame him for needing some time to think it over.</p>
<p>Hunk decided to stay behind too, so Keith followed Shiro and Matt out of the cabin and toward the waterfront.</p>
<p>He wondered what Pidge was thinking after kissing Lance <em>like that</em> this morning.</p>
<p>He wondered if Lance could learn to appreciate Pidge the way she deserved. Allura’s name certainly fit her- she was stereotypically beautiful. Glamorous, even. But Pidge was beyond brilliant. She was witty and fun. She was loyal and fierce about it. She deserved to have people lining up to impress her just as much as Allura did.</p>
<p>Keith hoped Lance could realize that quickly enough to mend things with Matt.</p>
<p>“Keith?”</p>
<p>The idea of Lance and Matt being at odds with each other made him feel nettled from head to toe, as if something essential in his life had gone off-kilter and he couldn't figure out how to set it right.</p>
<p>“Hey. Sweet ‘n Sour.”</p>
<p>He looked up at Shiro.</p>
<p>"Huh?"</p>
<p>Shiro stopped walking and tugged him to a halt with a gentle hand encircling his arm. Matt stopped walking, too.</p>
<p>"You okay?" Shiro's gaze was soft but scrutinizing. "Where'd you go just then?"</p>
<p>Keith didn't bother trying to deny it. It was a little unnerving, how well Shiro could read him. He stepped close and tucked himself into Shiro's side, and then he looked at Matt.</p>
<p>"You and Lance are gonna be okay, right?"</p>
<p>Matt looked shocked, then sympathetic.</p>
<p>"Of course!" He put his arms around Keith and Shiro and squished Keith up against Shiro's front in a close hug. "Keithy Kat… I'm so sorry I freaked you out!"</p>
<p>Keith was comforted enough to let the awful nickname pass.</p>
<p>"I'm fine. It's okay. I know you guys have some stuff to work out."</p>
<p>"We've seen Lance mad before," Shiro offered. His voice vibrated low and soothing where Keith's head was pressed to his chest. "This wasn't that. He just needs some space."</p>
<p>"And I'm not gonna let things get bad," Matt promised. "I love that idiot. Like, I'm gonna make sure he doesn't break my sibling's heart… but I'm gonna make sure he and I are good, too."</p>
<p>Keith gave Matt a little squeeze and closed his eyes. It was nice, being sandwiched between two people he trusted so much. Maybe his infection had worn him out more than he’d wanted to admit to anyone, including himself.</p>
<p>"That's good," he mumbled. "I get it. I really do. Pidge is lucky to have you."</p>
<p>Matt rested his cheek against the side of Keith's head.</p>
<p>"You're a sweetheart, you know that, buddy? Looking out for all of us."</p>
<p>Keith felt himself relax even further.</p>
<p>"Well… you all talk about being like family. That's worth protecting."</p>
<p>Matt and Shiro squeezed him in tandem, supporting his full weight.</p>
<p>"You're our family, too," Shiro said.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Matt agreed. "We missed you for so long."</p>
<p>"I missed you guys too." Keith wished he could fall asleep right here in the warmth between them.</p>
<p>"You okay?" Shiro's voice was quiet and teasing. "You feel a little floppy, sweetheart."</p>
<p>Keith felt a little pulse of excitement at that.</p>
<p>
  <em>Sweetheart?</em>
</p>
<p>Did Shiro suddenly feel safe to say such a thing because Matt already had?</p>
<p>"You're comfy," Keith admitted, trying to hide his blush in Shiro's chest.</p>
<p>"Someone's sleepy," Matt prodded. "Let's get you down to the waterfront. We'll keep you cozy."</p>
<p>Matt and Shiro kept their arms around him as they steered him the rest of the way to the lake. Then Matt grabbed a beach blanket from the boathouse and spread it out over the grass near the shore, and they all laid down together- Keith in between his friends with his head on Shiro's chest and Matt's side pressed up against his back, feeling safer and more at peace than he'd ever felt in his whole life.</p>
<p>He fell asleep listening to the sounds of laughter echoing off the lake, undercut by the strong, steady beat of Shiro's heart.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>"Lights out, you three."</p>
<p>Sam smiled at Shiro, Keith and Matt from the doorway of Keith's room up at the Garrison. The three of them were still munching on popcorn while they watched a movie on Matt's tablet, but it was Sunday night, which meant they had to be up early the next morning.</p>
<p>Keith didn't feel tired in the least… but he couldn't say he was disappointed by Sam's reminder. As much as he loved hanging out with Matt, he was about to spend another whole night alone with Shiro.</p>
<p>"Josh is finishing up in the staff lounge," Sam told Matt. "He can walk down to the cabins with you."</p>
<p>"Sure thing."</p>
<p>"Need anything, Keith?"</p>
<p>"I'm good, Sam, thanks."</p>
<p>Sam smiled at him.</p>
<p>"Glad to see you feeling so much better."</p>
<p>He disappeared down the hall, pointedly leaving the door halfway open.</p>
<p>Matt switched off the tablet and then flopped onto his back across Keith and Shiro's laps.</p>
<p>"It's weird going to bed without you guys," he said. He nudged his knee playfully into Keith's stomach. "Go to sleep at some point. You need to convince my dad you feel good enough to come back to the cabin tomorrow night."</p>
<p>"Don't worry." Keith tickled behind his knee. "I feel way better. Mr. Coran said I can do all my electives tomorrow as long as I don't run or go under the water. I'll be back in the cabin tomorrow night."</p>
<p>"Good. I think Lance will come around quicker with you guys around."</p>
<p>Matt hugged Shiro around the middle, then sat up in Keith's lap and hugged him, too.</p>
<p>"Ooh," he mused. "You're comfy. I can see the appeal, Shiro."</p>
<p>Keith giggled while Shiro hauled Matt off of him and deposited him onto the edge of the bed.</p>
<p>"'Night, Matt!" Shiro was glaring, his voice saturated with false friendliness. "See you tomorrow!"</p>
<p>Matt chuckled as he stashed his tablet and some snacks in his backpack.</p>
<p>"Have a nice night," he said cheerily.</p>
<p>He blew them both kisses before he shouldered his pack and left through the partially open door.</p>
<p>"He was just teasing," Keith offered, hoping Matt's comments hadn't unnerved Shiro too badly.</p>
<p>"Yeah." Shiro was blushing a bit. He was also rolling his right shoulder, kneading into the front of it with his left hand. "He's a tease, alright."</p>
<p>Keith put his hand on Shiro's knee.</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>"Mm. Yeah. Probably shouldn't have picked him up like that. Stupid shoulder."</p>
<p>Keith winced. He couldn't imagine what it must be like for Shiro - strong, athletic, powerful Shiro - to feel like he'd lost control over his body.</p>
<p>"Here." He gently pulled Shiro up from the bed. "Let's get ready for bed, and then I'll try to help, okay?"</p>
<p>The frustration eased from Shiro's expression.</p>
<p>"Okay. Uh. I brought my toothbrush this time."</p>
<p>Keith grinned.</p>
<p>"Good call. I wasn't gonna say anything about your popcorn breath, but…"</p>
<p>"Hush!" Shiro was laughing. "Yours is just as bad!"</p>
<p>They brushed their teeth together in the tiny bathroom, elbowing each other playfully for lack of space in front of the sink. Shiro made a show of inspecting Keith's handiwork by holding the corners of his mouth open and tapping at his teeth, paying special attention to his canines.</p>
<p>"Hmm," he mused, testing each point with the pad of his thumb. "Sharp."</p>
<p>Keith nipped at Shiro's finger; it seemed like the thing to do.</p>
<p>"Ah-!" Shiro looked shocked. His mouth spread slowly into an incredulous smile as he shook out his hand. "Damn! You could do some damage with those!"</p>
<p>"Yep," Keith teased. "Watch out."</p>
<p>He strode out of the bathroom without giving Shiro a chance to answer, shocked at his own boldness.</p>
<p>They made their beds side by side on the floor just as they'd done the night before. Keith sat up on his knees on top of his nest of blankets while Shiro finished straightening his sleeping bag and sat down next to him, and then he reached over to put a cautious hand on Shiro's right shoulder.</p>
<p>"I could… uh." He gave Shiro's shoulder a careful, gentle squeeze. "Would it help if I…?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Shiro said quietly. "If you don't mind…"</p>
<p>"No. Of course not."</p>
<p>Shiro looked at him for a second, almost intensely, like he was thinking really hard about something.</p>
<p>Then he turned to the side, grasped the lower hem of his shirt, and pulled it off.</p>
<p>He dropped it onto the floor and then laid down on top of his sleeping bag, facing away from Keith.</p>
<p>Keith stared for a moment, frozen in place, his eyes moving over the expanse of Shiro's bare back.</p>
<p>He wished he had the words to tell Shiro what it meant to him to be trusted like this. He wished he could describe the strange, unfamiliar mix of affection, admiration and <em>want</em> he felt right now, looking at Shiro like this.</p>
<p><em>"Oh," </em>was what he managed to say instead. "I'll get the light."</p>
<p>He got up and switched off the lamp that stood on the nearest night stand, then settled onto his knees again, facing Shiro’s back.</p>
<p>He’d daydreamed often about what he might do if he ever got permission to touch the parts of Shiro’s body that were normally hidden by his clothes. Now that it was actually happening, though, he felt more terrified than anything. What if he didn’t do this right? What if his hands didn’t feel good? What if they shook so badly that he couldn’t control what he was doing?</p>
<p>What if Shiro decided he didn’t want Keith to touch him like this again?</p>
<p>Keith squeezed his fingertips into his palms, took a silent, wobbly breath, and then put both of his hands on Shiro’s shoulder.</p>
<p>He aimed the heel of his right hand for the groove around the shoulder socket, where he often felt sore himself. He kept the pressure feather-light, though; he had no idea how much force Shiro could take after being injured so severely. He thought about the circular scar that was now hidden underneath his palm, letting the reminder of Shiro’s trauma ground him.</p>
<p>“More, less, or just like that?” he asked softly, recalling the way a physical therapist had once prompted him when he’d strained his wrist a couple years prior.</p>
<p>“More,” Shiro answered. “Don’t worry about hurting me.”</p>
<p>“Hush. I’ll worry all I want.”</p>
<p>Shiro made a laughing sound.</p>
<p>Keith smiled to himself, feeling a little more at ease.</p>
<p>He pressed with a bit more force, rubbing slow, tiny circles around the curve of Shiro’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Mm,” Shiro mumbled. “Just like that.”</p>
<p>Keith felt another unfamiliar twinge, a feeling somewhere between excitement and sadness. He didn't want Shiro to be in pain… but at the same time, he wanted <em>all of this</em>- the closeness, the trust, the physical sensation of Shiro's smooth skin warming in response to his touch. He moved his left hand carefully toward Shiro's neck and then up the side of it, trying to soothe the tension he found there, and Shiro made a quiet, private sound.</p>
<p>It was the kind of sound Keith had never heard another person make in real life.</p>
<p>It was the kind of sound that made him want to press his mouth to Shiro's bare shoulder instead of his hand.</p>
<p>"It's okay, Shiro," he murmured, thinking about everything Shiro had said to him and <em>done</em> for him since he'd woken up with a fever. "I'm gonna take care of you."</p>
<p>Shiro didn't answer.</p>
<p>Keith's hands stilled. He swallowed, wondering if he'd finally taken a step too far.</p>
<p>But then Shiro reached up, took hold of his right hand, and pulled it underneath his arm and forward, all the way to the center of his chest. Keith followed, laying down behind Shiro, ultimately pressing his chest to Shiro's bare back when Shiro tugged on his wrist to pull him even closer.</p>
<p>He pressed his face into Shiro's hair, behind his ear- his doubts erased so thoroughly, he didn't even hesitate to curl his arm tight around Shiro's chest.</p>
<p>"I can't wait a whole year to see you again," Shiro said quietly, seriously. "That can't happen."</p>
<p>"No," Keith agreed. He settled in even closer, laying down on Shiro's pillow in the process. He pressed his forehead to the back of Shiro's head. "That won't happen. We'll figure it out."</p>
<p>"Promise me." Shiro held tight to Keith's wrist, as if hanging on with enough force could stop both of them from leaving this place.</p>
<p><em>"I promise," </em>Keith whispered.</p>
<p>He flattened his hand over Shiro's heart and <em>pressed</em>, just to give more dimension to the words.</p>
<p>Shiro seemed to settle a bit after that, but Keith couldn't help dwelling on how <em>temporary</em> this felt. It was like these moments were stolen out of time, too few and too fleeting. He wanted to give them more life. He wanted to make them more permanent. He wanted to tell Shiro exactly how he felt.</p>
<p>He wanted to kiss every square centimeter of Shiro's bare skin.</p>
<p>He was trying to be patient, to wait for a sign that Shiro was ready to take that step… but they were running out of time.</p>
<p>Maybe Shiro was waiting, too.</p>
<p>Maybe he’d been giving Keith signs all along.</p>
<p><em>Soon, </em>Keith decided. If Shiro didn’t know how to take the leap, Keith would have to be the one to do it. He would tell Shiro exactly how hard he was falling. He would hold Shiro close and press their lips together and pray that Shiro felt the same.</p>
<p>Shiro had promised they would never lose each other. Keith just had to prepare himself to put that promise to the test.</p>
<p>“Keith…” Shiro spoke in a hushed whisper. “If Sam sees us-”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry.” Keith hugged him tight. “I’ll tell him I had a nightmare. I’ll tell him you were sleeping the whole time.”</p>
<p>Shiro gave his head a tiny shake. The soft, short hair at the back of his head tickled against Keith’s forehead.</p>
<p>“No. I was gonna say… it’s worth it, anyway. Even if he sees. Even if we get in trouble.”</p>
<p>Keith took in a silent, shaky breath.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he agreed. "It's worth it."</p>
<p>He curled himself around Shiro: chest-to-back, bent knees tucked behind bent knees.</p>
<p>Shiro clasped his hand around Keith's so that his fingers were tucked underneath Keith's palm.</p>
<p>"How's my popcorn breath?" Keith asked, teasing.</p>
<p>Shiro's chest moved with silent laughter.</p>
<p>"I wasn't gonna say anything, but…"</p>
<p>"Hush. I'm minty fresh."</p>
<p>Shiro giggled out loud, then. Keith grinned at the sound of it.</p>
<p>"Sure," Shiro said. "But popcorn breath would've been okay, too."</p>
<p>"Yeah? You'd still want to sleep with me?"</p>
<p>The words were out of Keith's mouth before he'd fully thought them through. He tensed; <em>sleeping together </em>wasn't a phrase he and Shiro said out loud to one another.</p>
<p>Shiro only squeezed his hand tighter, though.</p>
<p><em>"Yeah,"</em> Shiro whispered. <em>"I would."</em></p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>At some point in the night, their positions became reversed. Shiro held Keith from behind while they both slept, his bare chest pressed tight to Keith's back.</p>
<p>Keith was still mostly sleeping when he felt Shiro's hand slip underneath the front of his shirt and <em>press</em> into the flat of his belly.</p>
<p>Keith sighed, his eyes closed, his barely-conscious mind aware of nothing but the warm weight of Shiro's body surrounding him. He clasped his hand over Shiro's and stretched, flexing his hips and his spine… and Shiro breathed out a rough, quiet noise, shifting in his sleep to press their bodies together even tighter.</p>
<p>When Keith woke fully the next morning, he was on his back with Shiro sharing his pillow, breathing against the weight of Shiro's arm where it was thrown haphazardly across his middle. But he remembered how Shiro's broad hand had moved underneath his shirt in the middle of the night… and how, at some point, he'd felt Shiro's hardness pressing a line across his lower back. The impression was dreamlike, all hazy around the edges, but Keith was sure it had really happened.</p>
<p>He was sure there was more between them than either of them had figured out how to say.</p>
<p><em>Soon, </em>he thought again, tilting his chin until his forehead was almost touching Shiro's. <em>I'll tell you. I'll show you how I feel.</em></p>
<p>Before the dance, he ultimately decided. It was Monday morning, and the dance was on Thursday night. He had four days to work up the courage to tell Shiro what he knew for sure, now:</p>
<p>They belonged together.</p>
<p>He thought of kissing Shiro’s lips.</p>
<p>He raised his left wrist to his mouth and kissed the bracelet Shiro had given him instead.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith spent most of breakfast in the Great Room trying to come up with a plan he could make himself stick to. He'd wait until he and Shiro were alone, of course, so they'd have plenty of time and privacy to talk and… to do whatever might come after the talking part.</p>
<p>That was a nice daydream. He had to pull himself out of it more than once.</p>
<p>At night, then. After the rest of their bunkmates were asleep, when Shiro was laying next to him in his bed, looking so sweet and sleepy, already so close that Keith would barely have to move to kiss his mouth…</p>
<p>Or maybe at the lake, when they were both already shivering, already holding each other, seeking warmth and comfort… Keith would stand up on his tiptoes and-</p>
<p>"Do you think we should say something?"</p>
<p>Keith blinked the fantasy away. Shiro was leaning in close to him, obviously very interested in his opinion about something other than making out in the middle of the night. Keith followed his gaze and saw that he was watching Lance, who was across the table and one seat down, poking half-heartedly at his breakfast and looking uncharacteristically sleepy and stony-faced. He leaned forward to see that Matt was in roughly the same shape on Shiro's opposite side, pretending to eat while he stared at a spot on the table.</p>
<p>They weren't <em>fighting</em>, Matt had said. Things were just tense.</p>
<p>"Hey, Lance," Keith called. "I took too much bacon. You want some?"</p>
<p>Lance looked up at him with a small smile.</p>
<p>"Nah. Eat your protein. Gotta get you back in the lake and all."</p>
<p>"I have extra, too," Matt said. He picked up two pieces of bacon from his plate and reached over to drop them onto Lance's without waiting for confirmation.</p>
<p>Lance's smile disappeared, but he acknowledged Matt with a nod.</p>
<p>"Thanks, man."</p>
<p>"Sure thing, buddy."</p>
<p>They both turned their attention back to their plates and took a few bites for real this time.</p>
<p>Keith considered it a win. They weren't <em>fighting.</em> They were just… <em>thinking.</em></p>
<p><em>“Brilliant,” </em>Shiro whispered, nudging at his knee under the table.</p>
<p>Keith nudged him back, resisting the urge to drag him off to some secluded corner and pour his heart out then and there.</p>
<p>Lance stayed quiet all the way through archery, which was a legitimate first, and Pidge seemed withdrawn, too, though Keith wasn't sure if the two abnormalities were related. He and Pidge usually walked down to kayaking together after archery, but this time she told him she wasn’t feeling well and had already decided to skip the next elective. He offered to walk her up to the Garrison to check in with Mr. Coran, but she quietly declined and set off by herself, leaving him to ponder the situation while he headed down to the waterfront alone.</p>
<p>Matt seemed relatively unfazed when Keith filled him in down at the lake, but when Pidge didn’t appear within the first five minutes of lunch, he finally conceded that something might really be wrong. He was about to head for his father’s office when Allura approached their table, toying with her fingers and looking absolutely miserable.</p>
<p>“Matt,” she said quietly, her muffled voice matching her red-rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks. “I think I’ve made a mistake.”</p>
<p>Matt stood up and touched her arm in a consoling gesture. Keith glanced across the table toward Lance and found him watching the exchange intently.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Matt prompted. “Is something up with Pidge?”</p>
<p>“I think so. I… I might’ve said something rather insensitive. I truly didn’t mean it that way, it just <em>came out </em>before I’d thought it through… and now she won’t talk to me, and I can’t find her anywhere. Have you seen her in the last hour?”</p>
<p>Matt was already fishing his phone out of his pocket.</p>
<p>“No. Hang on. Let me see if she’ll answer me.”</p>
<p>He tapped at the screen, waited a moment, tapped again, and then nodded.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She’s okay. Uh… let me talk to her, though, before you try again. Okay?”</p>
<p>She nodded, looking marginally relieved.</p>
<p>“Tell her I’m sorry. Tell her I… I <em>love </em>her, truly, no matter what. Will you tell her that?”</p>
<p>Matt smiled fondly at her.</p>
<p>“I’m sure she knows that. But yeah, I’ll tell her.”</p>
<p>Allura sniffed, stood up on her tiptoes, and kissed Matt’s cheek.</p>
<p>Then she retreated to a nearby table and sat down next to Romelle, who flashed a melancholy smile in their direction before sliding a comforting arm around Allura’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“Guys,” Matt said, addressing Keith, Shiro, Lance, and Hunk. “Pack up your food. Bring some extra for Pidge. Plenty of cookies, okay? This is a rescue mission.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. I Don't Know How To Tell You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Angst warning for this chapter, watch out!</p><p>Thanks so much for all the awesome feedback lately. You all give me a lot to look forward to &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Lions found Pidge in their cabin, curled up under the covers on Matt’s bunk, wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled close around her face. Keith instinctively stepped closer to Shiro, his insides twisting with apprehension. It was way too warm during the day to be comfortably bundled up like that. Something was very wrong.</p><p>“Pidge,” Matt murmured, reaching up to pat gently at her arm. “We brought food. Come down and sit with me?”</p><p>She blinked at him once, then nodded.</p><p>The five Lions made themselves busy while she climbed down, giving her time and space. Keith and Shiro retrieved some snacks from their backpacks - fresh fruit and veggies in paper cups, sandwiches and cookies and brownies wrapped in paper towels - and set them down on their dresser before retreating to the edge of Keith's bunk. Hunk and Lance unpacked their share of the food too, then lingered near the foot of Keith's bed while Pidge sat down cross-legged next to Matt on Shiro's bunk.</p><p>"Hey there," Matt said softly. He reached up to thumb gently at her nose, which was the only part of her he could easily reach with her hood drawn in close around her face like that. "You hungry?"</p><p>She didn't smile, but she didn't push him away, either.</p><p>"No. I'm… no."</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>"That's okay. We could watch a movie, or play cards… or you could tell us what happened, if you want." He tugged lightly at the edge of her hood. "Want to come out of there and talk to us?"</p><p>"It's okay," Lance added, in a confident tone that took Keith by surprise. "It's gonna be fine, Pidge. Whatever it is, we'll help, okay?"</p><p>She looked at him. Her lower lip wobbled a bit.</p><p>She reached up and pulled her hood down from her head.</p><p>They all had the good sense to stay quiet as the reason for the hood became evident, though it may have been due to shock more than anything else.</p><p>Pidge's long, wavy ponytail was gone.</p><p>Her hair fell in a blunt, uneven mess around her head.</p><p>"Pidge," Matt said evenly. "Did you do this?"</p><p>Keith heard the unasked question:</p><p>
  <em>Did someone do this to you?</em>
</p><p>"Yeah," Pidge said. Her voice was tiny. "I did it. I was just… <em>upset-"</em></p><p>Her face crumpled, but only for a moment. She didn't cry.</p><p>"It was stupid," she went on, scrunching at the loose fabric of the front of her sweatshirt with both hands. "I was just so sick of feeling so <em>weird</em> all the time, and then Allura…"</p><p>Matt reached up to tuck some of the blunt strands behind Pidge's ear.</p><p>"What did she say?"</p><p>Pidge gave a miserable shrug.</p><p>"We were just talking. About the dance. She asked if I was going to wear <em>boy clothes </em>to the dance, too. She said I would look more like a boy if I cut my hair to match." Pidge looked defiant… then sad. "And I know she didn't mean anything by it, I know she's just curious… I know I haven't <em>explained</em>… but I don't even know if I'm trying to look like a boy! What does “<em>boy” </em>even look like, anyway?! I'm just trying to look like <em>me</em>…"</p><p>"You do," Matt told her. "You do look like <em>you.</em>"</p><p>"No. I look like I lost a fight with a food processor."</p><p>Keith would never have laughed at a time like this, but the spark of it was there at the back of his throat. Pidge was witty and sharp, even in the midst of her own crisis.</p><p>"This is nothing," Matt said, gesturing to her short, choppy hair. "We'll fix it."</p><p>She looked at him, her eyes wide, almost pleading.</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"Oh," Lance mumbled. He snapped his fingers twice in Matt's direction. "Um. Josh. You have his phone number, right?"</p><p>Matt nodded. "Yeah-"</p><p>"Do <em>not </em>bring Josh here," Pidge pleaded.</p><p>"No!" Lance put up his hands. "No, of course not, I just have an idea. Matt, give me your phone…"</p><p>Pidge rested her head on Matt's shoulder while Lance copied the number to his own phone and started tapping away at the screen. Within a minute he was heading out the door, asking them all to stay put and promising he'd be back soon.</p><p>Keith took the opportunity to step in.</p><p>He bumped affectionately into Shiro's shoulder, then grabbed a cup of carrot sticks and ranch dressing from the dresser and sat down on the edge of Shiro's bunk, near Pidge's knee.</p><p>"I chopped some of my hair off once," he said, offering her the cup.</p><p>She sat up and took it.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Uh huh. Fourth grade. I'd started to let it grow out that year. Couple older kids said it made me look queer."</p><p>Pidge's eyes widened. She was munching on a carrot.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah. I didn't even know what that word meant. I mean, I knew what it meant to be gay, or, like, not-straight, but I'd never heard that word before. I figured it must mean something really bad, so I went home and tried to cut my hair shorter. It was a mess."</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>Keith smiled at the memory.</p><p>"My parents found me in the bathroom with pieces of my hair all over the place. I told them what those kids said, so they explained what it meant… and then I felt really stupid, because being queer sounded fine to me, and those kids were jerks anyway, y'know? My mom fixed my hair for right then, but I let it grow again after that. And then I let it grow out even longer like this in sixth grade because…" He smiled at her. "Well, I am queer, I guess."</p><p>She froze.</p><p>Then she thrust the cup of carrots into Matt’s hands and threw her arms around Keith’s neck.</p><p>“Me too,” she mumbled into his shoulder, her eyes squeezed shut.</p><p>
  <em>I’m queer too.</em>
</p><p>“Yeah, well,” Keith laughed, lightly patting her back. “Happens to the best of us.”</p><p>She giggled, then.</p><p>“You really are the best,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re here, Keith.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>She sat up then, sniffling a tiny bit.</p><p>“Do people still give you shit about your hair?”</p><p>“Not to my face. Some freshmen came after me and a couple of my friends once when we were in eighth grade… guess they didn’t know I’d been taking kickboxing for years. But now they do.”</p><p>She grinned.</p><p>“Maybe you can teach me.”</p><p>“Sure. You’d be great.”</p><p>“Hope so.” She pointed up to her hair. “I don’t think I can come back from this. I mean… I don’t think I even <em>want </em>to.”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“What <em>do </em>you want?”</p><p>She chewed her bottom lip for a second, then said, “I want to feel okay about… not really feeling like a girl.”</p><p>He nodded again.</p><p>“And not really like a boy, either?”</p><p>“Right. Yeah. Not really.”</p><p>He smiled at her.</p><p>“Might take a while. But we all feel okay about who you are. Right, guys?”</p><p>“Yes,” Matt said firmly, taking hold of her arm. “Always. No matter what.”</p><p>“No matter what,” Shiro echoed.</p><p>“Love you, Pidge,” Hunk said simply.</p><p>Pidge finally started to cry, then.</p><p>Keith and Matt hugged her in tandem.</p><p>“See?” Keith prodded, squeezing her tight. “The gray area isn't so bad. You want a sandwich?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Lance returned before long, carrying a duffel bag with all of Josh’s haircutting supplies inside. It turned out that Josh’s bald head was an aesthetic choice, and since his beard was always meticulously groomed, Lance figured he must’ve been keeping supplies with him in his counselor’s cabin.</p><p>Lance knew exactly what to do with them, too, after years of practicing on his siblings at home. He knelt behind Pidge on the floor of the cabin and worked legitimate magic with a pair of scissors and an electric clipper, and when he was finished, she was sporting a buzzed undercut with the top styled in loose waves that fell to one side, skimming the top of her ear.</p><p>She stared at herself in the mirror that hung on the wall by the door for a long time, combing her fingers through the waves, practicing flipping the part from side to side.</p><p>Lance stared after her, looking absolutely awestruck. Keith couldn't blame him, either.</p><p><em>“She looks AMAZING,” </em>Hunk said in a stage whisper, patting Lance on the back.</p><p>Pidge turned around, then, facing all five of them with a smile.</p><p><em>“They</em> look amazing,” Pidge corrected. “Okay?”</p><p>Hunk nodded. He looked at Lance.</p><p>“They look amazing, don’t they?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Lance said softly. “They look incredible.”</p><p>Pidge walked right up to Lance, pulled him down by the collar of his shirt, and kissed his cheek.</p><p><em>“Thank you,” </em>they whispered.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Shiro was quiet while he and Keith walked down to the waterfront sometime after 1:00 AM that night. Keith wasn't worried about it, since Shiro kept hold of his hand as they made their way through the woods. He was hopeful, actually. So much had happened between them in the last few days. If Shiro was taking time to process it all, that was probably a good thing.</p><p>They stripped off their sweatshirts and t-shirts and left them on two chairs in the grass. Shiro could easily walk into the water up to his knees at this point, so they waded that far and then stopped, taking in the view of still water and silhouetted mountains, their hands clasped tight between them.</p><p>Keith gave Shiro as much time as he could stand to, but eventually he started to wonder whether Shiro needed him to break the silence.</p><p>"Hey," he said quietly. "You got in really quick, huh? That’s really good. How deep do you want-"</p><p>"Keith?"</p><p>Shiro cut him off and looked at him, as if he hadn't heard him talking at all.</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>He chewed the corner of his lip for a second before he spoke again.</p><p>"You're okay with being called… queer?"</p><p>Keith tilted his head. Shiro was curious. This was good.</p><p>"Yeah. Like… with people I trust. Why?"</p><p>Shiro looked uncomfortable.</p><p>"It's an insult of choice at my school. I mean, there's just this one group of guys who say it, along with a bunch of other stupid stuff, so it's not like it's <em>everyone</em>…" He moved his fringe restlessly away from his forehead. "What does it mean when <em>you </em>say it?"</p><p>"Oh." Keith thought about it. "Well… you know I'm not straight, right?"</p><p>Shiro nodded. "But you're not… gay?"</p><p>"Uh. I don't think so? Maybe I don't really know yet? That might be why I like the word. Kinda gets the point across without having to spell out every detail of what it all means."</p><p>Shiro nodded slowly.</p><p>"And your friends back home? They all know?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"And your mom?"</p><p>"Uh huh. I’ve never wanted to hide it from her."</p><p>Shiro let out a breath. “Wow. And… and, um…"</p><p>Keith raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"It's okay. You can ask me anything."</p><p>Shiro still looked nervous, hesitant.</p><p>"And… do you feel like a boy?"</p><p>Keith smiled. "Yeah. I think so. But, I mean, stereotypes suck, you know?"</p><p>"Like what?" Shiro looked genuinely curious.</p><p>"Well, like, one time, I was hanging out with some people at a friend's house - Rosa, she's in the band, she lives pretty close to me - and she asked to put makeup on me. And, like, why not? But then… I guess I kinda liked the eyeliner. I tried it at home a couple times after that."</p><p>Shiro's eyes were wide, reflecting moonlight.</p><p>
  <em>"Wow."</em>
</p><p>Keith giggled.</p><p>“So much <em>wow</em>, Orpheus."</p><p>“Yeah. Yes. It’s amazing. All of it. And you were so incredible with Pidge earlier, too. So <em>confident. </em>God, I wish I could be like that.”</p><p>Keith laughed, incredulous.</p><p>“Shiro. You’re, like, one of the most confident people I’ve ever met.”</p><p>Shiro shook his head.</p><p>“Might look like it. I’m not, though. Not like you.”</p><p>Keith stayed quiet for a moment. He wanted to convince Shiro, to help him see how amazing he truly was… but he also knew what it was like to feel scared and conflicted. He often found himself where Shiro was now- questioning, hesitating, wondering if he'd ever understand his own feelings.</p><p>"You got back in the water," he murmured. "You snuck out in the middle of the night to come see me. You went through hell growing up, and just look at you now, Shiro. You're so, so brave." He let go of Shiro's hand and tentatively touched the center of his back. "And if you need help being brave about other things… then I'll help you."</p><p>Shiro gave his head a tiny, disbelieving shake. He pulled Keith in close with both arms, and Keith shivered at the contact, suddenly very aware that they were both naked from the waist up. Shiro's shoulder was warm when Keith rested his cheek against it. He was always warm like this, as if some tiny star lived somewhere inside him, lighting him up, making him shine.</p><p>"Help me get up to my shoulders," Shiro said.</p><p>"Yeah. Of course. I'll be right here. You'll be safe, Shiro. I promise."</p><p>Shiro let his chin drop onto Keith's shoulder.</p><p><em>"I know," </em>he whispered.</p><p>They moved slowly into the deeper water of the lake, their arms locked tight around each other's waists.</p><p>Shiro had declined the support of the gummy candy tonight. Maybe, Keith thought, being together was enough.</p><p>"Watch out for your cheek," Shiro said, his voice wobbly with the effort of wading through his fear. "I need you to get better."</p><p>Keith's face burned at Shiro's phrasing.</p><p>"I am better. You've been taking good care of me."</p><p>"Keith. You know what I mean."</p><p>Keith smiled.</p><p>"I'll be careful. I promise. But it's going to be fine. Mr. Coran said the bandage might come off tomorrow."</p><p>"Yeah." Shiro's brow was set. They were waist-deep in the water. "And then we'll swim together. I'm going to swim with you."</p><p>"Kick my ass, probably."</p><p>"Mm. If not this week… then someday."</p><p>"And we'll play the last tournament together." Keith was watching Shiro closely. Talking was helping. They were almost there. "I'll have your back. We'll be great, just like the first day we were here."</p><p>"You were great," Shiro breathed out. "You really were. You blew my mind that day, you know that? More than once."</p><p>"Give me time. I'm not done yet."</p><p>Shiro <em>laughed. </em>The sound of it carried far away across the lake, toward the tree-lined shore in the distance.</p><p>The water was up to Keith's shoulders. Shiro would have to step ahead of him now.</p><p>"Keith…"</p><p>"I know. Here. Turn around."</p><p>Shiro turned to face him. He held tight to Keith's waist, under the water.</p><p>Keith reached up and let his hands curl gently around the sides of Shiro’s neck.</p><p>Some of the tension in Shiro's expression eased, but not enough for Keith's liking. This was the farthest they'd ever gone together.</p><p>Was this the moment? Should Keith finally close the distance between them? Would that give Shiro the courage he needed to keep going?</p><p><em>No</em>, Keith thought, his heart hammering a painful rhythm in his chest. <em>Selfish.</em></p><p>Shiro needed him as he was. He needed a friend, a trusted companion. He needed to focus on the task at hand.</p><p>"Like this," Keith said softly. "Just keep looking at me. Take two steps back and you'll be there."</p><p>He let his hands fall away from Shiro's neck.</p><p>He pulled Shiro's hands away from his waist and held them tight, under the water.</p><p>"You can do this," he said. And then he started to sing.</p><p>
  <em>There is freedom within, there is freedom without</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup</em>
</p><p>He paused. Shiro took a long, shaky breath, and then joined in.</p><p>
  <em>There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But you'll never see the end of the road</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While you're traveling with me</em>
</p><p>He took a step back.</p><p>
  <em>Hey now, hey now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't dream it's over</em>
</p><p>He squeezed Keith's hands; Keith's fingers ached all the way down to the bone.</p><p>
  <em>Hey now, hey now</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When the world comes in</em>
</p><p>He held Keith's gaze, his features set, his chin held high.</p><p>
  <em>They come, they come</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To build a wall between us</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We know they won't win</em>
</p><p>He took one more step backward.</p><p>The water covered his shoulders and lapped at his neck.</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>"Keith…"</p><p>"Shiro!" Keith wiggled their clasped hands under the water, bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement. "You did it! You fucking did it! I knew-"</p><p>Shiro surged forward with a whoop and hoisted Keith up into a hug. He held him partway out of the water, his arms locked tight around Keith's middle, his whole body vibrating with nervous excitement. Keith whooped in answer, holding tight to Shiro's shoulders, taking in the utter joy in his expression.</p><p>"Keith!" Shiro was walking them both toward shallower water. "I'm gonna swim again! I'm gonna fucking swim-"</p><p>"I know you are, <em>of course </em>you are-"</p><p>"Right here. With you. Tomorrow, or as soon as that bandage comes off…"</p><p>Shiro went on babbling, but Keith didn't really hear. He was too busy basking in the impossible beauty of Shiro's happiness. His whole face was alive with it, from his strong brow to his bright, shimmering eyes to his wide, perfect, smiling mouth…</p><p><em>Now, </em>Keith's mind whispered.</p><p>He was remembering every secret they'd shared, every song they'd sung together, every comforting embrace. He was thinking about the size and weight of Shiro's hands, touching his body, holding him up. He was thinking of Shiro breathing slow and even, sleeping so soundly, so peacefully on his chest. He was thinking of Shiro slipping quietly out of their cabin in the middle of the night and walking alone through the winding pathways of the forest just to see him- just to spend another night by his side.</p><p>He was thinking of Shiro holding him from behind, making soft, secret sounds, touching his naked skin while he dreamed private dreams.</p><p>
  <em>Now.</em>
</p><p>"Shiro," he murmured, looking down into those perfect silver-gray eyes.</p><p>Shiro had been speaking, but he stopped. He stood still in the waist-deep water, still holding Keith up, his chin tilted high so that they were just an inch apart.</p><p>"I… I need to tell you…"</p><p>Shiro's eyebrows drew together. His expression was so open, so sweet and fond, words failed Keith altogether.</p><p>So he leaned down and slowly, cautiously, pressed his lips to Shiro's cheek.</p><p>He lingered for the span of a breath, then pulled away.</p><p>Shiro stood frozen, his expression stunned, his lips just barely parted…</p><p>So Keith leaned in to kiss his mouth.</p><p>Their lips never met, though. There was no press of heated skin, no sighing breath, no hum of stifled, wanting voices.</p><p>Nothing Keith had pictured came to pass.</p><p>Instead, Shiro let go of him, leaving him to slip back into the water as he took a startled, stumbling step back.</p><p>Keith stared, completely mortified, his breath already quickening toward full-blown panic.</p><p><em>"Shit…</em> Keith-!"</p><p>He took in the position of Shiro's hands - Shiro was holding them out of the water, palms facing out - but beyond that, Keith couldn't process much that he was seeing.</p><p>He turned and headed for the shore in long, purposeful strides.</p><p>"Wait-!"</p><p>"No," he answered. He was on autopilot, being driven forward by some deep, instinctive part of himself while the rest of him was paralyzed with shock and shame.</p><p>"Keith, please, where are you going-?"</p><p>"Bathroom," Keith said. He didn't look back. "Don't follow me."</p><p>"But-"</p><p><em>"Don't follow me</em>, Shiro."</p><p>He jogged out of the water as soon as he was able. He paused in the grass for long enough to grab his shoes and t-shirt and then headed off to the left, toward the longer trail that would wind its way past the bathrooms before circling around to the cabins.</p><p>He left the sweatshirt he'd been wearing behind.</p><p>He couldn't imagine touching something of Shiro's right then.</p><p>"Keith-!"</p><p>He winced at the anguish in Shiro's voice, but he didn't answer. He didn't stop.</p><p>He stepped barefoot onto the wooded pathway and let the forest swallow him whole.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>He was shaking violently by the time he reached the bathroom. He barricaded himself inside one of the changing rooms, sank down onto the bench that was bolted to the wall, and tucked his knees tight against his chest.</p><p>He cried, then, in great, heaving sobs that echoed in horrifying bursts off of the wood and concrete. He begged the universe to keep the bathroom empty until he could get himself under control, because anyone who came within a few feet of the wooden structure would certainly hear him… and how could he possibly explain what had happened?</p><p>How could he have gotten this so wrong?</p><p>Shiro cared for him. Shiro held his hand and stroked his hair and slept in his bed.</p><p>Shiro promised to stay with him.</p><p>Shiro told him he was perfect.</p><p>But none of that meant what he'd thought, Keith realized, as he buried his face in his t-shirt to muffle the sound of his shoulder-shaking sobs.</p><p>None of that meant Shiro loved him.</p><p>He'd known this, too. A week ago he'd known, and he'd promised himself that he wouldn't let that wild hope overtake him. He'd told himself that being friends was right and good- that it had to be enough for now. Maybe for forever.</p><p>And now here he was in the dark, alone in the middle of the night, without even the comfort of friendship to save him from despair.</p><p>He didn't think they could come back from this.</p><p>Shiro knew, now. He knew how Keith felt, and he didn't feel the same.</p><p>As that notion churned a chaotic pathway through Keith's mind, another, more painful possibility became clear.</p><p>Maybe Shiro had known all along. Maybe he'd been holding out hope that they could stay right where they were- that he could have Keith's friendship and affection without having to offer up anything more than he could give in return.</p><p>The thought made Keith's blood simmer with a sudden bout of rage. He flew to his feet and slammed the side of his fist into the sturdy wooden wall, hard enough that a wail of pain tore its way right out of his throat.</p><p>Shiro had to have known. After everything they'd said to each other, after all the ways they'd gotten close… he had to have known how Keith felt before tonight.</p><p>And still, he'd been sweet. He'd held Keith's hand. He'd held Keith's sleeping body.</p><p>He'd let Keith hope.</p><p>Keith slammed his fist into the wall once more, feeling like someone had taken a blade and sliced him right down the middle.</p><p>Half of him burned hot and angry that Shiro had led him to this ledge and let him fall right off of it.</p><p>The other half of him was cold as ice, aching for Shiro's friendship, desperate to ease the pain he'd heard in Shiro's voice as he'd walked away from him.</p><p>He blamed Shiro.</p><p>He loved Shiro.</p><p>He wanted to leave this place and never look back.</p><p>He wanted to crawl into Shiro's bed and pretend this night had never happened.</p><p>
  <em>Give it time. </em>
</p><p>He heard his mother's voice, sometimes, when his temper was running too hot for his mind to make sense of itself.</p><p>
  <em>Let it settle.</em>
</p><p>He squeezed his eyes shut and drew in a shaky, shuddering breath.</p><p>He let the air out through his mouth, falling back on a year's worth of counseling and coping with far worse than this.</p><p>There would be no answers tonight. No good would come of trying to look for them.</p><p>He needed to get calm. He needed to get some sleep. He needed to give himself time.</p><p>He needed to do the same for Shiro.</p><p>
  <em>Shiro.</em>
</p><p>He thought of Shiro's fingers combing gently through his hair.</p><p>He let himself sink into the impression, his eyes closed, his forehead pressed to the cool surface of the wooden wall.</p><p>He didn't worry about the implications. He just let himself be comforted until his crying was over.</p><p>Then he washed the tears from his face and the dirt from his feet, put on his shoes, and slipped back into the night.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Shiro was waiting for him on the front steps of the cabin. He sprang to his feet when he saw Keith approaching, but he didn't move beyond the clearing at the foot of the steps.</p><p>That was good. Keith needed space.</p><p>Or he'd thought so, until he saw the tears on Shiro's cheeks.</p><p>He wanted to run to him, then. To ease the pain. To make all of Shiro's hurting stop.</p><p>But wasn't that what he'd been trying to do?</p><p>He didn't know how to get that close without falling in love.</p><p>He stopped on the pathway, leaving a few feet of space between them.</p><p>"Don't cry," he said. "Please."</p><p>Shiro breathed out a muffled sob.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Keith."</p><p>Of course he was. He didn't want to hurt Keith, either. He cared. He cared deeply.</p><p>Just not that way Keith wanted him to.</p><p>And that wasn't his fault, was it?</p><p>This wasn't his fault.</p><p>It was Keith's.</p><p>Keith had crossed the line.</p><p>Keith had grown selfish, had wanted too much.</p><p>"Don't be," Keith said. "It was my fault. I was wrong. We can forget it ever happened."</p><p>Shiro blinked. He wiped at his cheek.</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"Please." Keith swallowed hard. Seeing Shiro in pain like this was too much. "Please tell me we can still be friends."</p><p>Shiro's features crumpled for a moment. He took a step in Keith's direction.</p><p>"You still want to be my friend?"</p><p><em>I love you,</em> Keith thought.</p><p>
  <em>I need you with me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't imagine living a single day without you.</em>
</p><p>"Yes," Keith said.</p><p>Shiro stumbled forward until they were close enough to touch.</p><p>"Can I hug you?"</p><p>Keith <em>ached. </em>He could practically feel the slash through his heart where it had been all but torn in two.</p><p>"After I get dressed," he said quietly, not meeting Shiro's eye.</p><p>He headed into the cabin without waiting for a response.</p><p>He didn't want to put walls up between them. It was just sort of happening.</p><p>It was like he had no choice.</p><p>It was like he needed them to survive the rest of the night.</p><p>He headed straight for his dresser drawer and pulled out a clean t-shirt and loose boxers.</p><p>He stripped off his bathing suit and draped it over his footboard, along with his damp t-shirt.</p><p>He didn't bother to check whether Shiro was watching him move through the room entirely naked. What did it matter?</p><p>He pulled on his clean clothes and finally went to face Shiro, who was standing next to his own bunk, digging his left thumb into the palm of his right hand.</p><p>Stress made the pain in his arm and his hand worse, Keith knew, and he'd only seen Shiro stressed like this one other time.</p><p>Keith had been the one to rescue him, then.</p><p>"Here," Keith said softly. "Let me."</p><p>He took Shiro's hand and guided them both to sit on the edge of Shiro's bunk.</p><p>He rubbed carefully into Shiro's palm, letting the familiar contact calm him further.</p><p>Maybe things would be simpler, he thought, now that he knew where they really stood. He could get used to this, right? Being Shiro's friend and nothing more? Touching him without wondering about what might come next?</p><p>"Keith." Shiro's voice sounded far away, as if they were connected by nothing more than two cups and a string. "I don't even know what to say."</p><p>"You don't have to say anything." Keith touched his hand methodically. He didn't let himself linger, didn't let himself <em>feel</em>. "It's fine. It's over now."</p><p>Shiro shook his head again.</p><p>"Not for me. I… I <em>hurt </em>you-"</p><p>"No. I told you. It was my fault. I just… I made a mistake. It won't happen again. We'll be best friends, like we talked about."</p><p>Keith wasn't looking at him. He was looking down at Shiro's hand, frowning at the tension he still saw there.</p><p>"Friends," Shiro echoed. He said it like it was a word he'd never heard before.</p><p>"Shiro." Keith moved his thumb underneath Shiro's fingertips, where they were pressing into his palm. "Relax, okay?"</p><p>Shiro sniffed. Keith finally looked up at his face and found him crying silently again. His tears ran in a continuous, glistening stream that made Keith hurt all the way down to the marrow of his bones.</p><p>He'd never seen Shiro like this. Even after his panic attack, Shiro had come back to himself so quickly. Things had felt more solid between them then, so that could be a factor… but seeing Shiro so distraught gave Keith pause.</p><p>Shiro was terrified of losing their friendship. Keith understood and believed that. But Keith was here now, reassuring him… so what else could be causing Shiro this kind of pain?</p><p>"Shiro?" Keith couldn't help it. He reached up and wiped gently at Shiro's tears with his thumb. "What's wrong?"</p><p>Shiro breathed out a miserable sound.</p><p>"I…" He choked on the word. "I don't know how to tell you."</p><p>Keith's heart banged against his ribs.</p><p>So there were things Shiro hadn't shared with him.</p><p>"You can tell me anything," Keith said. "Wouldn't it help if you did?"</p><p>Shiro shook his head.</p><p>"No. It would ruin <em>everything." </em>He hung his head. His shoulders trembled. <em>"I'm so sorry," </em>he whispered. <em>"I knew I would wreck this-"</em></p><p>"Hey." Keith gathered him up in his arms, protective walls be damned. "Hush. Nothing's wrecked. I'm right here."</p><p>Shiro went on crying quietly into his shoulder. Keith moved one hand to the back of his neck and rubbed around the base of his skull, desperate to soothe.</p><p>Shiro's breathing caught, then evened out a bit. He went almost limp in Keith's hold…</p><p>So Keith laid them down on Shiro's pillow and held him close.</p><p><em>"Shh." </em>He went on rubbing carefully into the back of Shiro's neck. <em>"It'll be okay. I promise."</em></p><p>Shiro let out a heavy breath. He clung to Keith, burrowing into his chest, underneath his chin.</p><p>Keith moved his hand up around the back of his head and touched through his hair. He did this again and again, over and over until he was quiet and still.</p><p><em>"Keith."</em> Shiro was so warm in his arms. <em>"You mean so much to me. You have to know that."</em></p><p>Keith rested his cheek on top of Shiro's head and nodded.</p><p>
  <em>"I know."</em>
</p><p><em>"So don't give up on me," </em>Shiro whispered. <em>"Please."</em></p><p>Keith closed his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>"Never."</em>
</p><p>He didn't really know what Shiro was asking for. He didn't understand what any of this meant.</p><p><em>You want me to hold you like this, </em>he thought, <em>but you don't want me to kiss you?</em></p><p>
  <em>Why?</em>
</p><p>He knew the answer wouldn't come tonight.</p><p>Maybe Shiro didn't love him… but Shiro still wanted him here.</p><p>That could be enough, right?</p><p>
  <em>Right?</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Woops forgot the song credit:</p><p>"Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Out Of Reach</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith woke early the next morning, despite his difficult night and too-little sleep. He felt better, though - calmer and more clear-headed - and he wondered whether it was the universe's way of giving him time to think before he got swept up in another busy day.</p><p>Shiro was still sleeping soundly, like he always did when they stayed together all night, and especially when he was the one curled up in Keith's arms.</p><p>Keith thought about that- how Shiro had been the one to start the habit of sharing a bed. How he'd kept coming back when it would've been so easy to stay away. How he'd risked getting in trouble with Iverson and Sam so he and Keith wouldn't need to spend a single night without each other.</p><p>What he and Shiro had was special. Keith could see that, now more than ever after last night. It was different from what Shiro had with Matt or Lance or Hunk. It was something Shiro <em>wanted</em>. Something he'd take risks for.</p><p>Something he couldn't stand the thought of losing.</p><p>Maybe, for Shiro, it really was only friendship. Maybe the bond they'd formed as little kids let Shiro feel safe enough to cross boundaries with Keith that he would never think to cross with his other friends.</p><p>…Or maybe Shiro loved Keith, too, and whatever secrets he was keeping explained why he wasn't ready to let Keith know it yet.</p><p>Keith acknowledged the possibility, then set it aside. He couldn't hope again. Not like he had before. He had to focus on their friendship. He had to accept Shiro as he was.</p><p>And if he couldn't… he had to learn to keep his love buried deep inside himself.</p><p>"Keith?" Shiro stirred and stretched in his arms, then hugged him tight, pressing his face to the center of Keith's chest. "Hey. You're still here."</p><p>Keith hugged him close.</p><p>"Of course I am. I'm not going anywhere."</p><p>Shiro's chest and back rose and fell with a weighty sigh.</p><p>"I'm gonna figure out how to fix this."</p><p>"There's nothing to fix. I'm right here."</p><p>"I know. And I don't deserve it. Not yet."</p><p>Keith didn't bother arguing. There were too many pieces missing. Shiro was fighting too much of this battle on his own.</p><p>"Please tell me," he said instead. "Whatever it is that you think is so bad, Shiro… you can tell me. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here. I'll do whatever I can to make it better."</p><p>Shiro kept his head tucked under Keith's chin, but he moved his left hand up until his fingers were in Keith's hair, his palm cradling his still-bandaged cheek.</p><p>"I'm the one who has to make it better," he said.</p><p>Keith leaned into his touch in spite of himself. He couldn't kiss Shiro - he wouldn't try that again, not ever - but he couldn't stop himself from wishing for it anyway. He hadn't learned how to make those feelings go away yet.</p><p>"Then I'll be here while you figure it out," he said.</p><p>"My guardian angel," Shiro murmured. "Always watching out for me."</p><p>Keith winced. That hurt to hear, the same way some of his favorite songs hurt to listen to.</p><p>"Is that how you thought of me? After we met when we were little?"</p><p>Shiro nodded against his chest.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Keith leaned heavily into Shiro's palm.</p><p>"I wish we could've stayed together since then."</p><p>Shiro stroked gently along his cheek.</p><p>"So do I. Things would've been so different if…"</p><p>Keith waited, but Shiro didn't finish.</p><p>"Yeah," he supplied. "I could've taken you down a peg on the basketball court."</p><p>Shiro giggled through his nose.</p><p>"You would've kicked my ass, almost definitely. I would've been glad for the challenge, though."</p><p>"No. Admit it. You would've been pissed."</p><p>"At you? Never. You would've made me faster. Better."</p><p>"I can still do that."</p><p>"Mm? And what'll I give you in return?"</p><p>Keith tried not to read into the question.</p><p>"You already made me a better singer. Not that I'm planning to advertise it."</p><p>"You should. Your voice is like… I don't even know what. Something delicious. Like chocolate."</p><p>Keith giggled.</p><p>"Chocolate?"</p><p>"Yeah. The fancy kind. Dark. Sweet. Rough around the edges."</p><p>"Hmm. Okay. Then yours is like… the sunset at the waterfront."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Uh huh. Bright. Warm." Keith paused, then said, "Beautiful."</p><p>Shiro's fingers combed gently through his hair.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>Keith shrugged.</p><p>"Don't let it go to your head. I maintain that you have terrible taste in pizza."</p><p>"Ha. My tragic flaw."</p><p>"When you come visit me I'll show you how to properly douse that shit in ranch dressing. Instantly improves bad pizza by an exponential margin."</p><p>"God. That sounds <em>so </em>gross."</p><p>"Yup. But you're gonna try it, and you're gonna love it."</p><p>Shiro tilted his head so his forehead was pressed to the underside of Keith's chin.</p><p>"Yeah. I'll love it, Sweet 'n Sour."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Keith appreciated the uncontrolled din of the Great Room for once, since it gave him and Shiro an excuse to sit together without having to talk. He needed that - the comfort of Shiro's company without the stress of deep conversation - and he sensed that Shiro did, too.</p><p>It helped that Pidge showed up arm-in-arm with Allura, looking different above and beyond their new hairstyle. They were wearing fitted, knee-length denim and a white, close-fitting t-shirt that hit right at the waistband- by far the most body conscious outfit Keith had ever seen them in. They looked <em>amazing.</em></p><p>Lance seemed to think so, too. He stopped responding to the people around him entirely as Pidge approached the table, then elbowed Hunk to move down a space so he could make room for Pidge between himself and Matt. Pidge took the offered seat with a faint blush in their cheeks, though they held their head high, looking otherwise perfectly at ease.</p><p>Keith knew that feeling, that confidence that came with showing yourself to the world exactly how you wanted to.</p><p>He felt that way whenever Shiro held his hand.</p><p>He didn't have to wait long to experience it again, either. Shiro tangled their fingers together while Mr. Coran set about removing Keith's bandage for the final time and chattered brightly to them all the while. Mr. Coran cleaned Keith's face where the skin had become sticky and irritated from the medical tape, then applied some cream he said might help minimize the scarring. He gave his blessing for Keith to return to all his scheduled activities without restrictions, then gave them some privacy in the bathroom to examine his handiwork.</p><p>Shiro didn't let go of Keith's hand.</p><p>They stood close together while Keith leaned toward the bathroom mirror, looking at the two inches of red, raised scar that ran diagonally from the line of his jaw toward his nose.</p><p>"Hmm." He ran the tip of his finger over it. "Think anyone would believe I won a fight with a mountain lion?"</p><p>One corner of Shiro's mouth turned up.</p><p>"I would."</p><p>"Yeah? You've never even seen me box."</p><p>"Don't need to. I know how strong you are." Shiro was fully smiling now. "But you could still show me sometime."</p><p>"Uh huh. I'll trade you some kickboxing for some judo."</p><p>"Deal." Shiro reached up to tuck some of Keith's hair behind his ear, away from his scar. "But… y'know. You could just tell people you were rescuing someone from almost certain death. I don't think anyone would have a hard time believing that."</p><p>"I'm pretty sure your life was never in danger, Shiro."</p><p>"Felt like it, though." Shiro squeezed his hand. "Feels like you've been saving me, over and over."</p><p>Silence fell between them while they watched themselves in the mirror. Keith had never seen an image of them like this before, standing so close. They looked good together. Handsome, his mother would've said. They were a contrast- Keith's smaller, slighter frame next to Shiro's bulkier build, Shiro's strong features next to Keith's more angular face. Their hair was similar in color, Keith noticed for the first time… though his was fine and silky, while Shiro's was softer, fluffier, and…</p><p>"Huh," Keith muttered, zeroing in on a spot above Shiro's forehead, at the root of his fringe. Something there had caught the light for a second. Keith reached toward Shiro's face, then thought better of it and pointed instead. "I think there's something in your hair."</p><p>Shiro's eyes went wide in the mirror.</p><p>"Uh." His hand flew to his forehead. He brushed his fringe to one side, then scowled, averting his eyes. "Shit. It grows so fast in the summer."</p><p>"What?" Keith turned to him then and got up on his tiptoes to look. "Oh…"</p><p>Shiro nodded</p><p>"It's… gray. Kind of silver. Just a few strands in that spot. I grew it out to try to hide it better."</p><p>Keith touched the spot with his fingertips.</p><p>"And you dyed it?"</p><p>"Yeah. Weird, I know, it was just… a <em>lot</em>. Everything was different after I got hurt… they said this was from the stress, or the shock, or… whatever. One more thing that'll never be the same."</p><p>"Pretty," Keith said, without thinking. "It shines."</p><p>Shiro looked at him, eyes wide.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Keith blinked. He let his hand fall away.</p><p>"Shit. Sorry. I know it's not a good memory."</p><p>"No, but… you think it's..."</p><p>"Pretty?" Keith nodded. "Yeah. I do."</p><p>Shiro looked back at their reflections in the mirror. He looked too serious, too contemplative for Keith's liking. They were just starting to get back to normal. He didn't want to have to make that climb all over again.</p><p>"C'mon," he said, jostling Shiro's hand where their fingers were still tangled together. "You know how pretty you are. If I ran out of this building I'd probably crash into ten different people who could tell you all about it. Speaking of which, I can run now, so… race you back to yoga?"</p><p>He took a step backward toward the door, tugging at Shiro's hand.</p><p>Shiro smiled at him.</p><p>"You're pretty too, Keith."</p><p><em>Nope, </em>Keith thought. <em>We're not gonna go there.</em></p><p>"Damn right. Pretty and faster than you."</p><p>Shiro grinned, finally following him back into Mr. Coran's office.</p><p>"Show off."</p><p>"Golden boy."</p><p>"Delinquent."</p><p>"Jock."</p><p>Shiro slapped his hand over his chest as they reached the door that led back to the hallway.</p><p>"You wound me, Sweet 'n Sour."</p><p>"Thanks, Mr. Coran!" Keith called. "I'm gonna go flatten Shiro now!"</p><p>"Indeed!" Mr. Coran waved absently from his desk, smiling behind his moustache. "Drag him right back here afterward so I can patch him up!"</p><p>Keith grinned at Shiro. He made sure to let his canines show.</p><p>"Ready?"</p><p>Shiro was beaming.</p><p>"Set-"</p><p>Keith took off down the hallway before the final count.</p><p>"Hey!" Shiro laughed through his indignant squawk and sprinted after him. "That's cheating!"</p><p>"Yep!" Keith didn't slow down. "If you're faster you should be able to catch me!"</p><p>Shiro surged forward and grabbed onto Keith's forearm for long enough to overtake him.</p><p>"You're right," he tossed over his shoulder. "I'm faster!"</p><p>Their laughter echoed through the Great Room as they tore down the center line of the empty, high-ceilinged hall, jostling each other in playful bouts of sabotage until they reached the double doors at the opposite end.</p><p>They burst right through them and launched into a sprint, flying toward their destination like birds cutting a path through the air.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"So? What's the deal?"</p><p>Keith glanced in Matt's direction, then looked around the fairly secluded cove that he, Matt and Pidge had paddled their kayaks into. There was no way anyone would hear them talking here, but he was still reluctant to answer their questions.</p><p>"C'mon," Pidge prodded, using their paddle to keep their boat still. "If there's something up with Shiro, we want to help."</p><p>"He looked like a zombie before breakfast," Matt added. "He's usually annoyingly chipper after whatever you guys get up to all night."</p><p>Keith rolled his eyes.</p><p>"You know full well that all we do is sleep. Except for when we…"</p><p>The Holt siblings' eyebrows shot up in tandem.</p><p>"We go for <em>walks," </em>Keith finished. He and Shiro still hadn't told anyone else about their adventures down at the waterfront. "We just talk, usually, but last night… Shiro seemed really happy, everything seemed really good, and I thought maybe he'd want to… do more than just talk."</p><p>Matt's mouth fell open.</p><p>Pidge made a muffled, squealing sound.</p><p>"What did you do?!" Matt demanded. "Please tell me he didn't swear you to secrecy."</p><p>Keith shook his head.</p><p>"Nothing happened. I tried to kiss him, and… he didn't want me to. Couldn't get away from me fast enough."</p><p>They stared, their expressions mirror images of shock.</p><p>"Run that by me again?" Matt murmured.</p><p>Keith sighed heavily.</p><p>"We were, like, hugging, I guess. Like, he was kind of holding me up? So I kissed his cheek, and I thought he was okay with it, but when I tried to really kiss him… he basically dropped me."</p><p>Pidge was frowning hard, like they might've been holding back tears.</p><p>"Keith..! I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine…"</p><p>"Yup. I pretty much took off and lost my shit."</p><p>"But you guys seem okay now," Matt pointed out. "Did he explain what happened?"</p><p>"Uh. I think we are okay... but no. He said there are things he can't talk to me about. So I said… y'know… we could just forget about it. Just keep on being friends."</p><p>"Shit." Matt looked broken up about it, too. "That can't be what he wants. He's crazy about you. Like, <em>completely </em>out of his mind over you. There's obviously something holding him back."</p><p>Keith shrugged. He knew he could ask them about it. He knew they could probably help explain why Shiro had pulled away from him.</p><p>But he didn't want to hear it from them. He wanted to hear it from Shiro.</p><p>"I don't want to think about it," he said. "If he wants to tell me, he will. I'm not gonna get my hopes up again. Last night was…" He swallowed thickly at the memory. "I'm not gonna risk feeling like that again."</p><p>"But what if he comes around?" Pidge sounded distressed. "What if he just needs a little time?"</p><p>"He can have all the time he needs. I'm not going anywhere. But I'm not gonna chase after him, either. I really thought that he <em>wanted… </em>I mean, I thought he felt the same as me. I got so sucked into it, and it- it just-" He looked away from them, down at the water that was rippling around his kayak. "It hurt, okay?"</p><p>"Keith?" Pidge was turning back toward the entrance of the cove. "Can we get back to shore? So I can give you a hug?"</p><p>"Me too?" Matt was already angling his kayak in that direction, too. "I was gonna try right now, but I think we'd fall in the water."</p><p>"Yeah." After the night Keith had had, hugs from his friends sounded like exactly what he needed. "Let's head back."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Keith practiced keeping his hands busy whenever he was with Shiro for the rest of the afternoon. Holding hands was like stealing a piece of heaven, and he'd been glad for the support that morning, but he didn't know how he felt about being so affectionate in public anymore. He and Shiro weren't together - Shiro had made that clear - and Keith didn't want to give people more reasons to keep asking him about it. If Shiro liked the comfort of touching hands and sharing a bed in private, that was one thing, but Keith figured he should probably get used to more typical friendship boundaries when they were around the rest of their friends.</p><p>Lunch was easy enough. Eating kept Keith's hands busy, and when he wasn't shoveling food into his mouth, he just played with his water bottle, turning it over and over in front of him while Allura and Pidge put eyeliner and mascara on Matt and Lance across the table. They were practicing for the dance, they claimed, though Keith was pretty sure it was just an excuse to see the guys in makeup.</p><p>Shiro laughed and smiled like he always did. He didn't seem to notice anything was different.</p><p>Not until they were laying under their tree after lunch.</p><p>Shiro had thought of another soundtrack he figured Keith might like, so they shared a pair of headphones as usual, sprawled on their backs to stare up at the clouds through the branches. Keith made a point of keeping his hands folded over his stomach, which seemed to work well enough for the first twenty minutes or so, until Shiro got bold enough to reach for him. At first, he just slipped his palm underneath Keith's wrist and held him there, but eventually he tried to pull Keith's hands apart so he could hold the nearest one.</p><p>Keith let him, for a moment. Almost longer than that.</p><p>Keith wanted so badly to make Shiro happy, after all.</p><p>But even more than that, he wanted to make it through the rest of the day without falling any deeper into the chasm of pain that had almost swallowed him up last night.</p><p>He slipped his hand carefully out of Shiro's hold.</p><p>He turned onto his side to face him, tucking his hands underneath the backpack he was using as a pillow to make them look unavailable.</p><p>"I like this song," he said softly.</p><p>Shiro gazed back at him, his brow furrowed in a gentle frown.</p><p>He knew Keith had pulled away from him on purpose.</p><p>"I'm glad. I thought you would."</p><p>Keith closed his eyes. He couldn't stand the look of sadness and disappointment on Shiro's face.</p><p>Part of him wished Shiro would reach for him again.</p><p>Part of him was relieved when Shiro didn't.</p><p>"Keith?" Shiro's voice was so quiet, it almost made Keith feel like they were alone together. But they weren't. Pidge and the rest of the Lions were just a few feet away, playing frisbee in the sun. "Are you… okay?"</p><p>Keith opened his eyes. He reached over and gave Shiro's shoulder a gentle squeeze, then tucked his hand underneath his backpack again.</p><p>"I'm okay," he said. "We're okay. Right?"</p><p>Shiro nodded, though he didn't look any less crestfallen.</p><p>"Right."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They didn't touch each other for the rest of the day. They still chatted through dinner and teased each other on their way to the observatory, and they still arranged the telescope controls in impossible combinations to challenge each other's skills in locating faraway worlds, but when the rest of the class had filtered inside to work on their journals, they just stood side by side in silence and looked up at the stars, their arms folded in front of them on the railing of the deck, their hands tucked away, out of reach.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Keith had just finished changing for bed when Hunk called for lights out. He'd swapped his shorts for loose boxers, but he'd decided to keep on the t-shirt he'd been wearing all afternoon and evening. It still smelled like the night's campfire- rich and smoky, warm and familiar, a scent that at one time would've made him anxious, hypervigilant, but now defined some of the happiest memories of his lifetime.</p><p>He could barely remember who he'd been, before he'd come here. Before he'd been a Lion.</p><p>Before he'd met Shiro.</p><p>He sat up against the headboard of his bunk as the lights went out, stealing glances at Shiro, who was in a similar position on his own bed. He knew Shiro had gotten the message- that they should keep their hands to themselves in public.</p><p>Shiro didn't know why, though. He hadn't asked, and Keith hadn't found the words to explain.</p><p>Would Shiro keep his hands to himself for good?</p><p>Keith slid down onto his back to text his mother goodnight, hoping to distract himself from the painful ache of that thought. This was their second-to-last night at Camp Sunset. The second-to-last night he'd ever spend bunking with Shiro. He almost couldn't bear the thought of spending it alone.</p><p> </p><p>Keith: heading to bed</p><p>Mom: Let me know if you think of any special requests for tomorrow, I could drop something off for you</p><p> </p><p>Right. His mom was coming a day early to spend some time with Colleen before she and Keith went back to New Mexico on Friday. She'd be in town by tomorrow afternoon.</p><p> </p><p>Keith: I'll let you know</p><p>Keith: thanks, mom</p><p>Mom: Love you</p><p>Mom: Can't wait to have you back</p><p>Mom: I think your room is haunted but the ghost seems friendly</p><p> </p><p>Keith smiled despite his melancholy mood.</p><p> </p><p>Keith: pretty sure it's just the old pipes</p><p>Keith: creaky floorboards maybe</p><p>Keith: or the insanity finally setting in</p><p>Mom: Yes, sweet child</p><p>Mom: I've gone mad in the *absence* of your adolescent self</p><p> </p><p>Keith rolled his eyes at the screen.</p><p> </p><p>Keith: love you, weirdo</p><p>Mom: Love you</p><p>Mom: (The ghost says goodnight)</p><p>Keith: night, ghost</p><p> </p><p>He switched off the screen and stashed his phone on the windowsill, foregoing his headphones altogether. He didn't even think music would help him sleep tonight.</p><p>Maybe he'd wait until he was sure everyone else was asleep and then head out for a walk by himself. Maybe some quiet and some time alone would help settle the restlessness and the turmoil of bitter sweetness he was caught up in.</p><p>He was mapping out a pathway in his mind when Shiro slid off of his bed, crossed the small aisle that separated them, and sat down next to him, at the edge of his bunk.</p><p>"Hey," Shiro said softly.</p><p>"Hey." Keith reached out and touched his knuckles to Shiro's arm. It had become such a habit, he'd already forgotten to stop himself. "Are you okay?"</p><p>Shiro nodded, but he looked serious in the darkness.</p><p>"I think so." He touched Keith's forearm with his fingertips, then let his hand fall away. "Do you want to sleep alone tonight?"</p><p>Keith blinked. It was such a forward question, coming from Shiro. He'd expected the distance between them to grow… but Shiro didn't sound like he had any intention of letting that happen.</p><p>"No," Keith answered. "I want to sleep with you."</p><p>Shiro's expression shifted to something like shock.</p><p>Keith moved over toward the wall, giving Shiro time to process. To decide.</p><p>Shiro watched him silently, then followed.</p><p>He laid is head down on Keith's shoulder and slid an arm across his middle.</p><p>They hugged each other tight for a long time, their eyes closed, their fingers tangled in each other's shirts.</p><p>Eventually, Shiro traced his way down Keith's left arm, which was wrapped tight around his waist. He pulled Keith's hand away, took hold of his wrist, and pressed it slowly onto Keith's pillow, until it was pinned just above his opposite shoulder.</p><p>He touched along Keith's woven bracelet, then opened Keith's hand with a slow <em>press</em> of his own until they were palm-to-palm.</p><p>He tangled their fingers together.</p><p>Keith lost his breath entirely.</p><p>Intended or not, this was the most intimate thing he had ever experienced- more so even than what had happened up at the Garrison. Because of the slow slide of skin against skin, he thought, and the way Shiro was breathing private, little breaths.</p><p>Keith squeezed Shiro's hand, and Shiro <em>pressed </em>even harder, essentially holding his hand and arm down against the pillow- against the <em>bed.</em></p><p>Keith pressed his cheek to the top of Shiro's head.</p><p>Shiro's forehead was hot against his neck.</p><p>They laid there together, holding themselves as still as they could, their shallow breathing betraying the electric current of <em>feeling </em>that had come to life between them.</p><p>It was almost too much for Keith. He knew if he thought about it too carefully - or if Shiro's fingertips dug any harder into the back of his hand - he'd be losing control of his body again, just like he had at the Garrison.</p><p>He thought about calling Shiro out- about kicking him out of bed, dragging him out of the cabin, and demanding answers.</p><p>
  <em>Why does it feel like you want me?</em>
</p><p>He wouldn't do that, of course. Not when they only had two more nights left.</p><p>Not when Shiro was making it so easy to pretend.</p><p><em>"I was so scared you wouldn't want to," </em>Shiro finally whispered. His breath felt hot, washing over the front of Keith's throat.</p><p>
  <em>"You don't have to be scared with me, Shiro."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I know. I… I'm trying not to be."</em>
</p><p>Shiro <em>squeezed </em>Keith's hand; Keith trembled from his shoulders to his knees.</p><p>He wouldn't hope.</p><p>He couldn't.</p><p>But he could pretend.</p><p><em>"Tomorrow night," </em>Keith whispered. <em>"I'll want to tomorrow night, too. You don't have to ask. You don't have to worry."</em></p><p>Shiro nuzzled into his neck.</p><p>Keith swallowed most of the shivering whine that tried to escape past his lips- but not all of it.</p><p>
  <em>"Nh-! Shiro--"</em>
</p><p><em>"Keith…" </em>Shiro was gripping his hand tight enough to bruise. <em>"You're my favorite person. You have to know that."</em></p><p>
  <em>"Mh-"</em>
</p><p>Keith couldn't take it. They were too close. This was too intimate. Shiro didn't want to be kissed, but he wanted to do <em>this? </em>Did he really have no idea what kind of effect he had? Did he really not understand how much Keith wanted him?</p><p>Keith rolled onto his side in Shiro's direction and gathered him up in his arms.</p><p><em>"Stop it," </em>he breathed out. Shiro's head was tucked underneath his chin. <em>"You're my favorite person, too, so just-- shut up, okay?"</em></p><p>
  <em>"But-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hush!"</em>
</p><p>Shiro <em>giggled. </em>It vibrated low and warm against Keith's chest.</p><p>That was good. Laughing was good.</p><p>Keith exhaled a sigh, breathing out some of the tension.</p><p>He was smiling, too.</p><p><em>"Sorry," </em>he mumbled. <em>"Just stop worrying, okay?"</em></p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>
  <em>"Okay, Sweet 'n Sour."</em>
</p><p>He flattened his right hand across Keith's lower back, snuggled in close, and went still.</p><p>Keith counted his breaths until his heart rate came down.</p><p>It took a while.</p><p>He was Shiro's favorite person.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Sometime in the middle of the night, Keith's small mattress shifted underneath him, and he rolled over to find Shiro sliding into bed with him again.</p><p>When had he left? Keith didn't know.</p><p>"...time is it?" he mumbled, barely conscious. "You okay?"</p><p>"I'm great." Shiro laid down next to him and then pulled him close until Keith was snuggled against his chest. "I'm really good."</p><p>"...cold," Keith murmured, referring to the chill of Shiro's hands and body.</p><p>"Yeah. You'll warm me up though, right?"</p><p>"Mmm." Keith was already drifting. Shiro's fingers were moving through his hair.</p><p>"Hey," Shiro said softly. "I have a surprise for you. You have to wait ‘til tomorrow, but you're gonna love it."</p><p><em>"Mhm."</em> Keith barely heard him. <em>"I love it."</em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Keith didn't remember the exchange right away when the bandstand alarm sounded the next morning. He was laying on Shiro's chest, in Shiro's arms, and he had no intention of moving until he absolutely had to.</p><p>It was their last full day at camp.</p><p>They only had one more day, one more night, one more morning together… and then Shiro would be gone.</p><p>Keith squeezed his eyes shut and hugged Shiro tight.</p><p>"Hey, Sweet 'n Sour." Shiro hugged him back. "Today's gonna be a great day."</p><p>Keith rubbed his nose into Shiro's chest… then promptly realized that Shiro’s shirt was gray- not white, like the one he'd gone to sleep in last night.</p><p>An impression of their middle-of-the-night conversation came back to him, then.</p><p>He propped himself up on Shiro's chest.</p><p>"You have a surprise for me?"</p><p>Shiro grinned.</p><p>"Wasn't sure if you'd remember that conversation. You pretty much snored through half of it."</p><p>"What!? I don't-- <em>hey. </em>Don't change the subject."</p><p>Shiro giggled and ruffled Keith's hair.</p><p>"Yeah. I have a surprise for you. You'll have to wait a little bit, but it'll be worth it."</p><p>Keith pretended to pout.</p><p>"Do I get a hint?"</p><p>Shiro squinted playfully at him.</p><p>"Are you one of those people? Do you try to sneak a look at your presents before they're wrapped, too?"</p><p>Keith relented.</p><p>"Nah. I actually kinda like surprises."</p><p>"Good. Then you're gonna love this one." Shiro reached up to Keith's hair again, but this time he smoothed it affectionately back into place. "So… enjoy the ride."</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Keith had been prepared to spend the day under a dark cloud of anticipated heartache, but Shiro's easy enthusiasm lifted his mood so high, it may as well have been the first day of camp all over again. He was in good company, too, since most of the other campers were too busy looking forward to the dance to think about much else. Matt was the only one of Keith’s friends who was more quiet than usual during breakfast, and Keith couldn’t blame him.</p><p>Matt had practically been raised here, and this was his last year as a camper. Lance, Hunk, and Keith could all come back for one more year, and Pidge still had two more camp summers ahead of them, but for Matt, Allura, Romelle, Adam, and Shiro, this was the end of the line.</p><p>All of them planned to come back as counselors in training next year, but nothing was certain. Allura’s plans were especially hazy; she didn’t know if her parents would agree to let her travel overseas for the whole summer, or if they might insist that she look for a summer job somewhere in the UK instead.</p><p>Keith understood why Matt might have a lot on his mind. As if graduating from camp weren't enough of a milestone to cope with, this might've been his last summer with Allura. It wasn't fair, really. They were just starting out.</p><p>Keith hoped they could work it out. He’d liked watching them get closer over the last two weeks, adding quiet displays of affection on top of their already strong friendship. Matt's feelings for Allura seemed so different than the crushes he was used to seeing his friends fall in and out of. It made him feel hopeful, maybe even a little protective of the two of them, and it made his heart beat a little faster watching them quietly sharing their breakfast with each other, especially when Matt snuck a brief, soft kiss to the back of Allura's hand.</p><p>The schedule for the day was adjusted to accommodate the last Capture the Flag tournament of the session, which would take place after lunch. This meant swimming and general sports were scheduled for mid-morning, to give everyone a break between physically demanding activities. Keith walked down to the waterfront for swimming right after archery, chatting with Lance and Pidge all the while. As far as he knew, they weren't a couple, and hadn't even talked about anything of the sort, but their dynamic had definitely started to shift. Lance walked closer to Pidge than he had before. Pidge touched Lance's arm more often. Shiro said Lance had asked Pidge to save him a dance tonight, and Pidge had happily agreed.</p><p>He'd miss their company, Keith knew, but he'd promised himself he wouldn't dwell on it. Lance lived in Colorado, and Hunk lived here in Arizona, not far from the Holts. Everyone lived close enough to visit, at least during school breaks, and maybe even more often than that.</p><p>Everyone but Shiro.</p><p>Keith left his shirt, shoes and backpack in the grass and then walked to the far end of the dock with Lance and Pidge, trying not to picture the thousands of miles that would separate him from Shiro by tomorrow night.</p><p>"Hey, Sweet 'n Sour."</p><p>He turned and found Shiro right behind him, wearing nothing but the black and silver swim trunks he'd only ever seen him change into in the middle of the night.</p><p>"Shiro?"</p><p>Shiro wore a broad grin and a blush in his cheeks. He stepped close to Keith and touched his fingertips to the bracelet on Keith's left wrist.</p><p>"Hi." He nodded toward the deep water off the end of the dock. "Ready to race?"</p><p>Keith didn't get a chance to answer, because Shiro pulled him into a sudden, tight embrace…</p><p>…and then he stepped right past Keith, Lance, and Pidge, and jumped off the dock into the water.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. You Need To Tell Him</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone! I'm just going to give a general angst warning for the next handful of chapters! I'm not a fan of over-tagging or over-warning, but I know some of you have appreciated knowing that emotional scenes are coming up. There will be more. Hopefully you're all familiar with my style by now. The angst will balance out with plenty of sweet, happy, and spicy moments. Thanks so much for reading and leaving me such lovely feedback. Posting and reading your comments is always a huge high point in my week. I hope you enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Shit-- <em>Shiro!"</em></p>
<p>Keith lunged toward the edge of the dock. Luckily, Lance caught him by the arm and held him still, sparing him the embarrassment of diving into the water after Shiro like some lovestruck knight rescuing a damsel in distress.</p>
<p>"Look!" Lance gestured to where Shiro had just resurfaced. He was treading water and wearing a blinding grin. "He's fine!"</p>
<p>Keith stared. The realization hit all at once, overtaking his panicked concern.</p>
<p>Shiro had left the cabin last night to swim.</p>
<p>He'd done that so he could come here today.</p>
<p>So he could swim with Keith.</p>
<p>"Shiro!" Keith broke into a grin that took up most of his face. "You're swimming!"</p>
<p>"Yep!" Shiro splashed in his direction. "So get your ass down here so we can see who's faster!"</p>
<p>"My money's on Keith."</p>
<p>Keith felt a nudge at his shoulder and found Adam there next to him, taking in the scene with interest.</p>
<p>"Guess we'll see," Shiro taunted.</p>
<p>"Cocky," Adam muttered under his breath. "Hasn't swum a stroke in a year and he thinks he can beat you?"</p>
<p>"No," Keith answered, meeting Shiro's eye with a smirk and a challenging stare. "He just wants to try."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith and Shiro swam a few easy laps, side by side in two of the lanes that were marked by floating buoys extending perpendicular from the end of the dock. Shiro had scoffed at the suggestion at first, but Keith had insisted.</p>
<p>"You want it to be a fair race, don't you?" he'd said. "So get a feel for it first."</p>
<p>Shiro hadn't argued with that.</p>
<p>They matched each other at a relaxed pace for a while, then floated on their backs in the open water at the end of the lanes, nudging idly at each other's ankles and feet.</p>
<p>Everyone else in the class was playing volleyball on the opposite side of the dock, but Keith knew they were really just killing time, waiting for the show he and Shiro were about to put on.</p>
<p>"We don't have to race," he ventured, briefly touching Shiro's arm under the water.</p>
<p>Shiro touched him back, just as briefly.</p>
<p>"I want to race. I've been thinking about it for a solid week. You're the only reason I'm here, Keith." Shiro smiled up at the sky. "And it's perfect, isn't it?"</p>
<p>Keith smiled, too, feeling weightless, uplifted by the cool water and the warm comfort of Shiro's optimism.</p>
<p>"Yeah. It's perfect." He glanced in Shiro's direction. "I'm not gonna go easy on you, you know."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded, further disturbing the rippling water around his head.</p>
<p>"You know I wouldn't want you to."</p>
<p>Keith did know. In truth, the idea of racing Shiro made him feel like an electric current had replaced the blood flowing through his veins. Comfort wasn’t the only thing that drew them to one another. They were built differently, sure, but they each possessed a raw athleticism that made them natural partners- and competitors.</p>
<p>Keith couldn’t wait to see how far Shiro would go to try to match him.</p>
<p>“Ready, then?” Keith let his feet sink down toward the sandy bottom of the lake and turned toward Shiro, who did the same.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Shiro said, smiling as he touched down. “I’ve been ready. Maybe since the first day we spent together here.”</p>
<p>Keith nodded, trying not to stare too long at the sparkling droplets of water that were clinging to Shiro's eyelashes.</p>
<p>“Me, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith was true to his word. As soon as Josh blew his whistle, he tore into the water like a deep-sea predator scenting blood in the water. He was going to give this race everything he had. He was going to show Shiro exactly what they were capable of together.</p>
<p>It turned out the herculean effort was necessary, too, because Shiro <em>gained. </em>Keith could hear and sometimes see him at the edge of his periphery as Shiro tore his way down the adjacent lane, only a couple of strokes behind at times. It was incredible, really; Keith was far from an expert swimmer, but he was in superior physical condition, and he’d just spent the last two weeks trying to measure up to Adam. Shiro should’ve struggled. Shiro should’ve fallen far behind.</p>
<p>But he didn’t. He slapped the dock only one second after Keith.</p>
<p>The rest of the class, who were all piled onto the dock to watch, burst into cheering applause.</p>
<p>“Holy <em>fuck!”</em></p>
<p>“Language, Lance.”</p>
<p>“<em>Shit, </em>Shiro!”</p>
<p>“Adam, you too.”</p>
<p>Keith grinned at Shiro, who was beaming right back at him. Josh was fighting a losing battle, trying to keep things clean amongst the group. They were too wound up to follow any sort of direction.</p>
<p>“That all you got?” Shiro taunted, nudging playfully at Keith’s shoulder with the heel of his hand.</p>
<p>“Almost,” Keith laughed, because he’d really and truly struggled to maintain his lead. It was exhilarating, thinking that Shiro might actually catch him or even pull ahead. How much further could Keith push himself? How much harder could he go? He’d never truly understood how much he might value a worthy opponent until this moment.</p>
<p>As if he needed one more reason to love every last inch of Shiro, body and soul.</p>
<p>“Let’s see then,” Shiro said, tilting his chin high. He was proud. He was excited.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re the only reason I’m here, Keith.</em>
</p>
<p>“Catch your breath first,” Keith teased. “I want to see your best.”</p>
<p>Shiro’s grin was sharklike.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. You will.”</p>
<p>Keith wasn't disappointed. Their second race played out much the same, with Keith in the lead and Shiro gaining. Keith pulled a little further ahead at the end, shaving about half a second off his earlier time before he slapped the dock, but he didn't let it go to his head. When Shiro surfaced to touch the dock and face him, he only looked more determined than ever, bordering on <em>aggressive</em>, and for a moment Keith felt more like prey than predator.</p>
<p>The notion made him shiver.</p>
<p>He bared his teeth at Shiro in a sharp grin.</p>
<p>He wasn't safe, and he was glad.</p>
<p>"Last round," he panted, trying to keep his eyes off of Shiro's bare, heaving chest. "Last chance, Orpheus."</p>
<p>Shiro lifted his chin again, looking as much like a legendary hero as any mortal ever had.</p>
<p>"You look tired." Shiro's breathing was already starting to slow. "Sure you have enough left for another one?"</p>
<p>Keith narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>"I could do this all day."</p>
<p>"Prove it."</p>
<p>Keith flicked some water up at Shiro's face, giggled at his resulting indignation, and then slipped onto his back to glide slowly toward his starting point at the other end of the lane. Shiro followed, swimming easy strokes at his side until they were standing at their starting points, watching each other's eyes.</p>
<p>"Keith…" Shiro's expression hadn't lost any of its intensity, but his voice had gone soft. "I have to ask you…"</p>
<p>Keith raised an eyebrow. They were in the middle of a heated competition. What else could Shiro be thinking about?</p>
<p>"Ask me what?"</p>
<p>He watched Shiro's throat work around a swallow.</p>
<p>"Will you dance with me? Tonight?"</p>
<p>Keith stared.</p>
<p>His mind shuffled through too-bright images of Shiro's broad hands on his waist- of Shiro holding him close while slow music played, his body so solid, so warm<em>…</em></p>
<p>Why would Shiro want to dance, if he only wanted to be friends?</p>
<p>Keith hesitated, watching Shiro's expression grow concerned as the moment stretched.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat, then nodded toward the dock.</p>
<p>"If you can catch me," he said, "you can dance with me. Within a tenth of a second, or no deal."</p>
<p>Shiro set his brow.</p>
<p>"Agreed."</p>
<p>Keith held Shiro's gaze while he waved toward the dock, signaling to Josh that they were ready.</p>
<p>Josh counted them off, blew his whistle- and they both exploded forward toward their destination.</p>
<p>Keith kicked and cut through the water until his lungs were burning and his muscles were aching in protest. He knew he didn't have to; if he slowed up even the tiniest bit, no one would know, and he could spend the rest of the day looking forward to dancing with Shiro. He wanted it so badly, his heart ached at the thought, right along with the rest of him.</p>
<p>But even more than he wanted to dance with Shiro… he wanted <em>Shiro</em> to prove how much <em>he </em>wanted it.</p>
<p>He wanted to be matched, and he wanted Shiro to need it badly enough to make it happen.</p>
<p>When he reached the end of the lane and surfaced to slap the dock, Shiro's hand came down right beside his, immediately afterward. Together they made a syncopated rhythm - <em>BA-DUM</em> - like a heartbeat, and Keith found himself staring into Shiro's wide, quicksilver eyes while Josh called out to the group: "Within a tenth! That's a tie!"</p>
<p>Applause and cheering erupted all around them, both deafening and far away all at once.</p>
<p>"Shiro," Keith murmured. "You-"</p>
<p>"Do we have a deal?" Shiro was flushed from his cheeks to his chest. "Keith? Tonight?"</p>
<p>"I- yeah, of course-"</p>
<p>That was all Keith managed to get out before Shiro was lost underneath a pile of their friends, who had jumped into the water to tackle him, still whooping in celebration. Keith laughed, swept up in it, watching Shiro sputter and grin and hug Matt and Adam and Hunk. Then Lance pulled Keith into the pile and forced him to the center with Shiro, and Shiro's arm found its way around his waist, and they were laughing together in the summer sunlight, as if fear and sadness had never touched them, and never would again.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Pidge, Allura and Romelle decided Keith would get ready for the dance with them in their cabin. They arrived at the Lions' cabin to kidnap him after dinner, and he didn't put up a fight, because the idea of getting ready in the same room as Shiro had been making him feel a little nauseous. He packed his clothes into his backpack and let Pidge drag him away, making note of the way Shiro was blushing, standing awkwardly with a hand on the back of his neck as they said goodbye.</p>
<p>"He asked you to dance," Pidge pointed out a few minutes later, sparing him a raised eyebrow as they laid his clothes out on their bunk. "He told Matt."</p>
<p>Keith shrugged, feigning nonchalance.</p>
<p>"I can't read into it, Pidge."</p>
<p>"Yes you can. He's <em>never </em>asked anyone to dance. Never said yes when anyone else asked him, either."</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>"He's never spent the night with anyone either, right? I get it. I know it's… <em>special</em>, or whatever, but… it doesn't mean what you think it means."</p>
<p>Pidge straightened up and turned to him.</p>
<p>"I know he hurt you," they said. "I also know he feels awful. Why would he be so sorry about it unless he regretted it?"</p>
<p>"He regrets hurting me. I know that. It doesn't mean he regrets pulling away like that."</p>
<p>Pidge picked up his hand and gave it a squeeze.</p>
<p>"Don't give up, Keith. Please. I know it's a risk… I know that… but he's worth it, isn't he?"</p>
<p>Keith hesitated at that.</p>
<p>Of course Shiro was worth it.</p>
<p>He was worth <em>everything.</em></p>
<p>So Keith tried to imagine it. He pictured dancing with Shiro, pressing in close with one hand curled around the back of his neck… he imagined Shiro's warm breath on his face, and the pretty shape of Shiro's mouth, open and waiting for him to try again…</p>
<p>He pictured leaning in close…</p>
<p>...And then he pictured Shiro's hands on his chest, gently pushing him away.</p>
<p>Could he handle it?</p>
<p>Could he survive that kind of pain again?</p>
<p>He sighed and squeezed Pidge's fingers.</p>
<p>"I'll think about it," he said.</p>
<p>Pidge nodded, then jabbed their thumb toward their bunk.</p>
<p>"We'll match tonight," they said. "Allura's letting me borrow a black skirt."</p>
<p>"Yeah? A skirt, huh?"</p>
<p>"Mhm. I actually don't mind skirts and dresses. And now that my hair's like this… and, y'know, the pronouns and stuff…" They smiled. "Feels like I can wear them again."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"You'll look great."</p>
<p>"Keith?" Allura was calling to him from the opposite corner of the room. "We're quite finished, thank you!"</p>
<p>He gave her a thumbs up over his shoulder. He'd been keeping his back carefully turned while she and Romelle got changed.</p>
<p>"Okay," Pidge said. "Time to get you dressed."</p>
<p>Keith had saved a pair of clean, close-fitting black pants for the occasion, along with a charcoal gray button up that served as a decent contrast. He thought so, anyway. He hadn't spent much time learning about fashion, but sometimes he wished he could dress with a little more style. He liked the idea of being able to project a certain image at will. He thought it would feel good to have some control over how people saw him.</p>
<p>Maybe that's how Pidge was feeling, too, he thought, averting his gaze as they stepped out of their athletic shorts and into a black, flared skirt with black suspenders attached. Pidge didn't seem shy about changing in front of him, which he thought was cool - a gesture of trust - but he thought he'd extend the courtesy, anyway.</p>
<p>He tucked his shirt carefully into his pants and then zipped them up, pausing to note that they were extra snug compared to the last time he'd put them on. He was growing. Gaining muscle.</p>
<p>So much had changed, the last two weeks may as well have been a lifetime.</p>
<p>"Wow," Pidge muttered, looking him up and down. "You look <em>good. </em>Shiro's gonna lose it."</p>
<p>He smiled at them. The suspenders were a nice touch, emphasizing their narrow torso, making the tight green t-shirt they'd tucked into their skirt hug their body even closer.</p>
<p>"Ditto," he told them. "You look really amazing."</p>
<p>"Oh, Keith…" Allura stepped next to him and put a hand on his arm. "You really do look very handsome."</p>
<p>He smiled at her. She was wearing a dress with a high waist in a shimmering, pale blue fabric, and her hair was pinned away from her face so that it fell in a cascade down her back.</p>
<p>"You look very pretty," he told her. "Nice dress. Matt's gonna forget his own name."</p>
<p>She grinned.</p>
<p>"I do hope he likes it." She reached up and touched the ends of Keith's hair, underneath his ear. "Would you like me to braid this for you?"</p>
<p>He nodded. Shiro would like that.</p>
<p>"Yeah. And… do you have any eyeliner?"</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith and Pidge walked arm-in-arm to the Garrison together, with Allura and Romelle escorting each other similarly in their wake. The sun was setting as they made their way through the forest, painting the sky in sherbet hues, and the Garrison was lit up like Shiro’s favorite corner of the Milky Way, visible through the trees long before Keith and his friends reached the clearing. It normally glowed from the inside at night thanks to the full walls of glass, but tonight it sparkled, too, adorned with string lights that lined the windows and the edge of the roof.</p>
<p>Keith took a mental snapshot. He’d spend the next full year missing this place.</p>
<p>He and Pidge and the girls were fashionably late by about ten minutes, so the music was already playing when they reached the stone pathway that led to the main entrance of the Great Room. Keith caught the riff of an upbeat pop song as they approached the double doors, and he could see that people inside were already dancing, their hands in the air, their shoulders moving to the driving rhythm.</p>
<p>“Ready?” Pidge skipped a little as they spoke. Keith couldn’t blame them. “You’ll dance with us, right?”</p>
<p>“I’ll try,” he promised. Dancing wasn’t something he’d taken to naturally at home… but here, with these people, he imagined it was something he could attempt a little more freely.</p>
<p>He opened a door for his companions, breaking into a grin at the tidal wave of sound that crashed through the room. The mood and melody washed over them, swept them up, and carried them inside.</p>
<p>The lights in the Great Room had been dimmed down to a warm glow, and the tables had all been moved off to the sides to create space for a dance floor in the middle. It felt like an entirely different place- transformed by the twinkling of string lights, the colorful dresses and shirts, and the bodies in motion, swaying harmoniously, as if everyone here were connected by some invisible force.</p>
<p>Keith felt like he'd stepped into another world… and then he saw Shiro, and that imagined connection became <em>real</em> to him, an invisible line that was wrapped around his heart, threatening to pull it right out of his chest if he didn't move into Shiro's orbit.</p>
<p>Shiro was beautiful.</p>
<p>He wore a neatly tucked white button-up that fit snug across his chest, paired with dark denim that hugged close to his hips and thighs. He was standing between Matt and Lance next to a table lined with snacks and drinks, wearing a smile that Keith wanted to remember for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>Keith went on staring, holding loosely to Pidge's arm as the two of them moved closer- slowly, like it was all happening in a dream… and then Shiro looked up and met his eye, and his smile transformed into something bright and alive, and Keith imagined that it belonged to him now- that even after Shiro was gone, the smile he wore now would be Keith’s to keep.</p>
<p>"Keith." They stood still, facing each other. Shiro raised his hand and touched his fingers over the three tiny French braids that wove the left side of Keith's hair back from his face. Keith blinked up at him, his eyes lined subtly in black.</p>
<p>“...Hi,” he managed.</p>
<p>"...Wow," Shiro answered.</p>
<p>Keith nodded. At some point Pidge had let go of his arm. He didn't remember it happening.</p>
<p>He touched Shiro's elbow.</p>
<p>"Wow, yourself."</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Shiro's gaze kept moving from Keith’s eyes, to his hair, to his mouth, and back to his eyes again. "It's… good?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Really good."</p>
<p>"And you look… wow."</p>
<p>Keith smiled.</p>
<p>"You said that already."</p>
<p>"Uh… uh huh. Do you want me to stop?"</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Okay." Shiro gestured to the table behind him. "Want a drink?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Thanks."</p>
<p>Shiro led him a few feet down the table and filled two cups with pinkish liquid from a pitcher. He handed one to Keith, lightly tapped their cups together, and took a sip. Keith did the same.</p>
<p>The drink was made from fresh watermelon.</p>
<p>Keith raised his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Do they always have this for the dance?"</p>
<p>Shiro shrugged.</p>
<p>"I might've told Sam you have a thing for watermelon."</p>
<p>Keith grinned.</p>
<p>"Shiro…"</p>
<p>"Hey!" Lance stepped into their space with Pidge in tow. "This song is great! Come dance with us!"</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>“In a minute?”</p>
<p>“Before it’s over,” Lance warned. “The best part is coming up!”</p>
<p>He led Pidge to where Hunk and Romelle were already dancing, and the four of them fell in step together, their mouths moving along to lyrics Keith only vaguely knew. They made it look so easy. He wondered if some of that magic would pass to him when he joined them.</p>
<p>“So… you dance?” Shiro asked, leaning a little closer so Keith could hear him over the music.</p>
<p>“Um. Not really. Not very well. I promised Pidge I’d try, though.”</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. You can’t possibly be worse than Matt.”</p>
<p>Keith glanced over to the dance floor and saw that Matt and Allura had joined the others. It was true, Matt’s moves were pretty goofy- but he was making light of it, mixing in some lame choreographed standards - the microwave, the shopping cart - and everyone else was laughing and joining in.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Keith conceded, laughing. “That does make me feel a little better.”</p>
<p>Shiro finished his drink and set his cup down on the table.</p>
<p>“Good. I’m ready when you are.”</p>
<p>Keith downed the rest of his drink, stashed his cup, and, in a sudden fit of recklessness, held out his hand.</p>
<p>“I’m ready, too.”</p>
<p>Shiro picked it up.</p>
<p>They walked onto the dance floor together.</p>
<p><em>“YES!” </em>Pidge threw their arms around Keith as soon as he was in range, which took some of the pressure off. “Let’s see your moves, Keith!”</p>
<p>“I have no moves,” Keith laughed, his hands resting lightly on Pidge’s waist. He tried to match the way they were stepping back and forth, grateful that they’d kept their arms around his shoulders. Lance and Shiro were in a similar configuration, though they had their hands clasped together, ballroom style. It was perfect, really. Keith and Shiro had joined the group so seamlessly, Keith had to wonder if Pidge and Lance had planned this ahead of time. He made a mental note to thank them both later.</p>
<p>“Not true!” Pidge was beaming. “Your moves are great!”</p>
<p>“The best part is coming up!” Lance hollered. “Get ready!”</p>
<p>The couples broke apart so the larger group of them could form a messy circle, and when the last chorus hit, everyone sang along- even Keith, who had heard it repeat enough times to get the gist. They all grinned and sang to each other, competing with Lance, who was by far the loudest, singing into an imaginary microphone.</p>
<p>“My turn,” Matt called, swooping in for Keith as a new, equally upbeat song started to play. He put Keith’s arms around his own shoulders, put his hands on Keith’s waist, and then started moving the two of them side to side along with the beat.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Keith laughed, trying to match him. Matt had rhythm, but he wasn’t nearly as graceful as Pidge. “Won’t Allura miss you?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure she’ll survive for a minute or two,” Matt joked. “Plus, you look hot.”</p>
<p>Keith giggled. He had no idea if Matt actually liked guys or not, but he was sure this particular compliment was platonic in nature.</p>
<p>“You too. Nice shirt.”</p>
<p>“Thanks. Lance let me borrow it. He found out what Allura was wearing somehow. Said this one would match better than the one I brought.”</p>
<p>“Wow. That’s a big gesture. You guys are doing better?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I think we’re good.”</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>“And Pidge…” He glanced over to where Pidge was now dancing with Shiro. “They seem really happy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m so relieved, you have no idea.”</p>
<p>“They knew to come right to you. They knew you’d be supportive.”</p>
<p>Matt nodded. “And you. You’ve been a big part of that, too.” He hugged Keith suddenly, tight enough to lift him off his feet for a moment. “Come stay with us,” he said, close to Keith’s ear. “In a couple weeks or something. I don’t want to lose you again.”</p>
<p>“You won’t.” Keith held on just as tight. “I promise. I’ll come see you. You can come see me, too.”</p>
<p>Matt loosened his hold, but he didn’t let go. They swayed together like that for a while, much more slowly than the beat of the music.</p>
<p>And then that song ended, and something slow and romantic started to play- an old classic that Keith knew by heart.</p>
<p>Anticipation tingled through every cell in his body, as if he were at the top of a roller coaster, waiting to fall over the edge.</p>
<p>“Ah.” Matt looked at him. “Shiro will kill me if I keep you all to myself.”</p>
<p>Keith knew he must be blushing already. He wondered if it was visible in the dim lighting.</p>
<p>“I mean, I don’t know if we’re… like, <em>right now,</em> or…”</p>
<p>Matt laughed.</p>
<p>“Yeah, loverboy. Right now.”</p>
<p>Keith swallowed hard.</p>
<p>Matt took his hand and led him over to Shiro, who had just finished bowing to Pidge.</p>
<p>"Keep each other company?" he prodded. "Gonna ask Allura to dance before someone else does…"</p>
<p>He left them with a smile.</p>
<p>Keith watched after him, reconsidering the nature of his very existence.</p>
<p>Shiro had asked to dance with him.</p>
<p>Shiro had asked to <em>dance with him.</em></p>
<p>He'd wanted it badly enough to accomplish a nearly impossible feat.</p>
<p>Keith had been trying so hard not to hope… and yet here he was, hoping anyway.</p>
<p>"So… we still have a deal?" Shiro asked him.</p>
<p>Keith met his eye.</p>
<p>"You can bail," he tested. "I won't hold it against you."</p>
<p>Shiro's eyebrows drew together.</p>
<p>"Why would I do that?"</p>
<p>Keith gestured outward with both hands.</p>
<p>"You really want to dance with me in front of everyone?"</p>
<p>"Didn't I prove that earlier?" Shiro stepped close. He rested his hands lightly on Keith's waist. "Do you not want to?"</p>
<p>Keith slid his arms up around Shiro's neck.</p>
<p>"Of course I want to."</p>
<p>They started to sway along to the music, watching each other's eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>So darlin', darlin'</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Stand by me</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh, stand by me</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro reached up, took hold of Keith's left hand, and held it to his chest.</p>
<p>"Lance says it's better like this," he said.</p>
<p>Keith squeezed Shiro's fingers.</p>
<p>He couldn't argue with that.</p>
<p>"How's your shoulder?" he asked, remembering the heartbeat <em>BA-DUM </em>of their hands slapping down on the dock.</p>
<p>"Sore," Shiro said. "The good kind of sore."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"I thought about it when you got up to sing." The chorus group had done a performance before dinner- a shorter version of the concert they would put on for their parents tomorrow. Shiro had sung his solo, holding Keith's gaze across the room all the way through. "But it was all perfect, like always. Even better than perfect."</p>
<p>Shiro's expression went soft.</p>
<p>"I liked practicing with you."</p>
<p>"I liked it, too."</p>
<p>Shiro's hand moved a little further toward Keith's lower back, drawing him in closer.</p>
<p>"I always thought I would be sad tonight," he said. "On my last night here as a camper, I mean. But I'm not. I had the best summer of my whole life, thanks to you."</p>
<p>Keith swallowed, looking up into Shiro's eyes. He felt lightheaded, the way he did when he looked through the telescope for too long and lost his grip on his surroundings.</p>
<p>"I feel that way, too, Shiro."</p>
<p>"Still? After everything I put you through?"</p>
<p>Keith gave his head a tiny shake.</p>
<p>"I don't think of it like that. I-- I just wish you would… y'know. Talk to me. About everything."</p>
<p>"I know. I will. I'm working on it."</p>
<p>Keith tilted his head. It was the most Shiro had said about it since the night that had ended with a wall up between them. He sounded sincere, like it was a problem he was actively trying to solve.</p>
<p>Keith risked letting his fingertips touch the back of Shiro's neck, just above the collar of his shirt.</p>
<p>Shiro's eyes closed for a moment, his lashes fluttering enough to let Keith know he really felt it, the way Keith intended him to.</p>
<p><em>I'm right here, </em>he thought. <em>What are you waiting for?</em></p>
<p>A possible answer came a moment later, when Keith looked over Shiro's shoulder and noticed Matt and Allura holding each other close, kissing slowly while they swayed to the music. They'd attracted Josh's attention from the sidelines; Keith watched as he strode toward them, put his hand on Matt's shoulder, and spoke to both of them until they'd separated enough for his liking.</p>
<p>
  <em>Right.</em>
</p>
<p>Sam's rules.</p>
<p>They weren't exactly supposed to be making out on the dance floor, or anywhere else that the camp staff could see them.</p>
<p>Would that be enough to stop Shiro, even if he wanted this moment to become something <em>more?</em></p>
<p>Keith looked up at him again, and was promptly reminded of how close they already were.</p>
<p>
  <em>He's never asked anyone to dance before.</em>
</p>
<p>This was already a huge moment for Shiro, Keith realized. He was slow dancing with another boy in front of everyone here. He was slow dancing with a boy for the first time in his life.</p>
<p>Why did Keith keep wanting more from him, when he was already giving so much?</p>
<p>This moment was already more than enough.</p>
<p>He squeezed Shiro's hand, then rested his cheek on Shiro's shoulder.</p>
<p>He felt Shiro's cheek press against the side of his head.</p>
<p><em>"You look… beautiful," </em>Shiro whispered.</p>
<p><em>"So do you," </em>Keith whispered back.</p>
<p>They stayed like that, swaying slowly, until the song was over.</p>
<p>Keith didn't want to let the moment end, but the next song that started to play was loud and upbeat. They had no excuse to stay wrapped up in each other like this.</p>
<p>"Will you dance with me again?" Shiro asked, before finally pulling away.</p>
<p>Keith grinned at him.</p>
<p>"What impossible feat will you accomplish this time? I feel like I should ask you to climb a tree or something."</p>
<p>"I would," Shiro said. "The tallest one I could find."</p>
<p>Keith touched one of the buttons at the front of Shiro's shirt.</p>
<p>"I'll dance with you," he said. "No superhuman feats necessary."</p>
<p>Shiro opened his mouth to answer, but he was distracted by the appearance of Adam, who was wearing pale purple and sporting a fancier-than-usual hairstyle.</p>
<p>"Hey!" He looked like he was enjoying himself quite a bit, though Keith hadn't noticed who he might've been dancing with. "Keith! Wow, you look… uh… great! Who did your hair?"</p>
<p>"Oh. Um. Allura. She's really good with braids."</p>
<p>"Apparently. It really suits you." Adam turned his attention to Shiro and gestured vaguely over his shoulder. "Did you still want to…?"</p>
<p>"Oh." Shiro nodded. "Yeah. Um." He looked at Keith. "I just need a few minutes. I'll be back, okay?"</p>
<p>Keith was curious, but not enough to ask. Shiro and Adam had been friends for years. They were both in the middle of their last night here as campers. Keith was sure Shiro would let him know what was going on when he came back.</p>
<p>"I'll be here," he promised.</p>
<p>Shiro touched his arm, then headed off into the crowd with Adam.</p>
<p>Keith watched after them, but only briefly, because Pidge chose that moment to grab his hand and drag him away from the dance floor.</p>
<p>"Uh… hi!"</p>
<p>"Hi," Pidge hollered back at him, still dragging him along toward the exit. "Come talk to me."</p>
<p>He giggled. He didn't need to be manhandled to go chat with Pidge, but he had to admit he was impressed with the strength of their grip.</p>
<p>Pidge led him through one of the double doors and out into the night, stopping only when they reached a nearby bench that was well out of earshot of the other campers who'd ventured outside for some fresh air.</p>
<p>"So," Pidge said, yanking him down to sit beside them on the bench. "You and Shiro. That was the most disgustingly romantic thing I've ever seen in my whole entire life. Tell me everything."</p>
<p>Keith blinked, then shook his head.</p>
<p>"Nothing to tell. We just danced."</p>
<p>Pidge narrowed their eyes.</p>
<p>"You can't be serious."</p>
<p>"Why? What-" Keith paused, raising an eyebrow. "What did you think we were talking about?"</p>
<p>"I don't know!" Pidge threw up their hands. "Long walks on the beach? Wedding cake flavors? Whatever pets you'll eventually get together? Keith- <em>he's crazy about you!"</em></p>
<p>Keith made an equally dramatic gesture with both hands.</p>
<p>"Pidge! He dropped me in the lake when I tried to kiss him! I don't know how else to tell you he's not interested in me like that!"</p>
<p>"That's <em>ridiculous</em>, he- wait. <em>In the lake?"</em></p>
<p>Keith blew out a breath, exasperated.</p>
<p>"Yeah. We snuck out at night a few times… I told him I'd help him get back in the water, so we were practicing…"</p>
<p>Pidge stared.</p>
<p>"You got him back in the water," they murmured. "Keith. <em>You got him back in the water. </em>God- do you have any idea what that must mean to him?"</p>
<p>"Pidge. It's not-"</p>
<p>"Shut up. I mean, no, just-- what did you say to him? Before you tried to kiss him?"</p>
<p>Keith frowned, thinking back.</p>
<p>"I… I don't really remember. Nothing important. He got up to his shoulders in the water, and we were both so happy, I thought-"</p>
<p>"But-" Pidge waved their hands to cut him off. "No. I mean, did you tell him how you <em>feel</em>? Like, you want to be with him, right? Did you tell him that?"</p>
<p>Keith's frown deepened.</p>
<p>"I… no. I mean, I figured he probably already knew. And if not, I figured he must've gotten the point when I tried to kiss him…"</p>
<p>Pidge fixed him with a fiery glare.</p>
<p>"Keith. Have you been head over heels in love with everyone you've ever kissed?"</p>
<p>"Uh… no-"</p>
<p>"YOU NEED TO TELL HIM! Keith- he's never done this before! He might not know!"</p>
<p>Keith's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach.</p>
<p>Was that why Shiro had pushed him away?</p>
<p>Because he didn't know how Keith felt?</p>
<p>Because he didn't know what Keith <em>wanted?</em></p>
<p>Keith leapt to his feet.</p>
<p>"Pidge-"</p>
<p>"Run, you idiot!"</p>
<p>Keith ran.</p>
<p>He darted back to the double doors, flung them open, and then jogged through the crowd until he found Matt, who was dancing badly executed choreography with Lance.</p>
<p>"Hey," Keith called over the music, pulling Matt out of step. "Have you seen Shiro?"</p>
<p>"Nope! Not since he was gazing lovingly into your eyes! Why?"</p>
<p>Keith glanced around, but he didn't see Shiro anywhere. He wasn't surprised; it had only been a couple of minutes since he'd left with Adam.</p>
<p>"If you see him," he told Matt, "tell him I need to talk to him!"</p>
<p>"Sure thing! Everything okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, probably…"</p>
<p>Keith left him without saying goodbye, weaving through the crowd toward the opposite end of the room, where Shiro and Adam had disappeared. He found Ryan and James chatting near the stage, and they directed him to the hall that led to the rest of the rooms in the Garrison. They'd seen Adam and Shiro heading that way a few minutes ago.</p>
<p>That made sense. They'd probably headed for the bathroom together. Keith set off in that direction, passing by the kitchen, and then Sam's office, and then the library--</p>
<p>Keith stopped. A flicker of movement had caught his eye. He moved back to the library door, which had a glass insert in the upper half that meant he could see inside…</p>
<p>And what he saw was Adam and Shiro, standing close to one another on the opposite side of the rectangular table, speaking to each other too quietly for him to hear them.</p>
<p>He almost barged right in; he needed to talk to Shiro <em>now, </em>before he lost his nerve…</p>
<p>But then he paused with his hand on the door handle, because Adam had just put his hands on Shiro's shoulders.</p>
<p><em>No, </em>Keith thought, scowling at the angry, suspicious thoughts that immediately sprang to the forefront of his mind. <em>They're just friends. They wouldn't.</em></p>
<p>Shiro was frowning, looking down at the floor with his hands at his sides…</p>
<p>But then he looked up at Adam and nodded-</p>
<p>And Adam kissed him, right on the lips.</p>
<p>It only lasted for a second.</p>
<p>It might've been the most painful second of Keith's life.</p>
<p><em>PUSH HIM AWAY, </em>his mind screamed, his teeth clenching tight. <em>PUSH HIM AWAY OR I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.</em></p>
<p>Shiro didn't.</p>
<p>He took Adam's face in his hands and kissed him.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Good Night, Takashi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith stumbled away from the door until his back hit a wall. Emotion rose within him like a sudden storm until his breathing became labored and erratic, and then he bolted, half-blind, barely aware of where his pounding feet were taking him.</p>
<p>He found a door - the exit at the opposite end of the Garrison - and he threw it open with an anguished sob, pounding the heels of his hands into the hard metal just to feel the impact.</p>
<p>It wasn't enough.</p>
<p>He escaped into the night and kept on running until he was surrounded by trees.</p>
<p>He moved close to the nearest one, which was tall and sturdy-looking with a trunk of textured bark.</p>
<p>He planted his feet, raised his fists, and let them fly.</p>
<p>Another sob escaped him as his knuckles made contact with the rough, unyielding surface. His skin split. Pain shot through his hand like an electric shock, enough to jolt him out of his panicked anguish. His knuckles made contact with the tree trunk once more, bloodying the bark, and then he stopped.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don't hurt yourself, love.</em>
</p>
<p>He closed his eyes, focusing in on the memory of his mother's voice. She'd caught him boxing without gloves too often in the early days after father's death.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don't hide from how you feel.</em>
</p>
<p>He knew that was all this was. A distraction. An escape.</p>
<p>Pain he could control, covering up the pain he couldn't.</p>
<p>Keith opened his eyes and looked down at his hands.</p>
<p>Only two of his knuckles were torn and bleeding: the first and second on his right hand. That was lucky.</p>
<p>He needed to clean them, though. They were dirty, the torn edges ragged.</p>
<p>He could sneak into Mr. Coran's office, grab some supplies-</p>
<p>But no. He wouldn't be going back there. He couldn't risk running into anyone. He couldn't risk seeing-</p>
<p>Seeing-</p>
<p>
  <em>Shiro.</em>
</p>
<p>He pressed his hand to his stomach, bowed his head, and cried a handful of quiet sobs, letting the pain wash over him.</p>
<p>He couldn't begin to guess why Shiro had done this.</p>
<p>He didn't want to believe Shiro was capable of dancing with him like that - whispering to him like that, <em>holding him close </em>like that - only to leave him on the dance floor and kiss someone else.</p>
<p>
  <em>Adam.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith and Adam were <em>friends.</em></p>
<p>Adam had seen him and Shiro together all summer. He had to know how Keith felt. He had to know there was something between them.</p>
<p><em>But there isn't, </em>Keith reminded himself. <em>There's nothing between us. Nothing like I wanted there to be.</em></p>
<p>He'd trusted Shiro with his secrets, with his affection. He'd tried to give Shiro his whole heart.</p>
<p>And Shiro had pushed him away, and given his own to someone else.</p>
<p>Maybe Adam had made it easier somehow. Maybe he'd said and done the right things. Maybe he hadn't pushed, like Keith had done.</p>
<p>Maybe Adam felt right to Shiro, the way Shiro felt right to Keith.</p>
<p>The thought made Keith dizzy with nausea. He was losing control again, crying openly, his tears leaving prickling trails down his cheeks and his throat.</p>
<p><em>Focus on one thing</em>, his mother's voice told him. <em>Set one goal and make it happen.</em></p>
<p>"My hand." He said the words aloud. They came out on the heels of a choking sob, but he knew it would help him follow through. "I have to fix my hand."</p>
<p>He wiped at his face with his wrist; it came away smudged with the black eyeliner Allura had so carefully applied.</p>
<p>He was a mess. He had to make sure no one saw him.</p>
<p>If he hurried, he could get back to his cabin before anyone started looking for him.</p>
<p>He used the glowing light of the Garrison to find a pathway in the darkness, took a shuddering breath, and started to run.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes were dry by the time he reached the cabin. Staying in motion was helping. Making a plan was helping, too.</p>
<p>He wanted to leave. More than anything, he wanted to escape, before he had to see any of his friends- before he could get caught in a spiral of the agony he'd felt when-</p>
<p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Can't think about that now.</em>
</p>
<p>He had to pack.</p>
<p>He couldn't leave tonight, he'd realized, even though his mother was already here, twenty minutes away in a hotel in town. He'd have to walk right by the Garrison to get to the parking lot. If his bunkmates didn't find him here before he'd finished packing up, then someone would certainly see him somewhere along the pathway, carrying all of his things. He couldn't bear the thought of it. And he couldn't leave without letting Sam know.</p>
<p>Tomorrow morning, then. First thing. He'd pack up now, then get up before the bandstand alarm. He'd slip away unnoticed. He'd leave messages for his friends, he'd say goodbye to Sam, and then he'd get in his mother's car and breathe easier with every mile that stretched between him and the only boy he'd ever loved.</p>
<p>He packed a change of clothes into his backpack: his last clean t-shirt, his last clean pair of briefs, and the athletic shorts he'd worn the least over the last two weeks.</p>
<p>He crammed the rest of his dirty laundry into his duffel bag, trying not to bleed on anything he cared too much about.</p>
<p>He stashed the rest of his personal belongings in there too, then sat down on the edge of his bunk, steeled himself, and finally checked his phone.</p>
<p>He had messages waiting from Pidge, Matt, and a number he didn't recognize.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pidge: How did it go??</p>
<p>Pidge: Keith?</p>
<p>Pidge: Where are you?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt: Where'd you disappear to? Shiro's been looking everywhere for you</p>
<p>Matt: Seriously</p>
<p>Matt: Answer please</p>
<p>Matt: Are you okay</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unknown number: Keith?</p>
<p>Unknown number: It's Shiro</p>
<p>Unknown number: Where did you go?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith stared at the last set of messages, which had come through only a minute ago. He needed to move.</p>
<p>He tapped back into his chat with Matt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: Not feeling great, I'm fine though</p>
<p>Keith: Tell everyone not to worry</p>
<p>Keith: Gonna take a shower and take it easy</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stashed his phone in his pocket, packed the rest of his shower supplies into his backpack, and left the cabin.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith took a risk and snuck into the counselors' bathroom to wash up, just in case his friends decided to go looking for him. It ended up being a worthwhile gamble, since all of the counselors were either up at the Garrison or down at the waterfront with the lower camp kids.</p>
<p>He set about washing the blood and grime from his damaged knuckles in one of the sinks, careful to avoid his own reflection in the mirror mounted above it. He was desperate to clean up his face… but he had to take care of his hand first.</p>
<p>Soap, water, soap again, rinse. It stung. He grabbed alcohol swabs and bandaids from the first aid kit that hung on the wall by the door, and the disinfectant stung even worse.</p>
<p>He left the bandaids on the ledge under the mirror, then set about scrubbing the makeup and tears from his face. He'd wash up thoroughly in the shower, of course, but he didn't want to see a single shred of evidence of this night when he was done.</p>
<p>He tugged Allura’s tiny, perfect braids out of his hair, wincing as his fingers caught in the tightly woven strands. He didn't bother trying to be more careful. The discomfort was a welcome distraction.</p>
<p>He threw the little elastics into the trash and stepped into a shower stall.</p>
<p>His mother would come, he thought, as he stripped down, folded his clothes, and set them down on the bench. She would come in the morning and take him home.</p>
<p>That thought might've been the only thing that kept him alive when he glanced down at his bare wrist and saw the bracelet Shiro had made for him.</p>
<p>He briefly considered tearing it off - just looking at it made him feel like he might be sick - but he forced his gaze away from it and stepped into the shower instead.</p>
<p>He couldn't think about that now.</p>
<p>He had to take a shower.</p>
<p>That was his goal.</p>
<p>He scrubbed himself from head to toe, washed his face twice more just to make sure the eyeliner was gone, and then emerged from the shower to towel dry his hair.</p>
<p>He put on his clean clothes, packed up his dirty ones, and wound the soft, fabric bandaids around his sore knuckles.</p>
<p>He stared down at his wet towel and face cloth, which he'd draped over the sink. He couldn't put them back in his backpack, and he couldn't head back to the cabin to hang them up. Someone might be there waiting for him. He'd stay away until lights out.</p>
<p>He hung the towels up on the hook inside the shower stall and left them behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>He found the door to the observatory locked, but it was easy enough for him to scale the sturdy beams and the railing of the deck. The glass doors that led into the lounge were locked, too - to keep the telescope safe, of course - but it didn't matter. Keith didn't need to go inside. He just needed somewhere quiet to ride out the next hour.</p>
<p>He dropped his backpack onto the wooden decking, sat down with his back against the wall, and pulled his phone out of his pocket to text his mom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: how's the hotel</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn't have to wait long for a response. She was probably already settled in for the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mom: Scorpion free so far, checks all my boxes</p>
<p>Mom: Shouldn't you be dancing the night away?</p>
<p>Keith: I was</p>
<p>Keith: I think I'm ready to come home though</p>
<p>Keith: can you come pick me up early tomorrow? like first thing?</p>
<p>Mom: You don't want to stay until lunch?</p>
<p>Keith: no</p>
<p>Keith: I want to start heading back</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He chewed his lower lip. His mother knew him well. He needed her to come through for him now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Mom: Of course, honey</p>
<p>Mom: You'll tell me why? When I see you?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He breathed a sigh of relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: I will, I promise</p>
<p>Mom: What time?</p>
<p>Keith: 6:30</p>
<p>Mom: I'll be there</p>
<p>Keith: can you leave Sam a voicemail? I won't be able to tell him tonight</p>
<p>Keith: I want to say goodbye in the morning</p>
<p>Mom: Sure thing. I've got it covered.</p>
<p>Keith: thanks, mom</p>
<p>Keith: love you</p>
<p>Mom: Love you, Keith</p>
<p>Mom: Can't wait to see you</p>
<p>Keith: ditto</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was the honest truth. He couldn’t wait to see her. If there were any way Keith could escape right now, he wouldn't even bother looking back.</p>
<p>He glanced at the new round of notifications at the top of his screen- more missed messages from his friends.</p>
<p>He sighed.</p>
<p>That last part wasn't true.</p>
<p>He'd miss them all like crazy.</p>
<p>All of them.</p>
<p>He tapped into Matt's messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt: Seriously? Did something happen?</p>
<p>Matt: Fill me in later?</p>
<p>Keith: no worries, have fun with Allura</p>
<p>Keith: I'll see you at lights out</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared at the unfamiliar number that represented Shiro's messages. He swallowed hard and opened the chat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unknown number: Keith?</p>
<p>Unknown number: You're not coming back? What's wrong?</p>
<p>Unknown number: Where are you?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He deliberated. The last thing he needed was Shiro rampaging all over camp to find him. He didn't want to acknowledge Shiro's messages at all, but he didn't see any other option.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: Not feeling well, taking a shower</p>
<p>Keith: Have fun at the dance</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro answered right away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unknown number: I don't even want to be here without you</p>
<p>Unknown number: I'll come stay with you</p>
<p>Unknown number: What do you need?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If Keith's heart hadn't already been in pieces, that alone might've done the trick. He'd promised himself he was done crying for the night - that he'd never cry over Shiro again - but it wasn't a promise he could keep.</p>
<p>He sniffed quietly and typed back, blinking to see through his tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: no, I want you to have fun</p>
<p>Keith: I'll feel worse if you leave because of me</p>
<p>Keith: I'll see you later</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He waited a few minutes. He was relieved when Shiro didn't answer.</p>
<p>He usually hated lying, almost as much as he hated being lied <em>to. </em>Pain had temporarily shaken that pillar of his character, though. He would lie as much as he needed to, to make it through the night.</p>
<p>He would tell Shiro everything was fine, that he was just tired and feeling sick. He would get into bed without leaving any space at his side.</p>
<p>He would tell Shiro they could talk tomorrow, when he was feeling better.</p>
<p>And then he'd sneak out before the sun was fully up, and he'd go back to New Mexico, and he'd leave Shiro behind until he'd healed enough to think of him again.</p>
<p>He looked up at the sky. The night was clear; it would've been perfect for stargazing. For two weeks he'd let his guard down here, feeling like he belonged in this place just as much as his mother and father ever had. He'd felt his father's presence at the waterfront and the archery range, in the staff room and right here, on this deck, looking up at the stars with Shiro. Every time he'd found himself laughing freely in the midst of his friends, he'd heard his father laughing, too, the way he must have done so long ago with Sam and Colleen. And every time he'd felt his heart start to race at the touch of Shiro's hand, he could imagine he might've been getting a glimpse at the love his parents had discovered here.</p>
<p>He felt none of that now, as he sat on the wooden deck and stared up at the sky alone. He searched his memories for the sound of his father's laughter, for the image of his wide, infectious grin… and they all just slipped away from him, scattering somewhere out of reach.</p>
<p>He tucked his knees up against his chest and cried quietly into his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith waited until ten minutes past lights out to head back to the cabin, just to make sure he was the last one there. He guessed the rest of the Lions would be waiting up to interrogate him, and he was correct on that front. They bombarded him with questions from their respective bunks- except for Shiro, who came right over to him and tried to put a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p>Keith managed to sidestep him with a false smile, but Shiro just followed him over to his bunk.</p>
<p><em>Persistent as ever,</em> Keith thought. <em>He doesn't even feel guilty.</em></p>
<p>"...Seriously," Matt was prodding, peering down at him from his bunk, his hair in disarray, probably from Allura's hands. "What happened? Are you okay?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded, setting his backpack down by the dresser. He sat up against the headboard of his bunk, keeping close to the edge so Shiro wouldn't be tempted to join him.</p>
<p>"Feeling better. Just needed a shower and some fresh air."</p>
<p>"You're sure?" Shiro was hovering near the edge of his bed. "Do you have a fever? Did you check in with Mr. Coran?"</p>
<p>Keith didn't look at him.</p>
<p>"I'm fine. It was just… loud, and everything. Not a big deal. So... what did I miss?"</p>
<p>Hunk and Lance took his answer at face value and started chattering away. Keith could see Matt and Shiro looking at him with concern, but he ignored them, and Shiro eventually sat down on his own bunk.</p>
<p>Lance and Pidge had kissed at the end of the night, it turned out, though they'd both agreed to take things slow as friends. Hunk had spent some time alone with Romelle in her cabin, taking things a lot less slow, though he walked the gentlemanly path and refrained from sharing too many specifics.</p>
<p>Hunk switched off the light while they were still chatting, which suited Keith just fine. He put his headphones in, started one of his calming playlists, and then laid down on his side, facing the wall. He'd been anticipating a long, sleepless night, but he found that he was exhausted as soon as he was horizontal. It was a small kindness, thinking he might actually be able to fall asleep after the worst night he'd had in a year.</p>
<p>He kept his music on low, so he knew when Lance and Hunk went quiet a few minutes later. There was a slim possibility that Shiro might take the hint and stay away…</p>
<p>But no.</p>
<p>That had been too much to hope for.</p>
<p>Two songs after the room had fallen silent, Keith felt the bed dip behind him. He'd tried not to leave any space, but Shiro had found some anyway.</p>
<p>Keith pulled his headphones out of his ears and turned over. He looked up at Shiro. He didn't say anything.</p>
<p>"I looked for you," Shiro murmured. "I looked all over the Garrison. I checked the showers… and then I came here and waited." He swallowed. "I thought we would get to dance again."</p>
<p>Keith's resolve faltered a bit. It had been easy to get lost in grief and anger when he was by himself, but having Shiro close like this reminded him of why this had all happened in the first place.</p>
<p>It had happened because Shiro was his favorite person.</p>
<p>It had happened because Keith was in love.</p>
<p>He was angry and hurt and confused… but he was still in love, too.</p>
<p>"Sorry to disappoint," he managed. "I couldn't stay."</p>
<p>"What's wrong? What hurts?" Shiro rested the back of his hand against Keith's forehead, as if such an intimate gesture still made sense between them. Keith had to close his eyes for a second to keep his emotions at bay.</p>
<p>He opened them again with a fresh lie prepared.</p>
<p>"I'm fine, Shiro. It was just the noise."</p>
<p>"You're sure?" Shiro moved his hand. He traced lightly along Keith's cheek, next to his scar. "It doesn't hurt?"</p>
<p>"No," Keith lied, shivering at Shiro's gentle touch. "Nothing hurts."</p>
<p>Shiro moved his hand once more, to cradle Keith's other cheek. It was too much, too close, too <em>intimate</em>. Keith blinked up at the ceiling, grasping at his blankets where Shiro couldn't see.</p>
<p>"Keith?" Shiro's voice was so soft, so sweet. "Look at me?"</p>
<p>Keith did. He couldn't help it. He looked up at Shiro, the person he loved…</p>
<p>…and then Shiro leaned down and kissed the scar on Keith's cheek.</p>
<p>He hovered close after that, watching Keith with questioning eyes while Keith stared up at him in a state of utter shock.</p>
<p>What was <em>happening?</em></p>
<p>Why would Shiro want this <em>now?</em></p>
<p>What was Keith supposed to do?</p>
<p>This was what Keith had wanted, maybe more than anything else in the whole world- and now, suddenly, Shiro wanted it too? After sneaking away to kiss someone else?</p>
<p>"Keith," he said softly, his palm still gently cradling Keith's cheek. "I'm sorry I couldn't do this before. I'm so, so sorry for that."</p>
<p>
  <em>Only for that? For that and nothing else?</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro leaned in close.</p>
<p>Their lips touched for the briefest instant…</p>
<p>…and then Keith scrambled away from him, pressing himself into the corner between his headboard and the wall, his heartbeat pounding wildly in his ears.</p>
<p>
  <em>Nothing hurts.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Everything hurts.</em>
</p>
<p>"Keith--" Shiro raised both his hands, as if he were trying to soothe a startled animal. "I-- I'm sorry… I thought--" He swiped a hand through his hair. He was starting to look panicked. "You don't want me to?"</p>
<p>Keith swallowed, trying to get his breathing under control. He couldn't keep up with what was happening. Why wasn't Shiro with Adam? Why was he still acting like there was something special between them?</p>
<p>
  <em>He tried to kiss me.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith's mind whirled.</p>
<p>
  <em>He wants to kiss me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He's here with me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He could be with someone else… but he's here with me.</em>
</p>
<p>It didn't make sense. Shiro had told Keith during Spin the Bottle. He'd only ever kissed one person. It wasn't something he took lightly.</p>
<p>So why would he kiss Adam if he didn't want to be with him?</p>
<p>Keith sat up. He moved slowly around Shiro and stood up from the bed.</p>
<p>He was too hurt to think this through right now. Shiro could've come clean, could've explained what he was thinking… but he hadn't, and it didn't seem like he was planning to anytime soon.</p>
<p>Shiro didn't want to talk.</p>
<p>He wanted to get in bed together.</p>
<p>"Lay down," Keith told him.</p>
<p>Shiro stared for a moment, shocked.</p>
<p>Then he did as he was told.</p>
<p>He moved close to the wall and laid down on his back, watching Keith with wide, dark eyes.</p>
<p>Keith looked him over: the long lines of his body in loose boxers and a fitted shirt, the awkward position of his hands where they were resting on his stomach, the shallow rise and fall of his chest…</p>
<p>Shiro was nervous. He was waiting for something to happen between them.</p>
<p>
  <em>He wanted something to happen between them.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith didn't know how or why Shiro had come to this conclusion… but he knew he wanted it, too.</p>
<p>He could tell Shiro to sleep, then sneak out in the morning and leave all of this behind him…</p>
<p>Or he could do what he'd wanted to do all along.</p>
<p>He could show Shiro how he felt.</p>
<p>He could let himself love Shiro, just for one night.</p>
<p>And then maybe, someday, when they'd both healed, when they were both ready…</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe. Maybe someday.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith slipped onto the bed and hovered over Shiro, bracing one forearm on the mattress next to his head.</p>
<p>He hesitated then, watching Shiro's eyes at close range, waiting to see what Shiro would do.</p>
<p><em>"I'm so sorry," </em>Shiro whispered. He reached up with both hands and worked his fingers into Keith's hair. <em>"I didn't want to push you away. I promise you, I wanted… this."</em></p>
<p>Keith took a slow breath, leaning into the careful touch of Shiro's fingers. He wanted to believe him.</p>
<p>He wanted to believe him so badly.</p>
<p>He bent down and pressed his lips to the bridge of Shiro's nose, right over his scar.</p>
<p>He lingered there, because one of Shiro's hands had slid around the back of his head to keep him close.</p>
<p><em>"Oh, Keith…" </em>Shiro's thumb dug into the back of his neck. <em>"Sweetheart…"</em></p>
<p>Keith's broken heart ached, but the pain was a sweet, hopeful thing.</p>
<p>He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed their foreheads together… and then he kissed Shiro's lips.</p>
<p>It was soft and brief - just enough to test it out - but then Shiro pulled him close again and kissed him back.</p>
<p>That was soft, too. Not hesitant, exactly - Shiro's hand was firm and strong, holding the back of his head - but it felt like a careful, innocent thing.</p>
<p>It was perfect.</p>
<p>Keith let the reality of it bleed through him until the soft, warm touch of Shiro's lips was all he could feel.</p>
<p>They separated, but they stayed close, their noses still touching. Keith was resting on Shiro's chest, resting his fingertips on Shiro's cheek.</p>
<p><em>"Keith…" </em>Shiro's lips brushed against his face. <em>"I don't really know how to do any of this."</em></p>
<p>Keith pressed their foreheads together again, just to get closer.</p>
<p>
  <em>"But you want to?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yes. With you. More than anything."</em>
</p>
<p>Keith pressed his lips to the corner of Shiro's mouth.</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm no expert, either."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You're perfect. You feel so perfect to me, ever since the first time I hugged you--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith kissed him. He didn't know if Shiro was talking about the first time they'd hugged each other here at camp, or the first time they'd held each other as little kids- but either way, it was too much. Keith <em>felt </em>too much. He needed to put those feelings into action before they tore him apart from the inside out.</p>
<p>He kissed Shiro softly, then a little less so, focusing on Shiro's lower lip when he renewed the pressure. Shiro made a sound - low, quiet, approving - and then he did as Keith had done, kissing him back with growing confidence.</p>
<p>His lips were so warm, his kisses so sweet, Keith was already dizzy. He lost himself in the slow, careful touching of their lips until one of Shiro's hands slid down his spine and <em>pressed </em>into his lower back.</p>
<p>He gasped a little then, his nerve endings tingling with sensitivity. Shiro had touched him there almost every day since they'd been here, but it had never felt like <em>this </em>before.</p>
<p><em>"Okay?" </em>Shiro spoke in a whisper, his nose touching lightly to Keith's cheek. <em>"Too much?"</em></p>
<p>Keith closed his eyes and let his forehead press against Shiro's temple. Shiro was rubbing gentle circles into the small of his back. It was such a simple thing, but it made Keith feel like he was floating in warm water, catching little ripples of sensation all over his body.</p>
<p><em>"No," </em>he breathed out. <em>"God, no…"</em></p>
<p><em>"Show me more?" </em>Shiro's lips pressed to his cheek. <em>"Please?"</em></p>
<p>Keith shivered from his shoulders to his toes.</p>
<p>He let his hand rest on Shiro's cheek - he wanted to touch Shiro there, to feel the shape of his nose and his mouth - but he forgot about the bandaids that were wrapped around two of his knuckles.</p>
<p>Shiro noticed.</p>
<p>He took Keith's hand and made a small space between them, just enough to look.</p>
<p>"Keith?" He held Keith's hand so carefully, as if it might've been made of porcelain. "What happened?"</p>
<p>"I fell," Keith lied. "On the path. It's nothing."</p>
<p>"Oh… sweetheart…"</p>
<p>Shiro pulled Keith's hand to his lips and kissed his palm.</p>
<p>He kissed the insides of Keith's fingers next, lingering sweetly at each bandaid.</p>
<p>Keith watched, struggling to believe that any of this could be real.</p>
<p>Shiro wanted him?</p>
<p>Like this?</p>
<p>Shiro was kissing him like <em>this?</em></p>
<p>"Do they hurt?" Shiro murmured, still touching his lips to the inside of Keith's hand. "Can I make it better?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded, his lips parted, his lashes fluttering with each one of his shallow, quiet breaths.</p>
<p>Shiro turned Keith's hand over and let Keith's knuckles rest against his cheek. His eyes fell closed. He kissed Keith's wrist, then the back of his hand. He put his mouth on Keith's first set of knuckles, his warm breath washing over Keith's extra-sensitive skin. He kissed each one, thoroughly enough that Keith felt tiny hints of the wetness inside his mouth.</p>
<p>It was the sweetest, sexiest thing Keith had ever seen or experienced. His blood pumped hot through his veins, flowing south, quickening the beating of his heart.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Shiro…"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro's eyes fluttered open.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Better?"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith took control of his hand again. He stroked his fingertips lightly down Shiro's cheek, then let his thumb come to rest at the corner of Shiro's mouth. He touched the little crease there, and Shiro's mouth opened for him, just enough for him to slide along Shiro's lower lip and <em>press, </em>to feel the wetness inside…</p>
<p>
  <em>"Nh…"</em>
</p>
<p>That was Shiro, whose hand was heavy on Keith's lower back, pulling him in closer--</p>
<p>Keith kissed him. It was a more urgent thing now, and Shiro matched him, holding him inside that urgency with a firm hand on his back and strong fingers in his hair. Keith could tell Shiro was trying to pull him closer, and he went willingly, shifting until his right knee was between Shiro's legs, until he was practically on top of him--</p>
<p>
  <em>"Mhh--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith tried to swallow an embarrassing sound, but there was no way Shiro had missed it, close as they were. They were kissing over and over, breathing the same air. Keith didn't dwell on the noises he was making, though; he was too distracted by the fact that he could feel Shiro getting hard against his hip.</p>
<p><em>It's real, </em>he thought. <em>This is real. He wants me. He does.</em></p>
<p>Keith licked lightly at Shiro's lower lip with the tip of his tongue.</p>
<p>Shiro opened for him… and then Keith was inside, feeling his heat and his wetness, licking carefully at Shiro's tongue.</p>
<p><em>"Nhh," </em>Shiro moaned, his voice dangerously audible in the quiet of the cabin. It was an affirmation- he was pulling Keith down against him, tasting him, too, licking back at his tongue in a slow caress…</p>
<p>They broke for air, panting quietly. They watched each other's eyes.</p>
<p>Shiro moved his hand, feeling along Keith's back with firm pressure, until he was gripping the upper curve of Keith's hip.</p>
<p>Keith nodded instinctively: <em>yes, touch me, please. </em>Shiro <em>grasped</em> and <em>pulled</em>, forcing their bodies together, and Keith's mouth fell open at the feeling, at the pleasure of his filling cock pressing <em>hard </em>into Shiro's hip--</p>
<p><em>"Oh," </em>Shiro let slip, nuzzling at Keith's face. <em>"You're…"</em></p>
<p><em>"Yeah." </em>Keith swallowed hard. <em>"You too?"</em></p>
<p>Shiro nodded, confirming what Keith already knew.</p>
<p><em>"Do you want to slow down?" </em>Shiro asked him, running his fingers gently through Keith's hair.</p>
<p>Keith's chest tightened and ached.</p>
<p>Shiro was trying so hard to take care of him. Keith knew Shiro would've stopped all of this if he asked him to.</p>
<p><em>"No," </em>he promised. <em>"Do you?"</em></p>
<p><em>"No, God, Keith…" </em>Shiro pressed their faces tight together. <em>"I've wanted to. So much, sweetheart."</em></p>
<p>Keith hugged tight to him, letting himself believe it, at least for the moment.</p>
<p><em>"Me too," </em>he whispered. <em>"So much, Shiro…"</em></p>
<p>Shiro shifted underneath him; Keith felt the hard line of him throb through his shorts.</p>
<p>Keith shuddered, his own dick pulsing at the realization. He'd never felt that before- someone else's arousal. Someone else <em>wanting him.</em></p>
<p>And he'd never wanted someone else like this before. Not in his whole life.</p>
<p><em>"Show me again?" </em>Shiro whispered. He brushed their lips together. <em>"That was… your mouth, it felt…"</em></p>
<p>Keith kissed him, deep and slow. Shiro licked carefully into his mouth this time, and Keith answered in kind, shivering at the warm, wet slide of Shiro's tongue. His hips rocked forward and down all on their own, and Shiro grabbed at him with strong hands, whimpering quietly into the kiss. Keith reached backward, took hold of Shiro's wrist, and moved Shiro's hand until it was pressing into his bare back, underneath his shirt.</p>
<p>Shiro didn't hesitate; he ran his hand up the curve of Keith's spine and back down again. Light exploded behind Keith's closed eyelids as the sensation bloomed and spread along his skin. Shiro was really touching him, Shiro wanted him <em>closer</em>. Shiro was so hard inside his boxers, his dick throbbed into Keith's hip every time they kissed, every time their bodies came together. Keith felt an urge to <em>move</em>, to rock and grind and feel more of Shiro's body…</p>
<p>So he did. He let his hips press forward, let himself rut down against Shiro's hip, and the two of them throbbed in unison this time, their bodies syncing up along with their quiet, panting breaths.</p>
<p><em>"Keith." </em>Shiro was blinking up at him, holding him close, his fingers all tangled up in Keith's hair. <em>"Please--"</em></p>
<p>Keith tugged up on the bottom of Shiro's shirt and worked a hand underneath it; Shiro gasped when Keith's palm slid up the flat plane of his stomach, then nodded, almost frantically. Keith stroked him there, feeling his hot, smooth skin with all of his fingertips, like he'd been dying to do for so long--</p>
<p><em>"Yeah." </em>Shiro's mouth was pressed up against his cheek. He had both hands around Keith's hips now, his thumbs digging into the grooves at the sides. He <em>pulled</em>, forcing their bodies together again, so Keith dropped the rest of his weight and <em>rocked </em>down against Shiro's front-</p>
<p><em>"Hah- holy shit," </em>Shiro breathed, rubbing into Keith's hips. <em>"That's--"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"More--?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yes--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith settled into a slow, steady grind, thinking of the times he'd brought himself off like this alone in his room, in his bed. Had Shiro tried it, too? Did Shiro lay face down and rut against his sheets or his pillow, imagining that there was someone underneath him?</p>
<p>Keith didn't have to imagine, anymore. Shiro was right here, grinding up to meet him, moving his hips for him with broad, strong hands. Shiro was kissing his face and his nose and his mouth, making helpless little sounds, breathing desperate little breaths…</p>
<p>Keith used his nose to nudge Shiro's head to the side, then put his mouth right on the hard line of his neck. He wanted to make Shiro feel good. He wanted Shiro to know that they belonged together. He wanted Shiro to think of him and no one else when he got in bed each night-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hn--"</em>
</p>
<p>One of Shiro's hands shot up to grip the back of Keith's head. Keith moved his mouth, leaving warm, wet kisses along Shiro's neck while they forced their bodies together, while they <em>moved</em> and moved each other. Shiro grew even bolder, then; he guided Keith's head with his hand and kissed Keith's neck in return, his tongue swiping hot and slow every time he pressed with his lips-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh-"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith had to pause to breathe, though he didn't stop grinding with Shiro, chasing the heat and friction, the pleasure they were creating together-</p>
<p><em>"Yeah?" </em>Shiro's whisper was harsh, desperate. <em>Like that?"</em></p>
<p><em>"Yes," </em>Keith breathed out, shivering as his muscles started to tighten. <em>"Like that--"</em></p>
<p>Shiro kissed him again, teasing his skin with his lips and his tongue. Keith pressed his face into Shiro's hair, still rutting his hips as he slid his hand up from Shiro's stomach and onto his chest. Shiro practically bucked up against him, so Keith <em>pressed, </em>thinking about how Shiro's heart was pounding just for him-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Nh--!"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro's open mouth pressed roughly against Keith's neck; Shiro's dick throbbed <em>hard</em> against Keith's hip-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Mh- God, Shiro--"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ah--!"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro breathed out a high, muffled whimper and pressed his face tight into the crook of Keith's neck. He threw both arms around Keith in a crushing embrace, bucked his hips roughly - once, twice - and then he shook, his body hard and tight, his chest heaving-</p>
<p>He was coming.</p>
<p>
  <em>Shiro was coming.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith's whole body tensed.</p>
<p>He groaned into Shiro's hair, pressed <em>hard</em> into his chest with the flat of his hand, and rutted his hips until-</p>
<p>Until-</p>
<p>Until he followed Shiro right over the edge into bliss.</p>
<p>He shook through it, surrendering to the safety of Shiro's arms, aware of nothing but the pleasure, the pounding of his own heart, and the solid reality of Shiro's body underneath him.</p>
<p>He searched for breath in quiet gasps.</p>
<p>Shiro's mouth moved gently along his neck.</p>
<p>He pressed his lips to Shiro's cheek.</p>
<p>Shiro's fingers swept carefully through his hair.</p>
<p><em>"Wow," </em>Shiro whispered. <em>"Sweetheart. My perfect sweetheart."</em></p>
<p>Keith's mind started to piece itself back together at that. He'd been longing to hear Shiro speak those words, and they made his chest ache with love and affection… though he wasn't sure what they meant anymore.</p>
<p>He felt resigned to that fact now, though. Having this moment with Shiro was the only thing that mattered.</p>
<p><em>"Yeah," </em>he whispered. He lifted his head so he could see Shiro's face. <em>"Perfect."</em></p>
<p>Emotion was evident in every facet of Shiro's expression. He pulled Keith down into the softest, sweetest kiss they'd shared yet.</p>
<p><em>"I don't want to go," </em>Shiro whispered, his eyes shimmering. <em>"I don't want to leave you."</em></p>
<p>Keith swallowed. He couldn't do this now. If Shiro got him crying again, he was sure he'd never stop.</p>
<p>"You'll change your mind in a minute," he tried to tease. "We're a mess…" His eyes went wide with sudden realization. "Oh shit."</p>
<p>Shiro blinked.</p>
<p>"What's wrong, Sweet 'n Sour?"</p>
<p>"I don't have any more clean clothes."</p>
<p>Shiro smiled. He brought his hand to Keith's cheek and held him there.</p>
<p>"I do. You can borrow mine. And we can use my extra towel to… uh."</p>
<p>Keith nodded, relieved.</p>
<p>"Okay. Yeah. Let's get cleaned up."</p>
<p>They untangled from each other with an effort, both of them unsteady, hanging onto each other for support. Shiro pulled two sets of underwear and shorts out of his drawer and left them on his bunk, and then they faced each other a little awkwardly. Neither of them knew how to proceed.</p>
<p>Shiro fidgeted with his hands, then pulled Keith into a hug.</p>
<p>"Do you want me to step out?" he murmured. "You can get changed, and-"</p>
<p>"No," Keith said. "Stay."</p>
<p>He slid his hands down to Shiro's waist, then touched along the back of the waistband of his boxers.</p>
<p>Shiro nodded against the side of his head, giving him permission.</p>
<p>Keith pushed Shiro's boxers down, exploring his bare skin with his hands as it was revealed. Shiro sighed and leaned into him, still nodding his approval.</p>
<p><em>"Soft," </em>Keith whispered.</p>
<p><em>"Bet you are too," </em>Shiro answered.</p>
<p>Keith closed his eyes. He rested his cheek against Shiro's shoulder.</p>
<p><em>"You can check," </em>he said. <em>"You can touch."</em></p>
<p>Shiro nuzzled into his hair.</p>
<p>His hands traced the shape of Keith's torso until he found the waistband of his shorts. He slid them down, along with the dampened briefs underneath.</p>
<p>He moved his hands up under Keith's shirt to feel his waist, then down to his hips, and finally around to his bare backside.</p>
<p><em>"Oh, Keith." </em>He touched Keith's sensitive skin, kneaded into the softness there. <em>"You're so perfect. You're perfect all over. I'm so sorry I couldn't… I'm sorry. I wish I could've figured it out sooner. I wish we had more time."</em></p>
<p>Keith already had a barrier in place to protect himself from this admission. He knew they only had tonight. He knew the best he could hope for was <em>maybe someday.</em></p>
<p><em>"Hush, Orpheus," </em>he soothed. <em>"We have all the time in the world."</em></p>
<p>Shiro pulled him close, spreading his broad hands over his backside and the small of his waist.</p>
<p><em>"That's what I want," </em>he whispered.</p>
<p>Keith wanted to believe him.</p>
<p>They held each other for a while.</p>
<p>Then Shiro pulled away, and they stepped out of their shorts and wiped themselves down with one of Shiro's towels. Keith tried not to stare, but it was a difficult feat; Shiro was perfect all over, too.</p>
<p>Shiro's briefs were loose on him when he pulled them on, but they'd suffice, and so would a pair of his athletic shorts with the drawstring fully tightened.</p>
<p>Shiro pulled on a clean pair of boxers.</p>
<p>They climbed back into Keith's bunk together after that, with Shiro closest to the wall. They faced each other, sharing a pillow, hugging each other close.</p>
<p>Keith's resolve started to waver as he lay there, watching Shiro's eyes, trading soft kisses with the person he loved.</p>
<p>Maybe he should stay.</p>
<p>He tried to picture it… but he hit a wall before long. They would have to talk. He would have to listen to Shiro explain why he'd left him, why he'd shared his kisses with Adam first.</p>
<p>And he would have to see Adam, too. He would have to spend all morning looking for a place to break down crying, or else stopping himself from knocking Adam's teeth out.</p>
<p>…Unless Shiro came clean now, he thought. Maybe it wasn't what it seemed. Maybe Shiro had an explanation that wouldn't burn all this to the ground. Maybe Shiro would tell him the truth, and all would be well.</p>
<p>Or maybe this would be the very last night they ever spent together.</p>
<p>"Shiro," Keith murmured, resigned to whatever Shiro's answer might be. "Why did you leave with Adam? At the dance?"</p>
<p>Shiro's eyes went wide. His hand stilled on Keith's hip.</p>
<p>These were not good signs.</p>
<p>"We just went to the bathroom to talk," Shiro answered. "Why? Did someone say something?"</p>
<p>Sadness moved through Keith like a bitter wind sweeping through autumn trees, despite how well he'd tried to prepare himself.</p>
<p>A few hours ago, he would've thought Shiro entirely incapable of lying to him… and yet here they were.</p>
<p>What else had he lied about?</p>
<p>What else had been false?</p>
<p><em>Maybe someday, </em>Keith told himself, clinging to the mantra.</p>
<p>"No," he answered. "No one said anything."</p>
<p>He grabbed his phone from the windowsill behind Shiro. He set his alarm to vibrate at 6:00 AM. He put the phone in his pocket.</p>
<p>He laid down in Shiro's arms and snuggled close to his chest.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe someday.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"Good night, Takashi," </em>he whispered.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Something Special Between Us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p>
  <strong>PART I: KEITH</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith woke the next morning when his phone started vibrating in his pocket. The next thing he felt was the warmth of Shiro’s body, because he was holding Shiro from behind, close enough that he could smell a hint of his floral shampoo. He was comforted by the familiar scent for a moment… until he remembered why his phone alarm was going off.</p>
<p>He couldn’t linger. He couldn’t think about how badly he wanted to stay in this bed.</p>
<p>He couldn’t think about how much he loved the person he’d been sleeping next to.</p>
<p>He had his arm wrapped snug across Shiro’s chest, but he wasn’t trapped there, so he pulled away, moving slow to make sure Shiro didn't wake.</p>
<p>Shiro shifted in a tiny stretch, then went still.</p>
<p>That was a kindness. Keith needed to escape before Shiro woke up and realized what he was doing. He couldn’t even stand to think of how that conversation might go. He’d have to stay here, drowning in sadness or spiraling into rage while everyone around him discovered exactly how fragile he could be-</p>
<p>No. That couldn’t happen.</p>
<p>Keith silenced his alarm and slipped off of the bed, still watching Shiro sleep, wishing he had the strength to endure the secrets Shiro had been keeping from him.</p>
<p>He knew he didn't.</p>
<p>He needed to go home.</p>
<p>He found a piece of paper on top of the dresser- a sign-up sheet someone had discarded. He flipped it over, grabbed a nearby pen, and wrote Shiro a note.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Orpheus,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know what happened between you and Adam at the dance. I saw you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't regret what we did last night, but I can't be here today. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He paused, swallowing at the lump in his throat, then finished writing:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'll miss you every day.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yours,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>S&amp;S</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared down at his own handwriting.</p>
<p>Shiro would be crushed.</p>
<p>But there was no getting around that, he thought. He couldn't see another way forward.</p>
<p>He knelt down and searched through his backpack until he found two packages of gummy candy.</p>
<p>He left them with his note on Shiro's bunk.</p>
<p>He took his phone out of his pocket, tapped into his chat with Shiro, and blocked his number.</p>
<p>He almost lost it when he realized his clothes from last night were still in a pile on the floor with Shiro's, probably still damp and stained because-</p>
<p>Because-</p>
<p>He clenched his back teeth, grabbed his shorts and underwear off of the floor, and wadded them up into a ball.</p>
<p>He picked up his bags and left the cabin as silently as he could. He threw his dirty clothes into the trash can that stood along one of the side walls of the structure, careful not to look at them or to think about why they needed to be thrown away.</p>
<p>He left his duffel and backpack on the ground at the foot of the steps, then went back into the cabin.</p>
<p>He didn't look at Shiro. He couldn't.</p>
<p>He went to Matt's bunk and jostled his arm, gently, hoping to ease him into wakefulness.</p>
<p>Matt emerged from underneath his sheet, blinking blearily at him.</p>
<p>Keith tapped his lips with his finger, then gestured toward Shiro's sleeping form.</p>
<p>Matt blinked again, then nodded his understanding. He stretched, worked his way out of his blankets, and climbed silently down from his bunk. Keith led him out of the cabin, down the steps, and a few feet down the path, just to make sure no one heard them talking.</p>
<p>"What's up?" Matt's voice was rough with sleep, but he looked relatively alert. "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>Keith shook his head. He didn't have the time or energy to beat around the bush.</p>
<p>"Shiro kissed Adam last night. At the dance."</p>
<p>Matt's eyes went rounder than the moon.</p>
<p>"No! He wouldn't…. wait. How do you know?"</p>
<p>"I saw them. In the library. I saw it happen, Matt."</p>
<p>Matt's brow furrowed with emotion. He looked hurt. He looked angry.</p>
<p>He looked how Keith felt.</p>
<p>"But… last night," he said. "I thought… um. I kinda… heard you guys? Together?"</p>
<p>Keith's cheeks flushed hot.</p>
<p>He wasn't surprised, though. They'd both lost control a bit in the end.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Uh. Sorry about that. We… yeah. We were together. But it was just for last night. I gave him a chance to tell me the truth after, and he lied to me."</p>
<p>"Oh, Keith…"</p>
<p>He nodded, fidgeting with his hands to keep his emotions at bay. He had to make this quick. He needed to go home.</p>
<p>"I'm leaving," he said. "Right now. I can't stay here today. It's been too much already, and I'm just… done."</p>
<p>To his surprise, Matt gave him a supportive nod.</p>
<p>"Yeah, man. I honestly can't believe you stayed the night. God, I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>"Say goodbye to everyone for me? Tell Pidge I'm sorry. Tell them I'll see you both soon. As soon as they want."</p>
<p>"I will. Don't worry. They'll understand."</p>
<p>"And… take care of Shiro. He'll be upset. I left him a note, but I'm just… I can't talk to him right now. I already blocked his number. I'll get in touch with him when I'm ready."</p>
<p>"Yeah. I'll do damage control. If I can keep from killing him myself."</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>"Don't. I know he's keeping secrets from me. I know he's having a really hard time. And last night…" Keith looked away, trying not to get caught up in the memory. "We fooled around. He wanted to. He's… figuring himself out, I guess. It's a lot."</p>
<p>Matt stepped close and put his arms around him.</p>
<p>"For you, too," he said. "Keith, I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>Keith hugged him back. He closed his eyes and let himself be comforted by his first best friend.</p>
<p>"I'll miss you," Matt told him. He kissed Keith's cheek.</p>
<p>Keith sniffed.</p>
<p>"I'll miss you too."</p>
<p>He kissed Matt's cheek in return.</p>
<p>Then he pulled away, picked up his bags, wiped at his face, and set off toward the Garrison.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam was waiting for Keith when he arrived at his office, sitting in one of the comfortable armchairs rather than behind his desk. Keith left his bags by the door and sat down next to him, feeling weary right down to each individual cell in his body.</p>
<p>"Keith," Sam said, his face lined with concern. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"</p>
<p>Keith had thought about this. He'd decided it wasn't his place to share all of the specifics, even though it was clear Sam already had an idea of what was going on with Shiro. But he had to tell Sam at least part of the truth.</p>
<p>"Something went wrong between me and Shiro," he said. "He likes someone else, and… I'm--"</p>
<p>Keith sniffed again. His emotions were too close to the surface. The pain was still too fresh.</p>
<p>"I just want to go home," he finished quietly, trying not to dissolve into a sobbing mess.</p>
<p>Sam nodded slowly.</p>
<p>"Did you talk about this with Shiro?"</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>"I tried. He lied to me."</p>
<p>Sam frowned at that, just for a moment.</p>
<p>"Keith… I believe you, of course, but that doesn't sound like Shiro."</p>
<p>"I know. That's why it's so… <em>hard. </em>But he's going through something, and I can't…"</p>
<p>Keith let the sentence go, balling his hands up into fists to keep the sadness at bay.</p>
<p>"Yes," Sam said kindly. "Of course. What can I do for you? How can I help?"</p>
<p>"Just… make sure Shiro is okay," Keith managed. "Matt knows about everything, he'll be there for him when he wakes up… but he'll be… <em>sad."</em></p>
<p>Keith's voice broke on the word. One tear spilled over from the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>He wiped it quickly away.</p>
<p>Sam stood from his chair and kneeled down next to him. He put his hand on Keith's shoulder and squeezed him there.</p>
<p>"Keith… would you consider talking to me about this another time? When you're feeling better?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Of course."</p>
<p>"Good. I think it won't be as bad as it feels right now. I think we'll find a way to make it better. All right?"</p>
<p>Keith could only nod.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe someday.</em>
</p>
<p>"It's meant so much to us, having you here," Sam said softly. "I hope we'll see you again before too long."</p>
<p>Keith let go of a handful of sobs, then. He fell forward, onto the floor and into Sam's arms. He held on tight, like he might’ve done with his own father, as if he were five again instead of fifteen.</p>
<p>"I loved it," he managed. "All of it."</p>
<p>Sam rubbed soothingly into his back.</p>
<p>"I'm so happy to hear that. Would you like to see Colleen, too?"</p>
<p>Keith sniffled. He made no move to pull away.</p>
<p>"Uh huh."</p>
<p>Sam went on supporting his weight, but he managed to get his cell phone out of his pocket so he could tap at the screen. He held the phone to his ear.</p>
<p>"Yes, everything's fine, honey. Could you come to my office please? Yes. Thanks."</p>
<p>Colleen arrived within a minute.</p>
<p>She didn't say anything.</p>
<p>She just knelt down next to Keith and Sam and put her arms around them.</p>
<p>"It's all right," she soothed, stroking Keith's hair just like his own mother sometimes did. "It'll be all right, Keith."</p>
<p>He was starting to feel a bit calmer, but he wasn't sure if he could stop crying. Sadness had finally filled up all the space inside him, and he was surrounded by Shiro, here. He may as well have been drowning.</p>
<p>"What time is it?" he asked, still clinging to them both.</p>
<p>"Your mom's here," Colleen said. "She's waiting in the back. Would you like us to bring you out?"</p>
<p>"Yeah." The word was a quiet sob. "Thank you. For everything."</p>
<p>They helped him to his feet. They picked up his bags and kept their arms around him all the way to the back parking lot.</p>
<p>His mom was there waiting by the passenger side door of their suburban.</p>
<p>She jogged over as soon as she saw them come through the door, and the four of them hugged each other, supporting Keith in the middle.</p>
<p>Keith cried. He couldn't stop.</p>
<p>"I wish dad was here," he sobbed.</p>
<p>"He is, love," his mother said. "Your father’s all over this place. He's been here with you this whole time."</p>
<p>Keith cried a little harder. He tried to imagine that it was true- that his father was one of the people holding him up right now.</p>
<p>He imagined his father jumping off the end of the dock, and making perfect shots up at the archery range, and looking up at the Milky Way on cloudless nights.</p>
<p>He thought of his father eating lunch in the staff lounge, holding his mother's hand under the table, falling in love with her- just like Keith had fallen in love with Shiro.</p>
<p>"I want to come back," he managed, still crying into his mother's shoulder. "Next year. I promise I'll be back."</p>
<p>"We'll be here," Sam said.</p>
<p>"But please visit us before then," Colleen added.</p>
<p>"I will."</p>
<p>They let him go, leaving him in his mother's arms while they went to load his bags into the car.</p>
<p>They waved goodbye to him and headed back inside together, hand-in-hand.</p>
<p>"Okay, honey," his mother soothed, steering him toward the car. "I brought snacks and cold water. There's a bottle waiting for you inside, okay?"</p>
<p>He nodded, matching her stride all the way to the passenger side door.</p>
<p>She helped him into his seat, then moved around the front of the car to get behind the wheel and start the engine.</p>
<p>Keith tried to clean up his face with some tissues he found in the glove box, but it didn't do much good; he'd been crying for at least fifteen minutes now, and it showed.</p>
<p>He kept the tissues nearby and calmed himself enough to take a few sips of water.</p>
<p>"Honey," his mother said, reaching over to smooth his hair away from his eyes. "I know you need some time. But I need to know if you're physically all right."</p>
<p>He nodded, sniffling.</p>
<p>"I am."</p>
<p>"I don't need to take you to the hospital?"</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Or to a counselor?"</p>
<p>He shook his head.</p>
<p>"Not right now. I promise. I'll be okay."</p>
<p>She lingered with her hand on his cheek, looking him over.</p>
<p>"I'm so proud of you," she said. "I really, really missed you."</p>
<p>He hiccuped a tiny sob.</p>
<p>"I missed you, too."</p>
<p>She faced front again and put the car in drive.</p>
<p>"Music? Or quiet?"</p>
<p>"Quiet."</p>
<p>"Mhm. Sleep if you can, love. There's a pillow in the back." She started heading for the forest road that would lead them toward the highway. "I'll be right here when you're ready to talk, okay?"</p>
<p>"'Kay. When I wake up."</p>
<p>Keith took his phone out of his pocket and tossed it into the tray in the center console.</p>
<p>He grabbed the pillow from the backseat, arranged it in his arms, and rested his head on it, still sniffling.</p>
<p>He was asleep before they hit the highway.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>INTERLUDE: SHIRO</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro followed Adam down the hall and toward the library, feeling guilty for leaving Keith behind on the dance floor, but glad to be moving away from the noise. He needed to focus. He needed to figure this out.</p>
<p>He needed to do better for Keith.</p>
<p>He let Adam lead him through the library door and all the way across the room toward the tall glass windows. He leaned against one of the wooden beams that separated the panes of glass, hoping to steady himself.</p>
<p>He looked at Adam and took a few breaths, trying to organize his thoughts.</p>
<p>"Dude," Adam said. "You look like you're gonna throw up."</p>
<p>Shiro groaned. He slid a hand over his face.</p>
<p>"I know. I'm a fucking disaster."</p>
<p>"Why? What's wrong?"</p>
<p>Shiro looked out the window at the lamps that lit the pathway nearby. Then he looked back at his friend.</p>
<p>"Adam… how did you know you were gay?"</p>
<p>Adam blinked.</p>
<p>"Seriously?"</p>
<p>"Seriously. I'm in way over my head here."</p>
<p>Adam looked him over.</p>
<p>"Um… I'm not sure. I think I started figuring it out in middle school. I had a girlfriend then, but it just… didn't work. I'd hear guys talking about girls in a certain way, and I didn't get it. I figured I must be different. And then I kissed a boy on a dare - he was one of my friends - and it just kinda clicked."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"I had a girlfriend last year. And... yeah. It didn't work."</p>
<p>Adam didn't look surprised.</p>
<p>"So you think you might be gay?"</p>
<p>"Or bi or something, or… I don't know. I thought there was something really wrong with me. I've never even <em>liked</em> someone before, until…"</p>
<p>"Keith," Adam finished.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Keith."</p>
<p>"So what's stopping you? He's into you, man. It's so obvious."</p>
<p>"Fuck." Shiro swiped a hand through his hair. "I know. But what if I'm wrong? What if I kiss him and it just… <em>doesn't work? </em>Like before?"</p>
<p>"It will. You love him. I can tell."</p>
<p>Shiro's expression turned melancholy.</p>
<p>"Yeah. That's why I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to get this wrong."</p>
<p>Adam cleared his throat.</p>
<p>"I mean, if you need a gay awakening…" He gestured vaguely between them. "Do you want to try it? You and me? Just to see how it feels?"</p>
<p>Shiro frowned, then looked at the floor. He both appreciated and loathed the suggestion. If he could handle kissing Adam, then he could certainly handle kissing Keith, right? If he knew he was capable of it, then he could give Keith what he deserved.</p>
<p>…But Keith was out there on the dance floor, waiting for him. Wasn't it wrong to kiss Adam when he was in love with someone else?</p>
<p>It seemed like it should be wrong… but then, how else could he figure this out? He'd been dying to kiss Keith for days now, and this doubt had stopped him at every turn. He'd hurt Keith over it, when that was the one thing he was trying to avoid doing in the first place.</p>
<p>He felt Adam's hands settle onto his shoulders.</p>
<p>"Let's try," Adam said softly. "Just as friends. It'll be quick, and then you'll know."</p>
<p>Shiro looked up at him. He nodded once.</p>
<p>Adam leaned in and kissed his lips.</p>
<p>It was over within a second- too quickly to get a feel for it. But it hadn't felt <em>wrong.</em></p>
<p>It had felt nice. Soft and safe. Shiro and Adam trusted each other. They were friends. Adam cared about him. He cared about Keith, too.</p>
<p><em>Keith, </em>Shiro thought. <em>I can do this for him.</em></p>
<p>He took Adam's face in his hands and kissed him.</p>
<p>He had no idea what to do after that, but it didn't matter. Adam took the lead. Shiro let himself feel the way Adam's lips moved, so soft and slow. He tried to copy him, and he could feel that it made Adam smile.</p>
<p>They pulled away from each other.</p>
<p>"See?" Adam looked fond. "Easy, right?"</p>
<p>"It was okay?" Shiro let his hands move down to Adam's shoulders. "It didn't feel… wrong?"</p>
<p>Adam shook his head. Shiro wasn't sure, but he thought Adam's expression might've had some sadness in it.</p>
<p>"No. It was great. Why? Did it feel wrong to you?"</p>
<p>Shiro thought about it.</p>
<p>"No, but…"</p>
<p>"But you're supposed to be kissing Keith," Adam supplied. "We both know that. So go do it."</p>
<p>Shiro's whole stomach flipped over just at the thought… and that was when he truly understood what Adam was telling him.</p>
<p>There was no other way to be sure, because Keith was the only person he wanted to kiss.</p>
<p>Shiro hugged Adam tight.</p>
<p>"Thank you," he said.</p>
<p>Adam lightly patted his back.</p>
<p>"Good luck," he answered. "I hope it works out for you guys."</p>
<p>Shiro let him go.</p>
<p>"You ready to head back?"</p>
<p>"You go. I'll catch up."</p>
<p>Shiro grinned.</p>
<p>"Thanks, buddy. See you in there?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>Shiro practically bolted for the door and set off to look for Keith.</p>
<p>Adam lingered by the windows, looking out into the night.</p>
<p>"Buddy," he echoed, trying to ignore the strange ache that had blossomed underneath his ribs. "Right."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro sat on his bunk in the Lions' cabin, staring at Keith's empty bed. He picked up his phone and texted Matt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro: He wasn't in the showers</p>
<p>Shiro: I've been at the cabin for ten minutes and he hasn't come back yet</p>
<p>Matt: I think he wants some space, man</p>
<p>Matt: He told you not to come</p>
<p>Shiro: You think he's upset?</p>
<p>Matt: You left with Adam. You were gone for a while. He probably didn't love the fact that you left him hanging, especially after what happened a couple days ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro rested his forehead in one of his hands. Keith had said he wasn't feeling well. Keith had never lied to him. Maybe it was true. Maybe things were still okay between them.</p>
<p>Or maybe Shiro had fucked all of this up beyond repair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro: I know. I'm an idiot. I just want to fix it</p>
<p>Matt: You'll get your chance. Losing your shit won't help. Just be patient.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro thought about asking Matt to come wait with him… but no. He was probably worrying over nothing. Matt needed to spend time with Allura while he could. And if Keith came back… Shiro hoped they'd be spending that kind of time together, too.</p>
<p><em>I messed up, </em>he'd say. <em>I was stupid. I was scared.</em></p>
<p>Keith might ask him why, and Shiro would tell him the truth. He'd tell him about Annalise. He'd tell him about his grandparents.</p>
<p>He'd tell him about Adam.</p>
<p>The thought of it made his stomach squirm. It had been selfish, kissing Adam like that. It had helped him overcome his doubts, just like he'd hoped, but it had also been horribly selfish. Keith would be hurt. Shiro would apologize, but it might not make any difference.</p>
<p>But he had to tell him… right? He had to.</p>
<p>He'd wait for the right moment, and then he'd tell Keith the truth.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro kissed Keith's face over and over again, holding tight to Keith's hips in an act of boldness he couldn't even begin to understand. He thought they'd be talking things out tonight, maybe moving further away from each other as Shiro finally came clean about everything that had been holding him back.</p>
<p>Instead, they were in Keith's bed together, and Shiro's doubt and confusion were so far gone, he could barely remember why he'd held back from this in the first place. He and Keith <em>belonged </em>together. He'd never felt anything so <em>right </em>in his whole life. It felt so easy, so natural to kiss and touch, to hold onto Keith's hips and <em>pull--</em></p>
<p>He trembled at the hard press of Keith's body, his dick pulsing and straining inside his boxers. God, he was so hard, he'd never been this hard before, and it was all because of Keith- because of Keith's soft, silky hair, and his hot, wandering mouth. Because of Keith's rigid dick pressing a hard line into his hip.</p>
<p>Because of Keith's rough, beautiful voice, and his violet eyes, and his fierceness, and his promises.</p>
<p><em>I love you, </em>Shiro thought, as he guided Keith's head to the side and put his mouth on Keith's throat.</p>
<p><em>I love you, </em>he thought, as he buried his face in Keith's neck and shuddered into climax.</p>
<p><em>I love you. </em>He shook and held Keith tight. <em>I love you. I love you.</em></p>
<p>He couldn't say it yet.</p>
<p>But he would.</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll tell you. I promise.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>When the moment came, though, Shiro couldn't find the courage.</p>
<p>Keith was in his arms, looking right at him and asking why he'd left with Adam… and Shiro couldn't bring himself to explain.</p>
<p><em>Just for tonight</em>, he thought selfishly. <em>Tonight, everything can be perfect.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>I'll tell you tomorrow.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you, and I'll tell you tomorrow.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro woke up feeling cold, despite the heat of the summer that lingered inside the cabin through the evenings. He knew right away that Keith wasn't in bed with him anymore.</p>
<p>On the face of it, that was no real cause for alarm, but Shiro sat up anyway, feeling the urge to search.</p>
<p>It was the last morning they'd get to spend in bed together, for who knows how long. Keith should be here.</p>
<p>But he wasn't. He wasn't in the cabin at all. Instead, Shiro found Matt, sitting cross-legged on the bunk across from him, looking more awake than Shiro had ever seen him before 8 AM.</p>
<p>"Matt?" Dread filled Shiro, like ice cold water pouring into his stomach. "Where's Keith?"</p>
<p>Matt got up from Shiro's bunk and crossed the small space to sit down next to him. He was holding a piece of paper and what looked like small packages of candy.</p>
<p><em>Keith's </em>candy.</p>
<p>"Hey, buddy," Matt said quietly. He put one hand on Shiro's shoulder. "I'm not gonna lie to you. This is gonna hurt. You should try to stay calm, okay?"</p>
<p>The ice-cold dread sloshed around in Shiro's belly.</p>
<p>"What--?" He looked down at the piece of paper and recognized Keith's handwriting. He snatched it out of Matt's hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Orpheus,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I know what happened between you and Adam at the dance. I saw you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I don't regret what we did last night, but I can't be here today. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'll miss you every day.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yours,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>S&amp;S</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dread turned to panic that filled Shiro up, spilling over into his lungs until he felt like he was drowning.</p>
<p>"No," he said aloud.</p>
<p>He vaulted over Matt and started pulling on his sneakers.</p>
<p>"He's already gone," Matt said. He moved to Shiro’s side to try to pull him upright. "He left more than an hour ago-"</p>
<p>"No!" Shiro yelled, shrugging him off. He could barely hear whatever Matt was saying. He had to get to Keith. He had to stop him. He had to tell him the truth.</p>
<p>"Shiro!" Matt was yelling, too. Lance and Hunk were sitting up in their bunks, rubbing at their eyes. "Just talk to me, man! He left already!"</p>
<p>Shiro didn't answer. He grabbed his phone from where it had been charging on the dresser, shoved it in his pocket, and bolted out of the cabin.</p>
<p>Matt tried to follow, but he was barefoot, so he stopped at the bottom of the steps.</p>
<p>"Shiro!" he called, watching his best friend tear off into the woods. "It's no use! He's already gone!"</p>
<p>"THEN I'LL BRING HIM BACK," Shiro yelled, pounding toward the Garrison, sprinting through the trees, like a sparrow that had no choice but to fly fast or perish.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro didn't stop running until he was skidding to a halt just inside the doorway of Sam's office.</p>
<p>Sam and Colleen were both there, as if they were waiting for him- as if they knew he was bound to come running, half-crazed and sick with panic.</p>
<p>"Where is he?" Shiro managed, panting hard as they rose from their chairs to greet him.</p>
<p>"He's not here, sweetheart," Colleen told him. She drew close enough to touch him, but she didn't. "His mom came to pick him up early this morning."</p>
<p>Shiro had eventually processed Matt’s message, but the news hit him like a punch all over again.</p>
<p><em>"No," </em>he whispered, as if defying the reality could bring Keith back to him. His panic turned to hot, heavy grief. He looked helplessly between Sam and Colleen, his throat constricting with sadness and shame.</p>
<p>"I messed up," he said. His tears were already falling, warm and steady, like summer rain. "I messed everything up, I--"</p>
<p>He choked on his words and hugged his arms around himself, thinking of what it felt like to hold Keith close.</p>
<p>Colleen finally put her arms around him and drew him in for a hug. He was taller than she was, but he folded himself into her embrace like he was seven years old all over again.</p>
<p>He loved his grandparents, but Colleen was the only living person who had ever reminded him of his mother.</p>
<p>"We're right here," she told him, holding firmly to the back of his head as he cried into her shoulder. "We'll figure it out, Shiro."</p>
<p>"I need to tell him," Shiro sobbed. "I need to fix it."</p>
<p>Colleen pressed a soft kiss into his hair.</p>
<p>"How about this. Sam will go get you something to drink, and you can stay here with us until we figure out a plan. Okay?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded, still clinging to her, crying softly.</p>
<p>She held him until Sam came back with a bottle of water, and then she managed to settle him into one of the chairs. She handed him a wad of tissues and sat down close to him, keeping her hand on his arm as he took small sips of water and wiped at his face.</p>
<p>Eventually, when he seemed a bit more calm, Sam spoke up from his seat nearby.</p>
<p>"Shiro… we can't really speak on Keith's behalf, but I know he's concerned for you. He doesn't want you to feel this way."</p>
<p>Shiro let out a bitter, sniffling laugh. He was staring down at the floor.</p>
<p>"Of course he doesn't. Because he's the best person in the whole world."</p>
<p>He looked up at Colleen, then at Sam- the two people he'd always trusted most to love him and keep him safe.</p>
<p>"You guys…"</p>
<p>He thought of Keith comforting Pidge, sharing his stories without fear or shame. He sat up a little straighter.</p>
<p>"I think I might be gay," he said.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>PART II: KEITH</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>When Keith woke up, he felt like he'd been punched directly in the face. His eyes and cheeks were swollen and achy from crying, his vision verging on blurry from how dried out he'd become.</p>
<p>Overall, though, he felt much more settled. Crying had eased the pain in his heart even more than he'd thought it would. That, along with the comfort of his mother's presence, and the control he'd regained by leaving Camp Sunset on his own terms.</p>
<p>He looked down at his wrist, at the bracelet that was still tied around it.</p>
<p>He missed Shiro. He missed him deeply.</p>
<p>He took a long sip of water from the bottle in the cup holder, then turned to his mother.</p>
<p>"Hey, love," she said. "I know you might be avoiding your phone, but it's been buzzing quite a bit."</p>
<p>Keith checked the time on the dashboard. He'd been asleep for three full hours.</p>
<p>He didn't pick up his phone.</p>
<p>He told his mom about Shiro instead.</p>
<p>She knew who he was, of course. She'd met Shiro's parents more than once before they moved to Japan, and she and his dad had been roughly familiar with his history over the years thanks to updates from Sam and Colleen.</p>
<p>It turned out she'd received a couple updates from Sam over the last two weeks, too.</p>
<p>She already knew Keith and Shiro had grown close.</p>
<p>Sam had called her to let her know the two of them had spent a night sleeping on the floor together in one of the staff bedrooms when Keith had been recovering from his infection.</p>
<p>She hadn't been concerned. Sam had been fairly confident that Keith and Shiro would abide by his rules, and that had been reassurance enough for her.</p>
<p>She'd been happy, she told Keith, that they had come to care so much about each other. She wanted that- for him to feel loved and accepted, for him to feel free and secure enough to get close to another boy, if that was what he wanted.</p>
<p>It was one of Keith's favorite things about his mother. She was a realist. She wanted him to spend time with friends. She wanted him to date and explore, within reason. She'd even caught him kissing Reed in his bedroom the week before he'd left for camp, and she'd been entirely unfazed, aside from asking them to keep the door cracked when they were in there alone. She'd even promised to knock before barging in on them.</p>
<p>She'd given him an updated version of "the talk" after that, along with some books for reference and an unnecessarily large box of condoms… and he hadn't even died of embarrassment.</p>
<p>She was great. He was lucky.</p>
<p>So he told her just about everything that had happened at camp, including the fact that he and Shiro had snuck down to the waterfront at night so Shiro could practice getting back in the water. He told her how they'd played Capture the Flag together, and shared their headphones, and held hands.</p>
<p>He told her that he'd fallen hard, that he'd eventually worked up the courage to kiss Shiro, only to be rejected.</p>
<p>He told her how sad Shiro was after that, how sorry he'd been.</p>
<p>He told her how they'd raced at the waterfront, and how they’d danced together last night, in front of everyone…</p>
<p>And then he told her how Shiro had left him there, only to kiss someone else and eventually lie to him about it.</p>
<p>She asked for specifics, and he'd told her so much already, he didn't see any point in censoring himself now.</p>
<p>"Mom, me and Shiro…” He hesitated, only because the memory was so hard to revisit. “We did break the rules,” he said. “Just once. We kissed last night, and… we did some other things, too."</p>
<p>She didn't react much, but he could tell this was unexpected information based on the way she adjusted her grip on the steering wheel.</p>
<p>"Do you want to tell me how far it went?"</p>
<p>"We kept our clothes on," he said. "But… further than I've ever gone with anyone else."</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"You still wanted to do that? After he kissed another boy?"</p>
<p>"Not at first. But as soon as we were together again…" He looked out the window, trying not to get too lost in the memory. "I really love him, Mom. And when we're together, it feels like he loves me, too. I just wanted one night… just in case we never got another chance."</p>
<p>"Hmm." She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "And that's when you asked him about the other boy? After you were… together?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"Okay… so maybe he wanted the same thing you did? Maybe he wanted one night with you, too, before whatever difficult conversation he was waiting to have with you." She shrugged and shook her head a little, backtracking. "I don't know, love. I'm not defending what he's put you through. But Sam seems convinced that he really cares about you."</p>
<p>"I know. I was convinced, too."</p>
<p>She reached over to smooth absently at his hair. It was a habit of hers that she'd managed to keep at bay until recently, and he didn't mind that she'd started it up again. He felt like he needed it as much as she did right now.</p>
<p>"I'm proud of you for texting me," she said. "I know you were at your limit. But how are you feeling now?"</p>
<p>He chewed his lower lip. He'd been asking himself that same question.</p>
<p>"I honestly don't know. I… God, I know it's stupid, but I just… miss him."</p>
<p>She tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear.</p>
<p>"It's not. He's very important to you. That's not going to change overnight. And, honey… it's all so unfinished. You still haven't heard his side of things."</p>
<p>Keith nodded slowly. He'd been so angry, so hurt… but all he wanted now was for things to be okay again.</p>
<p>He wanted Shiro back. As his best friend, or his first love, or whatever they were to each other now.</p>
<p>He wanted Shiro back.</p>
<p>"Do you feel up to checking your phone?" his mother asked.</p>
<p>He stared at it for a moment, then picked it up.</p>
<p>The number of text messages he'd received was almost overwhelming, but he quickly parsed them out. Pidge, Lance, and Hunk had all texted him to say they'd miss him today, and that they wanted to get together as soon as they could.</p>
<p>Matt's messages were different. Keith had to sit up straight in his seat and read through them more than once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt: Hey Keithy Kat</p>
<p>Matt: I miss you already</p>
<p>Matt: I know why you had to leave, and I don't blame you one bit…</p>
<p>Matt: But when you're feeling up to it, you should really talk to Shiro.</p>
<p>Matt: He's been a complete moron and he knows I'll be pissed at him until he makes things right with you</p>
<p>Matt: But there are things you need to know</p>
<p>Matt: He wants to tell you himself, he wants to fix it</p>
<p>Matt: So keep an open mind, okay?</p>
<p>Matt: Love you</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith stared at the screen for a long time before he remembered he'd gotten a message from another unfamiliar number. He tapped into it and started to read.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unknown Number: Keith, it's Adam Walia</p>
<p>Unknown Number: I'm so sorry about what happened last night</p>
<p>Unknown Number: There's nothing going on between me and Shiro, there never was, we're just friends</p>
<p>Unknown Number: I'm rooting for you both, please give him a chance to explain</p>
<p>Keith stared at those messages for a long time, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He still didn't understand why Shiro would kiss Adam if there was nothing between them… but he couldn't think of any reason Adam would lie to him about it. He'd thought Adam might've had a thing for Shiro during the first week of camp, but as his own friendship with Adam had grown, he'd been able to let go of that suspicion.</p>
<p>If Adam had feelings for Shiro, why would he send messages like this? Wouldn't he be doing everything in his power to make sure Keith and Shiro stayed apart?</p>
<p>"Mom," he murmured, feeling suddenly off balance. Had leaving been a mistake? Should he have given Shiro more time to explain?</p>
<p>His mother didn't get a chance to answer him, because her phone started ringing. It was in a cradle on the dashboard, connected to the car through Bluetooth, so the call rang through the car speakers, and Keith could see who was calling.</p>
<p>It was Colleen.</p>
<p>His mother picked up using the button on the steering wheel.</p>
<p>"Hi, Colleen, we're here."</p>
<p>"Krolia, hi. Hello, Keith. How are you feeling, honey?"</p>
<p>"Better," he said truthfully. "Thank you."</p>
<p>"Good. That's really good. Um… would you mind if I spoke to your mother privately for a minute?"</p>
<p>"That's fine," he told her, though it really wasn't. He had a feeling he knew why she was calling.</p>
<p>Shiro.</p>
<p>Shiro was suffering.</p>
<p>It had seemed to be such an inevitable consequence this morning, when Keith was still being driven by grief and anger.</p>
<p>But now that the worst of those feelings had passed… all he wanted to do was take Shiro's pain away, too.</p>
<p>His mother took her phone out of the cradle, tapped the screen to switch the call setting, and held it up to her ear.</p>
<p>"Hi, Colleen, it's just me."</p>
<p>She didn't say much more for the duration of the call. She listened quietly, her expression growing more serious as the minutes passed.</p>
<p>"I hear you," she eventually said. "I'll talk to Keith. Okay. Bye for now."</p>
<p>She ended the call.</p>
<p>She slowed down, pulled off into the breakdown lane, and put the car in park.</p>
<p>She turned to Keith.</p>
<p>"Baby," she said, "I'm proud of you for setting boundaries for yourself. I think you did the right thing, and if Shiro's ever going to be in your life, he's going to have to learn to respect those kinds of boundaries."</p>
<p>Keith raised his eyebrows. He knew her well.</p>
<p>"But…?"</p>
<p><em>"But," </em>she conceded, "there are times when it's good to take space… and there are times when it's good to stick it out through the bumps in the road." She sighed. "I don't know which type of situation this is. If you tell me you want to go home and forget about this for a while… if you really think that's what you need… then we can keep on driving. But if you think there's a chance that some closure might do you good… if you think there's a chance that it'd be worthwhile for you and Shiro to hash this out… I'll take you back right now."</p>
<p>He blinked.</p>
<p>"What did she say? Is he all right?"</p>
<p>She smiled sadly at him.</p>
<p>"Were you all right this morning?"</p>
<p>"No. I really wasn't."</p>
<p>"And now?"</p>
<p>He met her eye. He felt calm and determined. He felt like there were things that needed fixing. He felt like he could handle it.</p>
<p>"He's still at camp?"</p>
<p>"He is."</p>
<p>"Okay." Keith nodded. "Let's go back."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith sat in the car for a few extra minutes once his mother had parked in the nearly-empty lot behind the Garrison. It was well after lunch time. All of the campers had gone home, except for Matt, Pidge, and Shiro.</p>
<p>He could handle this. There would be quiet and open space. His mom and Sam and Colleen would all be right here if he needed them. He could leave whenever he wanted to.</p>
<p>He could talk to Shiro alone, on his own terms.</p>
<p>"I don't think I actually wanted to leave," he said, staring at the back door of the Garrison. "I just needed… help."</p>
<p>"You did just fine, love. I wouldn't have wanted to be in the middle of camp feeling like that either. But you're stronger than you think. You always have been."</p>
<p>He nodded. He felt like that was true, now that she was here.</p>
<p>"Sam and Colleen are in the staff room," she said. "I figured I'd spend some time with them while you go talk to your friends. And we'll just be a text away, okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah." Keith texted Matt to let him know he was here. "Okay. I'm ready."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Matt met Keith at the staff lounge, too, with open arms, as expected. He and Sam and Colleen made it easy for Keith to feel like coming back had been the right choice, especially since none of them faulted him for leaving in the first place.</p>
<p>"We don't need anything from you," Colleen said kindly, standing arm-in-arm with his mother. "We don't need you to feel any certain way about all of this. You have every right to be upset."</p>
<p>"But Shiro explained some things to us," Sam added, "and we think you'll want to hear what he has to say. You can make up your own mind after that."</p>
<p>Keith nodded. He appreciated the lack of judgment.</p>
<p>"It's okay. I want to see him."</p>
<p>"I can walk you back," Matt offered. "He's under your tree with Pidge."</p>
<p>They headed through the Garrison together, toward the side exit in the Great Room that would bring them closest to the tree Keith and Shiro had spent so much time under.</p>
<p>"How is he?" Keith asked, taking in the sight of the empty hall, which seemed even more enormous now that he knew the campers had all gone home.</p>
<p>"He's a disaster," Matt admitted. "He won't eat. He hasn't even packed up his stuff yet. I'm pretty sure he was ready to hop on a bus and track you down… but he wouldn't have. He didn't want to see you unless it was your choice."</p>
<p>Keith took this in.</p>
<p>"And you think it's the right choice?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, buddy. I really do."</p>
<p>They pushed through the double doors together and out into the sun.</p>
<p>The tree was only a few yards away; Keith saw Pidge and Shiro stand from where they'd been sitting underneath it. Pidge raised a hand to wave, touched Shiro's arm, and then jogged in Matt and Keith's direction. They dove right into Keith's arms as soon as they were close enough.</p>
<p>"This place officially sucks without you," they said. "I'm glad you came back."</p>
<p>Keith hugged them tight before pulling away.</p>
<p>"I missed you as soon as I got in the car."</p>
<p>Pidge nodded their head toward Shiro.</p>
<p>"Don't go easy on him. He doesn't want you to."</p>
<p>"Mm. Noted."</p>
<p>"We'll be inside," Matt said. "Y'know. Pretending not to spy on you."</p>
<p>Keith managed a smile.</p>
<p>"See you later."</p>
<p>He headed toward Shiro, who was standing awkwardly next to the trunk of their tree with his arms hugged across his chest. He didn't move or say anything as Keith approached, and Keith stopped when there were a handful of feet still between them.</p>
<p>"Don't talk yet," Keith said.</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. He looked absolutely miserable, like he'd been crying for hours… which he probably had been.</p>
<p>He wasn't crying now, though. He seemed calm. Resigned.</p>
<p>"I came back because I need to believe I really know you," Keith said. "I need to believe you care about me, like I care about you. I need to believe you can explain all this to me, so… are you gonna prove me right? Or are you gonna lie to me some more?"</p>
<p>Shiro blinked once.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna prove you right," he said.</p>
<p>"Okay." Keith moved a little closer and sat down in the grass. "I'm listening."</p>
<p>Shiro sat down too, a couple feet away.</p>
<p>"I was scared," he said. "And stupid. And really, really selfish."</p>
<p>Keith didn't answer. He knew this much already.</p>
<p>Shiro started rubbing absently into the palm of his right hand.</p>
<p>"Remember how I told you about Annalise?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"Right. So… I guess I didn't tell you everything about what happened. I told you we broke up after that dance, but it was really because of what happened when we kissed. Or at least… that was how she finally decided we shouldn't be together."</p>
<p>Keith wasn't surprised that there was more to this story.</p>
<p>"Why? What happened?"</p>
<p>Shiro frowned down at his lap.</p>
<p>"So, she knew I had, like, no experience. She was really nice about it. She said we could just practice and see how it went. I felt really comfortable with her, like I could tell she wouldn't judge me, so we snuck outside for a while and… kissed. Except… she kept stopping. She would put my hands somewhere, like on her waist or her shoulders… she'd kiss my neck and my cheek and then my lips again…" He shook his head. "I thought I was doing okay. I thought I was doing what she wanted me to do. But she said she could tell I wasn't into it. She said she already suspected I didn't actually have feelings for her, even before that night. And I didn't understand, because I really liked her. I thought it must be the way the other guys liked their girlfriends, because… I mean, I didn't have anything to compare it to, right? Not until…" Shiro winced. He was staring down at his hands. "Not until I spent time with you. I've <em>never </em>had these kinds of feelings before, for anyone. I thought there was something so wrong with me, like I was just <em>missing </em>this part of myself that everyone else takes for granted. But then I woke up with you that first morning after I fell asleep in your bunk, and I never wanted to let you go. I just wanted to-- to hold you. I wanted to stay in bed with you all day. I wanted to kiss you. So much, Keith. I swear, I wanted to."</p>
<p>Keith was staring at a spot on the ground, holding a handful of grass, trying desperately to keep his cool. It was harder than he'd expected it would be, hearing Shiro say these things out loud.</p>
<p>It was so hard not to go to him, to hold him and comfort him. It was so painfully hard.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you?" he asked softly. "I was right there, for two weeks…"</p>
<p>"Because what if I was wrong? What if I kissed you, and you felt just like Annalise felt? What if I couldn't do it right? What if I couldn't be with you the way you wanted?"</p>
<p>Keith looked at him.</p>
<p>"Is that why you kissed Adam?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"He's my friend. I couldn't picture talking to Lance about this, so I tried to talk to Adam. He's the only other queer friend I have. I asked him how he knew he wasn't straight. I told him why I was scared. And it just sort of <em>happened. </em>I didn't plan it, Keith, I swear. I <em>never</em> would've hurt you like that. But I thought about what you told me about Reed- how you were just friends when you kissed, how you were just trying it out. And I guess… I just needed to know that I wasn't… <em>broken."</em></p>
<p>Keith sniffed. He wiped a tear away from his cheek.</p>
<p>It wasn't his own pain he was feeling, now. It was Shiro's.</p>
<p>Or maybe the two had become one and the same.</p>
<p>"Why did you wait so long?" he asked. "Why did you wait until our last night here?"</p>
<p>Shiro's lower lip trembled.</p>
<p>"I was so scared things wouldn't work between us," he said, "but I was even more scared that they <em>would</em>, because…" He wiped at his face with the heel of his hand. "Because of my mom. Because my grandparents-- they just gave her up. I try not to think about it. I was in counseling forever, trying to learn to live with it. And I know they love me, they've always supported me… but my mother thought that, too, right up until they stopped." He looked at Keith with wide, fearful eyes. "If I'm gay, Keith… what if they just give me up, too?"</p>
<p>Keith's resolve shattered and fell away. He crawled toward Shiro and pulled him into his arms, and Shiro practically fell into the embrace, grasping two handfuls of the back of Keith's shirt, pressing his face into Keith's hair.</p>
<p>"You're an idiot," Keith said. He put his hand around the back of Shiro's head. "Trying to figure this out without me. We handle these things <em>together</em>, dummy."</p>
<p>Shiro laughed through his tears.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to tell you. Like, <em>Hey, Keith, I'm completely in love with you, but the only person I've ever kissed dumped me right after, and my guardians might disown me if we get together, so…"</em></p>
<p>Keith pulled away, just enough to see Shiro's face, his heartbeat hammering brutally against his ribs.</p>
<p>"You're <em>what?"</em></p>
<p>Shiro pressed their foreheads together, just like Keith had done the night before.</p>
<p>"I love you," Shiro said. "I love you, I--"</p>
<p><em>"Shiro." </em>Keith held his face with both hands. He was smiling. "Hush. I love you, too."</p>
<p>Shiro let out a watery laugh. He smooshed their faces together, then pressed his lips to Keith's cheek, over and over…</p>
<p>But then he stopped and pulled away, looking sad and serious again.</p>
<p>"Keith… what are we going to do?" He slid his fingers into Keith's hair. "I have to go home. What am I going to tell them? I can't lie about you. I don't think I could ever do that…"</p>
<p>Keith nodded. He'd already put the pieces together. He knew what all of this meant.</p>
<p>"It's okay," he said. "You won't have to. You can't come out to them until you're ready." He left a soft, lingering kiss on the bridge of Shiro's nose. "We'll be best friends," he said, feigning confidence in his reassurances. "We'll just start with that, and then maybe… someday…"</p>
<p>Shiro's expression was so soft, so pained, Keith could hardly bear it.</p>
<p>"You can't wait around for me like that.”</p>
<p>Keith gave a tiny shrug.</p>
<p>"I have a feeling we'll be able to figure it out. We can't be together anyway, Shiro. Not like this. Not for months at a time. So… I dunno. We can practice all the other stuff, right? We can watch bad movies and play all our favorite video games. You can sing to me at night, before bed."</p>
<p>Shiro was smiling. He looked desperately sad, but he was smiling.</p>
<p>"You can read to me when you have English homework," he said. "And I'll watch you practicing your drums."</p>
<p>"Maybe I can be friends with Annalise," Keith said. "Maybe she'll call me and let me watch you play basketball."</p>
<p>Shiro let out a quiet laugh, which might've also been a sob.</p>
<p>"Annalise is gonna love you," he said.</p>
<p>Keith was holding Shiro’s hands, now.</p>
<p>"It's gonna be okay, Shiro. No matter what happens with your grandparents, <em>you </em>are gonna be okay. You'll have Sam and Colleen and Matt and Pidge. You'll have me. We'll be here, no matter what."</p>
<p>Shiro blinked; tears spilled over from the corners of his eyes and trailed down his cheeks.</p>
<p>"You really forgive me?"</p>
<p>Keith started kissing his tears away.</p>
<p>"I do."</p>
<p>Shiro sniffled.</p>
<p>"You want to be with me? Someday, when-"</p>
<p><em>"Hush," </em>Keith whispered. He kissed the corner of Shiro's mouth. <em>"Of course I do."</em></p>
<p>They came together for a soft, slow kiss.</p>
<p>Keith draped his arms around Shiro's shoulders.</p>
<p>Shiro flattened his hands along the curve of Keith's spine.</p>
<p>Across the lawn, muffled cheering and banging rang out from the closest wall of the Great Room.</p>
<p>Keith and Shiro broke apart to see Matt and Pidge jumping up and down, whooping and pounding their fists on the glass. They giggled together, still holding each other close.</p>
<p>"I think we have a fan club," Keith said.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Shiro said. "Sam's the president."</p>
<p>Keith looked at him.</p>
<p>"Why is that, anyway? I still can't believe he let us sleep alone together."</p>
<p>"Right? It's weird, I know, but… he said he saw something special between us when we were little. He said, at the very least, we should be good friends. And he said… um." Shiro moved one of his hands to Keith's cheek. "He said your parents were two of the best people he'd ever met, so there was a good chance you might actually deserve me. So… I'm gonna try really hard to deserve <em>you</em>, okay?"</p>
<p>Keith leaned into Shiro's palm. He kissed Shiro's wrist.</p>
<p><em>"Okay," </em>he whispered. He leaned forward to brush their lips together. <em>"Try really hard."</em></p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith and Shiro summarized enough of their conversation to ease any lingering concern Colleen, Sam, and Krolia might've been feeling. They would stay friends for now, they said. Shiro would take some time to get used to navigating his identity. Keith would be there for him. All was well.</p>
<p>In turn, the adults met them with a proposal. Since Shiro had already missed his flight home, and Sam had already called his grandparents to smooth things over, Keith and Krolia would stay to spend the rest of the day with the Holts and Shiro. The kids would head to the Lions' cabin to pack up Shiro's things and talk about what they'd like to do for the rest of the afternoon and evening.</p>
<p>Obviously, this proposal was met with resounding approval. Keith could hardly believe he had so many more hours ahead of him with Shiro by his side. He found himself grinning stupidly as he walked the forest path to the cabins behind Matt and Pidge, holding tight to Shiro's hand.</p>
<p><em>He loves me,</em> he thought, stealing a glance at Shiro's equally stupid grin.</p>
<p>
  <em>He loves me.</em>
</p>
<p>"I think we should go see a movie," Matt suggested. "Something with giant robots."</p>
<p>"Or aliens," Pidge added.</p>
<p>"Oh, God, <em>popcorn,</em>" Shiro moaned. "I'm in. What do you think, Sweet 'n Sour?"</p>
<p>"Hell yes," Keith laughed. "All of that sounds amazing."</p>
<p>The idea of holding Shiro's hand inside a movie theater was mostly what appealed to him… but everything else sounded perfect, too.</p>
<p>When the four of them finally reached the Lions' cabin, Matt and Pidge stopped at the bottom of the stairs. They made no move to actually enter the small structure.</p>
<p>"I'm guessing you have at least a half hour before anyone starts getting suspicious," Matt said.</p>
<p>"We'll stay close by, just in case," Pidge added. "Have fun!"</p>
<p>"And don't make a mess you can't easily clean up," Matt teased.</p>
<p>He patted Shiro on the shoulder, and then he and Pidge walked off together along the path.</p>
<p>Keith and Shiro looked at each other, their hands still clasped between them.</p>
<p>Their friends had just given them at least a half hour to spend <em>alone in the cabin together.</em></p>
<p>"Um," Shiro blurted. He was blushing prettily across his nose. "I didn't know they were going to do that."</p>
<p>Keith smiled. He knew he was probably blushing, too.</p>
<p>"Do I look upset about it?"</p>
<p>"Uh-- no, I just meant… we don't <em>have</em> to…"</p>
<p>Keith put his hand on Shiro's chest.</p>
<p>"Do you <em>want</em> to?"</p>
<p>"Oh, God, <em>Keith</em>, of course I do." Shiro put both hands on Keith’s waist. "Last night was… I mean, it was probably the best night of my life. But… we're friends, right?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded. He put his other hand on the side of Shiro's neck, thinking of how he'd kissed that same spot the night before.</p>
<p>"We're friends," he said softly. "And today we're also… together. If you want to be."</p>
<p>Shiro's smile was soft. He pressed his lips to Keith's forehead.</p>
<p>"I do," he said.</p>
<p>They walked into the cabin, hand-in-hand.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. The Easiest Thing I've Ever Done</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seeing the cabin emptied out except for Shiro's small corner of it only emphasized the fact that Keith and Shiro were really and truly <em>alone </em>together<em>.</em> They'd spent plenty of time alone over the last two weeks, of course, and Keith had spent plenty of time daydreaming about what might happen between them if Shiro could ever love him in return… but he hadn't actually expected any of it to happen. Not anytime soon, anyway.</p>
<p>So when Shiro guided him slowly over to his bunk, Keith's heart was racing, his nerve endings tingling with anticipation. Last night had been spontaneous- rushed and frantic and absolutely perfect, a stolen encounter in the middle of the night.</p>
<p>This was different. The sun was still up, and they both knew where they stood.</p>
<p>They were in love.</p>
<p>The stakes were higher than ever.</p>
<p>Whatever they did today, it would be the first time for both of them… and possibly the last chance they’d get, for who knows how long.</p>
<p>Keith tugged Shiro to a stop right next to his bunk and hugged him on impulse, putting some of his nervous energy into action.</p>
<p>Shiro hugged him back, of course, his strong arms and broad hands pulling Keith in close.</p>
<p>They held each other quietly for a while. Keith tucked his forehead into the crook of Shiro's neck. Shiro put his nose in Keith's hair.</p>
<p>"I think I'm nervous," Shiro murmured.</p>
<p>"Me too. I think that's supposed to be normal."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed the side of Keith's head.</p>
<p>"I don't think I know how to do anything."</p>
<p>"You did everything perfect last night. And I've never done any of this, either."</p>
<p>"But you've thought about it?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. I've thought about it a lot. Have you?"</p>
<p>Shiro bent down and touched his lips to the side of Keith's neck.</p>
<p>"I've thought about you," he said. "I had to try so hard not to stare. You're so beautiful, Keith." Shiro kissed his neck again; Keith shivered, leaning more heavily against him. "Is that the right word?” Shiro asked. “<em>Beautiful?"</em></p>
<p>Keith nodded. He moved his chin until his lips touched the front of Shiro's throat.</p>
<p>"I like it when you say it,” he said. “I think the same thing about you." He kissed Shiro's warm skin, right above the center of his collarbone. "And I wanted you to stare."</p>
<p>The pattern of Shiro's breathing was starting to change.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yes." Keith moved his mouth up underneath Shiro's jaw. "If you want to look at me, you can."</p>
<p>He straightened up so they could see each other’s eyes.</p>
<p>He guided Shiro's hands to the hem of his shirt.</p>
<p>Shiro touched him underneath it- warm fingers grazing the flat of his stomach.</p>
<p>Keith nodded, shivering, already sensitive.</p>
<p>"I want you to," he said.</p>
<p>Shiro held Keith’s gaze and pushed the hem of his shirt up, letting his palms slide over Keith's stomach as he went. Keith raised his arms over his head… and then his shirt was in a pile on the floor at their feet.</p>
<p>Shiro's hands came to rest on Keith’s chest and stomach, his fingers moving over the lines and curves of his body.</p>
<p>"I think about you boxing," Shiro said softly. "Or running, or swimming. I think about you moving… you're so fast, so strong… and then, last night… I think about you moving like that, too."</p>
<p>Keith was taking small, shallow breaths, blinking his lashes every time Shiro touched him in a new place.</p>
<p><em>"Mh…"</em> He rested his hands on Shiro's stomach. "I had to try not to stare, too. All the time."</p>
<p>"Stare," Shiro said. "Please."</p>
<p>He pulled his shirt off.</p>
<p>He dropped it onto the floor on top of Keith's.</p>
<p>Keith didn't hesitate; he'd already thought about what he would do in this moment, if he ever got the chance.</p>
<p>He pressed his cheek to Shiro's right shoulder, then kissed him there, right over his forward facing surgical scar- once, twice, three times...</p>
<p>Shiro's hands settled onto his back, then moved over his skin- over the jut of his shoulder blades, down the dip of his lower back…</p>
<p><em>"Oh," </em>Keith breathed out, shivering.</p>
<p>"Cold, sweetheart?"</p>
<p>"...No. Sensitive. <em>Good."</em></p>
<p>"Like last night?"</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. He wrapped his hands around Keith's hips and pulled him even closer.</p>
<p>"Me too," he murmured. "I had no idea. I mean, I didn't know touching someone else could…"</p>
<p>"...Turn you on?" Keith finished, softly.</p>
<p>Shiro's thumbs pressed into the front of his hips.</p>
<p><em>"Yeah," </em>he whispered. <em>"That keeps happening. Whenever we're… close."</em></p>
<p>Keith moved one hand down the front of Shiro's stomach. He let his palm come to rest over the waistband of his shorts, then paused, though he was aching to touch, to see how affected Shiro was, getting close to him like this.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Mh… Keith…"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro's lips touched his temple, his cheek… and then they were kissing each other, slow and deep.</p>
<p>Keith pressed his palm a little harder against the front of Shiro's shorts.</p>
<p>Shiro took hold of his wrist and pushed his hand further down…</p>
<p>Keith let out a tiny gasp, because he was touching Shiro’s hardness with his palm.</p>
<p><em>Shiro's hard for me, </em>he thought, running his hand over Shiro's length through the smooth fabric. He mapped out the shape of him, still kissing Shiro's mouth, licking along the side of his tongue-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Nh--"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro was making noises now- breathy little sounds that had Keith working his fingers around his thickness, <em>squeezing</em> just the tiniest bit--</p>
<p><em>"Oh,"</em> Shiro gasped. "Oh, <em>wow…"</em></p>
<p>Keith bit down on his own lower lip, pulling away just enough to see Shiro's face.</p>
<p>"Okay?" he asked, still unsure. He had no idea what Shiro would like, or how he might want this to go.</p>
<p><em>"Yes," </em>Shiro practically groaned. "Keith, <em>sweetheart</em>, you can touch me. I want you to."</p>
<p>Keith nodded, excitement sparking through him like a current through a wire.</p>
<p>"Maybe we could lay down?"</p>
<p>“Yeah. Come here.”</p>
<p>Shiro looked excited, too. In the daylight, Keith could see that his blush had spread down his neck, all the way to the top of his chest, just like it had at the waterfront after their race.</p>
<p>"Beautiful," he murmured, his eyes traveling over Shiro's bare skin. "You're gorgeous, Shiro."</p>
<p>Shiro sat down on the edge of his bunk, pulling Keith along with two hands on his hips. He leaned forward and pressed his cheek to Keith's stomach, like he was searching for a new way to get close, so Keith put both hands in his hair, just to show him the same kind of sweetness.</p>
<p>"Could I… see you?" Shiro asked, looking up at him with flushed cheeks and half-closed eyes.</p>
<p>"Of course, Takashi," Keith soothed, stroking his fringe away from his eyes, "And for the record, I like it when you ask… but I'm not planning on saying ‘no’ to you anytime soon."</p>
<p>Shiro’s expression shifted to something like awe.</p>
<p>He pulled at the drawstring at the front of Keith's shorts.</p>
<p>He slipped his fingers into his waistband and tugged them down, along with the underwear underneath.</p>
<p>Keith watched him swallow, watched his eyes roam over his nakedness.</p>
<p>He didn't feel afraid. He didn't feel embarrassed.</p>
<p>He felt more safe than he ever had in his life.</p>
<p>Shiro took his length in hand and kissed him there.</p>
<p>"I don't know how," he said, looking up at Keith. "But I could just… try?"</p>
<p>Keith swallowed. There was a lump in his throat, though he wasn't sure why.</p>
<p>"I trust you," he said. "Do you trust me?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"With everything I have."</p>
<p>Keith caressed down his cheek with the back of his hand.</p>
<p>"Only what you're comfortable with," he said. "Promise me."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed his rigid length again.</p>
<p>"I promise. Promise me, too?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, baby," Keith told him. "I promise."</p>
<p>Shiro closed his eyes for a moment. He pressed his face to Keith's stomach and kissed him, right next to his belly button.</p>
<p>"Baby," he echoed.</p>
<p>He inclined his head and put his lips on Keith's shaft. He moved his mouth in slow, sweet kisses, while Keith gasped and trembled, gripping Shiro's shoulders for support.</p>
<p>It was the most incredible thing he'd ever felt.</p>
<p>Shiro was so gentle, his lips so soft and warm, Keith lost himself in the moment, taking in every new sensation Shiro had to offer him. He could think a little more clearly when Shiro's kisses moved closer to his body, but when Shiro's mouth was near to the tip of his length, Keith's breath came in little gasps, and his body started to tense…</p>
<p>And then Shiro started to use his tongue.</p>
<p>He licked around Keith's crown - slowly, like he was savoring the act - and Keith all but doubled over, grabbing at Shiro's back and shoulder for purchase.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ah-- ahh…"</em>
</p>
<p>"Keith?" Shiro was nuzzling at his stomach again, gently pumping along his shaft with his hand. "Are you…? Um. If I kept going, would you… come?"</p>
<p><em>"Yes," </em>Keith groaned, still bending over him. "Shiro, it feels <em>so good…</em>"</p>
<p>"Because you can," Shiro said. "I want you to."</p>
<p>Keith straightened up a bit, still trying to catch his breath after that latest shock of pleasure.</p>
<p>He reached for Shiro, held his face with both hands, and leaned down to meet him for a kiss.</p>
<p>"Not yet," he told him. "I want to try it, first."</p>
<p>He gently nudged Shiro backward, guiding him to lay down on his pillow. He kicked his shorts and underwear the rest of the way off, then reached for Shiro's, pausing at his waistband.</p>
<p>"Can I?"</p>
<p><em>"Ooh."</em> Shiro grinned. "Yeah. And… <em>wow.</em> I like it when you ask, too."</p>
<p>Keith flashed him a smile. He bent down and pressed his lips to Shiro's belly, just like Shiro had done for him. Shiro was touching him in an instant, gathering his hair away from his face with careful fingers.</p>
<p>"Oh, baby…"</p>
<p>Keith started easing his shorts and underwear down from his hips, still exploring his stomach with his mouth. Shiro's skin was so smooth here, and <em>hot</em>, much warmer than anywhere else on his body Keith had touched so far, except for the inside of his mouth. He followed the groove of Shiro's hip with his lips, moving lower, paying attention to the way Shiro was tensing underneath him, gripping at his hair in tiny, involuntary fits…</p>
<p>Keith wanted more of that. He was so hard, his dick so sensitive where it was rubbing against the mattress, he thought he could get off just from that- just from the feeling of Shiro's hands in his hair.</p>
<p>He lifted his head and finished pulling Shiro's shorts down to his ankles.</p>
<p>He stared, licking his lips.</p>
<p>Shiro was <em>big. </em>By comparison, they were about the same length, but Shiro was <em>thicker</em>, so much so that he felt <em>heavy</em> in Keith's hand when he finally got the courage to wrap his fingers around him.</p>
<p><em>"Wow," </em>he breathed out. "Shiro… you're so pretty."</p>
<p>Shiro was up on his elbows, looking at him with wide eyes.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Perfect."</p>
<p>Keith gave him a small, experimental stroke… and Shiro let out a soft moan in answer, his hips rolling up to match the movement of Keith's hand.</p>
<p><em>"Mhh… </em>Keith…?"</p>
<p>Shiro was reaching for him, so Keith let him go for the moment and practically dove into his arms. He nuzzled Shiro's face with all the sweetness he could muster.</p>
<p>"Hey, baby." He hugged Shiro tight. "Everything okay?"</p>
<p>"It's perfect," Shiro said, nosing at Keith's cheek in return. "Don't stop, I just… I missed you for a minute."</p>
<p>Keith couldn't help but smile at that.</p>
<p>"You're so sweet to me, Shiro." He palmed lightly at Shiro's length, then wrapped his fingers around him again. "I’ve been wanting to tell you how sweet you are."</p>
<p>Shiro gasped and shivered, pressing his mouth to the side of Keith's face.</p>
<p>"I don't know if I really knew how to be sweet, before you. You make me want to be."</p>
<p>"You're good to everyone," Keith told him, stroking him lightly from base to tip. "But you're <em>so sweet </em>to me. It's special." He kissed Shiro's lips, then whispered to him. <em>"I think we're special, Shiro."</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Nnh…"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro moved his hips in answer, chasing the slow, careful stroking of Keith's hand. He slid his palm around the back of Keith's head to hold him close, pressing their foreheads together in the process.</p>
<p><em>"I know we are," </em>he whispered back. <em>"I think I've always known that. And I love you, Keith--"</em></p>
<p>He gasped out a breath; Keith was <em>squeezing</em> over his head.</p>
<p>
  <em>"I-- I love you so much--"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I love you, Takashi." </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Sweetheart--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith's hips were moving, too, in tiny rutting motions that matched the way he was stroking Shiro's length. He couldn't help it; it was like their bodies were connected, as if Shiro's pleasure were actually linked to his own. When Shiro gasped or moaned or shifted underneath him, Keith felt his own body switching on- his stomach muscles tensing, his dick throbbing hard and hot where it was pressing into Shiro’s hip. He wanted more and <em>more. </em>He wanted to make Shiro feel something special, something only they could create together.</p>
<p>"Shiro… are you close?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. He held Keith even tighter.</p>
<p>"Okay. I could stay right here, or…" Keith moved his palm over Shiro's head, feeling the wetness there. Shiro was practically dripping. "Um… do you want to feel my mouth?"</p>
<p>Shiro looked at him.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but…" He hid his face in Keith's hair, behind his ear. "What if I come right away? What if I can't control it?"</p>
<p>"Shiro." Keith was giggling, rubbing his nose affectionately against Shiro’s neck. "I don't want you to control it. And-- God, Shiro, you can come in my mouth. I want you to."</p>
<p>Shiro made a groaning sound, tensing up underneath him.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>Keith kissed all over Shiro's cheek until he seemed more relaxed, until they were laying together on his pillow. Then Keith looked at him, smoothing at his fringe with his knuckles, careful not to let the bandaids around them catch or pull.</p>
<p>"Shiro, I've never done <em>anything</em> like this before… but I've thought about it a lot. It's probably all so new for you, but I've been thinking about doing this. With <em>you</em>. I've pictured it. When I see it in my head… I know it's something I want." He lifted his chin so he could kiss Shiro's forehead. "Does that make sense?"</p>
<p>Shiro reached up to touch his cheek. He traced his thumb gently over the red line of Keith's scar.</p>
<p>"I don't know if I ever could've done this without you," he said. "It feels so <em>perfect </em>with you, like it's supposed to happen just like this<em>.</em>" He moved his thumb until it was resting on Keith's lower lip. "I want all of it with you, Keith. Everything."</p>
<p>Keith kissed the pad of his thumb.</p>
<p>"It is supposed to happen just like this."</p>
<p>He hovered over Shiro again and kissed him, licking right into his mouth while he worked over his length in cautious strokes. It was so tempting to stay right here and kiss Shiro like this, to try to bring him off with just the movement of his hand… but Keith craved more. He needed to be with Shiro in every way he could. He needed to be able to keep these memories close when Shiro was gone.</p>
<p>He moved down to Shiro's neck and put his mouth on him, letting his tongue slide against Shiro's skin. Shiro made a whimpering sound and gripped at his hair again, so Keith kept that up, moving lower until he'd explored the base of Shiro's throat, and the line of his collarbone, and the subtle swell of his pectoral. Shiro was so strong, his body so warm and responsive, Keith knew he could've spent days doing this- mapping out every last inch of him, showing Shiro exactly how much he cared for him.</p>
<p>He didn't have days, though. He probably only had a few minutes.</p>
<p>He slid down between Shiro's legs, took his length in hand, and looked him over once more, just to appreciate the gift of getting close to this most intimate part of him. He was lucky, he knew. Shiro was special. Having his trust meant something deeply personal to Keith.</p>
<p>And it hurt, knowing Shiro had been so worried about being <em>wrong</em> or <em>broken</em>. It was painful, knowing he was justified in his fear of not being accepted.</p>
<p>But Keith could make sure Shiro never felt that kind of fear with him. He could make sure Shiro's memories of him would make him feel as <em>good </em>as he truly was.</p>
<p>"I love you," he said, just to make sure Shiro knew exactly why he was doing this.</p>
<p>Then he pulled Shiro into his mouth.</p>
<p>The sound Shiro made in answer might've been worth the months Keith knew they'd have to spend apart. He had no idea how much of Shiro he could take, but he knew it didn't really matter. He could tell Shiro wasn't going to last. Shiro's fingers were in his hair again, gathering it up into little handfuls while Keith held him in his mouth, feeling the shape of him with his tongue, suckling with his lips where he thought it might feel good-</p>
<p><em>"Hahh--!" </em>Shiro gasped, grabbing onto Keith's shoulder. "I-- I love you--"</p>
<p>Keith licked all around his head, getting used to the taste of him- salty and a little bitter, but a little sweet, too, natural and perfect, just like he'd imagined-</p>
<p>"Because--"</p>
<p>Shiro was still trying to talk, which made Keith want to smile-</p>
<p>"Because you're so sweet, Keith, and you're so strong, and your hair is so soft and I think I want to kiss you forever--"</p>
<p>Keith <em>did </em>smile with his mouth entirely full, and then he sank down a little further, just to feel Shiro even deeper, just to let Shiro feel the slide of his tongue and the heat of his mouth-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh-- ahh-- AH--!"</em>
</p>
<p>That was all the warning Keith got before Shiro filled his mouth with his release. It was a rush, swallowing around him, trying to drink down every last drop of him... which he did- eagerly, gratefully. Keith found himself grinding against the bed while the heat and the flavor flooded his senses, feeling more alive in his body then he ever had before.</p>
<p>"...Keith, sweetheart… baby, please... come up here?"</p>
<p>Keith opened his eyes. Shiro was reaching for him.</p>
<p>He let go of Shiro's length and surged forward into his arms, smiling so hard his whole face was scrunched up with the effort of it.</p>
<p>"Shiro! It worked--"</p>
<p>"... Sweetheart, baby, <em>amazing</em>, you're amazing--"</p>
<p>"... You taste <em>good</em>, Shiro, and it felt so <em>nice--"</em></p>
<p>"... Let me, please, Keith, let me try--"</p>
<p>In a flurry of movement, Keith found himself on his back with Shiro on top of him, cradling his face.</p>
<p>"Wha… woah!" Keith ran his hands up Shiro's arms, lingering to trace the definition of his biceps. "Judo?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. It's okay?"</p>
<p>"God, Shiro, why did you wait so long to start throwing me around?"</p>
<p>Shiro was still breathing shallow, grinning down at him with unrestrained happiness all over his face.</p>
<p>"My turn?" He was practically begging. "Please?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded</p>
<p>"Anything you want. I'm yours. You know that."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed him with about as much force as he'd used to flip Keith over. Keith wanted that - his passion, his strength - though he was just as happy when Shiro slid gracefully down his body and settled between his thighs.</p>
<p>Shiro took his shaft in hand and gave him a careful stroke.</p>
<p>"You're pretty here, too," he murmured. "I like this part. Am I doing it right?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded, arching off the bed as his foreskin glided over his head. Shiro was circumcised; Keith guessed he'd never seen foreskin up close before.</p>
<p>"It's perfect," he breathed out. "Just like that."</p>
<p>"You can tell me what to do," Shiro said. "I'll try to make it good."</p>
<p>Keith had to touch him. He reached down and moved his hands affectionately through Shiro's hair.</p>
<p>"You're so good," he said. "So, <em>so </em>good, Shiro."</p>
<p>Shiro answered by touching the tip of his tongue to Keith's slit, where his pre was beading up. Keith gasped as Shiro tasted him, his body thrumming with sensitivity.</p>
<p>"Good?" Shiro was smiling. The taste hadn't put him off.</p>
<p><em>"Good," </em>Keith groaned. "Sensitive."</p>
<p>"Especially there?"</p>
<p>"Uh huh. I think so. All around my head, maybe."</p>
<p>Keith hadn't ever worried much about the size of his dick. He felt like he was proportionate, given his body type, with quite a ways still to grow. Compared to Shiro, he was small… but he was glad of that fact as soon as he saw Shiro take half his length into his mouth, easy as breathing.</p>
<p>"Oh-- <em>God, Shiro--"</em></p>
<p>His whole lower half wanted to buck and grind into the wet heat of Shiro's mouth. He fought off the greater part of the impulse by holding tight to one of Shiro's shoulders, but his hips did rock upward a bit, his dick throbbing heavily as Shiro's tongue slid all around him…</p>
<p>Shiro smiled around his length. He looked up at Keith with his lips still wrapped around him and held up one of his hands, showing Keith his palm.</p>
<p>Keith moaned at the sight of him, tangled their fingers together, and <em>squeezed</em>.</p>
<p>Shiro hummed, approving.</p>
<p>The vibration made Keith dizzy with pleasure.</p>
<p><em>"Hahh--" </em>he choked out. "Close--"</p>
<p>Shiro slid almost all the way off of him… only to take him even deeper than before, suckling as he sank down, swirling his tongue all along the underside of Keith's shaft-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith tensed, holding tight to Shiro's hand, breathing shallow breaths between incoherent sounds-</p>
<p>Shiro bobbed his head- once, twice, three times-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Mhh-- yeah-- NOW--!"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith tried to warn him, but Shiro didn't pull away. He was holding onto Keith just as tight, his eyes squeezed shut in concentration as Keith's climax broke and peaked and <em>lasted.</em> Keith shook through the intensity of it, though he forced himself to stay propped up on his elbows, to watch Shiro’s throat working with the effort of swallowing him down- to witness Shiro loving him like this, like no one ever had before. Pleasure intermingled with total adoration until Keith felt lightness in every part of himself- as if his whole world had been reduced to the four walls of this cabin and the beautiful things that had happened inside it.</p>
<p>"Baby," he managed, tugging on Shiro's hand. Shiro still had his eyes closed, was still holding him lightly in his mouth as he started to go soft. "Shiro?"</p>
<p>Shiro looked up at him. He finally let him go… then crawled on top of him to hold him close. Shiro pressed their faces together so tight, Keith shivered at the feeling of his eyelashes brushing against his temple.</p>
<p><em>"That was incredible," </em>Keith whispered, holding onto Shiro with both arms, marveling at the warmth that was spreading between their naked bodies. "I feel so lucky, Shiro. I'll never forget this. I'll always be grateful that you wanted to do this with me."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed and nuzzled along his cheek.</p>
<p>"I wondered once or twice before," he said. "If I might not be straight. I thought it would be the loneliest, scariest thing in the world." He found one of Keith's hands and pinned it on the pillow next to his head, holding tight to his wrist. "But it's not. It never will be, with you. I don't know how to thank you for that."</p>
<p>"I think you just did," Keith teased, rubbing their noses together. "And you've already done so much for me, Shiro…" He thought about a secret he'd hung onto- not because it was something he wanted to hide, but because he hadn't found the right moment to share it before.</p>
<p>He felt like that moment had arrived.</p>
<p>"I don't think I told you," he said. "But after I lost my dad… I couldn't stand to have anyone touch me. Being hugged made me panic."</p>
<p>Shiro lifted his head so they could see each other's eyes.</p>
<p>"Oh, Keith… no, I didn't know that. Is that why Colleen always looks like she's trying not to hug you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. My mom must've told her and Sam about it when they came for my dad's funeral. It started to get better a couple months ago, but just with my mom and a couple friends. I still didn't want anyone else touching me at all. And then I came here, and you hugged me that first day, in the astronomy classroom. I almost lost it, but you felt… <em>familiar.</em> And it felt <em>so good</em> to just… hold you. And now…?" He moved his hands over Shiro's shoulders, around the back of his neck, through his hair. "Now I can do<em> this? </em>It's because of you. Because everything feels right when I'm with you."</p>
<p>Shiro pressed another soft, lingering kiss over Keith's scar.</p>
<p>"I think you were right," he said. "I think we're going to be able to figure things out."</p>
<p>Keith smiled.</p>
<p>"I think we've gotten a pretty good head start already." He slid his hand down Shiro's bare back and onto his backside, just to get even closer.</p>
<p>Shiro nodded, pressing his whole body tight against Keith's.</p>
<p>"Keith, did we… um. Was that… did we have sex?"</p>
<p>Keith raised his eyebrows. He hadn't even thought of what they were doing in those terms. It was just him and Shiro, being together- not the abstract concept of "sex" that other people talked about.</p>
<p>"I think it depends how you want to think about it. A lot of people say oral sex is sex, so…"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. He was blushing across his nose, looking shy.</p>
<p>"Because… maybe I feel like we did," he said. "Maybe this was so much more than anything I ever pictured, so… if I could think of it like that…"</p>
<p>Keith nodded, feeling like Shiro's warmth had penetrated deep inside him, all the way to the most hidden parts of his heart.</p>
<p>"I feel like we did, too," he said. "I know we didn't plan it, but I would've wanted my first time to be with you, just like this. I want everything to be with you."</p>
<p>Keith had been touching gently over the curve of Shiro's backside while he spoke, and Shiro's eyes had fallen half closed in answer.</p>
<p>"Even the other way?" Shiro murmured. "The other kind of sex…? Have you thought about it?"</p>
<p>Keith's heart started beating faster again. He went on touching Shiro, watching him closely to make sure it was still okay.</p>
<p>"I've tried with my fingers," he said softly.</p>
<p>Shiro inched even closer to him.</p>
<p>"What was it like?"</p>
<p>"Weird at first. Took some practice. It's… good. Really good. I would… um. I'd do anything with you, Shiro."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed him. It was soft, but there was heat behind it, a slow-burning urgency that made Keith dig his heels into the mattress. Shiro shifted his lower half like he meant to lay fully on top of him… but Keith spread his thighs until Shiro's hips came to rest between them instead.</p>
<p><em>"Oh," </em>Shiro breathed between kisses. He was hard again; Keith could feel him pressing into the lowest part of his stomach. "It would be like this?"</p>
<p>Keith nodded. His dick was filling out again too, throbbing with sensitivity where it was trapped between his body and Shiro's.</p>
<p>"It could be, if you wanted to."</p>
<p>"Would <em>you</em> want to? Someday?"</p>
<p>Keith moved both his hands low on Shiro's hips, then down onto his backside. He <em>pulled, </em>just a little bit, so that Shiro's rocked subtly against him.</p>
<p><em>"Yes, baby," </em>he whispered, watching Shiro's lashes flutter.</p>
<p><em>"Like that?" </em>Shiro kissed his lips. <em>"You want me to?"</em></p>
<p>Keith pulled on him again, rolling his hips up to meet him, rubbing his dick against the flat of Shiro's stomach.</p>
<p>
  <em>"I do."</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro let out a muffled groan, then propped himself up just enough to work his hand between them. It should've been clumsy, but it wasn't. Shiro was careful.</p>
<p>He wrapped his fingers around Keith's length and stroked.</p>
<p>Keith's voice went high and breathy as his body tensed. His knees locked up around Shiro's sides instinctively, but then he wrapped his legs around Shiro's lower back, pulling him even closer the only other way he could think of.</p>
<p>"You too," he breathed out, rocking himself up into Shiro's grip. "Hold us together--"</p>
<p>Shiro kissed him <em>hard</em>, harder than he ever had before, as if some newfound drive within him was switching on for the very first time. He held their lengths together between them and <em>rocked</em> himself forward, forcing them to slide through the circle of his hand and against Keith's stomach--</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ah-!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Nnh-!"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Shiro--"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Okay--?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't stop--"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro rolled his hips while they gasped and sighed in unison, pressing their faces tight together. It was experimental at first, but Keith went on moving his hips to meet him, <em>pulling</em> on Shiro's body until Shiro found a rhythm, until they were gliding smoothly through Shiro's tightening grip and kissing each other between desperate, shallow breaths--</p>
<p><em>"Shiro," </em>Keith sobbed, his whole body burning with pleasure, his arms locked tight around Shiro's neck.</p>
<p><em>"Keith," </em>Shiro cried, his open mouth hot and wet against Keith's neck--</p>
<p>Keith broke. The sound of Shiro calling his name had him tumbling into climax, shaking uncontrollably with all four limbs locked tight around Shiro's body. He went on sobbing through it - or maybe he was laughing - sensitivity hitting him in punctuated bursts as Shiro went on thrusting, rolling against him until his hips jerked forward in one final, uncoordinated motion. Keith's name fell out of his mouth in a desperate groan…</p>
<p>And then Shiro collapsed. Keith gasped and trembled at the extra pleasure of Shiro's weight bearing down on him, still drifting in bliss, his hand locked tight around the back of Shiro's neck.</p>
<p>They searched for breath together.</p>
<p>Their foreheads and noses touched.</p>
<p>"It would be like <em>that?" </em>Shiro mumbled.</p>
<p>"Except <em>better," </em>Keith purred.</p>
<p>"Um." Shiro rubbed their noses together. "I can't picture <em>anything </em>being better than that."</p>
<p>Keith smiled.</p>
<p>"Then you'll be pleasantly surprised." He kissed Shiro's lips. "Something to look forward to."</p>
<p>"I think we have a lot to look forward to."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"And we <em>definitely </em>had sex."</p>
<p>Keith giggled. He was trailing his fingers through the soft, short hair at the back of Shiro's head.</p>
<p>"Yeah, Orpheus. And it was perfect." He moved his other hand to rest low on Shiro's hip. "Do you feel different?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"I feel… better. I feel like <em>me.</em> God, Keith... I feel like I want to do this with you forever."</p>
<p>Keith swallowed. He was looking in Shiro's eyes now, memorizing the pattern of the silver strands in his irises.</p>
<p>"Forever, huh?” He turned his body toward Shiro until they were tangled up together, touching each other from their noses to the tips of their toes.</p>
<p>“Guess we’ll just have to figure out how to make that happen," Keith said.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Helping each other get dressed was a clumsy, giggly affair. Their legs wobbled. Their hands trembled a bit. They laughed while they tried to fix each other's hair, which seemed like a hopeless venture until Shiro pulled an elastic out of his backpack and coaxed Keith's messy locks into a tiny ponytail.</p>
<p>Shiro had stolen a couple extra hair ties from Hunk, he explained. In case Keith ever needed one.</p>
<p>That small gesture had Keith’s throat tightening up all over again, and he promised himself right then that he’d never doubt how much Shiro cared for him again. There was proof of it everywhere, all around them- from the bracelet on Keith’s wrist, to the sweatshirt Shiro had leant him, still draped over Shiro’s footboard, to the mess of rumpled, wrinkled blankets that covered Shiro’s bed. Shiro had proven himself in more ways than Keith could count.</p>
<p>Keith looked up at Shiro, who was tucking loose strands of his hair behind his ear. He’d never seen Shiro’s eyes so bright. It made his whole face look different. Happier.</p>
<p><em>I could love you forever, </em>Keith thought. He’d never been prone to romantic fantasies before, had never bought into the fairytale of tirelessly searching for his one true love- and yet here Shiro was.</p>
<p>
  <em>I could love you forever, and it’ll be the easiest thing I’ve ever done.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. I'm Not Gonna Stop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi all! First, thanks again for all the amazing feedback on this story. I really and truly look forward to posting each week and hearing from all of you.</p><p>A couple of people have told me the last couple chapters have felt like they could've been an ending, and I can totally see that, since camp was coming to an end. I have some more things planned before the true ending of the story, and while I don't know exactly how many more chapters that will be, I will try to give you some notice leading up to it. We should have at least three left at this point! Knowing me, it'll probably be more than that. I'll keep you updated as I fill out the rest of the outline and inevitably get sidetracked by new ideas. Thanks for sticking with me for this long! </p><p>&lt;3 Fel</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It turned out there was a movie playing at the local theater that featured both aliens <em>and </em>giant robots. Sam had to stay behind at camp to oversee things for the rest of the afternoon, so Krolia drove everyone else to the theater in the suburban and dropped the kids off at the entrance. She and Colleen had decided to head to a coffee shop nearby to catch up, which made Keith want to run to the nearest florist and buy his mother the biggest bouquet of flowers he could find. She was giving them unchaperoned time on purpose. He owed her big-time for everything she'd done for him today.</p><p>He liked the movie a lot, but he and Shiro made the most of their lack of supervision. They spent a good portion of the middle making out in a stall in the bathroom, their hands exploring underneath each other's clothes. They took turns holding each other against the wall, kissing and touching until they were both red-faced and breathless, giggling silently whenever someone else came in to use the bathroom. They didn't care about getting caught. They just cared about being together.</p><p>It was heaven, being with Shiro like that. Keith couldn't believe it felt just as good to touch Shiro in a movie theater bathroom as it did inside a secluded cabin, but he guessed it didn't matter where they were. He'd go anywhere with Shiro, and he'd wait as long as he had to for them to be together like this again.</p><p>He proved it by getting his hand inside Shiro's shorts right there in the stall. He worked Shiro over in careful strokes while they kissed- as much as Shiro was able to kiss, anyway, between muffled, panting breaths.</p><p>
  <em>"Keith, Jesus… how are you so good with your left hand?"</em>
</p><p>He had his mouth pressed right next to Keith's ear, which had Keith shuddering and straining in his shorts.</p><p><em>"I'm ambidextrous," </em>he breathed out. He'd been using his left with Shiro to avoid touching him with the bandaids on his right. He'd come clean about the injury earlier on, during another heart-to-heart.</p><p><em>"Shut up," </em>Shiro giggled, fisting two handfuls of the back of Keith's shirt.</p><p>
  <em>"I'm serious!"</em>
</p><p>Shiro let his head fall back against the wall with a <em>thud.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Really?"</em>
</p><p>Keith smiled at him, then dove back in to kiss his neck, nudging Shiro's head to the side with his nose.</p><p>
  <em>"Really."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But-- but how did I not-- nnhh--"</em>
</p><p>Keith had his mouth on Shiro's throat. He found a tender-feeling spot and <em>sucked, </em>just a little bit-</p><p>
  <em>"Hhah--! Keith, shit--!"</em>
</p><p>Keith dropped to his knees and took Shiro in his mouth just in time to swallow. There wasn't much - it was their third round of the day - but Keith still loved the weight of Shiro inside his mouth, and the way he throbbed so hot along his tongue. He loved Shiro's hands in his hair, too- how he held him so sweetly, even in the throes of climax.</p><p>He stood up more quickly than he wanted to, just in case anyone decided to join them in the bathroom.</p><p>"Guess it didn't come up," he said, smiling against Shiro's cheek, picking up the conversation where they'd left off. "About me being ambidextrous, I mean."</p><p><em>"Hhhhhh," </em>Shiro answered, his eyes still closed, his mouth still open. "You're going to <em>kill</em> me."</p><p>Keith giggled again, kissing Shiro's face while he came down.</p><p><em>"Mmmmh." </em>Shiro eventually started kissing him back. "What else do I still need to learn about you?"</p><p>"Hmm…" Keith was about to answer, but his mind went blank when Shiro got his arms around him and reversed their positions, pressing Keith against the wall with most of his body weight. He'd apparently gotten the hint that Keith liked it that way, but just in case he still had any doubt, Keith tucked his face against Shiro's neck and <em>groaned</em>.</p><p><em>"Yeah?"</em> Shiro slipped his hand underneath Keith's shirt.</p><p><em>"Yeeessss," </em>Keith answered.</p><p>Shiro giggled, tugging at Keith's waistband to force his hand inside. He wrapped his fingers around Keith's length with an easy confidence that made Keith wonder how long he could last.</p><p><em>"So?" </em>Shiro stroked his foreskin up and over his head, like he'd been doing it for years. <em>"Tell me more secrets."</em></p><p>Keith muffled his moaning by pressing his face into Shiro's shoulder, tugging the neckline of his shirt to the side to feel more of his bare skin. It was hard to think with the boy he loved trying to bring him off with one of his huge, gorgeous hands, but Keith managed to come up with a couple things.</p><p><em>"I want piercings," </em>he breathed out, his hips rocking up to slide himself through Shiro's grip.</p><p>
  <em>"Where?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"All kinds of places."</em>
</p><p><em>"Mmh." </em>Shiro sounded about as turned on as he'd been a moment ago. <em>"Perfect. I want to go with you."</em></p><p><em>"I'll let you pick," </em>Keith managed, his abdomen already tensing. <em>"If you come with me, you can tell me where."</em></p><p><em>"Fuck." </em>Shiro's hand started to speed up. <em>"Tattoos?"</em></p><p>
  <em>"Y-- yeah--"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You'll be even more perfect. Gorgeous, Keith. God, I'm so lucky-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Shiro--!"</em>
</p><p>Shiro fell to his knees and swallowed him down. Keith came on the spot, doubled over, gripping tight to Shiro's shoulders to stop himself from moaning aloud into the silence of the bathroom. Shiro's tongue held and caressed him, drawing out every possible sweep of sensation, and Keith wished they were in bed together somewhere, with hours of privacy ahead of them to do this as many times as they wanted.</p><p>It was a greedy thought, he knew. Everything was already perfect.</p><p>On his knees, Shiro kissed him softly - along his shaft, around the underside of his head - then stood and scooped him up in an affectionate hug.</p><p>"You're a fast learner," Keith mumbled into his shoulder, his head still spinning. "That was incredible."</p><p>"Ditto," Shiro answered. "I don't want to stop. I wish we didn't have to."</p><p>Keith smiled. "I was thinking the same thing. Maybe tonight?"</p><p>"Yeah. Definitely tonight."</p><p>Keith snuggled into the embrace, letting Shiro support his weight. It felt so good to let go and know that Shiro would be there to catch him.</p><p>"I think you should tell Matt we had sex. And Annalise, if you want."</p><p>Shiro was rubbing slowly into his back, up and down along his spine.</p><p>"Yeah? You want me to?"</p><p>"Uh huh. You should talk to your friends about everything. While you figure stuff out, I mean."</p><p>"I like talking to you about it, too."</p><p>"You can talk to me about anything, Takashi."</p><p>Shiro nuzzled into his neck.</p><p><em>"I like going down on you," </em>he whispered. <em>"I like how it feels."</em></p><p>Keith felt a thrum of warm excitement layer on top of the heated pleasure that was still flowing through him. As much as he wanted to give Shiro time to adjust to everything he was going through, he found himself clinging to signs that things were working out between them.</p><p>Shiro wasn't confused. His feelings for Keith weren't a fluke.</p><p>Shiro really wanted him.</p><p><em>"Me too, baby," </em>Keith whispered back to him.<em> "I could do that all day."</em></p><p>
  <em>"Really?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes."</em>
</p><p>Shiro cuddled him flat against the wall again.</p><p><em>"I like it when you call me 'baby,'" </em>he said.</p><p>Keith let out a happy little hum.</p><p>He put his mouth next to Shiro's ear.</p><p><em>"I love you, baby," </em>he said.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Matt and Pidge didn't seem to mind their extended absence. They teased - brutally - but overall they seemed overjoyed that Keith and Shiro were figuring things out. Conversation flowed easily between the four of them when the movie let out, too; Keith had no intention of missing out on precious time with Matt and Pidge just because he and Shiro were exploring their feelings for one another.</p><p>They met up with Sam for dinner at Shiro's favorite local restaurant. Mexican food just wasn't the same in Massachusetts, Shiro said. He tried to have as much as he could whenever he visited.</p><p>Keith sat between his mom and Shiro while Pidge and Matt bickered about the best items on the menu. He waited until everyone else at the table was otherwise occupied, then slipped his mother a bar of gourmet chocolate he'd found at the movie theater- a vice of hers that she rarely indulged in.</p><p>"Dessert," he suggested. "Or a midnight snack."</p><p>She beamed.</p><p>"Thoughtful, love." She put her arm around him and pulled him to her. <em>"You look happy," </em>she whispered. <em>"He's lovely."</em></p><p>He grinned at her and endured her mussing up his ponytail without comment.</p><p>He turned to Shiro, who had been busy scouring the updated menu.</p><p>"Do you like seafood?" Shiro asked him. "They have this really good burrito with shrimp in it."</p><p>Krolia leaned forward to answer for him.</p><p>"Shiro, honey, I'll give you ten bucks if you can get Keith to try something with shrimp in it."</p><p><em>"Mom," </em>Keith complained, rolling his eyes.</p><p>"It's a deal," Shiro said. "What's the matter, Sweet 'n Sour? You don't like shrimp?"</p><p>"I don't like the idea of eating something with that many legs."</p><p>"Scallops? Lobster?"</p><p>"Squishy. Antennas. Big nope."</p><p>Shiro squinted at him.</p><p>"Okay. I'll get you some real seafood when you come to Massachusetts. It's so good back home, you'll love it."</p><p>"I'll <em>try</em> it," Keith grumbled. "For you. <em>Maybe."</em></p><p>"And tonight? You'll have a bite if I get the burrito?"</p><p>Keith smirked.</p><p>"Guess we'll see if you can convince me."</p><p>Shiro grinned.</p><p>"Uh huh. Guess we'll see."</p><p>When everyone's entrees eventually arrived, Shiro put one arm around the back of Keith's chair and leaned close to him. He cupped his hand around his mouth and whispered:</p><p>
  <em>"I thought of a place you should get pierced. Take a bite and I'll show you tonight."</em>
</p><p>Heat bloomed in Keith's cheeks- and elsewhere, too.</p><p><em>"You could just tell me now," </em>he whispered back.</p><p>Shiro shook his head.</p><p>
  <em>"Not gonna tell you. Gonna SHOW you."</em>
</p><p>Keith met his eye.</p><p>"Deal," he said. "Make me a bite."</p><p>Shiro looked smug as he carved off a corner of his burrito. He scooped up a big bite of rice, veggies and shrimp and held it up for Keith, who accepted it without complaint. He didn't love the texture of the shrimp, but it did taste really good. He would enjoy figuring out what else Shiro would be willing to bribe him with if he agreed to try new foods.</p><p>"Okay then," Krolia said, reaching in front of Keith to hand Shiro a ten dollar bill from her wallet. "I know who to call next time I need him to put his laundry away. ...Oh! Can you convince him to join the jazz band at school?"</p><p>Keith groaned.</p><p>"Mom. I told you, none of my friends want to do it. They always pick boring music."</p><p>"So tell the director what you want to play!" Krolia leaned forward even further to talk to Shiro. "He's absurdly talented. He should really play at school."</p><p>"Why don't you?" Shiro asked him. "Like, in one of the other bands or something?"</p><p>"I'd pick marching band," Keith said. "That's what most of my friends do. And it's the only other band with decent percussion parts. But the practices conflict too much with kickboxing. I wouldn't be able to train enough to compete."</p><p>Shiro's eyebrows went up.</p><p>"You <em>compete?"</em></p><p>Keith grinned. He loved how Shiro made it obvious whenever he was impressed with him.</p><p>"Yeah. Probably only for another year or two. I like it, but I don't want any serious injuries."</p><p>Shiro picked up his hand underneath the table.</p><p>"No. I like you in one piece."</p><p>"So do I," Krolia chimed in. "Jazz band is a lot safer than competitive kickboxing."</p><p>"You should tell the director what kind of music you want to play," Shiro said. "There are small ensembles at my school. They play all kinds of different stuff."</p><p>Keith nodded. He did feel like he missed out on a lot when his friends were all together at band practice. And if Shiro wanted him to play…</p><p>"Okay," he said. "I'll think about it."</p><p>"Wow," Krolia swooned. "The power you weild. Can you try telling him the dishes go straight in the dishwasher?"</p><p>Keith swatted her away, but he was smiling. His mother was making Shiro laugh. She was talking to him and teasing him like he was already part of the family. He could endure her antics in exchange for that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It turned out he had to endure more than teasing, but he made sure to take it in stride. Shiro was worth it.</p><p>"You all go on ahead," Krolia told Shiro, Matt, and Pidge once she'd parked the suburban on the street in front of the Holts' house. "I just need a quick minute with Keith."</p><p>Matt gave Keith's shoulder a teasing pat before he and Pidge slid out of the last row of seats. Shiro was still holding Keith's hand in the center row, and he seemed reluctant to give it up.</p><p>"Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Kogane."</p><p>"My pleasure, honey. Don't worry. I won't keep him. We'll be right in."</p><p>Shiro deliberated for a moment, then leaned over and kissed Keith's cheek.</p><p>Keith followed him out of the car, gave him a small wave, and then climbed into the passenger seat next to his mom.</p><p>"Hello, love." She put one knuckle under his chin and examined his face, her eyes lingering on his recently acquired scar. "Time to check in. How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Really good," he said. "Thanks, Mom. For staying with me."</p><p>She let him go and folded her hands in her lap.</p><p>"Honey… I can see what the fuss is about. That boy obviously thinks you hang the moon. I want you to be able to stay here with your friends tonight, and Sam and Colleen have already agreed to it, but you and I should talk about some things first."</p><p>Keith had been wondering whether she would try to convince him to stay in her hotel room for the night. This was a good sign… though he guessed he'd have to meet some of her terms to earn the privilege of sleeping in the same house as Shiro, and he had a feeling he knew what they might be.</p><p>"Wow," he teased, hoping to keep things relatively light. "Guess we're overdue for another sex talk. It's been, what, three weeks?"</p><p>She smiled at him.</p><p>"But it's real now, right?"</p><p>He hummed. It certainly was.</p><p>She unfolded and refolded her hands.</p><p>"What do you know about Shiro's sexual history?"</p><p>Keith blinked. This was definitely a new version of the conversation.</p><p>"He doesn't have one. Except for… me."</p><p>Her eyes widened a little at that, but otherwise she didn't react.</p><p>"You know that for sure?"</p><p>"Yes. He'd only ever kissed this one girl before camp, and they broke up right after that. He told me, and I believe him. Matt and Pidge know he's never been with anyone else."</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"And he's been with… you? Since last night?"</p><p>Keith swallowed.</p><p>His mother tilted her head.</p><p>"It's okay, Keith. I won't lie to you, I wish you were a little bit older… but Shiro's a good one. If you feel like he's the <em>right</em> one…"</p><p>"He is," Keith told her. "He definitely is. We… um. We fooled around in the cabin. Matt and Pidge were gone for a while."</p><p>This didn't seem to surprise her.</p><p>"And I'm guessing things progressed further than they did last night?"</p><p>He cleared his throat.</p><p>"Oral," he said.</p><p>Her eyebrows went up a bit at that.</p><p>"You were comfortable with that?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"You felt safe?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"He didn't push?"</p><p>"God, no--" He stopped himself, sensing that his temper could make him defensive if he let it. "No, Shiro's, like, the sweetest, most gentle person, Mom. He's like that all the time, especially with me."</p><p>She smiled.</p><p>"I can see that, honey. I just want to hear it from you, is all."</p><p>The defensiveness faded. She was in his corner. She'd proven that over and over again.</p><p>"I know. Thanks. For not, like, freaking out."</p><p>"Oh, I'm freaking out," she laughed. "This is a very big deal. But I know how lucky I am to have a son that tells me the truth."</p><p>He knew he was lucky, too.</p><p>"Is Sam going to have this same talk with Shiro?"</p><p>"Yep. Pretty sure that's happening right now."</p><p>"Yikes."</p><p>She laughed.</p><p>"Don't worry. He'll live."</p><p>"He better."</p><p>"Mm." She straightened up a bit. "So… have you talked about taking things further? You and Shiro?"</p><p>"Uh. Only a little bit. We talked about, like… someday."</p><p>"Okay. <em>Someday</em> sounds good." She paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "Keith… Sam and Colleen and I know we can't stop you two, if you're planning to be together tonight. I just need to ask you to be discreet. Keep Pidge in mind. They just turned fourteen in April."</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>"Yeah. We will. Shiro knows. They're like siblings."</p><p>"And… focus on <em>someday. </em>For your own sake, honey. Both you and Shiro. Some of the things you might want to explore can be… uncomfortable. Painful, even risky for your body if you're not very careful. It'll be up to you to decide whether you want to take those risks with Shiro, but for tonight… since you have so little time… can you consider keeping things simple?"</p><p>Keith took this in.</p><p>She was being so frustratingly <em>rational</em>.</p><p>He couldn't argue with her reasoning, either. As much as he wanted <em>everything</em> with Shiro… it was true. They were both inexperienced, and they only had tonight. They didn't have a lot of room for trial and error.</p><p>"Yeah," he finally told her. "I hear you."</p><p>"You're the best," she said. "Questions for me? Things we need to Google?"</p><p>He laughed. The fact that she had to ask was proof that she hadn't snooped on his internet history in the last year.</p><p>"I'll go straight to Google if I have any questions."</p><p>"Be safe. Be <em>quiet."</em></p><p>"We will."</p><p>"I'm a text away if something doesn't feel right."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>She hugged him.</p><p>"Thanks for hearing me out, honey. I love you."</p><p>He hugged her back.</p><p>"Love you, Mom. Thanks for letting me stay the night. I haven't had any nightmares since…"</p><p>He hesitated. He hadn't specifically told her that he and Shiro had been sharing a bed almost since the beginning of camp.</p><p>She pulled away and looked at him.</p><p>"Is that true? No bad dreams since you've been with Shiro?"</p><p>"Yeah. Just that one, the night I texted you. He found me outside, and we talked… he was there for me every night. He usually has nightmares too, I guess. But I don't think he had any bad dreams at camp either."</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"You bring each other comfort. Sam told me how clear that was to him." She reached up and moved his bangs away from his eyes. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"</p><p>Keith had been trying not to think about it. He and Krolia would go to the airport with the Holts and Shiro in time for his 11:00 AM flight back to Massachusetts.</p><p>"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel," he said honestly. "I hate the idea that he won't be here. I know I'll miss him so much. It hurts, but... I don't really feel like I'm losing him. I feel like… I just have to be patient, right?"</p><p>"My brave boy," she said, looking fond. "That’s right. You're both going to be just fine." She nodded toward the house behind him. "And here you are, back where you first met. Pretty perfect, huh?"</p><p>He glanced at the house. Sam and Shiro were sitting on the front steps, deep in conversation. He could tell Shiro was blushing, even from where they were parked on the street, but he looked like he was smiling, too.</p><p>"Yeah. Perfect." He dug his phone out of his pocket and tapped into his saved photos. He found the picture Matt had sent him, where he and Shiro were hugging in the grass, not far from where Shiro was sitting right now. He held it up for his mother to see.</p><p>"Oh, <em>wow." </em>She took the phone from him so she could see it up close. "Look at you two. Look at you hanging onto him like that." She looked legitimately teary. "Seriously, Keith… no wonder he waited all this time to see you again. I remember what a relief it was for him to spend time with you and Matt back then. He was such a sweet little boy. You both were." She handed the phone back to him. "Let me take some pictures of you tonight?"</p><p>"Yeah. Definitely."</p><p>She lifted her hand to wave at Sam over his shoulder.</p><p>"Okay, love," she said. "Let's make sure you have a great night tonight."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was about as perfect a night as Keith could've imagined. He and Shiro recreated their childhood photo on the Holts' front lawn, then posed for the adults- first together, then with Matt and Pidge, too. Matt and Colleen built a big fire in the backyard firepit, and then Sam and Shiro sparred in the grass nearby, grappling playfully in what looked like a well-established routine. Apparently Shiro had already been practicing judo by the time he'd come to stay with the Holts, so Sam and Matt had taken it up to practice with him. Sam had continued the practice for quite a few years, apparently- enough to keep up with Shiro in a friendly match.</p><p>Keith watched Shiro's technique with interest. He'd picked up a fair sampling of mixed martial arts at his boxing gym, but Shiro knew how to throw, and he could grapple with his whole body on the ground, which was something Keith had never really practiced. Keith could strike, though. He knew how to block about as well as Shiro did, and he was deadly while standing, with quick hands and powerful legs.</p><p>He waited until Sam tapped out and then went to meet Shiro in the grass.</p><p>"Thanks for the demo," he said, stepping close to him. "I like watching you move."</p><p>"Ditto." Shiro was beaming. He was in his element right now, Keith realized. Energized and confident. He was more gorgeous than ever. "Want to show me what you can do?"</p><p>"Definitely," Keith said. "I'll be pulling my punches, though. I need you in one piece tonight."</p><p>"Noted. I won't hurt you, either." He grinned. "I might throw you on the ground, though."</p><p>"Hope so," Keith said sincerely. He slipped into a loose stance and raised his fists. "Ready?"</p><p>"Set--"</p><p><em>"C'mon," </em>Keith growled- right before Shiro ducked low, got an arm underneath his thigh, and took him cleanly to the ground. Shiro pinned him with minimal effort and grinned down at him, and it took Keith a second to remember he wasn't supposed to be happy about it.</p><p>"Uh," he blurted. "Hi."</p><p>Shiro giggled.</p><p>"How's the view from down there?"</p><p>"Can't complain," Keith said honestly. "I don't really know how to grapple. Figured there was a good chance you'd put me on my back."</p><p>Shiro leaned down close to his face.</p><p>"Figured you might want me to."</p><p>"Mm." Shiro had Keith's arms pinned to the ground; Keith couldn't touch, so he let his eyes wander instead- over Shiro's well-defined arms and his strong, broad chest. "Yeah. Show me again later?"</p><p>Shiro looked like he wanted to kiss him, but he glanced back toward the campfire, where the Holts and Krolia were watching.</p><p>He smiled down at Keith.</p><p>"Want me to teach you how to flip me?"</p><p>Keith grinned.</p><p>"You want me to put you on your back, Orpheus?"</p><p>Shiro nodded, looking almost shy.</p><p>"Yeah. I really do."</p><p>Keith tested the grip Shiro had on his forearms. Shiro was straddling him, which certainly wasn't helping his concentration.</p><p>"Here," Shiro said. "I'll show you a real hold."</p><p>He shifted his lower half to Keith's right so he was laying partially on top of him. He put his right arm underneath Keith's left armpit and then wiggled his fingers in front of his face.</p><p>"Don't let me get around your head with my arm," he said. "Use those legs. Push up and <em>turn,</em> then try to-- <em>hnn--!"</em></p><p>Keith planted his feet on the ground and exploded upward with his lower half, disrupting Shiro's hold enough to tackle him right onto his back. He straddled Shiro's middle and pinned his wrists up next to his head.</p><p>"Like that?"</p><p>Shiro stared up at him, his eyes wide.</p><p>"Uh." He tested Keith's grip, which didn't budge. "Yeah. Just like that. Fuck."</p><p>Keith rubbed his thumbs into Shiro's wrists.</p><p>It was so hard not to kiss him right now, or lay down on top of him and-</p><p>"Uh," Shiro blurted again. "Maybe we should practice this… later."</p><p>Keith swallowed.</p><p>"Good idea."</p><p>"Show me how high you can kick?"</p><p>"Yeah. You got it, baby."</p><p>Keith got to his feet and reached down to pull Shiro up, too.</p><p>He showed Shiro his favorite kicks and combinations, positioning Shiro's hands so he could aim for his palms.</p><p>He was proud to show off the fact that he could kick all the way up to Shiro's full height. He enjoyed it even more when Shiro caught his ankle and touched his calf, his expression going dark, almost hungry.</p><p>"Flexible," Shiro said quietly.</p><p>Keith held the position without complaint.</p><p>"I could show you some stretches," he said. "Takes a lot of practice. But I know you could learn."</p><p>"We could stretch together," Shiro said, feeling along the definition of Keith's calf muscle. "For the rest of the summer, and then maybe after school sometimes, if we can figure out the time difference. Or on the weekends."</p><p>Keith swallowed, watching Shiro's fingers move along his bare skin.</p><p>"I'll see if anyone at the gym is offering judo," he said. "So we can have a real match next time I see you."</p><p>"Mm." Shiro kissed him, right above his ankle bone. "I'd love that."</p><p>He carefully let Keith go.</p><p>Keith flexed and stretched his hip, working out the tension there. Then he moved behind Shiro and put his hands on his waist.</p><p>"Okay," he murmured. "Your turn." He moved his right hand in a half circle around the top of Shiro's hip. "The power comes from here. Shift your weight onto your other foot, then rotate your hip to kick."</p><p>He stepped in front of Shiro to walk him through the move in slow motion, then held up his hand at waist height for Shiro to aim.</p><p>Shiro mimicked him well. He shifted his weight, rotated his hip, and kicked up to strike Keith's palm with his heel, just as Keith had shown him.</p><p>"Good!" Keith moved in close and put his hands on Shiro's hips again, facing him this time. "Really good, Shiro. Work on your flexibility and you'll have your heels up by my jaw in no time."</p><p>Shiro slid his arms around Keith's shoulders. He didn't look like he was thinking about kickboxing anymore.</p><p>"Show me again later?" He leaned in close, like he was searching for a kiss. "How high you can get your heels, I mean?"</p><p>Keith met him for a slow kiss, forgetting for the moment that they had an audience. He'd wondered often over the last couple of weeks whether Shiro was intentionally flirting with him, but Shiro had become much more obvious about it since they'd started exploring each other- even just within a single day. Shiro hadn't been living under a rock, Keith knew. He knew about sex, touched himself often enough to warrant some covert purchase of a bottle of lube. He'd just never had someone to share this side of himself with before.</p><p>Keith pictured Shiro's broad hand pressing into the underside of his thigh, forcing his knee up toward his chest, bringing his ankle toward his ear, as high as it would go…</p><p>He touched Shiro's lower lip with his tongue, and Shiro opened for him, kissing him slow and deep while he tilted Keith's chin up with his thumb, his fingers curled firmly around the side of his neck…</p><p>Whistling and catcalls started up across the yard. Keith and Shiro broke apart to see Matt and Pidge howling in their direction. The elder Holts had refrained, but Krolia was whistling loud with two fingers in her mouth.</p><p>"Don't stop now," Matt called, cupping a hand around his mouth. "I've never seen Shiro's tongue from that angle before!"</p><p>"Matt," Sam warned, though he looked like he was on the verge of laughing.</p><p>"What? <em>Obviously</em> he wanted us to see his tongue--"</p><p>Colleen shushed Matt this time while Sam tried to hide his laughter. Shiro met Keith for one more chaste kiss, then took off after Matt, who yelped like a startled chicken. He sort of looked like one, too, trying to escape Shiro in a flurry of gangly limbs.</p><p>Matt sprinted toward the far side of the house, and Shiro pounded after him until they'd both disappeared around the outer wall.</p><p>"I don't know why he bothers to run," Pidge mused, reclining in their plastic Adirondack chair next to the fire. "He never gets away."</p><p>"It's true," Colleen said. "He's just prolonging the inevitable."</p><p>"Which is what?" Keith dropped back into the chair next to his mother, just in time to hear another high-pitched yelp originating from the other side of the house.</p><p>"Tickle fight," Pidge explained. "Shiro gets him behind his knees until he cries."</p><p>Keith giggled and leaned into his mother's hand; she was trying to tame his hair, which had come loose from its ponytail during his sparring match with Shiro.</p><p>They heard more yelping, which eventually resolved into shrieking laughter, then quiet. Shiro came around the side of the house a moment later carrying Matt on his back.</p><p>"Time for snacks," Matt declared, pointing his finger skyward as if he were directing Shiro's movement. Shiro responded by dropping him unceremoniously next to the fire and making one last grab for the back of his knee, which Matt barely managed to dodge.</p><p>"I'll get stuff for s'mores," Shiro said. "Um… Mrs. Kogane? Want to join me?"</p><p>Krolia's face lit up. She looked infinitely pleased.</p><p>"I'd love to, Shiro."</p><p>She smoothed once more at Keith's hair, wiggled her eyebrows at him, and then followed Shiro into the house.</p><p>Keith watched after them, feeling curious, but otherwise unfazed. He'd asked Shiro to trust him with his deepest secrets and worst fears- and with his whole heart and his body, too. Shiro had risen to the challenge.</p><p>Keith was determined to trust him in return.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"It feels so good to be back here," Krolia mused, retrieving a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge. "And it's so wonderful to see you again, Shiro."</p><p>Shiro was assembling s'mores ingredients on the counter, trying not to die of nervousness on the spot. He'd been looking for an opportunity to talk to Keith's mother alone while he had the chance, though he was utterly terrified at the prospect. She had been nothing but friendly and kind to him, but she was intimidating all the same- tall and athletic, strikingly beautiful. Her hair was the same shade of glossy black as Keith's, her eyes the same indigo hue. Shiro knew from Keith that she was an athletic trainer at a university in New Mexico, and looking at her now, this wasn't surprising in the least. She was one of those people that radiated confidence - fierceness, even, just like Keith - and Shiro was faced with the task of begging her forgiveness.</p><p>"You've been so nice," he blurted, forcing himself to face her fully. "Even after everything…" He shook his head, pausing to take a breath, to make sure he kept his cool enough to say everything he needed to say. "I've apologized to Keith as many times as he'll let me,” he finally told her. “But I haven't apologized to you yet, so… I'm so sorry, Mrs. Kogane. I handled things badly and Keith got hurt. It was the last thing I wanted. I hope you believe me."</p><p>She stared back at him for a moment, processing. He'd surprised her.</p><p>"I do believe you," she finally said, setting the pitcher down on the counter next to the fridge. "I know you didn't mean any harm. I can see that Keith is important to you. And aside from that… I know a little bit about what it's like to be in your situation. I mean, I know what it’s like to grow up feeling like your family expects you to be a certain way."</p><p>He blinked. He'd tried to anticipate several ways this conversation could go, but this was entirely unexpected.</p><p>"...Oh. But… was your family like that?"</p><p>"Mhm. I'll never forget the look on my mother's face, when I told her I was going to my junior prom with a girl. I could just <em>see</em> how much I'd disappointed her. Like she needed me to be a certain kind of person, and I was never going to be able to give that to her."</p><p>Shiro gaped.</p><p>"You? You're--"</p><p>"Bi, Keith would say. He didn't tell you?"</p><p>Shiro, embarrassingly, went right on staring at her. She’d said the words without missing a beat, as if she’d been telling him the time or the day of the week. It seemed like such a massive admission, and it was one he’d never heard coming from an adult he actually knew. There was a man at his school, a science teacher, who was married to another man- but Shiro only knew this by word of mouth. He’d never actually had a class with him, let alone a private conversation.</p><p>Keith’s mother had just come out to him, like it was the easiest thing in the world, and she was now officially the only queer adult he knew.</p><p>"I… no. He didn’t tell me that. He told me you raised him to know it was okay, though. He said you and his dad always accepted him."</p><p>Keith's mother smiled.</p><p>"How have your grandparents been, in that respect?"</p><p>Shiro thought about it, still feeling shocked by the turn this conversation had taken.</p><p>"I… I guess I'm not completely sure. The church they used to belong to is really against it. They don't go there anymore, not since I came to live with them, I only know about it because they still have some friends who belong… I always hoped maybe it was one of the reasons they left, but I don't really know. It's the kind of thing they never talk about. But they've talked a lot about me meeting a nice girl. They ask me about my friend Annalise. Like, when I'm going to try to ask her out again." He shook his head. "They've never actually said it, but I can tell it's not what they want for me. Being… not-straight, I mean."</p><p>Her smile was infinitely sympathetic.</p><p>"I'm sorry, honey. I know how much that can hurt."</p><p>He shook his head, refusing to dwell on it for the moment.</p><p>"I'm lucky, though, in some ways. I have Sam and Colleen. I think Sam has known this about me for a while. They've always been different than my grandparents. Like how you were for Keith. They'd talk about people they knew who weren't straight, or point it out in books or movies like it was something good. That's probably the only reason…" He had to force himself to hold her gaze. "That's probably the only reason I figured out why I feel this way about Keith."</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>"And how do you feel about Keith?"</p><p>"I love him," Shiro blurted. "He's the best person I've ever met. He's so honest and sweet and <em>brilliant</em>, and I just feel like… I <em>need </em>him to be happy. I think I'd do anything to make that happen."</p><p>"Hmm. Sounds like love to me."</p><p>"I… yeah. So… you're not… angry? At me?"</p><p>She crossed the small space and put her hands on his shoulders.</p><p>"I can't imagine what you've had to overcome, to be able to be able to feel so free… so <em>happy… </em>with my son. And I can see the happiness you've brought him, too. You mean a lot to both of us, Shiro." She hugged him. "I'm sure you both have plenty of mistakes left to make. I'll be here for both of you through all of that, too."</p><p>He hugged her back, closing his eyes to let himself relax into it. She was like Keith in so many ways- wise, kind, accepting. Forgiving.</p><p>He found himself sniffling a bit.</p><p>"I don't want to go," he told her. "I don't ever want to make him sad again."</p><p>"Oh, sweetheart. Don't underestimate him. You're both resilient. Keith knows how much you have to look forward to if you can hang in there for a while." She squeezed him tight. "You both have so much growing left to do. Just stick by each other while it happens, and you'll both be just fine."</p><p>He felt truly comforted, listening to her speak.</p><p>"Keith told me you were the best," he said.</p><p>"My son speaks the truth," she teased.</p><p>"He really does. He's just… amazing."</p><p>She held him at arm's length. She swept his fringe back from his forehead in a sweet, familiar gesture.</p><p>"No more worrying tonight," she told him. "You're going to be fine, Shiro. It's all going to be okay."</p><p>He returned her warm, genuine smile.</p><p>He couldn't help but believe her.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Shiro and Matt sat facing each other on the bed in the guest room. The adults were still outside, chatting by the fire, and Pidge had made themself scarce, probably to give Matt and Shiro space to talk.</p><p>Shiro was staring at the door of the attached bathroom, because Keith was in there, taking a shower.</p><p>"You can just go in," Matt prodded. "I mean, maybe knock first, but… I'm assuming you've already seen him naked?"</p><p>Shiro looked at him.</p><p>"Yeah. In the cabin. And, Matt-- he's <em>perfect." </em></p><p>Matt smiled.</p><p>"Want to tell me about it?"</p><p>"I-- we-- uh. I went down on him. We both tried it."</p><p>Matt gaped.</p><p>"Seriously? Wow--! That's huge, man. Wow."</p><p>Shiro grinned. He couldn't help it. Everything with Keith felt so <em>right, </em>like he'd been missing a part of himself for his whole life, only to find that it lived inside of Keith.</p><p>"It was <em>incredible. </em>Like, the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me."</p><p>"I bet. Man. Were you nervous?"</p><p>"Only a little bit. We sort of kept talking through it, and that helped a lot. He's so sweet. He just makes everything so… safe. When I finally started I wasn't even nervous at all. I could just tell from how he reacted that I was doing okay."</p><p>"Did he…?"</p><p>Shiro grinned, flushing with pride at the memory.</p><p>"Yeah. <em>Twice. </em>We tried something else after that, too. He kind of put me between his legs - like, I was laying there, kind of on top of him - and I just held us together in my hand and… yeah. <em>Wow."</em></p><p><em>"Wow," </em>Matt echoed. He nudged at Shiro's shoulder. "Dude. This is massive. I'm, like, proud of you! I mean, doing all that stuff with Keith? When it's so new for you? The whole <em>liking guys </em>thing, I mean."</p><p>Shiro nodded.</p><p>"Because of him. He really loves me, Matt. I can tell. He makes everything feel okay. And I just want to take care of him. I <em>have </em>to."</p><p>"Like… in bed? Or like… forever and always, 'till death do you part?"</p><p>Shiro chewed his lower lip for a second.</p><p>"Both."</p><p>Matt blinked.</p><p>"Wow. Okay. Uh… let's start with tonight, though. What are you going to do?"</p><p>"I don't know. I Googled some stuff already. I want to do <em>everything. </em>But, like, are we ready? I don't want to hurt him. That's the biggest thing."</p><p>"Yeah, man… maybe don't try anything too risky. Or, like, go slow, at least."</p><p>"Yeah. Right. Slow is good."</p><p>"You were rushing before. At the cabin."</p><p>Shiro smirked.</p><p>"And the movie theater bathroom."</p><p>Matt made a choking sound.</p><p>"You had sex in the <em>bathroom?"</em></p><p>"Uh huh. God, it was so hot."</p><p>"Shit." Matt ran a hand over his face and through his hair, finally looking a little flustered. "That <em>is </em>hot. Fuck."</p><p>"Right? It's blowing my mind a little bit."</p><p>"Uh huh. Mine too."</p><p>They laughed together. Matt nodded toward the bathroom door.</p><p>"Go see him. I'm sure he wants you to. I'll keep watch, but I don't think the parents are coming in anytime soon."</p><p>Shiro chewed his lip for another second.</p><p>Keith was just on the other side of that door, wet and naked and possibly waiting for him.</p><p>It was an opportunity he couldn't pass up.</p><p>"Okay. Thanks, Matt. I owe you forever."</p><p>"Yeah. You really do."</p><p>Shiro ruffled Matt's hair on his way.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Keith?" Shiro knocked on the outside of the door, then opened it a crack. "It's Shiro."</p><p>"Come in," Keith called from inside the shower. It was the kind with a large tub and a curtain hanging on a bar.</p><p>Shiro stepped into the steamy room, then closed and locked the door behind him.</p><p>"Hey," he said, leaning against the vanity counter. "Missed you."</p><p>"Ditto," Keith said. He pulled the curtain to the side and peered out so that only his face was visible. "Want to come in here?"</p><p>"Yeah." Shiro was taking in the sight of Keith with wet eyelashes and his hair all slicked down from the shower water. "Wow, yeah, I really do."</p><p>Keith grinned. He didn't close the curtain; he just went on gazing at Shiro across the small space.</p><p>Shiro grinned back at him. He could take a hint.</p><p>He pulled his shirt off and dropped it onto the floor.</p><p>He watched Keith's eyes and pushed his shorts and briefs down from his hips.</p><p>"Mm," Keith hummed. "There you are."</p><p>Shiro's heart started to beat a little faster. He loved it when Keith's confidence came through.</p><p>"Think there's enough room for both of us in there?"</p><p>Keith pulled the shower curtain a little further to the side in invitation.</p><p>"Might be a tight fit," he said. "We'll make it work."</p><p>Shiro swallowed hard at Keith's phrasing.</p><p>He stepped into the shower and slid the curtain shut behind him.</p><p>He looked at Keith, who was soaking wet and covered in suds from his shoulders to his toes.</p><p><em>"Wow," </em>he said. He rested his hands lightly on Keith's waist. "You look… <em>wow."</em></p><p>Keith's warm hands came to rest on his chest.</p><p>"You too." His expression was serious. Determined, almost. "Is Matt keeping watch?"</p><p>"Yeah, he's--"</p><p>Keith surged up to meet him for a heated kiss. Shiro opened for him right away, leaving the rest of his thoughts forgotten. Having Keith's tongue in his mouth was perfection. It was like every erotic thought he'd ever had, manifested into something tactile. Keith was precise, even when he was starting to lose control. Generous, even when it was so obvious that he wanted and <em>wanted.</em></p><p>Shiro's hands slid over his soap-slick skin, exploring his hips, pressing <em>hard</em> into his lower back to pull him closer--</p><p><em>"Fuck," </em>Keith muttered, his lips still pressed to the corner of Shiro's mouth. He groped behind him for a minute and came back with a bar of soap. Then he spun them, reversing their positions so easily, Shiro wasn't even sure how he'd done it.</p><p>Shiro sighed, tipping his chin up to let the water run over his hair and down his back.</p><p>One of Keith's hands followed, smoothing his hair back, protecting his eyes.</p><p>His other hand was sliding the soap across Shiro's chest.</p><p>Shiro could guess his intention. Just the thought of their wet, slick bodies moving together made him dizzy. He was already hard, just from kissing Keith like that. Just from being near him like this again.</p><p><em>Prettt gay, Takashi, </em>he thought. <em>Correction:</em> <em>Very, very gay.</em></p><p>He nodded at Keith, who was watching his eyes, sliding the soap down the center of his chest.</p><p>Keith altered course and let the soapy bar run right over his left nipple.</p><p><em>"Oh," </em>Shiro breathed. <em>That </em>felt different.</p><p>"Mine get sensitive," Keith murmured. "You too?"</p><p>"Never noticed," Shiro answered. "Guess we should find out."</p><p>"Yeah. We should."</p><p>Keith moved his other hand over Shiro's chest, gathering suds before sliding his palm over his nipple.</p><p>Shiro's breath caught at the tiny shock of pleasure.</p><p>Keith's gaze burned.</p><p>He got Shiro's nipple under his thumb, then pressed and <em>rubbed</em> until it hardened-</p><p>
  <em>"Ah-- ah…" </em>
</p><p>The feeling went straight to Shiro's dick. He closed his eyes and pressed his face to Keith's temple.</p><p><em>"You read my mind, Sweet 'n Sour." </em>He brought one hand up to Keith's chest and ran his thumb over one of his nipples, mirroring the way Keith was touching him. <em>"I was imagining you getting pierced, here."</em></p><p>Keith shuddered, leaning into him; Shiro felt his dick brush against his upper thigh.</p><p><em>"You'd like that?" </em>Keith whispered, sliding the soap lower, covering Shiro's stomach in suds.</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You'd touch them?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"With your mouth?"</em>
</p><p>Shiro let out a helpless little groan.</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, baby, I want to learn how to do that for you…"</em>
</p><p>Keith wiped the suds away from one side of Shiro's chest… then lowered his head and closed his mouth over Shiro's hardened nipple.</p><p>
  <em>"Ah-- yeah, show me--"</em>
</p><p>Shiro shivered. Keith's tongue was circling his nipple, hot and prodding; Shiro almost couldn't believe he could feel <em>so much</em>, just from having Keith's mouth on one little spot. He worked his hand between them and wrapped his fingers around Keith's length, riding a high of building confidence.</p><p><em>"Mmh</em>-- <em>Shiro…"</em></p><p>Shiro stroked up and down, gliding easily with the soap that was still covering Keith's body.</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, Sweet 'n Sour…? I want to make you feel good--"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah--"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Want to give you everything--"</em>
</p><p>Keith started to <em>suck</em>; Shiro could just barely feel the press of his teeth around his nipple-</p><p>
  <em>"Oh--"</em>
</p><p>Keith lathered the soap along Shiro's stomach, dropped it to the floor, and then took Shiro's length in hand-</p><p>
  <em>"God, Keith--"</em>
</p><p><em>"Baby," </em>Keith mumbled, nosing at Shiro's chest. He dragged the flat of his tongue over Shiro's nipple and then tugged him down for a kiss, stroking Shiro slowly in his soapy grip. Their kissing deepened while they touched each other, matching each other's gradually quickening pace. Shiro thought about what it had been like to get between Keith's thighs- how Keith had grabbed him and <em>pulled</em> like he needed him closer…</p><p>He slid his hand down onto Keith's backside and <em>pressed</em> into the rounded softness of him.</p><p>Keith stopped kissing him and let out a quiet groan, nodding his head. He slid his knee up around Shiro's hip, leaning into him even more heavily.</p><p><em>"Pick me up," </em>he murmured, his lips moving against Shiro's cheek. <em>"Throw me down. The wall is the floor."</em></p><p>It took Shiro a moment to process what Keith was asking for, but once he had, he didn't hesitate. He slid both hands around the back of Keith's thighs, lifted him easily off of the floor, and pressed him <em>hard </em>against the tile wall. Keith's legs wrapped around him like they were made to fit there, like they were perfectly designed to hold their bodies together, as close as they could get-</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, Takashi, like that--"</em>
</p><p>Shiro leaned into him with a groan, making sure Keith's dick slid against his stomach as their bodies came together. Keith shuddered in his arms, his blunt nails digging into Shiro's back like he was holding on for dear life. Shiro wiped away some of the suds on his chest, aiming for his nipple with his thumb-</p><p><em>"Ah--" </em>Keith gasped, trying to arch into him, though he really couldn't, because he was pinned tight to the wall. "Yeah-- <em>yeah--"</em></p><p>The angle was right, Shiro could put his mouth right there, on Keith's chest… so he did. He thought of Keith tearing through the lake with powerful strokes and closed his mouth over his nipple, swirling his tongue all around it to feel it growing hard-</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah yeah Shiro--"</em>
</p><p>He licked and <em>sucked</em>, thinking of Keith's hardened muscles, his hard-earned strength-</p><p>
  <em>"Where are you--? Wanna touch you--"</em>
</p><p>Keith was reaching between them, reaching for-</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, yes--"</em>
</p><p>Shiro held Keith tight with one arm and shifted just enough to get his dick in between them. He lost his breath when Keith's hand wrapped around him, practically choking on the pleasure of it… And then he felt the slick slide of Keith's dick along his shaft-</p><p>
  <em>"Ah--"</em>
</p><p>Keith was holding them together, working his palm up and down Shiro's length-</p><p><em>"Shiro," </em>he mumbled, his body hard and tense. He had his mouth pressed to Shiro's cheek and his hand wrapped so tight around the back of Shiro's neck, Shiro could feel the press of each individual fingertip. <em>"Shiro…"</em></p><p><em>"I got you," </em>Shiro managed, dizzy from the steam, and even more so from the perfect bliss of having Keith close like this. This was <em>right, </em>he knew. After so many years of doubt and confusion, he finally knew exactly who he was supposed to be.</p><p>He was supposed to be the kind of person who could love this boy.</p><p><em>"Like before," </em>Keith was begging. <em>"Like in the cabin-- okay--?"</em></p><p>Shiro groaned into Keith's throat and flattened him against the wall, caging him in with his arms and the weight of his body, protectively, possessively.</p><p>He grinded his hips forward and up, forcing his cock against Keith's, through Keith's tight grip-</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah--"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Keith--"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please, Takashi--"</em>
</p><p>Shiro let out another desperate sound and started grinding in earnest, letting himself seek the pleasure and closeness Keith was obviously trying to give him. He knew how to move like this only because of the time he'd spent by himself in his bedroom in the dark, wishing for a partner he could trust with his true name. Hearing Keith speak it made him feel like he'd been lost all his life and finally come home, and he knew the next time he was alone in his room in the dark, he would close his eyes and see Keith- this boy with violet eyes and raven hair who lit up the whole world, who flew through the grass like a bird through the air. This boy who had saved him once such a long time ago, and now again, when Shiro had needed him most. This boy who loved him without being afraid.</p><p><em>I'll learn how to do that, too, </em>Shiro silently promised him, moving their bodies together in a rhythm that spoke to their desperation. <em>I'll learn how to stop being afraid. For you.</em></p><p>
  <em>"Anything for you." </em>
</p><p>Shiro said that part out loud, with his mouth pressed firmly underneath Keith's jaw. He was thrusting up into Keith's grip, paying attention to the muffled, whimpering sounds Keith was making, and the way Keith's legs shivered and tensed around him. Shiro was trying to control himself, to make sure he could keep this up long enough to get Keith off first. That was a skill he knew he needed to learn. He’d had no control whatsoever in the cabin - experiencing sex with Keith for the first time had been completely overwhelming, he’d been practically helpless - but he didn’t feel that way now, with some basic experience under his belt. He felt like he knew his own body better than he ever had before, and he felt like he knew Keith’s almost as well as that. He could do this. He could learn.</p><p>
  <em>“Sh--Shiro…”</em>
</p><p>He was doing his job well. Keith was holding tight to him, making little sobbing sounds every time Shiro rutted his hips. He was still trying to stroke them both off in a complimentary rhythm, but it was becoming more frantic, more erratic by the second.</p><p><em>“That’s it,” </em>Shiro praised, nuzzling underneath Keith’s ear. <em>“Perfect. C’mon, sweetheart, you can do it. You first, okay?”</em></p><p><em>“Yeah,” </em>Keith sobbed out. One of his heels dug <em>hard </em>into Shiro’s lower back. <em>“Yeah--”</em></p><p>Shiro kissed his neck, and then his throat. He dragged his mouth down to Keith’s chest, slid his tongue over his nipple-</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah--!”</em>
</p><p>He closed his mouth over the spot and started to suck, thrusting faster into the tight circle of Keith’s hand-</p><p>
  <em>“Oh-- oh Shiro--”</em>
</p><p>He <em>felt </em>it when Keith came undone, when his dick started to jump and pulse, when his blunt nails started to scratch down the center of his back. Keith shook in his arms and Shiro smiled, tucking his face into his neck. He went on thrusting, finally letting the pleasure overtake him, loving Keith more by the second for the tightness of his grip even in the midst of his climax-</p><p><em>“Ah,” </em>Keith gasped- <em>“Yeah-- Shiro-- ah--!”</em></p><p>Shiro fell into bliss with a euphoric groan, his eyes squeezed shut, his smiling mouth pressed tight to Keith’s neck. This was <em>it. </em>This was everything he’d ever wanted, everything he’d been too afraid to seek until Keith had found him again and shared his courage.</p><p><em>“Takashi,” </em>Keith mumbled. He was still clinging to him, still shivering, but his hands had gone gentle, his fingertips soothing where they stroked lightly down the back of Shiro’s neck. <em>“I love you.”</em></p><p>Shiro was floating. He was free. He was safe.</p><p>
  <em>“I love you, Keith. And I’m not gonna stop.”</em>
</p><p>It was a promise he meant to keep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. I'm Gonna Dream About The Time I Had With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You will most likely appreciate this chapter more if you go listen to the cover of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muLfJWOfqGQ">"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)"</a> by Sleeping At Last before you read it. Seriously, it's relevant.</p>
<p>Sorry for the posting delay. I don't think I'll be able to stick to a posting schedule at the moment, but I'll be updating as regularly as I can, and I'm not going to work on any other projects until this one is finished. If you're still with me at this point, thank you &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith, Shiro, Matt and Pidge stayed up in Matt's room long after Keith's mom had left for her hotel and Sam and Colleen had headed off to bed. They played cards on Matt's bed until Pidge started yawning uncontrollably, at which point Keith and Shiro carried them to their room and made a show of tucking them in for the night, complete with forehead kisses.</p>
<p>They rejoined Matt on his bed after that, and Keith finally asked Matt how things had gone with Allura at the dance, feeling guilty that he'd been too distracted to bring it up until now.</p>
<p>Matt looked wistful, talking about how gorgeous she'd been in her blue dress and how kissing her for real had been like his best dream come to life. They'd even snuck away for some privacy for a while, to the same staff bedroom Keith and Shiro had shared over the weekend.</p>
<p>"She said she was really nervous," Matt explained. He was toying with his hands, running his thumb over his fingertips. "She’d never gone further than kissing before. She didn't want to stop, but she didn't want to go too far. She said it would make things worse, having to leave afterward. So I told her we could just kiss, I didn't need her to do anything else. I mean, I’ve never done anything more than that either! But after a while I could just tell she was… into it? Her cheeks got all pink and she kept pressing up against me… I was kinda holding her against the inside of the door…" He paused, smiling, blushing darker than Keith had ever seen him blush before. "And then she… uh. She started moving one of my hands. Down onto her thigh… and then under her dress. She didn't say anything, she was kissing me the whole time- she just put my hand there like she wanted me to touch her, and I was like, <em>freaking out, </em>because obviously I wanted to do that and I've thought about it a whole lot but like-- how do you even do it? Like, I've read about it! But it's really hard to remember that shit when the most perfect girl in the world is kissing you, you know?"</p>
<p>Keith and Shiro were both trying not to giggle. Matt was painfully cute.</p>
<p>"Anyway," Matt said, rolling his eyes, "I obviously remembered enough because… I'm pretty sure she… came."</p>
<p>"Seriously?" Shiro nudged Matt's arm. "Dude!"</p>
<p>“How do you know?” Keith was genuinely curious. He’d never done anything like that with a girl, and he knew better than to assume anything he saw in porn was real.</p>
<p>“There were… a lot of signs,” Matt said slowly, like he was going back over the memory. “I was touching her, like, through her panties. Pretty sure I got my thumb right on her clit, because she started making these sweet little sounds… and I could feel her getting wet with the rest of my fingers. So we kinda did that for a bit while we kissed, and then eventually she got really tense and hugged me really tight, and her voice got all high and she was breathing hard… she started shivering, and then she just kind of… relaxed. She just let me hold her. It was… <em>wow. </em>I almost lost it, too, honestly. She’s just amazing…” Matt looked toward his windows, as if he might've been expecting to find her out in the street, waiting for him to come out and meet her. “I don’t even know what her panties looked like. Or what any of it felt like for her. Or if she’d want to do it again.”</p>
<p>"You should ask her," Keith said. "If she let you do all that, I bet she'd tell you."</p>
<p>Matt's expression was melancholy.</p>
<p>"I'm not sure. She said she wasn't ready to make things official, being so far away. She said she really likes me… she wants to make it work someday… but she thinks we should just stay single and see other people until then."</p>
<p>Keith felt a sharp pang. He couldn't help but take Matt's words to heart. Matt and Allura had found themselves in almost the exact same situation as him and Shiro… and that was how Allura felt? Was that what he and Shiro were supposed to do? See other people until they could make things work?</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm guessing that's not what you want?"</p>
<p>Matt grimaced.</p>
<p>"I don't know. I guess it's practical. Maybe I'll eventually feel like dating someone else… but right now I just miss her."</p>
<p>"But she cares about you," Shiro said seriously. "She trusts you. She wouldn't have done any of that stuff otherwise. Maybe you’ll stay close while she’s away, and then… I don’t know. Maybe she’ll change her mind.”</p>
<p>Matt looked down at his lap. He had his hands clasped together in an odd configuration, like he was thinking about holding Allura’s hand instead of his own.</p>
<p>It took Keith much longer than it should have to realize that Matt was crying.</p>
<p>“Oh, Matty…” Shiro had caught on quicker. He’d scooted right up against Matt’s side and put an arm around him. “It’s okay. I’m sure she misses you, too.”</p>
<p>Matt tried to laugh him off, but it came out like a sob. Tears spilled down his cheeks when he looked up at Shiro.</p>
<p>“I think I love her, you know?”</p>
<p>Shiro took Matt's glasses off of his face and set them aside.</p>
<p>“Yeah, buddy. I know.”</p>
<p>“But, like, you’re right.” Matt sniffed and wiped at his cheeks. “We’ll just stay friends, and it’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>It hurt, watching him try so hard not to fall apart. Keith felt like crying too.</p>
<p>“Matt.” He put a hand on Matt's knee. “It’s okay to be sad.”</p>
<p>Matt shook his head. “No. You guys should go, like, snuggle or something-”</p>
<p>“No,” Keith said. “We’re gonna stay with you.”</p>
<p>Matt nodded slowly… and then he started to sob.</p>
<p>Keith got up on his knees and leaned forward to hug him.</p>
<p>“Uh huh,” he soothed, rubbing into Matt’s back. “That’s good. You’ll feel better after.”</p>
<p>“C’mon,” Shiro coaxed. “Lay down, buddy.”</p>
<p>They steered Matt down onto his pillow, and then they laid down on either side of him, pressing in close enough to fit the width of his double bed. Keith let Matt snuggle up against his chest, holding Shiro's sympathetic gaze. They both put an arm around him, touching each other comfortingly in the process.</p>
<p>"Don't worry," Keith said softly. "I'd be crying, too."</p>
<p>"Me too," Shiro said.</p>
<p><em>"I love you guys," </em>Matt sobbed into his pillow.</p>
<p>"Love you too," they said together.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>They stayed with Matt until he fell asleep. Keith felt the temptation to give in to the same doubt and sadness Matt was feeling… but he refused. Shiro was his, at least for tonight. He wasn't going to waste a single second of the time they had left.</p>
<p>He was supposed to sleep on the air mattress Colleen had set up on the floor next to Matt's bed, but he had a feeling no one in the house actually expected him to end up there. So he switched off Matt's lamp, took Shiro's outstretched hand, and followed him across the hall to the guest room.</p>
<p>His heart jumped with anticipation when the door clicked shut behind them. Matt was sleeping peacefully, which meant he was free to focus his attention on the boy who was holding his hand. They had all night together, and a bedroom and bed all to themselves, and Keith was already feeling a little lightheaded at the prospect.</p>
<p>He leaned into Shiro, who was watching him quietly, his features soft and lovely in the barely-there light of the room. It was dark except for a nightlight in an outlet along the nearest wall, which Keith hadn’t noticed before. It was shaped like a rocket ship, with tiny lights shining through the little glass windows like faraway stars.</p>
<p>Keith pointed at it, and Shiro smiled, looking shy.</p>
<p>"This was my room," he said. "When I first came here, and I guess ever since then, too. Colleen bought that for me. I wanted to be an astronaut already, even when I was a kid… and I couldn't sleep in the dark back then…" He shrugged a little. "Guess I never really wanted to get rid of it."</p>
<p>Keith squeezed his hand. It felt sort of magical, seeing something like that from Shiro's past.</p>
<p>"I love it."</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"Uh huh. I'm glad it's still here."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. “Me too.” He let go of Keith’s hand and turned to face him, looking serious again. "Keith… can I ask you for a favor?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Of course. Anything."</p>
<p>Shiro took his phone out of his pocket. His headphones were already plugged into it.</p>
<p>"I know you don't want me to apologize anymore," he said. "But… the dance. It was so perfect, dancing with you. It meant so much to me to be able to do that with you, and then… I messed it all up, you know? I don't want you to have to remember it like that-"</p>
<p>"I don't," Keith interrupted. "I remember it being perfect. I remember hoping you really meant all of it… and now I know you do."</p>
<p>Shiro stepped close to him. He put one of his knuckles under Keith's chin.</p>
<p>"I don't know if I deserve that much forgiveness, Keith."</p>
<p>"You do. You deserve a lot more than that, Shiro."</p>
<p>They watched each other quietly.</p>
<p>Shiro pressed a soft kiss to Keith's forehead.</p>
<p>"I want to deserve it," he finally said. "So… dance with me again? Please?"</p>
<p>Keith grinned.</p>
<p>"I like it when you say <em>please," </em>he said.</p>
<p>Shiro smiled.</p>
<p>"Noted."</p>
<p>He held up one of his headphones.</p>
<p>Keith accepted it and put it into his ear.</p>
<p>"Full disclosure..." Shiro was tapping at his phone screen. "Matt is the one who found this cover. He and I always used to sing this song when we were little, but I'd never heard this version. Never really thought much about the lyrics until now, either."</p>
<p>He put his headphone in, tapped one more time at his phone, and then put it back in his pocket.</p>
<p>He took Keith's left hand and held it to his chest. He pulled Keith in close as the song started to play.</p>
<p>Sweet, somber piano chords introduced a melody that Keith didn't recognize at first, though when the vocalist sang the first four words of the song, Keith could tell why Shiro had chosen it. It was both despairing and hopeful all at once. It felt like saying goodbye, but it felt like being reunited, too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When I wake up</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I know I'm gonna be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was an old song Keith knew well, one he'd always thought of as a little silly, now transformed into something sad and slow and hauntingly beautiful. Shiro was right, the lyrics felt entirely different to Keith- especially since Shiro was holding him close, looking at him like the words were a gift he wanted to give him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And when I come home </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, I know I'm gonna be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna be the man who's coming home to you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And when I'm dreaming </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I know I'm gonna dream</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I would walk five hundred miles</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And I would walk five hundred more</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>To fall down at your door</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith couldn't have said it better himself.</p>
<p>And he knew Shiro felt the same.</p>
<p>He pressed his nose to Shiro's cheek and closed his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And when I'm lonely</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I know I'm gonna be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And if I grow old</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I know I'm gonna be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Could that be possible?</p>
<p>Could they figure out how to make this last?</p>
<p>It certainly felt like it. When Shiro's lips touched his temple, kissing lightly next to the corner of his eye, Keith felt like nothing could ever come between them, like a thousand miles of distance would barely be an obstacle worth worrying about.</p>
<p>He tilted his chin up to kiss Shiro's lips, and he found Shiro there waiting for him.</p>
<p>They kissed each other slowly while the song finished playing.</p>
<p>They kissed each other for a while after that, too.</p>
<p>"Play it again," Keith eventually said, before grasping the back of Shiro’s neck and kissing him once more.</p>
<p>Shiro fumbled with his phone, answering Keith with parted lips and sighing breath.</p>
<p>The song started over again just as his hands settled around Keith's waist.</p>
<p>Keith thought about the shower- the heat of the steam, the weight of Shiro's body holding him against the wall.</p>
<p>He slid his knee up around Shiro's hip, just like he'd done then.</p>
<p>Shiro didn't hesitate; he lifted him off the floor and held him as if he were weightless, so smoothly that their kissing never stopped.</p>
<p><em>"Lay down with me," </em>Keith whispered, his legs locked securely around Shiro’s hips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro carried him to the bed. He laid him down near the edge, where the blankets were already rumpled from when he and Matt had sat there together earlier, and the two of them burrowed under the covers, exchanging slow kisses as they went. Shiro laid partially on top of Keith, working his fingers through his hair while he licked carefully along the side of his tongue, and Keith held him tight, singing along to the music inside his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>When I wake up</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well, I hope I'm gonna be</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna be the man who's waking up to you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro's lips moved onto his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>And when I'm dreaming</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Well I know I'm gonna dream</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I'm gonna dream about the time I had with you</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Keith..." Shiro's hand was underneath his shirt. "Sweetheart…"</p>
<p>"Mm…" Keith was kissing his face.</p>
<p>"We don't have to have sex. I know it's been a lot today-"</p>
<p>"No. It doesn't feel like a lot. It doesn't feel like enough."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed his lips, then rubbed their noses together.</p>
<p>"I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to rush. I just want to kiss you all over." He slid Keith's shirt a little further up his stomach. "Would that be okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, baby." Keith got his hands inside Shiro's shorts. "As long as you take your clothes off."</p>
<p>"Mm. I could use some help with that."</p>
<p>"Uh huh. I got you."</p>
<p>They made quick work of each other's clothes, laughing when their elbows, knees and toes got caught in the fabric.</p>
<p>They smiled into more kisses, their hands wandering, their legs tangling together under the blankets as their bodies came together.</p>
<p>"Where do I even start?" Shiro put his mouth on Keith's neck, gripping his waist with one broad hand. "You're so pretty all over. So perfect."</p>
<p>Keith let himself sink into the mattress, already losing himself in the feeling of Shiro's lips moving over his bare skin.</p>
<p>"Shiro… you always feel so good…"</p>
<p>He slid his knees up around Shiro's sides, just to get closer.</p>
<p>Shiro sighed at that… and then he wrapped his right hand around the underside of Keith's left thigh. He pressed Keith's leg up and forward, pausing in their kissing to watch Keith's face.</p>
<p>Keith took a shivering breath, acclimating to the stretch, and to the implication.</p>
<p>Was Shiro thinking about what it would be like to be inside him?</p>
<p><em>"Oh," </em>Shiro murmured, sliding his hand up until he was gripping behind Keith's knee, which could bend easily up to his chest.</p>
<p>Keith gradually straightened his leg until he couldn't any further, because his toes had met the headboard behind him.</p>
<p>"Oh,<em> Keith…"</em></p>
<p>Keith's hands were resting low on Shiro's hips.</p>
<p>"You like it?"</p>
<p>"God, <em>yes,</em> I love it…" Shiro's eyes were halfway closed as he put his mouth on the inside of Keith's thigh. His kisses were slow and a little messy, enough for Keith to feel the heat of his breath and the soft touch of his tongue.</p>
<p>"I love it, too," Keith told him, his fingertips digging into Shiro's lower back. "I mean, I love it when you look at me like that."</p>
<p>Shiro went on nosing at Keith's sensitive skin.</p>
<p>"I get these flashes," Shiro said. "When we're together like this. I think about you running or swimming. I think about how your body looks when you move." He slid his hand up and down the back of Keith's thigh. "I didn't know what it meant at first, when I couldn't stop staring… because I've never seen anyone like I see you. I'm in love with you, Keith. Your body, too."</p>
<p>Keith could only stare up at him for a moment. He felt like he knew Shiro better than he'd ever known anyone before… and yet still, Shiro could shock him into silence with a few well-placed words.</p>
<p>Keith put his hand on Shiro's right shoulder and moved his thumb over the scar at the front of it.</p>
<p>"Stare. I want you to see me. I want you to be able to see how perfect you are to me."</p>
<p>Shiro's throat moved around an effortful swallow.</p>
<p>"Sam talked to me," he said softly. "About you and me. About taking things slow. And I just keep thinking, we can't make any mistakes, right? Not you and me. We’re supposed to be together..."</p>
<p>Keith brought his hand to Shiro's cheek. He heard the unspoken qualification in Shiro's voice.</p>
<p>"I feel that way too. But…"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"But… there are things that might be worth waiting for. For when I can… be with you. How I want to be. I-- I can't believe I'm even saying that--"</p>
<p>"It's okay. You're right. I think I want to look forward to that, too."</p>
<p>"Really?" Shiro looked hopeful. "You really mean that?"</p>
<p>"I do. I mean it."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded slowly, his expression infinitely fond.</p>
<p>He helped Keith bend his leg down into a more comfortable position, then looped his arm underneath the back of his knee to hold it up by Keith's chest. He leaned down and put his lips on Keith's neck, covering him with his weight, moving his hips just enough to get Keith dreaming about all the ways their bodies could fit together.</p>
<p>"Keith…" Shiro got his left arm underneath Keith's right shoulder, just to hold him even tighter. "You like this, right? You like it when I'm holding you like this? And what we did in the cabin--?"</p>
<p><em>"Yes,"</em> Keith exhaled, clinging to him. "I love this. All of it."</p>
<p>"Because I can't stop thinking about it." Shiro pressed his lips to the tender spot underneath Keith's chin. "Doing this with you, and… the things <em>you</em> could do to <em>me</em> if you wanted to… you're so strong, so perfect, and I just…"</p>
<p>He didn’t finish. Keith blinked up at the ceiling for a moment, replaying everything Shiro had just admitted, trying to fill in the blanks while Shiro sucked at a spot near the base of his throat and held him tight against the mattress.</p>
<p><em>So strong, </em>he’d said.</p>
<p>Did Shiro want to be held like this, too?</p>
<p><em>“Baby,” </em>Keith murmured.</p>
<p>Shiro looked at him. Keith stroked his hair away from his eyes.</p>
<p>“Takashi… do you want me to put you on your back?”</p>
<p>Shiro’s lips parted.</p>
<p>He leaned in close and pressed their foreheads together, letting go of Keith’s leg in the process.</p>
<p><em>“Yes,” </em>he whispered. <em>“Please--”</em></p>
<p>Keith met him for a deep, heated kiss. He’d been letting Shiro take the lead whenever possible - all of this was so new for him - but Keith knew he was capable of leading, too. He wanted Shiro madly. He wanted to prove it. And if Shiro wanted that from him…</p>
<p>Keith dug his right heel and elbow into the mattress and rolled Shiro over. He used his knee to spread Shiro's legs apart and then laid down on top of him, working his hips between Shiro's thighs and pinning both his wrists to the bed in the process. Shiro made a sweet little whimpering sound and wrapped both legs around him, securing their connection.</p>
<p><em>“Yeah?” </em>Keith kissed Shiro’s mouth. He let his teeth catch on Shiro’s lower lip. “This is good for you?”</p>
<p><em>“Yes,” </em>Shiro promised. He was gripping Keith’s hair tighter than he ever had before. “It’s so good, Keith--”</p>
<p>“You thought about this?”</p>
<p>“All day--”</p>
<p>Keith rocked his hips forward, pressing his stomach against the hard line of Shiro’s dick.</p>
<p>“Tell me.” He bent low and started kissing underneath Shiro’s ear. <em>“Tell me what you thought about.”</em></p>
<p><em>“This.” </em>Shiro pulled on Keith’s hips, grinding up to crush their bodies together. “I wanted-- <em>fuck,</em> I wanted you on me like this, I wanted to picture what it would be like…”</p>
<p>“If I was inside you?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I want you to… someday... I’ll be thinking about it all the time…”</p>
<p>Keith let out a quiet groan with his mouth pressed to Shiro’s neck. Shiro wanted him like that? He hadn’t known. Keith would’ve given him years to make a decision about something like that. But Shiro sounded so sure, and his body felt so willing, Keith couldn’t help but hope, couldn’t help but picture it-</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yeah, baby, me too…”</p>
<p>“You want to?”</p>
<p>“Yes. So much.”</p>
<p>“God, Keith…”</p>
<p>They were grinding together slowly. Keith had let go of one of Shiro’s wrists so he could feel down the side of his body, and his instincts were telling him that they could take this even further- but how far? As much as he wanted it, he wasn’t ready to do what Shiro was imagining. <em>Shiro </em>wasn’t ready. Keith knew that.</p>
<p>But Shiro certainly seemed ready for <em>something.</em></p>
<p><em>“Baby…” </em>Keith was nosing at Shiro’s cheek, grinding his hips so that his dick slid up against Shiro’s shaft. “No pressure here. You know that, right?”</p>
<p>Shiro looked at him. His eyelids looked heavy, and he was taking shallow breaths, like he might’ve been halfway gone already.</p>
<p>“I know that, love.”</p>
<p>Keith swallowed, searching for the words.</p>
<p>“Should I… touch you? On the outside?”</p>
<p>Shiro’s fingers dug into the softness of his backside.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I want you to.”</p>
<p>“I’ll go slow. I promise.”</p>
<p>“I know. I trust you.”</p>
<p>Keith kissed his lips, then hovered close, watching Shiro's eyes.</p>
<p>He got his left hand underneath Shiro’s thigh, just like Shiro had done for him.</p>
<p>Keith spread Shiro open… then moved his hand between them.</p>
<p>He touched over Shiro’s balls, getting his bearings, watching for Shiro’s reaction.</p>
<p><em>"O-oh…" </em>Shiro blinked up at him. He nodded his head.</p>
<p>"That's good?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's good… I love your hands…"</p>
<p>Keith massaged him slowly there, exploring the shape of him, and Shiro responded in kind with quiet gasps and slow, heartfelt kisses. Shiro made everything so easy, Keith felt bolder by the minute, until confidence guided his hand slowly downward. Shiro kissed his face and nodded over and over again, until Keith had the heel of his hand pressed firmly between Shiro's cheeks.</p>
<p>Keith held his hand there and then rocked himself against it, so Shiro could feel their closeness in a whole new way-</p>
<p><em>"Oh…" </em>Shiro was blinking up at him. "Okay, <em>yes--"</em></p>
<p>Keith tried it again. He started grinding against Shiro like that, massaging carefully with the heel of his hand at the same time, trying not to get too distracted by <em>how good it felt </em>every time his dick rubbed against Shiro's stomach-</p>
<p><em>"Mh-- </em>Keith?" Shiro pulled him down so their cheeks were pressed together. <em>"You can use your fingers. I'm not scared."</em></p>
<p>Keith squeezed his eyes shut for a second.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Really? You're sure?"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro took hold of his hand and brought it to his lips to kiss the back of it.</p>
<p>Then he did something Keith knew he'd remember for the rest of his life:</p>
<p>He pulled Keith's left index finger into his mouth.</p>
<p>"Oh--<em> Shiro…"</em></p>
<p>Shiro kept his eyes closed while he sucked and swirled his tongue, pulling Keith's finger toward the back of his throat. Keith could only stare while he licked and <em>soaked </em>his finger from nail to knuckle.</p>
<p>When Shiro finally released him, his finger was coated in slick saliva.</p>
<p>"It needs to be wet, right?" Shiro kissed the pad of his finger, his lips glistening in the low light.</p>
<p>"Uh." Keith swallowed. "Yeah… that'll work. Um…"</p>
<p>Shiro gave him a smug smile, which was enough to bring him back to his senses. He smirked.</p>
<p>"You think you're hot shit, Shirogane?"</p>
<p>Shiro grinned.</p>
<p>"I think <em>you </em>think so."</p>
<p>"Mm. You're right about that." Keith worked his hand between them again. "Don't let it go to your head, though." He touched between Shiro's cheeks with a messy fingertip.</p>
<p><em>"Nh-- </em>no? I think you kinda like it when I get a little cocky-- <em>oh--"</em></p>
<p>Keith giggled.</p>
<p>"A little <em>what?"</em></p>
<p>Shiro laughed. He dragged Keith down for a kiss, then whispered, <em>"Cocky."</em></p>
<p>Keith teased around his rim.</p>
<p>"Speaking of," he murmured, "you should touch yourself."</p>
<p>"Waiting on you." Shiro kissed him again. "Seriously, Keith, I can do this."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>He pressed the tip of his finger inside him.</p>
<p>He couldn't really remember what it had felt like the first time he'd done this to himself, but that was only because he’d quickly learned how to make himself feel good. Maybe the skill would translate.</p>
<p>Shiro drew in an audible breath as he pressed further in, and Keith nodded his approval.</p>
<p>"That's it, baby. Breathe. You okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah-- <em>mh. </em>Yeah…"</p>
<p>Keith paused when he was a little more than halfway in. Then he started moving his finger in small, massaging circles, the same way he did when he was getting himself warmed up-</p>
<p>
  <em>"Oh--"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro's strong brow was furrowed. It was difficult, Keith noted, to tell the difference between pleasure and pain in someone else's features… but then Shiro nodded, reached between them, and started pumping his cock in even strokes.</p>
<p>Keith smiled. That was a clear enough indication.</p>
<p>"You-- you said you do this to yourself?" Shiro was moving his hips a little bit now- sensually, like he was trying to amplify the feeling. "Feels like it. Like you know what you're doing."</p>
<p>Keith was letting one of his canines catch on his lower lip, trying not to come all over Shiro's stomach just from seeing him like this.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I do this to myself."</p>
<p>"Where? Tell me. I want to picture it."</p>
<p>Keith cleared his throat.</p>
<p>"In the shower. Or in my bed. I'll lay on my side… or sometimes I'll get on my knees--"</p>
<p><em>"Shit." </em>Shiro shivered, and given the heat they were creating together, Keith knew it couldn't be from the cold. "God, <em>Keith--"</em></p>
<p>Keith kissed him, <em>recklessly.</em> He bit at Shiro's lower lip, hard enough to sting, and then he thrust his tongue into his mouth while he pulsed and kneaded with his finger, working into the squeezing tightness of Shiro's body. He was really doing this - <em>they were really doing this</em> - and instinct had finally taken hold of him.</p>
<p>It was okay, too- Shiro's body was telling him it was okay, <em>me too, don't stop, keep going-</em></p>
<p><em>"I'll get on my knees for you," </em>Keith promised, his mouth pressed tight next to Shiro's ear. <em>"Anytime you want, Shiro--"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Keith, please--"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro didn't specify further, but it didn't matter. Keith already knew what should come next. He kissed Shiro roughly, then slid easily down his body to kneel between his legs. He paused only for an instant, to look at the place where his finger disappeared inside Shiro's body- and then he bent low and took Shiro's cock in his mouth.</p>
<p>Shiro arched away from the bed at the first swirl of Keith's tongue, his body squeezing tight around Keith's finger. He clamped both hands over his mouth to muffle the whimpering sounds he was making, then promptly removed one of them so he could run his trembling fingers through Keith's hair.</p>
<p>That was good. Keith was doing his job well. He felt his cheeks heat with pride and pleasure as he bobbed his head and crooked his finger, seeking the tender places that would urge Shiro toward his bliss. Shiro was thick and heavy in his mouth, and as much as Keith missed kissing him and seeing his eyes up close, being with him like this gave him a sense of intimacy he couldn’t get enough of. Before he’d met Shiro, he’d pictured sex as a sweaty, mechanical affair- two bodies crashing into each other, each seeking their separate pleasure. He hadn’t realized how much he’d equated sex with selfishness until now.</p>
<p>There was nothing selfish or solitary about this. This was a bond they were building together, an extension of the care and respect they’d found in one another. Keith didn’t need to take anything from Shiro, and there was nothing to chase. All he wanted to do was give and <em>give </em>until Shiro’s pain and uncertainty were gone for good- until Shiro felt nothing but safety and sweetness and the deep, all-encompassing release of sex.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Keith--”</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro’s muffled cry had Keith arching his back, wondering if he could come untouched just from working Shiro over like this. He dug in with his fingertip, rubbing into the spot that had Shiro’s thighs trembling and his dick throbbing heavy inside Keith’s mouth. He groaned around Shiro’s thickness, feeling hot and sensitive from head to toe, feeling like he could blow at any second, just from bringing Shiro to the edge-</p>
<p>And then Shiro’s fingers were tangled tight in a handful of his hair, and Shiro’s spine was arching gracefully away from the mattress- and Keith was swallowing hot, thick mouthfuls of Shiro’s release, fingering him slowly through his climax. Shiro managed to keep one broad hand clamped over his mouth, but Keith could still hear him, crying his name, sobbing out nonsense syllables that meant everything was good, everything was right, they were together exactly as they were supposed to be.</p>
<p>“Keith--” Shiro was still panting, still shivering, but he was already reaching for Keith, already fitting his hands around Keith’s jaw to tilt his chin upward until their eyes finally met.</p>
<p>“Get up here,” Shiro told him, his voice rough and commanding. His tone made pleasure spark up Keith’s spine like barely contained lightning. “All the way up. Sit on my chest.”</p>
<p>Keith obeyed, like a soul willingly summoned for some divine purpose. In two graceful moves, he was straddling Shiro’s chest, holding Shiro’s face like a treasured possession.</p>
<p>Shiro reached up for him, too… then thrust his right index finger past Keith’s parted lips.</p>
<p>“I want to learn,” Shiro said. “I need to. I need you.”</p>
<p>Keith blinked down at him, feeling entirely dazed, sucking his finger like he’d just finished sucking his cock. He nodded, pulling Shiro toward the back of his throat in the process.</p>
<p>“That’s it, Sweet ‘n Sour. Nice and wet for me. God, that was incredible… I’m gonna learn how to make you feel like that, too…”</p>
<p>Keith traced the length of Shiro’s finger with his tongue in a sweet, messy caress, watching Shiro’s eyes all the while. He was thinking about the day before, at the lake- about the moment he’d realized that Shiro was finally safe in the water. <em>I’m brave because of you, </em>Shiro had told him more than once, and in that moment, standing at the end of the dock, Keith had really felt that it was true.</p>
<p>He felt it now, too, watching Shiro’s confidence shine like sunlight dancing on rippling waves. Keith swore he could feel the warmth of it on his skin.</p>
<p>He let Shiro go with a final swipe of his tongue.</p>
<p>“Show me,” he challenged. “I need you, too.”</p>
<p>Shiro grinned.</p>
<p>He reached between Keith’s thighs.</p>
<p><em>“Shiro--” </em>Keith said his name like a plea.</p>
<p>He gripped the top of the wooden headboard while Shiro learned how to touch him from the inside.</p>
<p>His knuckles were white by the time Shiro dragged his hips forward and swallowed him to the hilt.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometime in the middle of the night, they took advantage of their private bathroom and showered together one more time. They held each other tight under the running water, exhausted and spent, feeling the depth of what they’d gained together, and what they were about to lose.</p>
<p>They cried together for a while.</p>
<p>Keith towel-dried Shiro's hair.</p>
<p>Shiro worked the tangles out of Keith's with a comb, then did the same.</p>
<p>They dressed in clean clothes, climbed into bed together, and kissed each other until dawn.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Sam looked in on Keith and Shiro around six AM, well before they needed to be out of bed. He knew it was an invasion of their privacy to some extent, but the temptation was too great, and the transgression was worth the risk.</p>
<p>They were both sleeping soundly. Shiro had his head tucked underneath Keith's chin, and seeing him at peace soothed the turmoil in Sam's soul like nothing else could. He'd made decisions years ago that had shaped Shiro's fate, and he'd carried the heavy weight of those choices ever since. Had he chosen well? Was Shiro living the sort of life he deserved? If he could speak to Shiro's parents again, would they tell him he'd done the right thing? Or would they say that he'd betrayed them, letting things unfold as they had?</p>
<p>Bridget and Takumi had been so dear to him, two of the finest people he'd ever known, and he loved Shiro as deeply as he loved his own children. So he allowed himself to watch Shiro sleeping in Keith's arms, to let himself be moved by the way their fingers had remained interlocked, even in their sleep.</p>
<p>It was reckless to encourage them so much, he knew. They were so very young. The odds were against them.</p>
<p>…Except that Sam loved Keith, too, just as he'd loved his father and still adored his mother. These were the children of four people who had added so much brilliance, so much goodness to the world. He was biased, he knew that. His judgment was clouded. But when he looked at Keith and Shiro, he couldn't stop himself from seeing the bold, magnificent adults they would certainly become. He couldn't help but wonder what a lasting love between them could be like.</p>
<p>Shiro sighed in his sleep, tucking himself even tighter against Keith's chest, and when Keith hugged him close to soothe him, Sam finally took his leave.</p>
<p>He locked himself in the hallway bathroom and shed a handful of tears. There was joy in his weeping, because however often he'd questioned himself over the years, Shiro would wake up this morning knowing what it was like to be loved.</p>
<p>Sam felt a deep sadness, though, too. His family had always been a safe haven for Shiro, and Keith had given him so much more than even that- gifts that meant something different coming from a best friend or a lover. Patience, forgiveness, comfort, acceptance.</p>
<p><em>Self-</em>acceptance.</p>
<p>How much of that would Shiro be losing when he boarded his flight home?</p>
<p>Sam washed his face in the sink before he finally headed downstairs to meet Colleen in the kitchen.</p>
<p>She was making tea for them, adding sugar to Sam's cup, fixing it exactly as he liked it.</p>
<p>He took the spoon from her hand, set it down on the counter, and then hugged her close for a long, long time.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. After You Cry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know my update schedule is in shambles. Please accept this overdue offering. Drop me a line if you can, I miss hearing from you all &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keith opened his eyes to early morning light filtering through the blinds on the right hand wall of the Holts’ guest room. He thought he might’ve heard a door clicking shut, but there was no one here- no one but Shiro, who was resting warm and heavy on his chest.</p>
<p>Keith breathed in slowly through his nose. Would he be able to remember what Shiro smelled like after he was gone? He knew the scent of his floral shampoo by heart, but what about the smell of him underneath that? His skin? His sweat?</p>
<p>Keith knew what he tasted like now, too.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to forget.</p>
<p>He put his face in Shiro’s hair and breathed him in.</p>
<p>Shiro moved in tiny stretches, burrowing closer underneath Keith’s chin.</p>
<p>“Hey, Sweet ‘n Sour.” His voice was rough, scratchy. They’d probably only been asleep for a couple of hours.</p>
<p>“Hey, Orpheus.”</p>
<p>Shiro bumped at the underside of Keith’s chin with his nose like a cat.</p>
<p>“What time is it?”</p>
<p>Keith glanced at the clock on the night stand.</p>
<p>“A little after six. We don't have to get up yet.”</p>
<p>Shiro lifted his head. There were creases running down his left cheek from the folds of Keith’s shirt. He was heavy-lidded, still half asleep.</p>
<p>He was so beautiful it hurt.</p>
<p>“You want to sleep some more?”</p>
<p>Keith’s chest ached, as if the weight of Shiro’s impending departure had become a tangible, crushing thing. In reality, he knew he probably could've slept for about a month… but the thought of wasting a single second of his time with Shiro was physically painful.</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>“Okay. Me neither.” Shiro pressed tight to him and kissed his cheek. "It was perfect, though. Falling asleep with you here. I think it felt like being home. Like… what being home is actually supposed to feel like."</p>
<p>Keith nodded. He brushed Shiro's fringe to the side to look at the silver shimmer at his hairline. He wanted to memorize every single detail about him while he still had time.</p>
<p>"Then it'll be like coming home again when you come back to me," he said.</p>
<p>Shiro closed his eyes. He touched their foreheads together.</p>
<p><em>"We can do this," </em>he whispered. <em>"We can make it."</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"We can. We will."</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro slid partially on top of him, moving slow, the sluggishness of sleep still clinging to his limbs and lips and eyelashes. He found one of Keith's hands and linked their fingers together up next to Keith's pillow.</p>
<p>They slipped into soft, slow kisses. It was so easy to do, like they’d been preparing for it for their whole lives without even realizing it.</p>
<p>Keith made room for Shiro to lay between his thighs.</p>
<p>Shiro squeezed Keith’s fingers. He pressed Keith’s hand a little tighter into the mattress.</p>
<p>Keith slid his knee up around Shiro’s hip.</p>
<p>Shiro put his mouth on Keith’s neck, underneath his ear, where he’d learned that Keith was sensitive.</p>
<p><em>“One more time?” </em>He kissed Keith there with his lips and his tongue. <em>“I’ll be gentle.”</em></p>
<p>Keith breathed out a shivering sigh. His mind went fuzzy when Shiro kissed and touched him like this, the sensation overtaking him like a hum of far-reaching warmth every time Shiro mouthed at his skin.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah, but… more? More like this…”</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro sighed in answer.</p>
<p>Keith felt the shape of his open mouth.</p>
<p>He felt Shiro kissing, feather-light, toward the space behind his ear.</p>
<p>He felt Shiro’s teeth scraping near the back of his neck.</p>
<p>He felt Shiro’s tongue soothing over the sting… and his lips dragging down toward the front of his throat…</p>
<p>And then Shiro was sucking on a spot near his collarbone, digging in with his teeth, like there was a <em>need </em>driving the act…</p>
<p>Keith made a muffled, begging sound.</p>
<p>He worked his hand inside Shiro’s shorts to touch his skin and pull him closer- and then they settled into a slow, indulgent grind, moving in tandem with their fingers still clasped tight together.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Shiro…” </em>
</p>
<p>It was all Keith could manage to say. Shiro was sucking on a spot near the base of his neck, bearing down on him with his full weight, moving his hips so that Keith could feel every inch of his filling cock through their clothes.</p>
<p><em>“Sweetheart,” </em>Shiro mumbled, flattening Keith’s hand so he could press his wrist down against the bed. <em>“I want this. I want to wake up like this every day. You have to remember that.”</em></p>
<p>Keith got his leg around Shiro’s lower half, working his hips to exaggerate their grinding.</p>
<p><em>“I’ll remember. I’ll remember everything. And I'll be right here when you come back--”</em> He pushed Shiro's shorts down as far as he could get them. <em>"When you come home--"</em></p>
<p>Shiro kissed his open mouth. They tasted each other with mounting desperation, forcing their bodies together to feel each other's need. They were quiet enough to keep their coming-together contained within the four walls of the room, but up close, the sounds of their shallow breaths and muffled sighing - the rustling of their clothing, the slide of their bodies between the sheets - were enough to overwhelm Keith's senses even further. Being with Shiro like this in the early morning, on the edge of exhaustion - being alone with him in a soft bed inside a quiet house - was like living inside the warmest, sweetest dream Keith had ever had. He liked the idea of that- the possibility that he could feel this way again the next time he closed his eyes for the night, even if Shiro was far away.</p>
<p><em>"Love you," </em>Shiro breathed out, tugging down on the waistband of Keith's shorts. <em>"Love you, Keith…"</em></p>
<p><em>"Takashi," </em>Keith told him. <em>"I love you, too--"</em></p>
<p>They shivered together as Shiro's hand wrapped around them both. Shiro was rigid and leaking; Keith could feel the wetness of him slicking Shiro's palm and fingers, painting a path for them to glide through his grip. He still wasn't used to it- the fact that Shiro's body switched on for him, the fact that he could get Shiro hard and hot and breathing heavy. The thought had him rutting up into Shiro's fist, gasping heavily enough to interrupt their kissing. Shiro blinked down at him, red-faced and open-mouthed, looking like he was sharing Keith's thoughts.</p>
<p>
  <em>We fit. We belong. We were made for each other.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith wanted to say the words out loud, to make sure Shiro knew exactly how he felt, but something else came out of his mouth instead.</p>
<p>"I'll be waiting." He caressed his way sweetly up and down the back of Shiro's neck. "I'll be right here."</p>
<p>Shiro's expression dissolved into pleasure-pain. He slowed his hand and forced his forehead against Keith's temple.</p>
<p>"Show me?" He was begging. "Please? Can you--?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, baby--"</p>
<p>"Keith, please--"</p>
<p>They rolled each other over. The movement was graceful - synchronous - as if it were something they'd practiced together, and it only added to the heat that was filling the space between them. Shiro landed on his back with Keith sprawled on top of him, and they both kicked off their shorts and underwear, clearing the way for Keith to work his hips between Shiro's thighs. Keith pinned both of Shiro's wrists up by his ears and covered him with his weight, thinking about how perfectly he fit right here, looking deep into the silver-gray of Shiro's eyes.</p>
<p>"I got you," he promised, digging his thumbs into Shiro's wrists. "I’m right here. Okay?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded, his long lashes blinking prettily. He looked reassured… and very, very turned on. Keith's heartbeat <em>thumped; </em>being on top of Shiro like this, knowing it was exactly what Shiro wanted, sent a jolt of confidence right through him- from his chest out to his fingertips and all the way down to the base of his dick.</p>
<p>This was what it meant to <em>want </em>someone.</p>
<p>And to <em>be wanted, </em>too.</p>
<p>Keith nosed affectionately at Shiro's cheek.</p>
<p>"I'll take care of you," he said. "Doesn't matter where you are. You'll still be mine."</p>
<p>Shiro made a quiet, sobbing sound.</p>
<p>"And you'll still be mine?"</p>
<p>Keith pressed a soft, soothing kiss to Shiro’s face.</p>
<p><em>“Always,” </em>he whispered.</p>
<p>Shiro got both legs around his hips to hold him tight.</p>
<p><em>“Show me,” </em>he whispered back.</p>
<p>Keith nodded. He loosened his grip on Shiro’s right wrist.</p>
<p>“Use your hand,” he directed.</p>
<p>Shiro made a tiny, compliant sound.</p>
<p>He worked his arm between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around them both. His hand was hot, his palm immediately slick, spreading pre all around their heads and down-</p>
<p><em>“Yeah,” </em>Keith breathed out, shivering at the glide of sensation. He rocked his hips forward, testing out the slide of Shiro’s grip, and they shuddered together, the low sounds of their voices harmonizing in the small space they were sharing.</p>
<p>“Keith… is this all from me?” Shiro’s hand was moving slow, slicking them up.</p>
<p>“Some of it’s mine.” Keith rocked forward again, forcing his dick up along Shiro’s shaft. “Fuck, you’re so wet, though…”</p>
<p>Shiro’s brow furrowed.</p>
<p>“Is that normal?”</p>
<p>Keith smiled. He kissed the worried crease at the corner of Shiro's mouth.</p>
<p>“Probably. And who cares, anyway? I love it.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. It feels so good, baby.”</p>
<p>Up close, Keith could see Shiro’s gaze go hazy when he talked to him like that. Shiro wanted to hear his voice. He needed sweetness and reassurance. It made him feel safe.</p>
<p>It turned him on.</p>
<p>Keith put his mouth on Shiro’s neck, underneath his ear. He kissed him there sweetly as he started working his hips, rocking both of them up through Shiro’s fist.</p>
<p><em>“It feels so good,” </em>he whispered again. <em>“So fucking good, Shiro…”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Mh-- Keith…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah, baby… doesn’t that feel good?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes-- perfect-- you’re so fucking perfect--”</em>
</p>
<p>Keith nipped at Shiro's neck with a muffled groan. They'd been quiet so far, but his instincts were starting to take over, and he wasn't sure how well he'd be able to control what came out of his mouth once they really got going. <em>Control </em>wasn't something he wanted right now, anyway. He craved the freedom to be with Shiro as completely, as intensely, as <em>loudly </em>as he wanted to be. He needed to show Shiro exactly how much he was loved and <em>wanted. </em></p>
<p>He straightened up just enough to grab at the soft, silver-colored comforter and yank it up over both their heads. Then he flattened himself on top of Shiro again, dragging his hand up and down the inside of Shiro's wrist and forearm, just to emphasize how thoroughly he had him pinned to the bed.</p>
<p>This all had the desired effect. Shiro looked absolutely enamored, his eyes bright, his lips curved up in a private smile, so pink and pretty from kissing. He tightened his legs around Keith's hips to grind with him again, twisting his wrist to squeeze his palm right over Keith's head-</p>
<p>"Trying to get me alone, Sweet 'n Sour?"</p>
<p>Keith laughed through his quiet moaning, rocking his hips in time with Shiro to feel the sweet, wet friction of their bodies moving together. Shiro's confidence was coming back. He felt safe when Keith was on top of him, when he was sure of how much Keith wanted him. He felt like himself again when Keith was holding him down.</p>
<p>It was the first time Keith had had this particular thought. Was that what it meant to be in love? Knowing that you could become a truer, better version of yourself with someone else's arms around you?</p>
<p>That was how Keith felt. He felt like he could do anything as long as Shiro wanted to stay by his side.</p>
<p>"You're too pretty," he breathed out, rocking his hips to match the rhythm of Shiro's hand. "Need you all to myself."</p>
<p>Shiro's lashes fluttered in answer. His wrist strained against Keith's grasp, like he needed to reach and grab and <em>hold.</em> Keith only gripped him tighter, tapping into some instinct that intensified each time Shiro reacted to him like this.</p>
<p>He put his mouth next to Shiro's ear, rolling his hips to feel the wet slide of Shiro's dick.</p>
<p><em>"Need you," </em>he whispered.</p>
<p>Shiro shivered underneath him.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Keith-- fuck, sweetheart, it feels like-- mhh--"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro didn't finish. He was stroking them off with purpose, rolling his hips a little faster, a little <em>harder. </em>Keith shuddered, already losing himself in the pleasure of Shiro's firm grip, in the feeling of Shiro's dick throbbing hard against his shaft-</p>
<p><em>"Like what?" </em>he managed, his lips moving against Shiro's cheek. <em>"Tell me--"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"It's-- it feels like--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith took pity on him. He knew what it was like to feel shy, to hold back, to worry about how something might sound in the heat of the moment.</p>
<p>He didn't feel worried right now, though. He felt like he could tell Shiro anything, like he could let all his private thoughts spill out like blood from a wound, and Shiro would be right there to patch him up.</p>
<p>Besides, this was their last chance to hold each other like this for who knew how long. If there were things that needed saying, they had to say them now.</p>
<p><em>"Feels like we're having sex?" </em>Keith breathed out, trying to fill in the blanks, his dick throbbing heavily at the sound of his own boldness. <em>"We are, baby… you and me…"</em></p>
<p><em>"Fuck--" </em>Shiro whined and tensed, flexing his thighs around Keith's waist, digging his heels into Keith's lower back. <em>"Yeah, sweetheart, but it's even more than that, it's like--"</em></p>
<p>Shiro's voice broke. He started stroking them in quicker, more indulgent pulls, fighting hard against Keith's grip on his wrist. He finally wrestled his hand away from the bed, and Keith conceded the show of strength by letting him go.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Fuck, Shiro, yes-- ngh-!"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro fisted a handful of Keith's hair and kissed him more than a little roughly, his teeth scraping, his tongue searching deep. He was desperate and perfect, holding Keith steady with strong fingers woven through his hair, dragging his teeth over Keith's lower lip, grinding his hips to fuck them hard and fast through his own fist-</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith broke away and pressed their faces together, grinding faster, pleasure coiling heavy at his core as they pushed each other toward release.</p>
<p><em>"Does it feel like fucking, baby?" </em>He tried to be sweet when he said the words, but they came out sounding filthy all the same… which was, apparently, exactly what Shiro wanted. Shiro nodded frantically and tightened his grip on Keith's hair, and the stab of aching discomfort shot straight to Keith's dick.</p>
<p><em>"Yeah," </em>Shiro whispered, still shy but growing bolder. <em>"Feels like what I picture, when I think about-- when I think about you-- fucking me… Oh, God, Keith--"</em></p>
<p><em>"I will," </em>Keith promised, dizzy at the building, molten heat of his impending climax. Hearing sweet, affectionate Shiro talk about <em>fucking</em> was doing something to Keith's brain that he couldn't ignore- not to mention the jolt of pleasure that ran down his spine to the base of his dick when Shiro said the word. <em>"I'll take care of you, Shiro, when you're ready someday- I'll fuck you any way you want me to-"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Hhn-"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"And you can fuck me, too, baby- I want you to, okay--?"</em>
</p>
<p>Shiro answered by pressing his mouth tight to Keith's cheek and working his hand in quick, frantic strokes-</p>
<p>And then Shiro was coming. Keith could tell by the broken timbre of his voice, and the way he shook and shuddered, and the way his hot, thick wetness spilled all over both of them-</p>
<p><em>"Keith," </em>Shiro whimpered, <em>"don't-- don't come yet--"</em></p>
<p>Keith bit down <em>hard </em>on his own lower lip, willing his body to comply. It helped that Shiro had stopped stroking him off, but he was hovering nonetheless, right on the edge of bliss.</p>
<p><em>"O-okay." </em>His voice shivered. <em>"Are you--? Nhh--!"</em></p>
<p>Keith's breath left his body as Shiro flipped him onto his back and pinned him to the bed, bearing down on him with his full weight. Shiro hovered close, his chest heaving, his eyes burning.</p>
<p>"Let me finger you?" He nuzzled roughly at Keith's cheek, spreading Keith's thighs open to lay between them. <em>"Please, sweetheart-"</em></p>
<p><em>"Yes." </em>Keith was grabbing at him- his hip, his shoulder. <em>"Fuck, yes, please--"</em></p>
<p>They fell into rough, desperate kissing. Shiro was already touching him, circling his rim with his index finger, which was soaked in his own cum-</p>
<p>Keith let out a shuddering groan.</p>
<p><em>"Two," </em>he begged. <em>"Two this time, so it feels like-"</em></p>
<p>That was all he managed to say before Shiro's tongue was in his mouth again. Keith held him tight with both arms, his body tense and hot, his blood singing with want, calling Shiro even closer-</p>
<p>And then he was <em>full</em>. Full of Shiro's fingers, overflowing with pleasure and affection, pressing his lips tight to Shiro's cheek to keep from crying out. Shiro was grinding into him, touching him expertly like he'd learned to do last night, and Keith was rutting up to meet him, imagining that the thrust of Shiro's hips meant that it was Shiro's cock inside him-</p>
<p><em>"Does it feel like it?" </em>Shiro's voice was gritty, possessive. <em>"Does it feel like fucking?"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Yeah, baby-"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Good, that's good, sweetheart- touch yourself, now--"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith nodded frantically, working his hand between them to wrap his fingers around his dick. He was soaked, completely covered in Shiro's release, and that thought alone had his spine arching away from the bed, his hips tensing tight as he let his cock glide through his fist. The coiling ache of pleasure was so deep and so <em>complete, </em>more intense than anything he'd ever felt now that Shiro's fingers were filling him up-</p>
<p><em>"Sh-Shiro," </em>he sobbed, crushing their bodies together with his arm secured around Shiro's back.</p>
<p><em>"We'll have our own bed someday," </em>Shiro told him, his breath hot against Keith's cheek. <em>"We'll be together every morning, and-- and you can fuck me every night, Keith-"</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Nhh-- hhah--!"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith came in a dizzy rush, his climax hitting harder than it ever had before. He kept his arm and legs locked tight around Shiro while he shook through it, basking in the intense pleasure of release and the crushing heat of Shiro’s body. Shiro covered his face in soft, slow kisses, mumbling sweet things while Keith shivered underneath him.</p>
<p>
  <em>“That’s it, Keith… God, you feel so good inside… you made everything so perfect for me, I’m gonna remember every second…”</em>
</p>
<p>Keith drew in a shuddering breath.</p>
<p>He tucked his face against Shiro’s cheek, seeking even more closeness- though this was surely the closest he’d ever been to anyone in his life. Shiro’s fingers pumped subtly inside him, drawing out every last thrum of pleasure from their connection, and Keith felt brand new - remade - as if sharing himself with Shiro had set him on a path toward an entirely new phase of his existence.</p>
<p>He’d never known peace or safety like this, and some part of him knew he’d spend the rest of his days growing toward Shiro like a flower seeking sun, searching for more moments just like this.</p>
<p><em>“Me too,” </em>he finally whispered. <em>“Every second, Shiro. I’ll remember it all.”</em></p>
<p>Shiro looked at him, his expression filled with so much love, Keith lost his breath all over again.</p>
<p>He remembered more of what Shiro had been saying to him, too.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ll have our own bed someday.</em>
</p>
<p>Keith swallowed thickly.</p>
<p>
  <em>We’ll be together every morning.</em>
</p>
<p>“Shiro…” Keith touched Shiro’s face with his fingertip: the gentle set of his brow, the flushed curve of his cheeks. “I know we shouldn’t talk too much about the future…”</p>
<p>Shiro smiled.</p>
<p>“I meant everything I said, Keith.”</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>That was enough.</p>
<p>It had to be enough for now.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was tradition for the Holts to bring Shiro to the airport whenever he flew back to Massachusetts. Keith was grateful for this; it meant he didn’t need to awkwardly request permission to stay with Shiro right up until the last possible moment.</p>
<p>His mother offered to take all four kids to the airport in her SUV so they could have a little more time together, so Keith and Shiro spent the drive to Phoenix sitting hand-in-hand in the center row, playing highway games with Matt and Pidge and listening to more of Krolia’s stories from her days at camp.</p>
<p>Keith held Shiro’s hand as they walked into the airport together, too. He would’ve forgiven Shiro for letting go in such a public place… but Shiro didn’t. He held tight to Keith’s hand until they reached the security gate, where they would ultimately have to say goodbye.</p>
<p>Keith let everyone else have their turn first. It felt surreal, standing aside while the Holts crowded around Shiro to hug and kiss him goodbye. Sam and Matt made a valiant effort to keep things light, but Pidge and Colleen were both quiet and teary-eyed, hanging onto Shiro a little bit longer until he made them both smile and giggle. Keith’s mom embraced Shiro too, which made Keith want to laugh and dissolve into tears all at once. Having his mother’s support - and watching her support Shiro, too - made him feel emotional in a way he’d never really experienced before. He toyed with his hands while she whispered something secret to Shiro- something that made him laugh and then smile wistfully at Keith over her shoulder.</p>
<p>She stepped away from Shiro and put her arm around Colleen after that, and the two of them followed after Matt, Sam and Pidge, who'd claimed a row of seats a few yards away and were already chatting amongst themselves.</p>
<p>They were giving Keith and Shiro space, Keith knew.</p>
<p>Their time had finally run out.</p>
<p>Shiro looked younger than sixteen when Keith finally stepped close to him, glancing up at the huge screen on the wall that tracked departures and arrivals and displayed the time in huge, unforgiving digits.</p>
<p>"No moping?" he offered, finally looking in Keith's eyes.</p>
<p>Keith nodded. They'd talked about this.</p>
<p>"No moping."</p>
<p>Shiro raised a hand to Keith's cheek, and Keith leaned into his palm, trying to ease the restless hammering of his heart. He could handle this. He had to. For Shiro.</p>
<p>"Could you do something for me?" Shiro asked him.</p>
<p>"Anything, Shiro. You want me to go sabotage your flight? I have enough time to do some damage."</p>
<p>Shiro grinned.</p>
<p>"You'd be like an action hero. Sneaking onto the plane. Doing dramatic things with important-looking wires. Fleeing the scene with perfect hair."</p>
<p>Keith smiled.</p>
<p>"I'd rip all those wires out for you."</p>
<p>"And I'd be your biggest fan."</p>
<p>"Yeah? Posters all over your room?"</p>
<p>"All the posters. An embarrassing amount."</p>
<p>They laughed together.</p>
<p>Keith felt a moment of relief.</p>
<p>He needed Shiro to be happy.</p>
<p>"Seriously," he said. "Name it. What do you need?"</p>
<p>Shiro looked a little shy.</p>
<p>"I was thinking… could you leave me a voicemail? Like, before you get in the car? So I could listen to it on the plane? And things will be busy when I land… I'll be with my grandparents, so I won't be able to talk to you right away… so maybe I could listen to it then, too."</p>
<p>"Done. I'll call as soon as you go."</p>
<p>Shiro looked visibly relieved.</p>
<p>"And… selfies? Could you send me some pictures, too? I mean, I have the ones we took together… but maybe you could take some more just for me?"</p>
<p>Keith knew he must be blushing. He could feel the heat in his cheeks.</p>
<p>He'd never taken a selfie before. He'd never felt like he had a reason to.</p>
<p>"I'll take as many as you want," he said.</p>
<p>"Really?" Shiro looked hopeful. "Like, every day?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Of course. Um… take some for me, too?"</p>
<p>Shiro let his hands settle on Keith's waist.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I will. Anything you want, Keith. Anything you need."</p>
<p>Keith put his hands on Shiro's shoulders.</p>
<p>"I was thinking… you should text Adam."</p>
<p>Shiro's eyebrows went up.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. I will, too. I want all of us to be good. He was your friend, and you're gonna need friends this year, so… yeah. We should patch things up."</p>
<p>Shiro's lower lip wobbled.</p>
<p>He pulled Keith in close and pressed their foreheads together.</p>
<p>"I won't let you down again," he said. His voice was quiet, but it was fierce, too. "I'm gonna work really hard to deserve you, Keith."</p>
<p>Keith's throat was too tight for him to properly argue.</p>
<p>"I love you, Shiro. I already love you."</p>
<p>Shiro kissed him, soft and sweet.</p>
<p>It was over within the span of an in-and-out breath.</p>
<p>Shiro pulled away from him and shouldered his backpack.</p>
<p>"I love you, too." He was wiping at his face. "Don't forget that."</p>
<p>He turned and walked toward the security line.</p>
<p>He didn't look back.</p>
<p>Keith stared after him for a moment, feeling disoriented, like something fundamental had gone wrong with the world. It was a hollow feeling, as if the substance of the Earth had been lost and the surface of it had gone brittle under Keith's feet.</p>
<p>Shiro was walking away from him.</p>
<p>It made no sense.</p>
<p>"Keith, honey?" His mother's face drifted into his field of vision. "Walk with me, okay?"</p>
<p>Keith didn't answer. He just let her steer him away.</p>
<p>He scrubbed at his cheeks with the heel of his hand. His face was itchy with tears.</p>
<p>Matt linked arms with him at some point to guide him the rest of the way to a small cafe across the massive, high-ceilinged terminal, and then he found himself sitting between his two friends with a plastic to-go cup of lemonade in front of him.</p>
<p>He took a sip.</p>
<p>It tasted sweet and bright. It tasted real.</p>
<p>But Shiro was still gone.</p>
<p>"Honey?" His mother was looking at him with concern from across the table. "Would you like something to eat?"</p>
<p>He blinked at her. He knew what the question meant, but he had no idea how to answer it.</p>
<p>"I…"</p>
<p><em>Shiro</em>.</p>
<p>He'd said goodbye to Shiro, and-</p>
<p>"Shit," he mumbled. "I mean… <em>shoot. </em>I promised Shiro… I said I'd leave him a voicemail…"</p>
<p>His mother nodded.</p>
<p>"That's a nice idea. Do you want to go find a quiet place?"</p>
<p>"I'll walk with him," Matt said. He got to his feet and eased Keith out of his chair. "I know my way around."</p>
<p>Once again, Keith let himself be steered until he was leaning against a wall in a quiet section of the terminal, looking into Matt's amber eyes.</p>
<p>"Sucks, huh?" Matt had his hand resting comfortingly on Keith's upper arm. "I know it does, buddy. I dunno how you're still standing."</p>
<p>Keith frowned a little. That wasn't right. <em>No moping.</em> He and Shiro had agreed. He had to get himself together.</p>
<p>"I-- I'm alright," he managed. "It'll be okay."</p>
<p>"'Course it will. Still sucks though. It's okay to say it."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"Yeah. It sucks." He took his phone out of his pocket. "God… what do I even say? I don't want to make it worse."</p>
<p>"You won't. Talk to him like you always do. He'll just want to hear your voice." Matt took a small step away from him. "Want some space?"</p>
<p>"No. Stay, okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Of course."</p>
<p>Keith flattened his back against the wall and sighed through his nose. What would Shiro want to hear? What would make him smile? What would make him feel hopeful?</p>
<p>Keith's thoughts drifted to the lake at camp- to the feel of the breeze, and the sunlight rippling over the waves, and Shiro's smile, brighter than any star.</p>
<p>Keith unlocked his phone and tapped at the screen to dial Shiro's number.</p>
<p>It only rang twice before it went to voicemail.</p>
<p>Keith smiled at that. Shiro knew he was calling. He'd intentionally sent him to voicemail.</p>
<p>He'd be happy, knowing Keith had kept his promise.</p>
<p>
  <em>"This is Shiro! Tell me something good!"</em>
</p>
<p>Keith found himself giggling, even after the tone on the other end of the line let him know he was being recorded. He'd never heard Shiro's voicemail message before; Shiro's naked enthusiasm had caught him off guard.</p>
<p>"Sorry," Keith laughed. "That was just… sweet. Your voicemail recording. And I'm gonna try, okay? To tell you something good, I mean." Keith took a breath, stalling to organize his thoughts. "So… in less than a year you'll be in this airport again, right? And I'll be here to meet you. Me and Matt and Pidge, we'll all be here. And I think it'll feel like no time has gone by at all, because that's how it feels when you get back with the people you love. So don't think about the weeks or months or whatever, okay? Just think about what it was like to be here. Think about all the things that are worth waiting for. It'll be hard sometimes, but… I mean, we're used to that, right? We've both gotten through way worse than this. I could tell on that first day at camp, when you were telling me about your accident… and then again on the dock when… well, you remember when, right? When we talked about when we were kids. You're, like, the strongest person I've ever met, Shiro. So I'm gonna try not to think about the weeks and months. I'm gonna think about how you looked when you jumped in the lake. I'm gonna think about how you smiled, and what it was like to race with you, and all the things you said to me that day. I know you keep worrying about what I'll remember from this summer, but you shouldn't, okay? You really shouldn't, because that's the stuff I remember. Racing and smiling and… dancing. And so many other things that I'll be thinking about every day until I see you again. And I'm gonna be here to tell you about it. About how perfect it all was."</p>
<p>Keith paused, then. What more could he say without losing his cool? How honest could he be in a recorded message that someone else might hear?</p>
<p>"Like last night," he said softly. "Like this morning. It was all perfect, right? So just think about that. When things get hard… think about the song you played for me, and what it was like to wake up this morning. Think about it, or call me, and I'll remind you. I'll be right here. I'm gonna be there for you every day until you come home."</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p>
<p>The words were heavy, filling up his throat. He didn't say them. He hung up instead.</p>
<p>Matt was looking at him with a soft expression.</p>
<p>"Well done," he said quietly. "Shiro's a lucky guy, man. You both are."</p>
<p>Keith sighed.</p>
<p>"Why does being lucky feel like being hit by a truck?"</p>
<p>Matt smiled mournfully.</p>
<p>"I've been wondering that myself."</p>
<p>"Thanks for staying. I need your help with one more thing."</p>
<p>"Yeah?"</p>
<p>"Uh huh. Shiro wants me to take selfies."</p>
<p>Matt's eyebrows went up.</p>
<p>"Like… the naked kind?"</p>
<p>Keith stared.</p>
<p>"No! Or… maybe?" His cheeks were hot. The thought hadn't occurred to him. "I mean… I dunno, but I was gonna start with regular ones, man! Jeez!"</p>
<p>Matt was giggling.</p>
<p>"Okay. Regular ones. No problem."</p>
<p>He showed Keith how to hold his phone at different flattering angles and helped him fix his hair the way he wanted it. He told him when to smile and when to stop. He helped him fix the settings on the photos to make the violet in his eyes stand out.</p>
<p>Keith chose three of his favorites and sent them to Shiro.</p>
<p>He got one back almost immediately.</p>
<p>Shiro had made an impressive recovery. Keith only noticed the slight puffiness in his cheeks because he'd committed every detail of his face to memory.</p>
<p>Shiro's eyes were wide and clear, pale gray in the bright morning light of the waiting area he was still sitting in. He wasn't smiling. He looked soft and serious, the way he had this morning in between kisses when they'd first been waking up together.</p>
<p>He had his right hand pressed over his heart.</p>
<p><em>I love you, </em>the gesture said.</p>
<p>Keith swallowed hard.</p>
<p>"I have to take one more," he told Matt.</p>
<p>He held his phone up and thought about kissing Shiro through the night and into the early morning. He pressed his right hand over his heart.</p>
<p>He snapped the photo and sent it to Shiro.</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you, too.</em>
</p>
<p>He sniffed and put his phone in his pocket.</p>
<p>"I've never seen Shiro look like that before," Matt said. "He really loves you."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"It's mutual."</p>
<p>Matt nudged halfheartedly at his shoulder.</p>
<p>"I wish you didn't have to go. I think I never really got over it when you left the first time."</p>
<p>"Aw. Matt." Keith hugged him. It had become such an easy thing to do. "It's different now. You know that, right? We'll talk all the time. We'll visit soon. I won't really be gone, you know? I promise."</p>
<p>Matt squeezed him tight.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I know. Thanks for saying it, though."</p>
<p>They walked back to the cafe with their arms linked together.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>"Mom?"</p>
<p>Keith had been staring out at the highway for the last fifteen minutes, trying to work up the courage to ask his mother a question.</p>
<p>He'd need that much time, because he was afraid of what her answer might be.</p>
<p>"Yeah, honey?"</p>
<p>She looked tired. It was a long drive. They'd been in the car for four hours and they wouldn't be home for at least two more.</p>
<p><em>Home. </em>It felt like a complicated concept for Keith, now.</p>
<p>"I wish I could share the driving," he said. "I know the last couple days have been a little crazy."</p>
<p>"We'll take a road trip as soon as you get your license," she said. "April vacation. Or next summer, maybe. You can do <em>all </em>the driving." She looked at him and smiled. "And I'm fine, love. I'm happy we stayed."</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>"So am I." He cleared his throat, toying with his cell phone where he was holding it in his lap. "Um… I was wondering. Do you think… uh. Do you think me and Shiro have a shot? Like, long term?"</p>
<p>Her expression turned thoughtful.</p>
<p>"It's not the sort of thing you can know for sure, honey. You both have a lot of growing left to do. But I do know that getting stuck on things you can't control won't do either of you any good."</p>
<p>He sighed.</p>
<p>"Yeah. I know that. It's just… it feels like it's supposed to last. I want it to. But I don't know how to make that happen."</p>
<p>"Don't try to make it last, love. Try to make it <em>good."</em></p>
<p>Keith smiled down at his phone. He flipped to Shiro's selfie and pictured him up in the air, climbing closer to the stars.</p>
<p>"I think that's pretty decent advice," he said.</p>
<p>She spared him a smug look.</p>
<p>"No,” she answered. “It's spectacularly brilliant advice.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was dinnertime when Keith and his mother finally pulled into their driveway. Keith went through the motions of unpacking the car as if he were underwater, moving slow and barely aware of what was happening around him. He’d managed to sleep for a couple hours in the car, but it hadn’t even touched the exhaustion that had penetrated all the way through to his soul. His mother had to remind him to drink some water and eat the Mexican food they’d picked up on their way through town, and though he managed to finish his burrito, the calories did nothing to lift him out of his stupor.</p>
<p>He was seriously considering getting in bed at six PM when his phone screen lit up to alert him that Shiro was calling.</p>
<p>He almost knocked over his water glass in his haste to answer the call.</p>
<p>“Shiro?”</p>
<p>“Hey, Sweet ‘n Sour.”</p>
<p>Keith waved to his mother, who was still finishing her own meal, then sprinted down the hall to his room, his exhaustion temporarily forgotten.</p>
<p>“Are you home?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I’m in my room.”</p>
<p>“Can I see?”</p>
<p>Shiro laughed affectionately. He sounded tired, but he sounded happy, too. That was good.</p>
<p>“Sure. I’ll give you a quick tour. As long as I don’t have to stand up.”</p>
<p>Keith heard a <em>beep</em> that meant Shiro was initiating a video call. He picked it up and grinned at Shiro’s tired, smiling face.</p>
<p>“Hey,” he said. “There you are.”</p>
<p>Shiro tilted his head. He was laying on a pillow, looking positively angelic.</p>
<p>“Miss me yet?”</p>
<p>“Don’t even joke about that. Of course I do.”</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>He held the phone a little further away so Keith could see more of him, then started moving it slowly so Keith could see some of his room. It was <em>big. </em>There was a large wooden desk next to Shiro’s bed, the kind with built-in shelves on either side and above. It housed his PlayStation, his computer monitor, and an assortment of books and notebooks, all neatly stacked or shelved.</p>
<p>Keith’s desk was home to similar items, though his was much smaller and simpler, a hand-me-down from his father’s college days. As a family, they’d always had everything they needed - they still did, even in his father’s absence - but they certainly weren’t <em>wealthy. </em>Their house was modest and nowhere near brand new, just like all of the houses in their neighborhood and most of the houses in their town. The Holts’ house was large and modern in comparison, and obviously Shiro’s was, too.</p>
<p>Keith wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It had never occurred to him that Shiro and his grandparents might be rich. He and Shiro got along so well, he’d never imagined that there might be such a big difference between them. Would it matter? Could something like this come between them?</p>
<p>“I like your desk,” he said truthfully. “The wood… it’s really nice.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. It’s pretty cool. It used to be in my grandfather's office. He gave it to me after I finished my freshman year. He was really happy with my grades, I guess."</p>
<p>"Yeah? What did he give you after your sophomore year?"</p>
<p>"Uh." Shiro sounded a little sheepish. "A new PC. The one that's over there now. They kind of… go overboard with me sometimes? I think they're still trying to make up for lost time, and… maybe they're trying to make up for how things went with my mom, too. I try to tell them they don't have to, but it's hard to talk about. I don't really like thinking about how they treated my mom every time they get me a gift, but obviously I could never tell them that."</p>
<p>Shiro had paused the virtual tour and was looking at the phone screen again.</p>
<p>Keith wished it were a portal he could jump through so he could hold Shiro tight.</p>
<p>"I get that," he said. "I can't even imagine. It must be so hard."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Sometimes it really is."</p>
<p>"But… you know, you deserve great things, Shiro. And they love you. They'd probably try to spoil you even if none of the bad stuff had ever happened."</p>
<p>Shiro blinked.</p>
<p>"I… huh. I don't think I've ever thought of it like that." His eyes went soft at the corners. "God, I'm so glad I can see your face."</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"Me too."</p>
<p>Shiro smiled at him. Then his gaze shifted, like he was focusing on something else on the screen.</p>
<p>"Oh. Right. So… I want to talk to you all night, and I want to see your room and everything- but one of my friends from school is trying to get me online to play some new game he's obsessed with. Do you want to maybe… play with us? Peter's probably the nicest guy on the basketball team."</p>
<p>Keith felt a happy little flutter underneath his ribs. Shiro didn't want to hide him away. He really did want Keith to get to know his friends.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Keith said. "Let's do it."</p>
<p>They ended their call in favor of starting a GameChat channel that Peter could also join. Keith managed to haul himself into his desk chair, ignoring the fact that his body wanted him to be flat on his back and unconscious. He put on his headphones and opened the GameChat app on his desktop so he could accept a friend request from <em>sheerohgahnay. </em>The username made Keith smile. He loved that Shiro found subtle ways to keep his parents' memory alive, not to mention his Japanese heritage. He typed into the chat window since the voice channel wasn't active yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>kicksnsticks: solid username</p>
<p>sheerohgahnay: ditto, I want to see your drums later</p>
<p>peterrrific: drums? is our new friend a rock star?</p>
<p>sheerohgahnay: yup</p>
<p>kicksnsticks: not quite</p>
<p>kicksnsticks: maybe someday</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith clicked the invitation Shiro had just sent him to join the voice channel.</p>
<p>"Did you guys play together at your camp? Shiro's pretty good on his little baby guitar thing."</p>
<p>That was Peter. His voice was light and friendly sounding.</p>
<p>"No," Shiro told him. "We didn't get a chance. And it's a ukulele, man."</p>
<p>"Tiny little baby guitar. Thing's adorable."</p>
<p>Keith laughed.</p>
<p>"Do you play an instrument too?" he asked Peter.</p>
<p>"Nah. I used to do chorus with Shiro, like, way back in middle school."</p>
<p>"He was good, too," Shiro said. "Better than he's ever been at basketball."</p>
<p>"Eat it, Shiro, you know I'm amazing."</p>
<p>Shiro chuckled. His laugh was rich and warm, and Keith found it reassuring on two counts. First, he loved the sound of Shiro's voice, and most of all his laughter, and he liked knowing that it affected him just as much, even from far away.</p>
<p>Second, he found that he liked hearing Shiro laugh with a friend from home. Peter seemed genuinely nice. They were close enough to play games together and tease each other. Shiro was going to need support. He deserved to have friends who would stand by him if he decided to tell them the truth about everything that had happened this summer. Maybe Peter would be one of those friends.</p>
<p>The three of them chatted for a few more minutes before logging into the game, which was a new indie title involving paint guns, very frightened sheep, and bonus levels with absurd obstacle courses to complete. They played in cooperative mode, much to Keith's relief. He didn't love playing competitive multiplayer with people he didn't know very well. He felt like he'd sat through enough homophobia and misogyny in online gaming to last him a lifetime, and he preferred to keep his distance from it whenever possible. He liked to think he could've handled it for Shiro's sake - he didn't expect all of Shiro's friends and gaming acquaintances to be saints - but he was grateful that Peter didn't seem the type.</p>
<p>In fact, Peter was exceptionally nice. He and Shiro were liberal with their friendly teasing, but that was fine with Keith. He and Shiro teased each other a fair amount too, and Peter was just as quick with praise and polite conversation. He asked enough questions about camp that Keith figured he and Shiro hadn't talked much during the weeks he was gone. He actually sounded a bit jealous of the experience, too. His family tended toward tropical vacations in the summer, which meant a lot of time away from his friends.</p>
<p>He did like surfing and wakeboarding though, which he rambled about for a couple minutes before abruptly and awkwardly cutting himself off.</p>
<p>"Shit. Shiro, I just forgot for a second…"</p>
<p>In the game, Shiro covered Peter's character with purple paint in a teasing bout of friendly fire.</p>
<p>"No big deal, man. Don't even worry about it. I got back in the water this week. Swimming and everything."</p>
<p>"No way! Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Keith helped me practice. Maybe I'll be able to wakeboard again someday."</p>
<p>"Wow. Dude, that's amazing. I'll be honest, I was scared to get on a board again after what happened last summer."</p>
<p>Keith was trying to piece this exchange together when Shiro offered an explanation.</p>
<p>"Peter was there when I got hurt," he said. "I was with his family at their house in New Hampshire. He was the one who saw me fall. He's probably the reason they got to me in time."</p>
<p>"Oh." Keith's high opinion of Peter solidified then and there. "Wow. Good thing you were there, man."</p>
<p>"You too," Peter said. "Getting this guy swimming again? Major accomplishment, dude. Ah, hang on…"</p>
<p>Keith could hear the clicking of Peter's keyboard in the background.</p>
<p>"Bartlett's online," Peter explained. "He wants to say hey."</p>
<p>"Oh," Shiro said, "but, hang on-"</p>
<p>"Sup, ladies."</p>
<p>Keith cringed. The voice was unfamiliar, but he knew the tone: self-assured, casually dominant. He knew those words, too. They meant that this was a person he didn't want to be gaming with.</p>
<p>"Hey, Bartlett." Shiro's tone was cautious, diplomatic. "How's your summer been?"</p>
<p>"Epic. You missed a good weekend. You should've seen Kelsey, she was…" They guy cleared his throat. "Who's 'kicks?'"</p>
<p>"That's my--" Shiro faltered. "That's my friend from camp. Keith."</p>
<p>Keith's stomach lurched. He grabbed reflexively at the edge of his desk, feeling dizzy and sick, as if he were tumbling through the darkness of open space.</p>
<p>
  <em>My friend from camp.</em>
</p>
<p>It didn't matter that he'd tried to prepare himself to hear these words.</p>
<p>Actually hearing Shiro say them was excruciating.</p>
<p>
  <em>Friend.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That's all I am.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That's all I can be.</em>
</p>
<p>The guys in the chat were talking, possibly asking him questions.</p>
<p>He couldn't do this.</p>
<p>Not right now.</p>
<p>"Sorry," he managed. "I need to hop off. Good game… it was nice playing with you."</p>
<p>He logged out of the game, the voice channel, and the chat. He took off his headphones and dropped them onto his desk.</p>
<p>He hugged his arms across his stomach and leaned forward in his chair, squeezing his eyes shut to try to stop the tears from falling.</p>
<p>It was no use.</p>
<p>Shiro was <em>so far away.</em></p>
<p>For two weeks he had been by Keith's side, almost always within arm's reach. For two weeks Keith had learned what it meant to be comforted by someone's presence, to be calmed and supported by someone else's touch. He'd slept in Shiro's arms and woken up to Shiro's smile. He’d fallen so deeply, so thoroughly in love, and giving that love to Shiro had been like unlocking a door with a key that had been perfectly made for the task.</p>
<p>The key still fit now, but the door wouldn’t budge. Keith had to hold his love inside himself. There was nowhere else for it to go.</p>
<p>It <em>hurt.</em></p>
<p>Tears fell onto his crossed arms and into his lap.</p>
<p>He bit down on the edges of his tongue with sharp teeth, looking to focus on anything besides the deep, penetrating loneliness of Shiro’s absence.</p>
<p>His phone buzzed where it lay on his desk.</p>
<p>It buzzed again.</p>
<p>He picked it up and looked at the messages Shiro was sending.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro: Everything okay?</p>
<p>Shiro: Peter thinks you’re great, that was really fun</p>
<p>Shiro: Just call me when you can, okay? I know Bartlett can be a jerk. I’m sorry about that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A selfie came through after that. Shiro was still sitting in his desk chair. He looked exhausted and mildly concerned. He looked as beautiful as ever.</p>
<p>He had his hand pressed over his heart.</p>
<p>Keith started to sob.</p>
<p>How was he supposed to do this? It was only their first night apart and he was already losing it. He knew they couldn’t be together. He knew he needed to support Shiro until he was ready to come out. He knew he was supposed to be Shiro’s friend.</p>
<p>He was already failing.</p>
<p>He wiped at his eyes and typed a quick response.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: My mom needs me for something, call you in a bit</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hated lying, especially to Shiro, but what else could he do?</p>
<p>He left his phone on his desk and hurried down the hall to his mother’s bedroom.</p>
<p>He found her stretched out on the bed, looking relaxed and sleepy as she read from a well-worn paperback.</p>
<p>“Mom?”</p>
<p>His voice came out watery and weak.</p>
<p>She sat up against the wooden headboard of her queen sized bed, looked him over, and then opened her arms to him, tossing her book to the side in the process.</p>
<p>“C’mere,” she said. “It’s okay, honey. It’s a good time to be crying.”</p>
<p>He sobbed all the way to her side. He knew that expression well, and it never failed to drag every bit of pain he was feeling to the surface.</p>
<p>It meant that he had permission to be sad.</p>
<p>It meant that she understood why he was.</p>
<p>He climbed onto the bed with her, folded himself into her arms, and laid his head on her shoulder.</p>
<p>She tucked his hair back from his face while he cried.</p>
<p>"Did something happen, love?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. How could he explain?</p>
<p>"I miss him," he forced out. "I'm supposed to be there for him, I'm supposed to <em>help…"</em></p>
<p>"You will," she soothed. "After you cry. After you feel what you need to feel. This is a loss, honey. It's a lot like grief. It'll hit you hard sometimes, and that's okay."</p>
<p>Keith tried to process her words. It didn't <em>feel </em>okay. It felt like something sharp and heavy was tearing up the inside of his chest, digging in deep underneath his ribs where his heart used to be.</p>
<p>
  <em>After you cry.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>After you feel what you need to feel.</em>
</p>
<p>She was right. That was a goal he could focus on.</p>
<p>He would cry now so that Shiro wouldn't have to know.</p>
<p>He would cry until the pain had dulled.</p>
<p>He would cry until he was sure he was finished, and then he would clean himself up and answer Shiro with a picture of his own.</p>
<p>He'd make sure his eyes were clear and his right hand was pressed tight over his heart.</p>
<p>He'd make sure Shiro knew how much he loved him.</p>
<p>He'd do that as soon as he could.</p>
<p>
  <em>After you cry.</em>
</p>
<p>He sobbed into the soft fabric of his mother's shirt.</p>
<p>
  <em>After you cry.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. I Didn't Know We Could Have This</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shiro scowled at his computer screen when Keith’s username disappeared from the chat window. <em>Fucking Bartlett. </em>Peter should know better than to unleash him on the unsuspecting.</p>
<p>“What happened?” Peter sounded genuinely disappointed. “He was really good! Bring him back!”</p>
<p>“He’s probably tired,” Shiro covered, trying to sound marginally less malevolent than he felt. “He hasn’t slept in, like, three days.”</p>
<p>Bartlett snickered.</p>
<p>“Oh, Shiro’s <em>very </em>concerned about his new boyfriend. You gonna go tuck him in?”</p>
<p>Shiro clenched his jaw. He wasn’t prepared for this.</p>
<p>“Can’t really do that, man. He lives in New Mexico. Also, do you <em>need </em>to be this much of an asshole? Like, is there a button you can press to make yourself less of a dick?”</p>
<p>“Dude! What the fuck?” Bartlett was ready to fight for the upper hand, as usual. “I was just kidding. You don’t have to be such a bitch about it.”</p>
<p>Shiro rolled his eyes. <em>Typical. </em>Bartlett made sure the only asshole in the room was the person calling him out.</p>
<p>“I’m done too,” Shiro said. “Thanks for the game, Peter.”</p>
<p>He logged off and tossed his headphones angrily onto his desk. He grabbed his phone and tapped into his chat with Keith to make sure he was alright.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro: Everything okay?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter was already texting him, so he tapped over to those messages while he waited for Keith to respond.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Peter: Sorry dude</p>
<p>Peter: I kinda forgot about Bartlett being… Bartlett</p>
<p>Shiro: Keith is a nice guy, I don’t want him to have to deal with that shit</p>
<p>Peter: Yeah man, I get it, I’ll check first next time</p>
<p>Peter: Keith seems really cool, you should see if he wants to play tomorrow</p>
<p>Shiro: I will</p>
<p>Shiro: Thanks buddy, the game was fun</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro tapped back into his chat with Keith to find that he hadn’t answered yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro: Peter thinks you’re great, that was really fun</p>
<p>Shiro: Just call me when you can, okay? I know Bartlett can be a jerk. I’m sorry about that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He switched over to his camera and held it up to take a selfie. He and Keith hadn’t really talked about rules of engagement now that they were apart and, technically, just friends- whatever that meant. But Shiro was in love. He was so in love, he felt like he was bursting with it- like he'd swallowed part of a star and had to learn how to contain its infinite light underneath his skin.</p>
<p>He pressed his right hand over his heart, thought about what it was like to hold Keith close, and snapped the photo.</p>
<p>He sent it right away.</p>
<p><em>I love you, </em>he thought. <em>I won’t let you forget.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: My mom needs me for something, call you in a bit</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Disappointment dropped into Shiro's stomach like a stone. It wasn't the sweet, enthusiastic response he was hoping for.</p>
<p>He had to be patient, though. Keith was being patient with him. More patient than anyone should ever have to be. This was going to be a huge adjustment for both of them.</p>
<p>Keith had said he would call. Shiro would give him space and wait patiently until he was ready to do that.</p>
<p>There was a knock at Shiro's bedroom door. He turned up the volume on his phone's ringer and set it down on his desk.</p>
<p>"Come in."</p>
<p>His grandmother stepped into the room. She wore a thin robe over her summer pajamas and had already swapped her circular bifocals for the smaller reading glasses she wore at night. Her glossy black hair, streaked sparingly with silver, was pulled back into a short, neat ponytail. She was holding a small travel mug that Shiro knew probably contained one of his favorite teas.</p>
<p>"Catching up with your friends?" she asked, setting the mug down on his desk for him.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Peter, and… um."</p>
<p>Shiro hadn't mentioned Keith to his grandparents yet. Sam had blamed his missed flight on delays at camp and unexpected traffic, so Shiro’s grandmother and grandfather had no idea about the emotional ordeal he'd been through, and he hadn't figured out how to mention Keith on the drive home from the airport, or over dinner, either.</p>
<p>He didn't want to say anything about Keith that wasn't true. Just the idea felt like a betrayal. He had to do better than that.</p>
<p>"I met this other boy at camp," he said, choosing his words carefully. "But we actually met when we were kids too. Keith Kogane? He used to live down the street from the Holts. His parents were friends with Sam and Colleen, so… I thought you might've heard about him before?"</p>
<p>He was surprised to see that she actually looked worried for a moment.</p>
<p>The expression passed quickly, though. Maybe he'd just imagined it.</p>
<p>"Yes," she answered slowly. "I think so. Did his family move to another state?"</p>
<p>"To New Mexico, yeah. He was at camp for the first time this summer. He was in our cabin and we- uh. We all got along really well. He was just playing online with Peter and me."</p>
<p>She nodded subtly.</p>
<p>"He's a nice boy?"</p>
<p>"The nicest. The absolute best. He sings and he plays the drums and he can run and swim <em>so fast</em> and- and he-" Shiro could feel himself getting carried away, but he didn't know how to stop. "He helped me get back in the water, Gram. We raced in the lake."</p>
<p>Her face lit up.</p>
<p>"Shiro! You went swimming?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. I wasn't even scared when- um. When my friends were there."</p>
<p>
  <em>When Keith was there.</em>
</p>
<p>"Incredible!" She clapped her hands together. "You'll have to tell Gramp over breakfast. He'll be so proud."</p>
<p>"Thanks. I'm going to try to sign up for a lifeguarding class for the fall, if that's okay."</p>
<p>"Of course. We'll upgrade your gym membership to include the pool. We can drive over there tomorrow if you'd like."</p>
<p>"Yeah. Good idea. I should practice, just to make sure I can keep it up. Oh, and… I was thinking of trying kickboxing instead of judo? Just for a month or two?"</p>
<p>Her brow furrowed.</p>
<p>"Isn't that a fairly dangerous sport?"</p>
<p>"Doesn't have to be. I don't want to fight anyone. I just… I have a friend who does it. It's really good for flexibility."</p>
<p>"Hmm. Send me some information to read, alright? We can look into it."</p>
<p>"Okay. Cool. Thank you. And, um… one more thing. Do you think I could try to get a job for the rest of the summer?"</p>
<p>She tilted her head.</p>
<p>"You know you don't need to do that, Shiro. You worked so hard during the school year."</p>
<p>"I know. I want to, though. I need the experience. And I want to start helping pay for things."</p>
<p>She smiled warmly.</p>
<p>"We'll talk about it with Gramp tomorrow. It's okay with me, as long as it's something safe. Think you'll be up for a while still?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Annalise is gonna stop by in a little bit, if that’s okay."</p>
<p>“Lovely. Say hello for me.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>She put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a little squeeze. Physical contact between them had always felt a little bit awkward, but he appreciated the effort all the same.</p>
<p>"It's so good to have you home," she said. "We missed you."</p>
<p>He smiled at her and patted her arm.</p>
<p>"I missed you both, too."</p>
<p>"See you in the morning?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. ‘Night, Gram."</p>
<p>She took her leave. She even remembered to close the door behind her.</p>
<p>Shiro compulsively checked his phone, even though he knew he hadn't received any new messages, since he hadn't heard the notification chime.</p>
<p>He sipped at his tea for a moment in an effort to calm himself, but it was a fruitless attempt, so he abandoned the mug and flopped onto his bed to stare at the ceiling instead. If he concentrated, he could see the faint outlines of the glow-in-the-dark star and planet stickers that used to be there. Fear of teasing had led him to take them down before his freshman year of high school, but even then, he hadn't really wanted to say goodbye to them. He still missed them, now more than ever.</p>
<p>He was going to miss looking at the stars with Keith.</p>
<p>His phone chimed.</p>
<p>He grabbed for it frantically and tapped at the notification.</p>
<p>It was a selfie from Keith.</p>
<p>He was laying on his bed with his right hand pressed over his heart, looking tousled and exhausted… and much too red around the eyes for Shiro's liking.</p>
<p>Shiro initiated a video call and, much to his relief, Keith picked up right away.</p>
<p>"Hey you," Shiro soothed. "Are you alright?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. I'm okay. I… I did get a little sad. But I don't want you to worry."</p>
<p>Shiro sighed. He wished he could reach through the screen and touch Keith's hand, or his cheek, or his gorgeous, silky-smooth hair.</p>
<p>"I'm a little sad, too."</p>
<p>"I think we're gonna have to mope sometimes."</p>
<p>"Yeah. Just a little bit. We can do it together. I'll mope with you, Sweet 'n Sour."</p>
<p>Keith's smile was like the sun rising over the lake.</p>
<p>It made Shiro want to kiss his soft, lovely mouth.</p>
<p>"Hey," Shiro said, remembering something. "Did you unpack your stuff yet?"</p>
<p>"Nope. I'm not even sure if I can stand up at this point."</p>
<p>"Try. I left something for you. In your duffel bag."</p>
<p>Keith raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>The camera went shaky as he sat up on the edge of his bed and bent down to unzip his bag.</p>
<p>He made a sweet little <em>oh </em>sound as he pulled out Shiro's soft, gray hoodie- the one he'd let him borrow at camp.</p>
<p>Keith closed his eyes and pressed it to his cheek. Shiro watched him quietly, feeling so sad and so happy all at once.</p>
<p>"Keith?"</p>
<p>Keith opened his eyes.</p>
<p>"It still smells like you."</p>
<p>Shiro swallowed hard.</p>
<p>"Can I still tell you I love you?" he asked.</p>
<p>Keith nodded.</p>
<p>"Maybe at night sometimes," he said, "like, when it's late, and we're really alone… maybe we can pretend we're… y'know. Together."</p>
<p>Shiro tangled his fingers in his comforter and squeezed, since he didn't have Keith's hand to hold.</p>
<p>"Maybe it won't really be pretending."</p>
<p>They watched each other quietly for a moment.</p>
<p>Keith laid down on his bed again, with the hood of Shiro's sweatshirt tucked against his cheek. Shiro found himself looking at the spread of Keith’s t-shirt over his chest and thinking about what was underneath it.</p>
<p>"Keith… could you show me? Y'know… your skin?"</p>
<p>Keith hooked his index finger into the neckline of his shirt and tugged it down, revealing the red and purple mark Shiro had left over his collarbone.</p>
<p><em>"Oh," </em>Shiro whispered. He squeezed his blanket a little tighter.</p>
<p>He had marks, too - purple bruises on his shoulder and hip, teeth marks on his chest - carefully hidden by his clothes so no one else could see.</p>
<p>"It was the best night of my life," Keith said.</p>
<p>Shiro reminded himself to breathe.</p>
<p>"Mine, too."</p>
<p>Keith hugged Shiro's sweatshirt a little closer.</p>
<p>"I want to talk,” he said, “but I think I have to sleep for a while. Would you call me later? When it's late?"</p>
<p>"You want me to wake you up?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. So we can… be alone."</p>
<p>A cool, pleasant shiver ran down Shiro's spine.</p>
<p>"Okay. I'll call when my grandparents are asleep."</p>
<p>"Perfect."</p>
<p>"Rest, sweetheart."</p>
<p>Keith smiled sleepily.</p>
<p>"Bye for now, baby."</p>
<p>The call ended.</p>
<p>Shiro switched off the screen and let the phone drop onto his chest.</p>
<p>It was a poor substitute for the weight of Keith's body.</p>
<p>He set the phone aside and rolled onto his stomach instead, so he could pretend that Keith was underneath him.</p>
<p>That was better.</p>
<p>Just seeing the mark he'd left on Keith's fair skin had had him stirring inside his boxers.</p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around one of his pillows and pressed his face into it, thinking about the feeling of Keith's hair against his cheek, thinking about pressing Keith down into the mattress while they kissed-</p>
<p>His phone chimed again.</p>
<p>He sighed, releasing the tension in his hips that had had him grinding down against the bed.</p>
<p>He wasn't used to this. He'd never been the type to get turned on at the drop of a hat. He'd actually enjoyed the fact that he seemed to have his libido well in hand while most of the guys he knew spent every minute obsessing about getting laid and trying to hide their spontaneous erections in the middle of class.</p>
<p>It wasn't something he should've been celebrating, he realized now. He'd been hiding from himself.</p>
<p>He didn't want to hide anymore.</p>
<p>He checked his phone and found a text from Annalise, who had been busy visiting her cousins all day.</p>
<p>Annalise: I’m home! When can I see you???</p>
<p>Shiro: Anytime, come right over</p>
<p>Annalise: On my way!</p>
<p>Shiro smiled at the screen.</p>
<p>Annalise was one person he didn't have to hide from.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro and Annalise had been spending time together in Shiro's finished basement ever since their short-lived attempt at romance had turned into a close, easy friendship. Shiro wasn't exactly sure how it had happened, though he gave Annalise most of the credit. So many girls would've been mortified to discover that their boyfriends didn't enjoy kissing them. They would've become depressed or angry or vengeful. They would've spread rumors or found some other means to exact revenge.</p>
<p>Not Annalise.</p>
<p>She hadn't even asked if he was gay, which, in retrospect, was the painfully obvious explanation for why they hadn’t worked as a couple.</p>
<p>"I still really like you," was what she'd said. "We should be best friends."</p>
<p>And they were.</p>
<p>That was why Shiro felt excited rather than terrified when they were finally face-to-face, sitting cross-legged on the squashy leather sectional that framed the sitting area of the basement.</p>
<p>"So?!" Annalise was suntanned and freckled after a day at the beach with her family, her blonde hair still damp and tied up in a high ponytail. "Why do I feel like you've been all vague and mysterious since you left for Arizona?"</p>
<p>It was true. Shiro had been uncharacteristically brief in his responses to her texts.</p>
<p>"I know. I'm really sorry about that. It wasn't on purpose, I promise, I just… I had a lot going on, and I didn't know how to explain."</p>
<p>She squinted at him.</p>
<p>"Should I be worried?"</p>
<p>"No. Uh. Maybe. I don't know." He shook his head and took a breath. He'd been rehearsing this conversation in his mind all day, but he still felt like he'd been shot with adrenaline. "I… um. I met someone. At camp."</p>
<p>Her brown eyes went wide.</p>
<p>"Continue," she said quietly.</p>
<p>"His name is Keith.”</p>
<p>She blinked once, then dove forward and hugged him.</p>
<p>"Oh, Shiro." She was squeezing him with her characteristic iron grip. "I'm <em>so </em>glad."</p>
<p>He sighed out a breath, relaxing into her hold as the excess nervous energy started to dissipate.</p>
<p>"You knew, huh?"</p>
<p>"I didn't know anything for sure."</p>
<p>He patted her back.</p>
<p>"You really are the best, you know?"</p>
<p>She gave him another squeeze and then sat back so they could see each other again.</p>
<p>"Shiro… you could tell I was relieved when we broke up, right?"</p>
<p>"Um… yeah. I tried not to be offended."</p>
<p>"You shouldn't be. It was a compliment. I've never had a friend like you before. As soon as I could tell that you weren't trying to, like, <em>push </em>me? I dunno. It was like, all this pressure was just gone, and I didn't want it back. You made me feel safe. And I thought, if we were just friends, I could have that all the time. I didn't care if it was because you didn't like girls, or because you didn't like <em>anyone, </em>or whatever the reason might be. I just thought… well, if you didn't care about kissing or hooking up or any of that, then maybe you wouldn't… leave."</p>
<p>Shiro stared. This was new information.</p>
<p>He reached forward and wrapped his hand gently around her elbow.</p>
<p>"You kissed me like that because you felt pressured to?"</p>
<p>She looked unsure.</p>
<p>"Maybe? I mean, I wanted to… but as soon as I knew you didn't need that from me, I was relieved. I guess I just really wanted a friend more than a boyfriend. Like, a <em>real </em>friend."</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>"I wanted that, too. You were so cool about everything, I knew I could trust you. I knew I could tell you anything, so…"</p>
<p>He looked her in the eye. <em>No more hiding. </em></p>
<p>"I think I'm gay," he said.</p>
<p>She grinned.</p>
<p>"Tell me <em>everything. </em>What's he look like?"</p>
<p>Shiro <em>laughed. </em>He knew she was the one person he could trust with this. She'd proven that over and over again.</p>
<p>He picked up his phone and showed her the selfies Keith had taken for him at the airport.</p>
<p>"Oh my <em>God," </em>she gushed. "He's <em>gorgeous."</em></p>
<p>"I know. Perfect, right?"</p>
<p>"His <em>hair! </em>His <em>eyes! </em>Are they <em>purple?"</em></p>
<p>"Violet sometimes, yeah. You should see them at sunset."</p>
<p>She gaped at him.</p>
<p>"Shiro, you big dork! At <em>sunset?</em> That's so <em>romantic!"</em></p>
<p>He laughed.</p>
<p>"Here. I have some more."</p>
<p>He opened the password-protected folder that contained his more incriminating photos, including some that Matt had taken of the two of them throughout the two weeks of camp. He smiled as he scrolled through them, enjoying the varying expressions of delight on Annalise's face. There were pictures of him and Keith laughing near a campfire at the waterfront. Others showed them holding hands underneath their tree and dancing in the low light of the Great Room. There were pictures of them standing with their arms around each other in front of the Holts' house….</p>
<p>And there was one very private photo they'd decided to take that morning after they'd cleaned up and dressed and gotten back into bed together. Shiro's heart ached just at the sight of them holding each other close, their eyes closed, their cheeks pressed tight together.</p>
<p>"Oh, Shiro…" Annalise looked like she might be closer to tears. "This looks serious. And now you're here…" She tugged on his sleeve. "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Nope. I mean, I think I've never been happier in my whole life. But I also… God, I miss him. I miss him so bad it hurts, Anna. And we're not even official. We agreed, because I have no idea how I'm gonna tell my grandparents. I don't think I'm ready for that yet. And I can't lie to them about Keith. He deserves so much better than that."</p>
<p>She cast him a sympathetic look. "That's a lot. And you- um. You were… in bed? Together?"</p>
<p>Shiro tried to read her expression. Sex was one thing they had never really talked about. Shiro had been too confused about his own feelings, and Annalise had never brought it up herself. Had she been holding back just to avoid putting him on the spot about his sexuality?</p>
<p>"Do you want to know?" he asked her.</p>
<p>"Yes, doofus! Of course! Well- only if you want to tell me…"</p>
<p>"Yeah. I want to tell you everything." He looked at the photo in question for another moment, then turned off his phone and set it aside.</p>
<p>He thought about touching Keith's naked body under the covers.</p>
<p>It was so different than anything else he'd ever done. It was so new and so special, he wasn't sure he knew how to describe it.</p>
<p>"Maybe ask me questions?" he suggested. "I don't really know where to start."</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"Who kissed who?"</p>
<p>His mind flashed back to the lake and the moonlight, to the painful memory of turning Keith away.</p>
<p>"Uh… that's weirdly complicated. I'll tell you that part later."</p>
<p>"Okay. Um… did anyone's clothes come off?"</p>
<p>Shiro smiled and fidgeted a little awkwardly.</p>
<p>"Both of us. All of them."</p>
<p>Her eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>"You got <em>all the way naked? </em>Did you- I mean, did the two of you--"</p>
<p>She clapped her hands together twice.</p>
<p>Shiro stared, then burst out laughing. He copied the gesture: <em>clap-clap.</em></p>
<p>"Is that supposed to be <em>sex?"</em></p>
<p>She was giggling too, hiding her face with one of her hands.</p>
<p>"I was going to say <em>banging," </em>she laughed. She clapped twice again. "You know… bang bang!"</p>
<p>He swatted playfully at her hands while they went on laughing together. It felt so good to tell her these things. So <em>normal. </em>She wasn't even acting like his sexuality was something she needed to cope with or process.</p>
<p>He knew he'd never be able to thank her enough for that.</p>
<p><em>"Anyway," </em>she goaded, rapping on his knee with her knuckles. "Back to the sex part!"</p>
<p>He grinned at her. It seemed easier to find the words all of a sudden.</p>
<p>"We had this perfect afternoon yesterday," he said. "We got to be alone in the cabin after everyone else was gone. We kissed a lot and got undressed. I couldn't believe how easy it was, you know? Neither of us had any idea what we were doing, but it just… worked. He was so sweet… <em>everything </em>felt good…"</p>
<p>She wiggled her eyebrows.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Everything…?"</em>
</p>
<p>"Well… we didn't, like, <em>go</em> <em>all the way. </em>We tried, um, blow jobs? And last night we tried, like, fingers? So that it kind of felt like… uh. <em>Banging."</em></p>
<p>"Oh wow..." Annalise looked completely fascinated. "You weren't scared?"</p>
<p>"No. Nervous sometimes, but just… <em>excited. </em>I… God, I fell so hard for him. It was like… I would've done anything to show him how I felt. And when we were together like that, everything just felt like… <em>love."</em></p>
<p>Annalise sighed. She was looking at him with her very best <em>sad puppy </em>expression.</p>
<p>"Shiro… how are things not official between you? I mean, I heard what you said… but plenty of people date for a while without telling their family about it, right?"</p>
<p>Shiro shook his head.</p>
<p>"I can't do that to Keith. I can't ask him to be with me and then lie to a bunch of people about it. I couldn't pretend like that. Not about him."</p>
<p>"But won't you have to pretend anyway? It's not like you love him any less now that you're here…"</p>
<p>Shiro's brow furrowed. He hadn't thought of it that way. He and Keith had agreed to be friends, but they were already saying <em>I love you </em>over the phone and planning to talk in the middle of the night.</p>
<p>He had no idea what he was doing. He was out of his depth, and it was very likely that Keith would end up hurt, no matter how hard he tried to keep that from happening.</p>
<p>"I don't love him any less," he confirmed. "And I'm going to ask him to be with me. As soon as I know I can handle it. As soon as I know I deserve it. This can't be some experiment, Anna. I need it to be the real thing."</p>
<p>She nodded.</p>
<p>"Okay. I get it. I'll be here, Shiro. I'll be here for you."</p>
<p>"I know. That's why I told you. You're the best."</p>
<p>She beamed.</p>
<p>"When can I meet him? Or, like, talk to him?"</p>
<p>"Tomorrow? He's sleeping right now, but he wants to meet you too."</p>
<p>"You told him about me?"</p>
<p>"Of course I did, silly."</p>
<p>Annalise hugged him again, dramatically enough that Shiro guessed she'd been holding it in for a while.</p>
<p>"Shiro… it's all gonna be okay. You know that, right? I'll be here. Whenever you want to start telling people… however you want to handle it… it'll end up okay. I love you, your grandparents love you, Peter loves you… and I'm sure Keith loves you so, so much. You'll have so many people in your corner."</p>
<p>Shiro closed his eyes.</p>
<p>"Keep telling me stuff like that, okay?"</p>
<p>"I will. I promise."</p>
<p>He squeezed her tight.</p>
<p>"I don't know if I could've gotten on that plane to come home if you weren't here."</p>
<p>"I missed you. Next time you leave for that long, you have to take me with you."</p>
<p>He tugged at her ponytail.</p>
<p>"You want to play some Mario Kart?"</p>
<p>She pulled away and flashed him a mischievous grin.</p>
<p>"Kick your ass in Mario Kart, you mean?"</p>
<p>He laughed.</p>
<p>"You know you only ever win because I let you, right?"</p>
<p>"Bullshit. You'd never let <em>anyone</em> win."</p>
<p>"You sure about that?"</p>
<p>"I'm sure. Watch out, Shirogane. I'm gonna run you off that rainbow road."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was 11PM by the time Shiro was back in his room after driving Annalise home. His grandparents had already gone to sleep; they trusted him enough that he didn't technically have a curfew, and even if he had, they would've made an exception for him to spend more time with Annalise. His grandmother seemed to temporarily lose her hearing every time Shiro told her he and Annalise didn't have romantic feelings for each other. She said that they were smart to focus on their friendship while they were so young, and that there would be plenty of time for dating once they were both a little older. Annalise's parents had expressed similar sentiments; her mother had told him more than once how happy she was that her daughter spent so much time with <em>such a gentleman</em>.</p>
<p>Shiro had already started to wonder whether she would feel the same way after she found out he was gay.</p>
<p>It was only 9PM in New Mexico, which wasn't exactly "late," so Shiro undressed down to his boxers and t-shirt, switched off his bedside lamp, and collapsed into bed. He set his alarm for 3AM, plugged in his phone, and fell asleep as soon as his eyes were closed.</p>
<p>It was disorienting, waking up to his alarm in the early morning hours after spending more than two weeks away from home. As soon as Shiro remembered why he'd set his alarm, though, he sat bolt upright, immediately wide awake. He grabbed for the bottle of water on his night stand and took a long drink, then stood up from his bed to roll his neck and shake out his arms, suddenly filled with nervous energy.</p>
<p>
  <em>Keith.</em>
</p>
<p>He could be alone with Keith now.</p>
<p>He padded over to his bedroom door and rested his fingertips on the knob. His grandparents' bedroom was downstairs - his grandfather had bad knees, though he'd never admit to it out loud - and Shiro couldn't remember the last time either of them had come upstairs in the middle of the night…</p>
<p>He locked his door anyway. Better safe than sorry.</p>
<p>He switched on his lamp and left it on the dimmest setting.</p>
<p>He sat down on his bed again and set some music to play through his desktop speakers, just for good measure.</p>
<p>Then he took a calming breath, chewed at the corner of his lower lip, and texted Keith.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro: Hey sleeping beauty</p>
<p>Shiro: Any chance you're already awake?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith's reply came right away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Keith: hey Orpheus</p>
<p>Keith: I'm here</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shiro grabbed his earbuds from his night stand. He put them in and initiated a video call, which Keith picked up immediately.</p>
<p>He was in bed too, his eyes made bright by some low light in the room.</p>
<p>"Hey, Shiro."</p>
<p>Shiro's stomach swooped. Just the sound of his own name in Keith's rich, sleep-roughened voice made his body react.</p>
<p>"I told Annalise about you," he said, without preamble. "I told her everything."</p>
<p>Keith smiled wide enough to show his teeth.</p>
<p>"Shiro… I'm so, so proud of you. How did it go?"</p>
<p>"It went great. She wants to talk to you tomorrow."</p>
<p>"Can't wait to meet her. How are you feeling? After telling someone from home?"</p>
<p>Shiro thought about it.</p>
<p>"I felt amazing while I was talking to her. Like… I don't think it was really that big of a surprise, and that felt good. Like, maybe she already thought it was a possibility this whole time, and she still wanted to be friends. I don't think it changed anything for her at all."</p>
<p>"She sounds like a keeper."</p>
<p>"She is. She really is. You're gonna love her." Shiro frowned a little. The excitement and relief he'd felt while he was talking to Annalise had resolved into something more complicated. "But… well, not everyone will feel the way she does. I think most people at school will have no idea. It'll be a shock, especially for the guys on the team… I've been sharing a locker room with some of them for years, you know?"</p>
<p>Keith looked infinitely sympathetic.</p>
<p>"Shiro… it's your last year of high school. Maybe you should just wait until the basketball season is over. Have fun with your friends, y'know? You're not wrong. Coming out is going to complicate things. It's probably going to be hard for a while. You should wait until you're ready for all that."</p>
<p>Shiro watched Keith's eyes while he thought about this. It was wise advice, but he still didn't like hearing it. Every minute he spent avoiding coming out was a minute Keith would have to wait. Those minutes were going to turn into weeks and months before long.</p>
<p>How long could he ask Keith to wait for him?</p>
<p>"I'm still thinking about it," he said. "I can't tell anyone else at school until I tell my grandparents anyway. I already know things will get bad when I tell them. It'll be way worse if they find it out from someone else first."</p>
<p>"Shiro… okay, yeah, things could get bad… but your grandparents might surprise you. They do love you. Maybe they've evolved more than you think."</p>
<p>"Then why didn't they ever bring it up? My grandfather talked to me about dating. It was all about going out with girls."</p>
<p>"Did he give you books? Like sex ed stuff?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. A couple."</p>
<p>"Did they have LGBT sections?"</p>
<p>"Uh." Shiro glanced at his closet, where a crate of his old books and childhood knicknacks was hidden. "It was a couple years ago. I guess I don't remember. Let me check."</p>
<p>He brought the phone with him so Keith could watch him rummage around at the back of his walk-in closet. He easily located the crate he kept handy for items he wanted out of sight and dug around until he found the two books in question.</p>
<p>He tossed one of them back onto the pile as soon as the cover reminded him of the content.</p>
<p>"Ugh." He glanced at Keith. "That one's all about <em>saving yourself for marriage</em> and stuff like that. Like, I have to give them credit, because they've never tried to force me to believe in their religion, but I guess they couldn't pass up the opportunity to help me see the light, or whatever."</p>
<p>Keith grimaced.</p>
<p>"That's pretty common here. Lots of parents preaching about abstinence."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well." Shiro flashed Keith a grin. "I guess that ship has sailed for you and me, huh?"</p>
<p>Keith smiled.</p>
<p>"Thank the gods for that."</p>
<p>"Amen."</p>
<p>Shiro opened the second book to the table of contents. He'd spent a lot of time reading through this one, which was actually very specific and informative. There were sections on anatomy, masturbation, consent, partnered sex, and…</p>
<p>Shiro's eyes went a little wide.</p>
<p>The very last section of the book was titled "Diversity in Sex, Gender, and Sexual Orientation."</p>
<p>He couldn't remember even reading it before.</p>
<p>He'd had no idea that he should.</p>
<p>He flipped to the back of the book and held the title up to his phone for Keith to see.</p>
<p>"I didn't even know this was here," he admitted. "God, have you ever known someone so oblivious?'</p>
<p>"Shiro. That's not fair. Tons of teenagers have no idea about any of this stuff."</p>
<p>Shiro shrugged. He adored Keith for being charitable, but he wasn't ready to forgive himself for being so blind about his own identity.</p>
<p>He skimmed through the section briefly and then set the book down near the top of the crate. He could look through it more carefully when Keith wasn't waiting on him.</p>
<p>"I'm still not sure it means anything," he said, standing up from the floor to head back to his bed. "Someone could've recommended the book to them. Or maybe that was the best one they could find, and they figured I'd have no idea what the last section meant."</p>
<p>“Or maybe they couldn’t figure out another way to bring it up to you,” Keith suggested. “Maybe it’s awkward or scary for them. It doesn’t mean they’re going to hate you, Shiro. I don’t see how anyone could. If they know you, they know they should love you forever, no matter what.”</p>
<p>Shiro let himself smile as he settled onto his back in bed again. He wasn’t in the mood to argue the point.</p>
<p>He was in the mood to spend time with Keith.</p>
<p>“I miss you,” he said. “I can’t wait for you to come visit me here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah? Your house? ...Or your bed?”</p>
<p>Shiro’s heart started to beat a little faster.</p>
<p>“Definitely my bed.”</p>
<p>“Can I see?”</p>
<p>He let the phone screen drift down to show the lower half of his body and the size of the mattress before bringing the camera back to his face.</p>
<p>“Queen size,” he said. “I got an upgrade earlier this year. Gram said my feet would be hanging off my old double bed before long.”</p>
<p>“Mm. Plenty of space. That’s good.”</p>
<p>“Maybe a little too much.”</p>
<p>Keith shook his head.</p>
<p>“Scooch over to the wall.”</p>
<p>Shiro did as he was told. He moved toward the wall until his back was pressed up against it.</p>
<p>"Good." Keith's voice was softer now. "Now hold a pillow close to you. I'll do it too."</p>
<p>Shiro grabbed one of his extra pillows and hugged it with both arms so that he was holding the phone on top of it, close to his face.</p>
<p>"There." Keith had done the same. "Just like in the cabin. I'm right here."</p>
<p>Shiro breathed in slowly through his nose, thinking back to all the times he'd held Keith close through the night. It would be easy to regret that they'd spent so many nights sleeping together without kissing or touching underneath each other's clothes, but he really didn't. The magic of Keith's calming presence, the wonder and anticipation of falling in love with him, minute by minute- these were things he never wanted to forget.</p>
<p>"You're right here," Shiro repeated, just to make it seem more real. "I can almost feel it."</p>
<p>"... Like yesterday," Keith murmured. "Like last night."</p>
<p>Shiro's breathing started to shiver. His mind flashed through his memories of the day before: the silent, sunlit cabin; the cool metal of the movie theater bathroom stall; the hazy heat of the shower...</p>
<p>And the familiar softness of the guest room bed.</p>
<p>Keith's hands in his hair. Keith's tongue in his mouth. Keith's lips and teeth and fingers.</p>
<p>Shiro squeezed his thighs together, his spine arching subtly as the pull of pleasure registered low in his belly.</p>
<p>"Keith…" He sounded breathless and unsure. "Do you want to talk about last night?"</p>
<p>Keith licked his lips. His eyelids looked heavy, though Shiro was sure he was wide awake.</p>
<p>"Yeah. Do you?"</p>
<p>"Yes. But… it's okay? I know we're-"</p>
<p>"We're together," Keith said. "Right? We're together right now. Just you and me."</p>
<p>Shiro nodded.</p>
<p>"Yeah, sweetheart."</p>
<p>Keith blinked slowly, his long, pretty lashes sweeping down toward his cheeks before the violet-blue of his eyes became visible again.</p>
<p>"Did you have a favorite part?" he asked. "Last night? Or this morning?"</p>
<p>"Dancing with you," Shiro said truthfully. Reclaiming that act - seeing Keith safe and happy in his arms after almost losing him - had been like a balm to his soul. "But, Keith… how could I really choose? It was all so perfect."</p>
<p>"I loved dancing with you too." Keith tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear. "Tell me some more."</p>
<p>Anticipation hit Shiro's brainstem and trickled down his spine.</p>
<p>"In the shower," he risked. "Against the wall."</p>
<p>Keith was affected. He blinked and shifted, adjusting the position of his body, though Shiro couldn't see exactly how.</p>
<p>"I was waiting for you," Keith said. "I wanted you to come. I thought a lot about your hands. Before, and… during."</p>
<p>Shiro could feel his body waking up. Talking to Keith like this had all his senses sharpening, his skin prickling with sensitivity.</p>
<p>"What about them?"</p>
<p>"They're so big. Strong. Like you. And when you're… <em>touching me</em>, it's like, they just fit. All over me." Keith paused, then added, <em>"everywhere."</em></p>
<p>"I could touch you all day." Shiro was arching the lower half of his spine, tensing his hips as his dick started to swell. "I've never wanted that before. Only with you, Keith. I only want to touch you."</p>
<p>"Right now?"</p>
<p>"Always. Yes. Right now."</p>
<p>"Where?"</p>
<p>"Your face," Shiro told him. "Your mouth. Your hair."</p>
<p>Keith tilted his chin to press his cheek into his pillow.</p>
<p>"Where else?"</p>
<p>"Your waist. I- I know you like it when my hands are there. I can tell."</p>
<p>"I love it. I think you know all the things I love. Maybe better than I do."</p>
<p>Shiro turned his body toward the bed and slid his pillow downward until he had the lower half of it tucked between his thighs, pressing against the swell of his dick.</p>
<p>"That's how I feel," he said. "That's how I always feel when I'm with you."</p>
<p>"When I touch you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Where does it feel good?"</p>
<p>Shiro watched Keith's eyes for a moment. Even in the dim light, even with so many miles of distance between them, he could tell there was a pink blush decorating Keith's beautiful face. He knew where they were leading each other. He'd never talked to anyone like this before, had never even imagined that he ever could- but with Keith, he knew he could do anything.</p>
<p>He pulled out his headphones, set the phone down on the mattress, and sat up just enough to pull off his shirt.</p>
<p>He tossed it aside, put his headphones back in his ears, and laid down again, angling the phone screen so Keith could see the span of his bare chest.</p>
<p>"Here," he said, pointing to the purple bruise Keith had left on his shoulder. "And here." He pointed to the reddened marks on his chest that showed the shape of Keith's teeth.</p>
<p>Keith's sigh was audible.</p>
<p>"Shiro," he murmured. <em>"Takashi."</em></p>
<p>His face disappeared from the screen. Shiro stared at the image of Keith's ceiling until Keith came back into view, shirtless and bright-eyed and tousled.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Shiro praised. "I want to see you."</p>
<p>"I want to see you too. I--" Keith squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "I just want- Shiro, can we-"</p>
<p>"We can do anything you want," Shiro said.</p>
<p>"I want to be with you. I want to pretend we're together."</p>
<p>Shiro's hips rocked forward. The bulge of his dick rubbed subtly against the pillow he was still holding between his thighs.</p>
<p>"Me too. I already am."</p>
<p>"Tell me." Keith's voice was low. "Tell me what you're thinking about."</p>
<p>"Last night. In bed. When you were… on top of me. And- um. When you used your mouth."</p>
<p>"Can you tell me about it?"</p>
<p>"I will if you will."</p>
<p>Keith grinned, cat-like.</p>
<p>"You're so big, Shiro. I didn't think I could fit you in my mouth."</p>
<p>Shiro made a little groaning sound. He started rocking his hips forward, grinding his dick against the pillow.</p>
<p>"But you did," he breathed out. "Your mouth was so hot… and you looked so pretty…"</p>
<p>Keith dragged his teeth over his lower lip.</p>
<p>"You thought I looked pretty while I was sucking your dick?"</p>
<p>Shiro's cock jumped in his boxers. He turned a little further toward the bed to rut a little more firmly against the pillow. He'd never really said anything like this out loud before, and he certainly wouldn't have had the confidence without Keith leading the way.</p>
<p>"You looked <em>gorgeous</em> while you were sucking my dick," he risked.</p>
<p>Keith closed his eyes again. His image shifted, like he was adjusting his position even further.</p>
<p>Shiro wanted to know what he was doing.</p>
<p>"Keith… are you- uh. Are you--"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Keith mumbled. "I'm hard. For you."</p>
<p>"Me too."</p>
<p>"Show me?"</p>
<p>Shiro nodded. He would've done anything Keith asked him to.</p>
<p>He angled the camera down so Keith could see how he had the pillow between his thighs, and then he spread his knees just enough for Keith to see the bulge in his boxers and the damp spot at the front.</p>
<p>"Oh, Shiro…"</p>
<p>Shiro brought the phone back up to his face so he could see Keith again.</p>
<p>"Fucking perfect," Keith told him. The image on the screen shook. "Use your pillow. I do that too."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Sometimes I get on my knees and… y'know. Pretend."</p>
<p>Shiro grabbed for the pillow and held it in place while he rutted slowly, <em>roughly</em> against it.</p>
<p>"Pretend what?"</p>
<p>Keith's breathing was changing. The image on the screen kept shaking.</p>
<p>"I'll pretend that I'm… <em>fucking</em>."</p>
<p><em>"Mh-</em> Keith..."</p>
<p>"God, Shiro, I never even knew who I was picturing… there's never been anyone else except you…"</p>
<p>"That's what you'll picture now?" Shiro was riding the pillow, squeezing it tight between his thighs, holding it pressed firm to the front of his boxers while his dick kicked and rubbed and <em>strained. </em>"It'll be me?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, baby, it'll be you. Just you."</p>
<p>"Keith…" It was getting hard to keep talking.</p>
<p>"Yeah, Shiro. I got you. Think about my mouth, okay? Like this…"</p>
<p>Keith made a show of sticking out his tongue and drawing his index finger into his mouth. Shiro could almost sense the heat of it, could almost feel the sweetness of Keith's spit slicking him up-</p>
<p><em>"Fuck," </em>he mumbled, abandoning the pillow so he could force his boxers down and kick them off. He took himself in hand with a shuddering groan, squeezing up over his head to spread fat pearls of pre down his shaft. "Yeah, Sweet 'n Sour, like that..."</p>
<p>Keith pulled off his finger and smiled. He was breathing shallow, and if Shiro concentrated hard enough, he could almost feel hot bursts of it against his neck.</p>
<p>"That's okay?" Keith asked. "You want me to?"</p>
<p><em>"Yes," </em>Shiro groaned, stroking himself with hard, even pulls. "Please, babe-"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Okay. Just watch me. Just like before."</p>
<p>Keith opened wide and forced two fingertips along his tongue toward the back of his throat. He twisted his wrist and showed Shiro how he was coating them in spit, then closed his lips around them and started to <em>suck. </em>His cheeks hollowed and his knuckles bobbed as he thrusted them slowly in and out, and Shiro <em>whimpered</em>, fucking into his own slick grip as he imagined the hot, plush tightness of Keith's gorgeous mouth…</p>
<p><em>"Keith," </em>he begged. He was already on the edge. He kicked his boxers up and tucked them underneath where he was jerking off to try to contain the impending mess. <em>"You look s-so pretty--"</em></p>
<p>Keith moaned around his fingers. He opened again and took a third into his mouth to suck, stretching his lips wide, looking right into the camera as he did so. He looked determined, but he also looked like he was lost in pleasure just as much as Shiro was. He thrusted his fingers deep into his mouth with a high, wet-sounding groan-</p>
<p><em>"Keith- </em>fuck--"</p>
<p>Shiro jerked himself harder, letting his fist glide slick and fast up and down his shaft-</p>
<p>Keith started thrusting in earnest, fucking his fingers deep while his lashes started to flutter-</p>
<p>Shiro came <em>hard</em> in thick, wet bursts, all over his boxers. He kept his eyes locked on Keith while he emptied himself out, and Keith slowed his hand until his fingers slipped from his mouth, soaked and shining with spit…</p>
<p>Shiro groaned and leaned toward him, as if he could touch his lips to Keith's hand just by wishing for it hard enough.</p>
<p>"That's it, baby," Keith soothed. "Feels so good, right? I could tell when you were coming. I know your face. I know you." He kissed the tip of his own index finger. "I love you, Shiro."</p>
<p>Shiro started to cry.</p>
<p>The flood of endorphins mixed with Keith's sweet sincerity was completely overwhelming.</p>
<p>"Shiro?!" Keith looked alarmed. "Baby, what-?"</p>
<p><em>"I'm happy," </em>Shiro sniffled. "I'm so happy, Keith… I thought you would feel so far away, I didn't know we could <em>have </em>this…"</p>
<p>Keith moved in even closer until Shiro could see every detail of his beautiful eyes in high definition.</p>
<p>"I told you," Keith said. "I'm yours, no matter where you are."</p>
<p>Shiro hiccuped a quiet, happy sob.</p>
<p>"I love you," he said. "You were so perfect. So beautiful, Keith. Did you come?"</p>
<p>"Almost. Not yet."</p>
<p>"I want you to. I'll do anything for you. Just tell me."</p>
<p>Keith pulled away just enough to show Shiro his smile.</p>
<p>"Can I see you? Your-" He paused and cleared his throat. "Show me your cock?"</p>
<p>Shiro moved the camera down so Keith could see how he was still stroking himself lightly. His dick was still mostly hard, and hearing Keith talk like that meant he'd probably stay that way for the foreseeable future. He showed Keith the mess he'd made of his boxers, then let the camera linger on his dick, swiping his thumb slowly through the cum that still coated his head just for emphasis.</p>
<p>"Shit, Shiro… God, that's so hot, <em>nnhh…"</em></p>
<p>Shiro resisted the urge to look at the screen. He wanted to see Keith, but not as much as he wanted to make sure Keith felt good.</p>
<p>"Not as hot as you sucking your fingers like that. Like, <em>fuck, </em>Keith…"</p>
<p>Keith groaned again. Shiro stroked himself with a little more purpose, hoping Keith would enjoy watching him do it. He was overstimulated, enough to shiver and grit his teeth, but it felt <em>good, </em>too.</p>
<p>"I love how you stay hard like that." Keith's voice sounded breathy, wobbly.</p>
<p>"I didn't used to. I never used to get worked up like this."</p>
<p>"Really? That's- <em>fuck. </em>That's for me?"</p>
<p>"It's all for you, Keith."</p>
<p>Shiro let himself sink into the mattress, still stroking himself for Keith's benefit. If he could come again, he thought, that would be even better.</p>
<p>He let go of his cock and palmed over his balls, teasing his fingertips lower, thinking about the way Keith had touched him here- so carefully, so perfectly that he'd felt no fear at all.</p>
<p>"Sweet 'n Sour… I could- uh. Do you want me to try with my fingers?"</p>
<p>He heard Keith draw in a shaky breath.</p>
<p>"Only if you want to. Only if you're ready."</p>
<p>"I can. I want to. You're right here with me, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, baby. I'm here. I'll slow down. We'll do it together."</p>
<p>That was all Shiro needed to hear.</p>
<p>He dragged his index finger through the mess of cum on his boxers, smeared it all around his hole, and pushed his fingertip inside, trying his best to angle the camera so Keith could see-</p>
<p><em>"Fuck." </em>Keith's voice had gone rough. "That's fucking incredible, Shiro, I'm so fucking lucky… Breathe, okay? Just breathe, I'm right here, I love you so fucking much…"</p>
<p>Shiro closed his eyes and pushed in deeper, letting the sound of Keith's voice surround him. The angle was awkward, and he missed the touch of Keith's careful fingers… but the pleasure was there. <em>Keith</em> was there, just an inch away, telling him the prettiest things he'd ever heard.</p>
<p>"... Nice and slow, don't hurt yourself baby, just want you to feel good…"</p>
<p>"It does," Shiro sighed, pumping his finger, exploring cautiously like Keith had done. "It feels good, Keith… feels like we're together…"</p>
<p>"We are. Just you and me."</p>
<p>"It's good when you talk like that. Tell me what you're doing?"</p>
<p>"Touching myself. I'm- I'm jerking off. Slow. Because of you."</p>
<p>"Can I see? Just for a second?"</p>
<p>"Yeah baby. Anything you want."</p>
<p>Shiro moved the phone close to his face again, and what he saw made him gasp and shiver. Keith's cock was gorgeous, the tip flushed deep red and glistening with pre. Keith stroked himself slowly, working his foreskin up and over his head with every graceful tilt of his wrist. Shiro fell in step with him automatically, pumping his finger at the same measured pace, probing and searching until-</p>
<p>"Oh- <em>oh--</em>"</p>
<p>Keith's face appeared on the screen.</p>
<p>"Good spot?"</p>
<p>"Fuck, <em>yes…" </em></p>
<p>Shiro dug in with his fingertip and saw stars as a burst of pleasure ran up his spine. His cock jumped against his inner thigh, fully hard all over again.</p>
<p>"Oh, Shiro, you look so good…"</p>
<p>Shiro blinked back at him, imagining that Keith was the one touching him, remembering the weight of Keith's body on top of him, the tender heat and searching pressure of Keith's mouth on his neck…</p>
<p>"I want to be good for you," he said.</p>
<p>"You are. You're so good. You're perfect for me, Shiro."</p>
<p>"Do you want to watch?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. For a minute."</p>
<p>Shiro moved the phone to show Keith how he was touching himself, pumping his finger deep, aiming for that spot that made him squirm and dig his heels into the mattress-</p>
<p>"Yeah," Keith praised, breathlessly. "Just like that. You learned so fast. Made me feel so good when you touched me like that, I didn't want you to stop, I wanted you to keep on fingering me and then- <em>fuck, </em>Shiro, I wanted you so bad…"</p>
<p>Shiro's hips started rocking of their own accord, tensing to seek every last pulse of pleasure from his thrusting finger.</p>
<p>"What- <em>ahh…</em>" He couldn't stifle the helpless little cry that left him. His dick was leaking, hot and wet against his inner thigh. "What did you want me to do?"</p>
<p>Keith whimpered in answer. He was close. Shiro could tell.</p>
<p>"I wanted you to- <em>fuck, Shiro, </em>I wanted you to fuck me, I wanted to be with you so fucking much-"</p>
<p>"Me too, I didn't want to stop, I just wanted you-"</p>
<p>Keith's breathing quickened.</p>
<p>"Your face," he pleaded. "Show me your face-"</p>
<p>Shiro put the screen close to the tip of his nose, so quickly that he almost lost his grip on the phone.</p>
<p>"Good," Keith groaned. "Now put me down- prop me up or something- use two hands…"</p>
<p>Shiro rolled onto his side, whimpering as he did so, rutting helplessly while he fucked himself with his finger. His hand shook as he propped the phone up against his pillow.</p>
<p>He took his dick in hand and started to stroke.</p>
<p><em>"Fuck," </em>he choked out, his insides tensing and <em>squeezing, </em>so hard that his finger ached-</p>
<p>"Tell me," Keith begged. "Tell me what you're doing-"</p>
<p>"Jerking off," Shiro said, so confidently that he shocked himself. "Fingering myself, pretending it's you, because- <em>Keith…" </em>He let out a choking, euphoric sob. "I want you to fuck me, babe-"</p>
<p>"I will, I promise, it'll be so perfect--" Keith squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then gave his head a little shake. "Fuck, I'm gonna lose it--"</p>
<p>Shiro couldn't answer. He only nodded frantically, fucking himself hard and fast with both hands-</p>
<p>Keith bit down on his lower lip and choked on a high, strangled whimper, his face screwed up in an expression Shiro knew so well, even after only two days-</p>
<p>Keith was coming.</p>
<p>Shiro's body seized up taut like string on a well-tuned guitar. Keith was coming, Keith was his, Keith was <em>right here-</em></p>
<p>His climax hit him like a crashing wave. He looked deep into Keith’s lovely, violet-blue eyes as he shook, letting the pleasure wash through him, painting his hand with cum.</p>
<p>He lost track of time, drifting in the ebbs and flows of thrumming sensation, lost in the touch of his hands on his own body.</p>
<p>Keith was right there all the while.</p>
<p>"Shiro." Keith's voice was low and sweet. His mouth was so pretty, curved up in a private smile. "You did it, baby."</p>
<p>Shiro blinked. Did what?</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>He'd never fingered himself before.</p>
<p>Another first. Another milestone. Another way of accepting who he was.</p>
<p>All thanks to Keith.</p>
<p>"I love you," he said.</p>
<p>Keith nuzzled into the pillow he was resting on, and Shiro could almost feel the silky brush of Keith's hair against his cheek.</p>
<p>"I love you, Takashi."</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>They kept their connection open while they both cleaned up and dressed.</p>
<p>Then they burrowed underneath their covers, hugged their pillows close to their chests, and talked until early morning light came streaming through the blinds in Shiro's room.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I thrive on feedback and interaction! If you like my chapters, please consider dropping me a line or finding me on Twitter! @forfelurian</p></blockquote></div></div>
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